Chapter L: Guilt

Atem looked up as he heard the ear-splitting war cry. He got to his paws, startled, but relaxed when he saw the young Wind Dragon flee with its tail between its legs. It was gone from sight almost immediately, as if they feared Yugi might give chase. He spotted the Gandora sitting a few feet away, watching them with a proud look on his face. He spun to face Atem, wiggled as if with delight, and hurried over.

"Did you have to beat them so hard they can't fly straight?"

"He already couldn't fly straight. It's kind of infuriating, honestly. I can't believe he came to challenge you when he can't even fly properly."

Atem snorted and took a seat. At least they could joke about some things. Everything was still a muffled, sore point but at least Yugi retained his jovial nature. Had it not been for that, Atem wasn't sure what he would have done. Timaeus's barbs still dug into his flesh at times and he couldn't always stomach thinking of his friend without flinching.

He tilted his head. "How badly did you beat him?"

"The blood is deer," Yugi laughed. He jerked his beak toward a bundle of blood and brown fur, tangled long limbs and a head folded all the way back to touch its shoulders. Atem bristled, startled, and Yugi frowned. "I knocked it off a cliff. It broke its neck on impact."

Atem flexed his claws. It wasn't so much the way its neck lay completely folded like that. It was the glassy stare of its wide eye where it was visible to him. He smiled tightly when he noticed Yugi staring at him in alarm. "Sorry. I got distracted a moment."

The Gandora looked skeptical. "I know when you're distracted."

The implication of trauma went unspoken. Atem snorted and shook his head, glancing at the beady eye that stared back unblinking, and then looked away. He didn't even want to think of the Uria anymore, the way its face had melted away, how its eyes had—

"Atem?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." The God Dragon smiled again, but it was tight and awkward and his lungs ached. "I'm tired, that's all."

"You just woke up."

"I can still be tired after waking. I'm allowed. I'm a God Dragon. We do magical things in our sleep."

Yugi laughed and shook his head. "Oh, I have no doubt. But what in particular?"

Relive my nightmares, he thought spitefully. "Dream about fishing and catching amazing fish."

"Oh? And that's all you dream about?"

"Occasionally you, but you're not prominent."

Yugi looked scandalized but amused all the same. "Oh, is that so?" he laughed. "I'm not prominent in your dreams? How rude."

"What can I say? Sweet little Gandoras like you don't belong in dreams about fish."

"I've caught plenty of fish," he scoffed.

"Mm, and that's precisely why you're not featured. It's about me fishing, not you outdoing me." Atem smiled more genuinely, warmth blooming in his chest. "You're already better at hunting than me. Let me have this."

Yugi laughed and shook his head. "No one is better at hunting or fishing than you."

Atem snorted and looked away. Yugi watched him closely, as if he meant to speak again, but the words were discarded soon after. The Slifer stretched himself out and looked his mate over for a long handful of seconds. "I think you could give me competition in that aspect."

"Maybe," Yugi said with a fond but doubtful tone. "I don't think that's possible, but maybe I'm wrong."

"If anyone could keep up with me, it'd be you." He looked around and wondered for only a moment whether Timaeus was right. Did he truly believe there was something to be found in Yami's death? It didn't make sense. Why should he worry about the incident two years after the fact? He couldn't understand it. Yami was dead and Jaden had clearly killed him after the fact. What did it matter any longer? He'd attacked him and likely burned him to ash. He didn't understand why the grief had to be revisited every few moons. Why couldn't they lay it to rest? It likely wasn't healthy ignoring it so often as he did when he felt it the worst, but it didn't help to drudge it up and wait for it to smother him constantly, either.

But there was something that constantly nagged in his mind. He didn't want to think about it often, but it crossed his thoughts on occasion when he couldn't suppress it. Every time Timaeus's name so much as skittered through his head, Atem's mind would wander towards those doubts. And Timaeus had never been one to provoke him to misery without reason. He'd never tried to irritate Atem so pointedly about something before. So maybe he wasn't wrong…

His belly ached as he tried to force the doubts aside once more.

"Atem?"

"Sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

"I've noticed." Yugi tilted his head. "Are you all right? I know Timaeus tends to rattle you sometimes."

"Its not him. He…" Atem fell quiet for a long moment. "He's right in a way. There's a lot about the situation that doesn't make sense. I wouldn't have expected Jaden to visit so soon. And Yami…was unaffected by the smoke and flames when Jaden attacked initially. How could he have managed that much damage in so short a time frame? He couldn't have been gone long. He was in my dreams for a while—and Timaeus says he visited him as well. So, how was it he managed to burn him to nothing in that time?"

Yugi stared at him for a long time, as if he'd been struck. His eyes stretched wide, horrified, and he grimaced as he studied him. He stood stiffly, as if carved from ice, and then looked away. "Atem, you're not being fair to yourself thinking like this."

"I know, but…" Atem trailed off and shook his head. "I don't understand how I wouldn't have noticed. How could Jaden have gotten here and managed to catch fire to my territory and kill Yami and I not know? How could I not sense it?"

