Part III: The Past

Chapter XLIX: Gone

"It doesn't matter."

Timaeus snarled softly and shook his head. "Really, Atem? You've lost weight again, and you seem like you don't know how to sleep anymore. But it doesn't matter?"

The God Dragon snorted. "Perhaps you should get your eye checked. I'm at my ideal weight. And I sleep plenty." He didn't look over at him, instead glancing over his shoulder. Timaeus could see Yugi coming forward, a deer haunch in his mouth. He spotted Timaeus, faltered a step, and then slowed his rushed pace as if to give them space to keep talking. Atem turned back. "It's not your responsibility to worry about me."

"You're my best friend—"

"Maybe you should choose someone better then, if there's always a problem when you visit me."

"Atem—"

"I'm so tired of hearing my own name," the God Dragon spat, bristling. "And that tone. I'm so sick of it. You both parrot each other even when one is absent. Why is that?"

"Because Yugi has the common sense to worry about you," Timaeus sneered. "Because he cares about you, you stupid pile of dung."

Atem lashed his tail. "Is that so? Everyone just cares so much about little old me?" he snapped. "And yet you wish for me to wage war in trying to find out why Jaden returned so early. It's been two years! It doesn't matter any longer. It never did. His reasoning was sound. Yami shouldn't have existed. I was stupid to think I'd be able to protect him from everything that lurked in the dark. It couldn't be helped. It's happened. He's dead. He's gone."

"Atem—"

"Two years is long enough to mourn and move on," he snarled. "I'm done dwelling on it. I will not have you consider convincing me otherwise. I will deal with it as I see fit. I refuse to see my brethren. I deny my siblings. I spend my time taking care of myself and Yugi as I used to."

"I never thought you such a coward before. Moping about in the dark and waiting for a reason to lash out against everyone is the most cowardly thing I've ever witnessed of you."

"And what of you, Timaeus? You stand here judging me, yet you forget you still visit biannually to see me and ask what I might know of the situation. It has not changed. It's over and done with. Yami is dead. Do you understand how much time you waste in aggravating me to this point?"

Timaeus bristled. "Better you're aggravated than listless and despondent."

Atem narrowed his eyes. "Would you like to see where my aggravation leads, Timaeus?"

"You forget I taught you how to brandish those claws," he snarled. "I'll box the arrogance out of you."

Yugi sprang between them, the deer haunch long forgotten. He stood facing Timaeus with a flustered, horrified expression. "Stop, okay?" he pleaded. "We don't need to shed blood over a disagreement. Atem isn't well, and we both know that. Just ignore him and…move on, Timaeus. Yami is gone. He has been for two years now. There's no reason to open the wound anymore than you already have."

"You don't want answers?"

"Of course I do. But what am I supposed to do? March up to Jaden and demand he tell me why? He already did. He said it in the woods that day, when he tried to go through the two of us to get to him. It's over. It's just… It's done."

"I don't know why I expected more of you, Yugi."

The Gandora blinked, startled.

"Atem buries his head in the water to avoid confrontations and bloodshed when he finds it suitable. But I'd expected more of you. You loved Yami. Atem was afraid of him. I'd expect him to hide away when something happened. But you?"

"Atem loved him just as much as I did."

"And yet neither of you seem to care."

"Don't. I'm begging you. Stop," Yugi whispered, looking at him miserably. Timaeus risked a glance at Atem to find the God Dragon sitting with his back to them, bristling and refusing to look over. "You don't understand. He's gone. We can't… There's no other hatchling we can… It's over."

Timaeus opened his mouth to snap at him, then faltered. Yugi was right. There wasn't another hatchling. Atem couldn't provide another. He'd lost his one and only offspring and he'd never see another. There was no comfort to be found in looking for answers, he realized. Atem couldn't bring him back. He wasn't like the sixth God Dragon in legend. He couldn't resurrect and there was no body for him to share a heart with.

