Chapter 16: The Fears of Parenthood

The next morning, Jamie walks into the bullpen tired.

"Damn." Danny greets at seeing the look on his brother's face "You look like a truck ran over you."

"I feel like a truck ran over me." Jamie grumbles as he walks over to stand behind Eddie's desk chair.

"See this is why I never want to take one of those tests." Danny points out.

"It was more then just the test." Jamie reveals as his hands grip the back of her chair like a vice "Mia ran away last night."

Danny's eyes go wide "What? Why didn't you call me? Did you find her? Is she okay?"

"She's fine." Jamie replies "She ran right to us." He explains "Decided she was moving in with us."

"What?" Danny states in surprise "What happened?"

"Long story short..." Jamie sighs as he lets his upper body weight be supported by the chair in defeat "…is Mia wants to keep boxing and Rosa said no so she decided she was going to live with us so she could do that."

"Oh." Danny breathes out "Sure that went over well with Rosa."

"She was actually way more understanding than I would have been." Jamie admits before shaking his head in disbelief "She took the subway by herself Danny and I just can't stop thinking about all the things that could have possibly gone wrong and now with Eddie pregnant…" Jamie rambles.

Danny nods his head in understanding "You want to put her and that baby in a little bubble and never let them out right?" He finishes "Yeah that's those Reagan father to be fears kicking in. Hated that part."

Jamie lifts his head to look at his brother in surprise "So you felt this way too?"

"Of course." Danny reveals "Every father does but in our line of work we see things most regular people don't see so our fears are multiplied."

"How did you deal with it?" Jamie inquires as he starts to pace a bit "Because I literally could not sleep at all last night. My mind just would not shut down."

Danny offers his brother a small sympathetic smile "You talk about it like we are doing right now."

Suddenly Jamie looks behind him to the bullpen entrance "Well not with Eddie around." He insists "The last thing I want is her worrying about me."

"Our secret." Danny promises "But seriously Jamie, if you need to talk you find me okay? Fatherhood is great but its also full of fear and frustration – actually it pretty much covers the entire spectrum of emotions so get ready for the rollercoaster ride of your life."

"Great." Jamie unconvincingly mutters as he paces a bit more "How in the world Erin not did have a nervous breakdown when Nicky was kidnapped I'll never understand." Jamie rambles "My kid isn't even here yet and…"

"Jamie." Danny prompts "Breathe."

"I'm trying." Jamie mutters as he stops behind Eddie's chair again.

"You're going to make a great Dad." Danny offers.

"Yeah people keep telling me that but…"

"Well if multiple people are saying it, it must be true." Danny points out as he catches sight of Eddie walking into the bullpen "Now buck up because here comes your wife…" he whispers "We can – and will - finish this later." He promises.

Jamie plasters a smile on his face and nods.

"Morning Danny!" Eddie greets as she walks up to her husband and gives him a slight hip check "Excuse me Sergeant but you are blocking my chair."

"Sorry." Jamie apologizes as he steps back giving his wife room to pull her chair back and sit down.

"There's my favorite sister in law!" Danny quips with a smile.

Eddie lifts her head to look at her brother in law "I'm your only sister in law." She reminds him.

"Still my favorite." Danny sweetly returns before clearing his throat "So I hear you had an eventful night."

Eddie huffs out a laugh as she opens her bag and starts pulling out snacks "Oh yeah. That girl is a handful. Jamie says he's going to go completely grey by the time our baby turns five if he/she is anything like Mia!"

"Did he now…" Danny repeats as he looks up at his brother.

Behind Eddie, Danny sees Jamie try to take a deep calming breath.

Danny shifts his gaze back to his sister in law and smiles at her "Well you know us Reagans." He deflects.

"You two!" Maria calls to Jamie and Eddie as she walks into the bullpen "Boy did I get a story this morning when I dropped Elena off!" She laughs as she walks up to Jamie and holds a note out to him "Here. Rosa thought you might like this."

Jamie takes the note and Maria continues on to her desk.

Eddie looks backwards and up to her husband "What is it?"

Jamie opens the note and sighs "Mia's run away note." He explains before handing it to his wife "We have to work on her spelling and grammar."

Eddie takes the note, looks at it then shakes her head and hands it over to Danny who is holding his hand out asking for it.

"Aw how cute." Danny jokes as he read it "You're a little 'ant'..." He quips to Eddie before looking at his brother "You should get this framed."

Maria looks at her partner "By your reaction I assume you heard the story?"

Danny nods.

"Did you know she used her bedroom window to the fire escape as her get away?" Maria reveals.

Danny looks over "Oh I did not."

"Yup." Maria nods "Now I gotta alarm and bolt Elena's window like Rosa is doing with Mia's. See this is good – learning from the village."

"You have time." Danny points out. "She's not crawling out the window anytime soon and can I just point out that Mia's window is how Mia escaped to safety WITH Elena not that long ago so…"

Suddenly a heavy silence fills the air at the memory of that horrible day.