"Atem…"

"I should have sensed it. I should have known something was wrong. It should have been…instinctive. He wandered off on his own and he died for it. But I should have felt it. We were connected. I…I laid his egg. How could I have failed to know?"

Yugi flinched and looked over. "Atem, please…"

He faltered, studying. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"We can't fix it. You shouldn't think so hard about it any longer. You shouldn't do this to yourself. I know you feel you should have been able to stop him, but there was no way you could have. We didn't know. We didn't even know he'd left the den." Yugi lowered his eyes, standing statuesque for a long time. He sighed softly. "And we don't know that he was immune to fire for long periods of time. The fight before was fast. Jaden was showing us what he could do. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone at that point. He could have been so much stronger and we wouldn't have known until it was too late. You saw the blood and…and the clump of flesh Jaden tore out."

Atem remembered that all too well. He still recalled the splattering of blood, the smears across the leaves and neighboring roots of trees. He remembered how some of the ferns had bowed beneath Yami's weight where he'd hit the ground and likely rolled, panicked and trying to move away from Jaden as quickly as he could.

He forced the thought away, stomach churning.

"I did. I just… It doesn't make sense."

Yugi looked over and their eyes locked. "Atem… If he was still alive, he would have come back. He would have come to visit you, if no one else. He loved you more than anything. You know that."

He flexed his claws. He did. He knew that. Yami had chosen wrong, but he'd loved Atem more than anyone else. It hadn't been enough to save him, but he'd chosen Atem all the same.

"He never came back," Yugi said softly, almost simplistically, "so he has to be deceased."

It was disturbing how easily Yugi said the words. It was a well-spoken argument, however. They'd had similar conversations more than once, with or without Timaeus to intervene and push them to the topic once more. Atem hated himself for it, but he refused to ignore it. The small nagging sensation never left him and Atem felt he took it out on Yugi when it reared its head again.

It was impossible to ignore.

But he could see the pain in Yugi's face each time, the way his eyes widened and then rapidly darkened with grief. He would grimace and look away and back, his voice would dip or become hoarse with misery, and his wings drooped the smallest bit. He looked exhausted every moment the topic surfaced.

Atem took a seat after a moment, glancing at the wide unblinking eye of the deer corpse. He thought of the Uria for a moment, of its jaw as it began to lose flesh and then muscle until it finally dropped to the ground. He thought of the way its eye had fallen out and rolled over the dirt and rocks.

"How could Atem have produced an egg that looked almost exactly like a Uria?" Kris asked, staring at him in bewilderment. "That doesn't…"

"I think it was an asexual reproduction initially, but somehow Yugi fertilized it. I don't know exactly what caused it or how it happened, but Yami looked almost exactly like a Uria but for his markings being black instead of yellow and having all four paws." Timaeus sighed softly and looked away. "Urias look a lot like Slifers, and they have tusks like Gandoras. I think the Uria is the perfect cross of the two species aside from the formation of their paws being part of their wings."

Kris grimaced. "I've never seen one. I heard rumors they were basically impossible to kill and so adaptable they could live in any terrain they set paw in. But I thought they were extinct."

"I…I don't know. I don't know if they're extinct or not." Timaeus shivered. "Atem could have very well killed the last one. Unless one of them reappears, I don't know that there are anymore in existence."

"Atem killed one?"

"It was…a nasty fight and he tries to suppress it as much as he can."

Kris nodded, eyes vibrant with curiosity despite her unwillingness to ask. "So, then Yami…was Divine?"

"The definition of a Divine Dragon," he mumbled. "He had a thousand abilities and he was still learning. I don't know if he was stronger than Atem or not, but it's likely enough. He knew more than he should, walked through dreams, read minds, healed… I think Atem said he gave him the ability to see in the dark as well at some point…"

"He was that powerful?" She snickered. "Then he was definitely stronger than Atem."

Timaeus snorted despite himself. "I wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest. He was…amazing."

Kris fell quiet for a moment, then shifted her weight so she could stand and circle to a more comfortable position. She settled against the wall of the den and stretched out to lay on her side. Timaeus watched her intently, amazed she still trusted him enough to lay with her belly exposed to him like that.

"You really loved him."

Timaeus thought that was the pinnacle of understatements but did not say so. "Yes."

Kris closed her eyes. "I'm sorry he's passed. It seems like he could have only grown better as he aged."

The Wind Dragon shivered. Those were standard death ceremonial words. She was trying to give him some sense of closure without further aggravating the pain of the situation. Maybe he should have extended a paw in doing so with Atem and Yugi. Perhaps it would have helped them process the guilt and grief.

Because he knew Atem wasn't.

"Yeah." Timaeus shook his head and flexed his claws. "I thought he would have made it to at least a year, but he was on the cusp of only eleven moons. It's…devastating."