And there was no telling that it would have been effective.

Yami could have died regardless of any effort Atem or Yugi made. It wasn't as if Atem could heal. He couldn't heal. He couldn't revive. He couldn't resurrect.

Timaeus considered the Sky Dragon for a long time.

He hadn't considered before just how much Yami's death must have hit him. Atem had seemed so flippant about it, as if it had never mattered. He'd refused for the first year to talk about it, and until his second visit after establishing a new territory he had not heard a word from Atem on the matter. It had only been then that Atem had looked over and stared at him and said, "Yami is dead, Timaeus. Leave it alone."

He looked away. It seemed so impossible to have overlooked, yet he'd done just that. But Atem had rarely shown emotion even when Yami's name was mentioned and it had been infuriating watching him all but pretend it hadn't happened. He knew Atem coped in different ways depending on the severity of the situation, but he'd never acted as if something hadn't mattered as he had with Yami.

The first few days after Atem had gone about his time as if he had never had the hatchling, hunting and fishing and sunbathing. Timaeus had been infuriated, especially when he'd tried so hard to budge him toward at least confronting Jaden and Atem had merely stared and answered, "No" before stretching out and resting. Timaeus had never wanted to sink his claws into his flesh more.

He would have gone himself, but who was to say Jaden wouldn't turn on him? Timaeus wasn't stupid. He couldn't take them. Even when he'd gone after Yusei to protect Yami, he'd known it was a lost cause.

Timaeus watched Atem as the God Dragon glanced at the deer haunch, curled his lips to show the ridges of his teeth with annoyance, and finally lowered himself to lay down and take a bite. He chewed almost self-consciously, as if the comment had spurred him to fight-or-flight and the need to hide had won. He held the bone between his paws, tipping it upward, and chewed studiously and lazily. He tore meat slowly, glancing at Timaeus and Yugi from beneath the ridges of his brows. He flicked his tongue and wrapped it around the base of bone to strip some of the meat.

"Have you even seen Jaden again since it happened?"

Yugi glanced over at Atem and back. "No. He's never come back, and he hasn't tried to summon Atem there since. There's no reason to find him and cause further problems." He faltered. "It's over and done. There's no reason to try to provoke him."

Timaeus studied Atem. The Sky Dragon had stopped eating for a split second, but Timaeus caught it. He narrowed his eye but Atem refused to look at him. He turned back to Yugi. "I didn't suggest provoking him. I just want to know why."

"But we already know why," the Gandora mumbled, glancing toward Atem and relaxing when he saw the God Dragon still eating. "Yami wasn't meant to exist. And Jaden was afraid of him. It's simple."

"Who is Sartorius?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

"Then why don't you go find Jaden yourself and ask?" Yugi snapped, bristling. Timaeus narrowed his eye and bore his teeth. The Gandora huffed. "Look, Timaeus, I'm grateful for what you did for Yami—and what you did for Atem long before that. But I don't have answers and frankly, I don't care for them anymore. Yami got caught by Jaden and he was killed for it. He left of his own volition and he paid the price. We don't need to relive it every moment any longer, okay?"

"It doesn't honestly seem as if it crosses your mind often, Yugi." Yugi froze, staring at him with huge eyes. Timaeus snorted. "You never seem upset about it at all. Atem is clearly starving himself, but you're still as unchanging as always. Does stress never change your stance or loosen your scales as they do his?"

Yugi bore his teeth, a brief flash of pure agony crossing his features. "You don't know what you're talking about," he spat. "And I don't want to waste my time standing here arguing with you when there's no reason."

Atem looked as if he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. He'd tucked his wings into his sides and turned away from him entirely. One paw was tucked toward his chest and the other's claws were dug into the ground. His tail had curled around himself and he looked almost as if he might flee.