"Well way to bring down a room Danny." Eddie finally states.

Danny shrugs "You gotta see both sides of the coin is all I'm saying. If her window and been locked and alarmed Mia never would have gotten out in time and then who knows what might have happened - or what if there was an ACTUAL fire and she needed to get out? They are called fire escapes for a reason."

"Not helping." Jamie tosses at his brother as now all Jamie can think of is all those possible worst case scenarios.

Knowing where his brother's mind is, Danny continues on "Look, you never stop worrying about your kids. Jack is half way across the country and Sean is out on his own now but that doesn't mean I don't still wonder everyday what they are doing or if they are okay BUT I also have to trust that I raised them right to be able to take care of themselves." He points out "Mia made it safely to your place right?"

Eddie and Jamie nod.

"So Rosa and Manny and the two of you must be doing something right then." Danny points out.

Jamie sighs and nods "She did tell us she was constantly aware of her surrounding on the trip over." He admits.

"See." Danny quips "And did any of you ever consider what you were doing when you were ten years old?"

"She's nine." Jamie points out.

"Her birthday is next week." Danny counters "She's practically ten and I remember that at that age some days I would head out of the house in the morning and not come back until dusk. Hell I even snuck out to the Kiss concert at the Garden when I was 10 remember?"

"Times are different now Danny." Jamie points out.

"That is true." Danny admits "But I do think there are too many over the top helicopter parents out there now though. You have to be able to find the balance. Kids are more resilient than you think."

"Sarge I think we need to put an APB out for the real Danny Reagan. " Maria declares "I think he may have been abducted by aliens and replaced with this weird easy going version who thinks the world is full of nothing but law abiding citizens and to be honest, it's scaring me."

"Funny." Danny retorts.

"No she's right." Eddie agrees as she looks at Danny "Who are you?"

Danny takes a deep breath "I am more aware then any of you what can happen out there believe me!" He promises before looking at his brother "Do you remember the case I caught the day you graduated from the academy?"

Jamie shakes his head "No can't say I do."

"It was a nine year old Hispanic girl that got abducted while walking alone. She actually looked a lot like Mia…"

"Are you kidding me?" Eddie tosses out in disbelief.

"What happened?" Maria inquires.

"I found her." Danny replies "Alive and well."

"Wait." Jamie realizes "Was that the case where you dunked the guy's head in the toilet to get him to talk?"

Eddie and Maria turn to look at Danny in surprise to see him shrug and nod in confirmation "Yup." He admits "I did what I had to do to save her."

"Then how can you be standing here telling us to lighten up?" Jamie wonders in frustration.

"Because." Danny replies "As the only seasoned parent in this bunch I know…"

"Parent of boys." Jamie interrupts "Mia's a girl. That's different."

"Excuse me?" Eddie challenges.

Jamie shoots his wife a look but then focuses on his brother "I sat on the sidelines watching as you raised the boys while Erin raised Nicky. You can't deny that everyone was more protective of Nicky."

Danny opens his mouth to protest but then just closes it realizing his brother is right.

Eddie ponders her husband's words then looks at Maria but points at herself "Rebel. You?" She asks.

Maria nods in understanding "Same." She agrees.

"SEE!" Jamie emphatically exclaims.

"Yet here we both are." Eddie points out "Alive, well and both productive members of society."

Silence as no one can dispute that.

Suddenly Eddie looks back at her husband "Even so, we are still getting her that necklace for her birthday."

"Yup." Jamie 100% agrees.

"Necklace?" Maria questions.

"A tracker necklace like the one I had on my first UC." Eddie explains.

"Oh, I remember that." Maria admits "Hey, do you think they have baby sizes?"

Danny throws his hands up.

Jamie looks at his brother "Oh come on, you can't tell me if this technology was easily accessible back when the boys were born you wouldn't have done the EXACT same thing?"

Danny opens his mouth to say no but he can't because he knows he absolutely would have "Fine." He grumbles instead.

"Hah!" Maria quips "There's the real Danny Reagan. Welcome back!"

"Yeah. Yeah." Danny sneers.

Suddenly Jamie's phone in his office rings so he heads inside to answer it "Reagan." he greets as he's done so many times before while reaching for a pen and paper "Uh uh, got it." he mutters as he scribbles something down then hangs up, rips the paper off and heads back out into the bull pen.

"New case." Jamie announces as he holds the paper out to Danny.

"On it." Danny states as he takes it and he and Maria quickly move to leave.

Eddie watches them leave then heavily sighs and turns to look at her husband "And what am I supposed to do now?" She questions in defeat "Other then attach my ball and chain to this desk?"

...

A/N: I ended up rewatching the pilot episode a while ago and Danny's case I refer to above is the case is from the pilot and I swear they cast similar looking girls in that episode and the one in season 12 with The Ruiz's.