Chapter XLV: Fear

Yugi spent time staring at the entrance of the den, stomach lurching as he considered. Was Atem right? Could Yami turn violent at some point? Would he be triggered to attack them if something happened? Would he turn on them and lash out for some reason? He couldn't think straight as the implication began to settle in his mind once more.

Yami was powerful. There was no question of that. He'd blinded them once, he traversed dreams, he read emotions and thoughts, he breathed fire a thousand times stronger than he should have, he could see the entire territory without problems, and he'd even changed Atem's ability to see in the dark. He'd healed him twice.

And Atem was right. If Yami could do these things, what about the hatchlings Seto was raising? What of his siblings who had already shown their teeth and claws? One of them had killed their mother's siblings—their siblings—and taunted Yami with that knowledge. They'd tried to feed Atem emotions to make him lash out senselessly.

He didn't know what to make of it.

He couldn't imagine Yami turning on anyone, but he'd killed Bakura to save Atem. And if he could kill someone before, what prevented him doing it again?

Yugi didn't want to think of him as a senseless killer. He didn't want to even pretend it was something that might happen. He wasn't one, and Atem exercised kindness and patience no matter the situation. If Atem had wanted to lay the world to waste, Yugi was sure he would have managed it long ago.

Yami was stronger than Atem.

His abilities had developed immediately and he did not falter to use them when he needed. They did not tax him in the slightest, it seemed. Yugi couldn't imagine there would have been a pause if he turned on someone.

It was sickening to consider.

Yami was so gentle natured.

"Yugi?"

He blinked and looked down, startled. "Did I wake you?"

Atem blinked up at him and yawned. "How would you have? You've been silent since before I woke," he answered with a soft sigh. He shook his head and closed his eyes. He tilted his head slightly and looked him over after a moment. "Are you all right?"

"Not really," he admitted, but smiled when he met his eyes. Atem looked better, even if it had only been a handful of hours he'd rested. "I'm really tired and a little overwhelmed."

Atem shifted his weight and lay his chin on his paws again, closing his eyes. "Now you understand how I feel," he mumbled, but his voice was laced with something Yugi couldn't quite read. He thought it seemed like guilt, but he was not sure. "Sorry."

"I already knew how you felt," he said gently, "and I'm not upset. You know I'm not. You're allowed to be a little prickly when you're not feeling well."

Atem snorted softly. "I feel fine. Tired, but fine."

Yugi looked at him a moment, then shook his head. "You're not allowed to be tired," he teased, and Atem leveled him a surprised look. "You're only allowed to be active and happy and healthy."

"Oh? Is that how it works?"

"Absolutely! My word is law!"

Atem chuckled. "Ah, so you're the God Dragon."

Yugi grinned. "I am now!" he laughed, searching his face. He wanted to joke Yami would be a true Divine Dragon then, but the words died in his throat. He licked Atem's forehead and nuzzled his cheek. His hearts raced for a moment as they looked at each other. He tilted his head and studied him, then licked his cheek and beak.

"Things would be better if you were the God Dragon," Atem mumbled, and Yugi didn't get the chance to protest before he was on his paws and had stepped away from him. He flexed his claws as he stretched each leg and folded his wings to his sides. He bristled faintly, restless, but did not attempt to speak again.

"What does that mean?"

Atem looked over again, narrowing his eyes. "You're not as constantly afraid as I am. You're more level-headed when it matters. I almost killed Yami when he hatched, because I was afraid. You never had that impulse. I almost ate those eggs when I Blessed the nest."

"Being afraid doesn't mean anything when you don't act against everyone else in the midst of it," Yugi said gently, tilting his head. "And you forget, I don't know mercy as well as you did. I taught myself to be kind, yes, but it wasn't instinctual and there were a lot of times where I felt it was stupid to practice it. I still have moments where I want to lash out at someone like Jaden or Yusei even when I know they won't hurt you. I still sometimes get jealous of Timaeus and have to force it back. I don't always have a clear head, no matter what you think, Atem. And I'm scared a lot of the time, too. I don't want to hurt you or Yami or Timaeus and I'm scared of Jaden or Leviathan finding out about Yami. I'm scared Bakura might have recovered somehow and could be lurking around every corner, even though I checked on his dead body before I went back to the den that night. I'm even scared of Malik coming and trying to get to Yami as revenge. I'm scared of a lot right now. I just don't act on it."