That was the reason Timaeus faltered and reconsidered his argument. His friend looked small and beaten and exhausted, and the sight made him feel awkward and horrified. Yugi was right. He'd come to pick this fight to stir Atem, to see if he could arouse the usual spark of life he'd seen in him prior. He had not meant to hurt him so badly, but rather to anger him to action in some manner. He'd wanted Atem to say he desired answers as well, that he'd be willing to speak to and confront Jaden.

He hadn't wanted to cripple him.

He grunted and looked away, narrowing his eye. "You're right," he finally grumbled, though he risked another glance at Atem and felt his stomach roll. The God Dragon outright refused to look at him now, though he turned just enough to split the bone in his teeth and stare at the ground despondently. He hadn't left because Yugi was distressed, because the Gandora was glaring at him and growling but looked as if he were struggling not to tremble.

"It won't bring him back," he agreed as he turned to Yugi again. But he thought Atem would have processed it better if he knew how and why Jaden had come back for Yami so soon. "And, seeing as Atem is still alive and seems well despite the weight loss, I'll take my leave."

He almost hoped Atem would argue, but the Sky Dragon merely risked a glance at him, shuffled his paws, shifted his weight, and stretched himself out to lay more comfortably. Timaeus stretched his limbs, flexing his wings and backing up a step. He watched Atem a moment longer, then rose to his back legs and sprang into the air. He went to say farewell to Yugi but found himself unable, too flustered despite himself, and flew off.

It was halfway through his flight that he realized he'd gone the wrong way. He'd claimed a small area of territory toward the water, closer to Atem and Yugi's territory but far enough they did not quite overlap. It was just far enough south as well he would not have been noticed by the Wind Clan patrols. He'd headed further northwest, to the area he'd been familiar with only two years before. He almost turned back to head for his new territory, but loneliness made him falter.

He landed softly amongst the tall yellowed grass and shook himself out. He looked about, remembering Critias and Hermos darting about the upraised stones and Mahado complaining of how the rabbit had struck back, and Ishizu demanding to know why Atem was present. He remembered arguing with Kris at times over the God Dragon, though the extent of them usually only boiled down to Kris being nervous about exposure to the hatchlings.

He hadn't come back since he'd left, telling Kris he was sorry but he had responsibilities to help Atem before he did providing her another clutch. She'd wanted him easily as a more permanent mate, despite the fact it went against their natures. But she'd been attracted to how easily he took to acting as a father due to time spent with Atem. She'd liked his sturdier form and his sharper talons, and the strength he possessed even when he did not engage in a physical fight. She'd especially loved the fact he'd been capable of adapting to having a single eye with such ease.

She'd thought the world of him, even if they'd argued bitterly at times.

He wandered a few feet closer, then paused. There was a small charge in the air and his head snapped around as he considered the area. Had someone moved into the territory during his absence? He wouldn't have been surprised. The spot was nestled comfortably between Atem's territory and the Wind Clan's, neither in nor directly around their borders. It meant prey from both wandered into it—deer, rabbits, squirrels—and the river was only a few miles from the den.

He looked over and bristled faintly, preparing himself for the female he saw crouched in the grass. It took him only a moment to recognize her, however, and he snorted as he lost his bristle. "You came back here?"

There was a long moment of silence before the female straightened from her crouched position and came forward. She shook herself out and Timaeus noticed the heavier frame of her belly. "It's the best place to raise a nest," she answered, taking a seat and studying him. "Why are you back?"

"There was a falling out," he answered easily. "I went to visit today and we fought some more. I decided to leave and… I meant to go back to my new territory, but I wound up here instead."

Kris nodded slightly and looked around. "It must have been big if you left. It's not even sunset. You used to leave early morning and return at night."

Timaeus nodded. "It's a pretty raw argument—much worse than anything we've ever fought over." He paused. "You seem close. How long do you suspect, a moon at most?"

"More likely a few days," Kris answered, looking over and studying him. "Did you plan to stay? I can move."