Kris nodded, craning her head back to look at him. "I know. And I'm sorry it happened." She paused. "But if Jaden was the one to kill him, it's best Atem doesn't involve himself in finding more answers or confronting him. There's no reason to start a war when it won't fix anything."

"I just want to know why. What was the purpose behind going after a hatchling that wasn't even a year old? He had so much more he could have done, so much more to offer, and yet Jaden decided to kill him regardless. He had a lot of potential to become even more amazing than he already was. If Jaden was so afraid of him when he was that young, he could have waited to see."

"I don't know. If I saw a threat to my clutch I'd kill it before it could hurt them." Kris sighed. "It's not the same. I know that. But if he was so afraid of what Yami could do, maybe in his head there was no other option than to get rid of him as soon as possible."

"It shocks me he took action so quickly after agreement to back off."

"Do you think Atem could really kill Yami if he had to?"

"Yes." Timaeus searched her face. "I know for a fact Atem could have done it. He's capable of a million things anyone else might shy from. You know the rumors surrounding him. Some of them were wrong and exaggerated to scare potential suitors from adding more competition to challenge Atem. But a vast majority of them were true. He's never lost a fight. He's killed thousands—possibly millions."

Kris nodded. "I remember the rumors. He's called the Red Death in my home territory."

He smirked. "That name has to please him so much," he snickered.

"I'm sure he knows it. It's the most common title he has in the west, south, or southwestern areas." She searched his face. "If he doesn't, I'm going to think he's deaf."

Timaeus laughed and shook his head. "I know he knows it. I just haven't seen him react to it. I've never heard him use it, either." He grinned. "I just think he uses his official title as God Dragon of the East for the most part."

"I don't think Corpse Hanger or Corpse Gatherer, or Red Death are quite the names I'd want to use to announce myself, either, Timaeus."

"I'd use them when I was in a real fight. It would probably be enough to scare the life out of a few of them." He grinned wider. "It would likely scare them enough to make it easier to knock some sense into them."

"I'm sure Atem has that ability without needing to knock their paws out from under them by using his titles." She shifted her weight and stretched her neck out once more, yawning. "He has enough of a presence on his own."

"That's true. He's a lot stronger than he looks, even. It makes him even more intimidating." He paused for a long moment, flexing his paws and digging his claws into the dirt. "I still wonder how Yami might have looked had he grown to adulthood. I wish I could have seen it."

Timaeus was almost convinced Kris had fallen asleep when she suddenly muttered, "You said Yami was capable of so many things. If he was able to sometimes see the future as you said he apparently developed, how is it possible Jaden found him? Do you think he went to him?"

"Huh?"

"It's a thought. Yami knew things he shouldn't. He saw the future in limited intervals. Maybe he saw something he thought he needed to prevent and he went to Jaden to do it. Or maybe he decided he couldn't let Atem kill him if things got…out of control."

Timaeus opened his mouth to snap at her, horrified, but the implications lined up. Yami wouldn't have wanted to cause anyone undue harm like that. He wouldn't have wanted to cause Atem such grief. And he'd witnessed Yugi and Atem fighting over him. He'd heard them snapping at each other for Atem's promise to Jaden. If that was the truth of it…

Why hadn't he thought of that before?

It seemed so in line with anything Yami might have decided necessary, but he didn't understand why he would have…

Had he just chosen to let Jaden kill him? Had he gone to find Jaden, confronted him in some manner, and asked him to kill him for the sake of sparing Atem?

It was…certainly something Timaeus imagined Yami might do, but he still didn't understand why he had. Why would he do that when Atem would have moved Paradise or Purgatory for him? Yugi would have done anything for him no matter what the consequences.

He looked away from her and flexed his paws, digging his claws into the dirt until his toes ached. He nodded after a moment, studying her in the corner of his eye, and tried not to snarl. She was right. There was a chance Yami had done this all on purpose. Maybe he'd meant to spare Yugi and Atem, or perhaps he'd somehow decided from those stories they'd told him prior it was necessary.

"Yami told me in Atem's memories Ironheart had said Atem had to be blind to the possibilities of the future, especially where his own choices were concerned. He'd said the future relied on his blindness to possibility." Timaeus looked over and studied her intently. "He'd said Atem needed to protect Yami until the second eclipse came."

"Second eclipse?" Kris muttered, twisting to stare at him in alarm. "What second eclipse? I haven't seen one."

"There hasn't been one. There was only the one Yami hatched under." He faltered, considering her with a tilted head. "But Ironheart claimed there would be a second. And that was when Yami would have the worst of trouble."

"But if he's dead…"

"I don't know. I can't decide if that means it'll make things easier or a thousand times worse." He paused and then grinned. "When did you begin taking prophecies seriously?"

"Ironheart was a Judgment Dragon—and the last one."

Timaeus snickered. "So being the last of the prophetic dragons in existence makes him so likely to be correct, huh?"

Kris huffed, eyes shining. "Yeah. It's only when their species is almost extinct and they lay down a prophecy that I'll listen."