Atem stared at him, skeptical. "You don't ever seem afraid."

"I'm a Gandora, Atem. We never look afraid of anything."

He blinked, then snickered. Yugi relaxed some of the tension in his bones and smiled warmly. Atem shook himself out and took a seat, sighing. "I'm tired of being afraid all the time."

"Then don't be. Trust me when I tell you I'll help you and stop shouldering it alone like this."

Atem shot him a look that was simultaneously sheepish and furious. "You think I enjoy doing this?"

"Of course not. I've never questioned how much you hate it. But you have to remember I'm here to help you with everything," he murmured, offering a weak smile. "I'm good at things besides just looking cute, you know?"

Atem snorted and lost the anger in his expression, shaking his head. "I know. I just…" He tilted his head. "It just seems as if my mistakes never end. One compounds on another and they just…grow. And by the time I realize they have to be dealt with, they're overwhelming."

"I know." Yugi searched his face, then smiled genuinely again. "But I'm with you. I'm here to help you through it all. You can rely on me. I won't break, I promise."

The Sky Dragon eyed him a moment, then nodded and sighed. "Okay."

It wasn't the response Yugi wanted, but he'd take it for the moment. Atem was still tired, but he wasn't visibly drooping as he had before. He didn't look as if he might collapse at any moment. And he was still standing. He wasn't lying down as he had been before, conserving energy before he got up and followed his son or Yugi or Timaeus somewhere.

His hearts hurt.

Why did Atem continue to do this to himself?

"So, is it safe to go back to the den yet?"

"Safe?" Yami looked over, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Timaeus snorted and smiled, hearts warming at Yami's confusion. It was nice to know he hadn't been listening in on whatever Yugi and Atem might have been discussing in the time they were gone. It was strange. Yami had so much power and could have easily listened in on anything and everything, and yet he withdrew and distracted himself where he could. They'd raised him well.

"Are Atem and Yugi done talking?"

Yami blinked and paused. He tipped his head up and narrowed his eyes. His toes wiggled and his claws made a tapping sound atop the dirt. He smiled after a moment, nodding. "Yeah, they're grooming each other instead now." He paused. "Oh, is that what you meant by safe? That we wouldn't interrupt them?"

Timaeus snickered. "Yeah. That's what I meant."

Yami blinked and nodded. "Okay!" he chirped, then continued padding forward with a grin. "What are we going to hunt now?"

"I'll show you another way to hunt rabbits. They live in my territory so that's the easiest thing I can teach, considering the squirrel hunt went so awry."

Yami burst out laughing, entire body shaking with the sound. He grinned wider and trotted past him. "That was amazing! I didn't think you were such a wimp until it landed on you and you jerked around like that!"

"Shush. We never speak of that again."

"Okay. I'll just reenact it for Yugi and Atem later anyways."

"Yami!"

The hatchling looked over innocently. "What? You said I had to report everything to Yugi and Atem when we got back," he said, blinking huge eyes at him. "I'd be skipping crucial information if I didn't explain about how squirrels are so nasty over their nests."

Timaeus snorted. "By Paradise," he grumbled. "You and Atem are the worst."

"Thanks!" Yami laughed, looking around and grinning again. Timaeus supposed he could put up with the teasing if it meant Yami was so happy. It seemed like he'd lost a lot of his desire to smile recently, even before Bakura had visited. Something had always seemed off with him, like he was forcing the smiles and bright temperament. Now it seemed genuine again, as if a weight had been lifted.

"I'm sure Yugi will love to hear about how it landed on your head and you jumped so high you hit a branch, thought it was an ambush and twisted around and landed on your back."

Timaeus shot him an annoyed look. "I take it back. You are the worst."

Yami gave him the widest smile, full of bright white teeth and sparkling golden eyes. "I've surpassed my father at something, finally," he crowed, bounding forward. He shook himself out as he got to the end of the trees and turned around to look at him again. "Where are we supposed to find rabbits again anyways? Atem said when one gets spooked they all tend to hide away again."

"They do, but it's been a while since we went searching and sometimes you get the brave stragglers." Timaeus looked around. "The edges of the woods are usually best. They tend to drift into the meadows because of the clover that grows there. They're almost guaranteed near the human gardens if you want to see, but that might have to wait until Yugi and Atem join us."

"Because it's so open?"