"No, you're fine. I didn't come here to claim the den again." Timaeus stretched and lay down, tilting his head and watching her. "I just wanted to… I think I'm just lonely, so I came here because it was where I raised Critias and the others."

Kris snickered. "He was always your favorite."

"He was." It had always been apparent, no matter how often he made an effort to show the others just as much attention. The fact that none of them had been so jealous as to lash out and fight each other was always a miracle to him. It could have turned out just as badly for them as it had Atem. "He wasn't as…cautious. It made him more of a goof."

He had been a lot like Yugi two years prior—friendly and goofy until the situation called for more.

"So…he didn't stay then?"

"Hmm?" Kris blinked. "No. I didn't want him to stay. It was a spur of the moment mating and I wasn't exactly happy after. I'd actually hoped maybe it hadn't taken."

Timaeus blinked. "So, I suppose you didn't mate last year?"

"No, which is why I mated with someone beneath my standards and realized too late how badly this would go." She shook her head and snorted. "I hate heat cycles."

He laughed softly. "I can understand that." He paused. "You mated early."

"I did. I wanted to do it before I had to fight with others or risk one of the larger males breeding more copiously and forcing a mounting." She snorted and smiled. "I wasn't exactly drawn to him, so I didn't care whether he helped me with the nest or not. There was no way he would, either way, because of how young he was. He probably wanted to play at being the strongest so he could force himself on more females than he could count."

"That's certainly a dangerous game to play," Timaeus snickered. "I got my wing broken my first time even attempting a mating. Of course, I probably still had more brains then than your buddy now."

Kris laughed. "Oh, of course." She smirked. "He claimed he fought the God Dragon and lived."

"Atem?" Timaeus blinked and burst out laughing. "More like he got the end of Yugi's claws and ran for his life. Yugi has intervened on almost every challenge for the last few years."

Kris snickered. "I believe that. He's a worrier."

"Nothing Atem doesn't deserve after everything that's happened." His laughter died immediately and Kris stiffened in surprise. He shook himself out and looked her over. "There's…a lot that's happened in the last three years. I'll fill you in another time, if you'd like."

She nodded slightly, searching his face. "I know…it likely won't be as much fun as raising Critias was, but…"

Timaeus studied her intently, then smiled and shook his head with a small laugh. "You sure know how to flatter a male," he chuckled, tilting his head. "If you truly desire, yes, I'll help you raise them."

Kris brightened as if the world had just opened up before her for the first time in what seemed forever. Timaeus wondered if she'd be half as happy to have his help if she knew how badly he'd failed Yami. He shifted his weight and studied her, then considered her swollen belly for another long moment. He wondered if he should tell her then, or wait until later. But drudging it up now seemed overwhelming and yet waiting seemed torturous and wrong.

She deserved to know…

"Timaeus?"

He shifted his weight again before looking away and reconsidering his stance. After a moment he looked back. "I need to tell you what happened between Atem and I…before I help you raise this clutch."

Kris tilted her head. Her eyes sparkled, first with suspicion and then bewilderment. She seemed to have decided in that split moment that the worst of what could have been done was impossible due to his bond with Atem, Yugi's presence, and the species Atem was.

Timaeus wanted to laugh but couldn't. "Three years ago, when we separated…" He blinked and sighed heavily. "Let me begin again. Do you remember the eclipse?"

Kris stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "Yes. Of course I remember it. I'd never seen one before."

"Right. And do you remember when Atem did that war cry that made Critias hide for hours after?"

"I remember."

"I went to visit and he said Jaden had followed him into his territory. They'd gotten into a quarrel and Atem had chased him off." Timaeus knew she remembered. She'd said he needed to go check on Atem but Timaeus had tried to help Critias recover from his shock instead. He'd gone only after Critias and the others were okay and no longer shaking or hiding in the deepest part of the den. "Well, when I went to visit, he was…hiding something. I didn't find out until much later, but…Atem laid an egg."