"It'd be easy for someone to spot you." Timaeus felt terrible for saying it, but that was the long and short of it. Yami couldn't be seen. If he was and Jaden came after him… Timaeus imagined the bloodbath wouldn't be fun to witness.

Yami looked over. "Atem could kill Jaden."

Timaeus barked a laugh. "You're not telling me anything I don't know."

"He's prepared to, if it comes to that."

"I'm aware, Yami."

The hatchling paused walking and turned to face him again. "He told me I must always be kind and death should never be a punishment. But when he speaks of fighting Jaden, he always says it will end in death."

Timaeus blinked. "And you think that he suggests it out of cruelty?"

"I don't understand why else he would say that."

"You haven't met Jaden. If you did, you'd understand. Jaden isn't…stable right now. I don't know what's happened recently, but I know he's unstable. And it makes him more defiant and far nastier. He refuses to back down from battles he has no right waging. And he wanted to declare an edict on nests fathered by Keith, as well as any born during the eclipse."

Yami nodded. "I've seen that in Atem's memories. He hasn't hidden that from me."

"Then why do you ask?"

Yami tilted his head and frowned. "What if I could help Jaden?" he asked quietly. "What if I could stop him feeling like that?"

"What do you mean? Why would you want to do that?" Timaeus bristled. "Yami, you can't save everyone. I would have thought Bakura would have taught you that."

"I know that, but Bakura was…rotten. Jaden just seems…hurt."

"You haven't met him."

"I know. But I can see it in Atem's memories. Jaden just looks angry and tired and hurt. It's raw and aching and he can't fix it." Yami tilted his head. "I've stopped Atem feeling that way once. Maybe I can do it for Jaden, too."

"He'll kill you."

Yami blinked and turned away, glancing around. He looked uncertain for a moment. "I don't understand it. Why would he want to kill me? He's never met me. And he doesn't know anything about what I can do. I could help him. And he wants to hunt me."

"Yami, not everyone tries to understand things before they fear them. Atem tries, and so does Yugi, but most dragons are just scared of what they don't understand. It makes them lash out."

Yami nodded again. "I know. Atem was going to eat me before Yugi realized I was alive."

Timaeus halted, almost stumbling over his paws. "Huh?" he sputtered, eye wide and horrified. Why did he say it so calmly? Where was the anger and resentment? Why wasn't Yami bitter? "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"He was scared. The eclipse happened, and he was afraid." Yami looked over. "He…wanted to protect Yugi. He wouldn't have even considered it if it wasn't for Yugi being there. I don't think he realizes that's where the fear stemmed from, but if Yugi had not been there he wouldn't have been half as scared as he was."

"He…"

"The time to be angry about it is past." Yami shook himself out. "And I've never been mad at him for it. He wanted to protect Yugi and he was scared. If you could forgive him when he struck your eye, I can forgive him his moment of panic."

Somehow it didn't seem the same. Yet, if Atem had been any less capable of defending himself, he would have killed Timaeus the moment he'd struck him in the eye. He could have easily followed the first strike with a second and severed his head. And he hadn't, because Atem wasn't a mindless killer and he had struck in self-defense rather than the intent to kill.

Yami was right in the fact that Atem had hurt them both in a way. But the fact Atem was so afraid he'd almost killed Yami…

"It wasn't more than a second. And when he saw me, he didn't have the desire anymore. He was just…scared, Timaeus. He doesn't always think when he's afraid. You know that." Yami turned away. "And it's not as if he was going to kill Jaden when he first snuck into the territory, either. The fact he didn't says something as well. He was terrified then, too. I know you sensed it. That's why you came to check on him."

Timaeus faltered, considering him. He wasn't wrong. He'd come as fast as possible after their hatchlings calmed to see what was going on. He'd never heard Atem so angry and frightened before. The war cry had been so intense he'd felt it in his bones, as if it had resonated from his own chest.

"He was angry and lashed out, but he wasn't going to kill him. It had crossed his mind, but it wasn't what he focused on when he attacked. He just wanted to scare Jaden off."

"What happens if he finally lashes out at you or Yugi?"

Yami shook his head. "He's attacked Yugi before, when he first laid my egg. He was scared because Yugi got too close, and he drew blood to protect me then. Yugi was never upset with him over it. I won't be upset with him, either, if he was forced to turn on me."

Timaeus tilted his head. "Atem is a different beast from Jaden. Jaden is ruled by superstition and lore. Atem tends to bide his time until he no longer can. He's forced to fight back. Jaden chases battles."

"I know."

He frowned and shook his head after a moment. "You can't fix him."

"We don't know that. If I got the chance, I might be able, Timaeus."

"You truly believe that?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

"Because, Atem told me to always offer aid even when it is rejected. And because I think if he could heal properly he wouldn't be so driven by anger and fear."

"Yami, that doesn't make any sense."

"It does. But you're not considering it like I am. You're not…" Yami shook his head. "You don't know what I'm capable of, so you don't understand why I'm saying this."

Timaeus felt oddly cut by the remark, though he knew Yami didn't mean anything by it. It was true. He didn't know what he was talking about because he was hearing it secondhand. He didn't know Yami's abilities and what he could or couldn't do. He had no idea how great or small the task would be for him. He'd only ever seen him heal Atem, and he'd seen him in his dreams and even spoken to him in the midst of them. He didn't know if Yami needed to worry so much about Jaden killing him as they so often did.

Yami had more of a grasp of the situation than any of them did. The rest of them were in the dark as far as what Yami could do, though he didn't think Yami knew the full extent of his capabilities, either. How could he? He was so young and they had not tried to push him to his limits with his abilities.

"It doesn't matter," Yami said abruptly, turning and walking ahead again. "There's a lot that no one else understands that I spend my time thinking about."

Timaeus opened his mouth to answer, but stopped short. There was something in the air, a power he wasn't quite familiar with. It made his flesh itch as he stepped forward. "Yami, do you sense that?"

The hatchling blinked and looked over. "Sense what?"

"Who's there?" he hissed. "Yami, search and tell me who it is."

Yami blinked again, then faltered. He stopped short and tipped his head up, eyes unfocused for a moment as he blinked several times more. And then he looked over, in the opposite direction of Timaeus.

"Oh," a voice whispered, sounding breathless and awed. Timaeus bristled as he looked past Yami and toward the newcomer. They stood feet away, staring at Yami with an amazed expression. "You're not adopted, are you? You're…the perfect mix of Atem and Yugi."

Timaeus stared at the white and blue dragon for a moment, waiting as Yami looked back at the other male. They seemed to eye each other for a long handful of seconds, and Timaeus lunged forward as the other male lowered his head to peer at Yami more pointedly. He hit the other male so hard it winded him.

The impact startled them both. Timaeus was almost amazed by the force he'd put into the leap. Yusei blinked up at him as he twisted and pushed off the ground to shove him aside. He didn't take the offensive, however, and merely backed up several steps with a blink. He dodged the next few lunges, keeping eye contact the entire time. Timaeus bristled and spat, slamming his tail into the ground as he peered at him.

"He's not going to hurt me," Yami said quietly, just loud enough Timaeus could hear him. "It never even crossed his mind."

Yusei risked a glance at him. "Are you a mind reader?"

"Yusei." Yami didn't move forward, nor back. He stood statuesque but for his breathing and conversation. He eyed him, though after a moment he tipped his head back. "Jaden is here as well, isn't he?"

"He is. Leviathan is further back. We came to see if the rumors were true that Atem had adopted a dragonet."

Timaeus bore his teeth. "You should run while you have the chance. Get Jaden and Leviathan and leave."

"I don't plan to let Jaden know Yami is a Divine," Yusei said simply, never removing his eyes from Yami. "I just…wanted to see him. As far as he and Leviathan know, he's adopted and nothing more."

"Jaden wouldn't believe you if you lied."

Timaeus bristled more furiously. If Yusei could take a single look at Yami and understand his lineage, Jaden would just as immediately. Even Seto had recognized it after a closer look. There was no part of Yami that didn't reflect his heritage.

Urias didn't have black streaks across their faces. They didn't have four paws. They didn't have the sharp spiraling bone that encompassed the ends of Yami's wings, pulled inward like a Gandora's. They didn't look so immensely like Atem, standing defiantly before a God Dragon that would help their former mate to kill them.

Yusei shook his head, eyes glittering with momentary agony, whispering, "No one would believe he's pure Uria. There's so much of Yugi and Atem in him."

"And here I thought it'd be almost impossible to find you."

Timaeus looked up just as he heard a sharp laugh. His head snapped around and he froze, fear racing down his spine like water. The Fire Dragon in question stood feet away, watching them with cold, glittering red-orange eyes. Timaeus snarled softly, wondering how likely it would be he could lure him away, just as something bright red hurtled forward.