Critical Hellfire

By Steampunk . Chuckster

Summary: Chuck and Morgan are co-hosts of a locally popular streaming channel in which they discuss all things metal while playing video games. Their lives are uprooted when their demo guy hands them THE demo of the ages—a band called Critical Hellfire, fronted by singer and bassist Sarah Walker. AU Charah.

A/N: I'm just going to warn you now. If you have something you're drinking, set it somewhere you can't reach it while you read this chapter. You'll ruin your electronics otherwise. I laughed out loud while writing it, and I laughed out loud again while editing it. And if I laughed? At my own shit? You know that's real.

Disclaimer: I don't own CHUCK or any of its characters. I don't own any of the songs mentioned in this chapter, this fic, or anywhere else for that matter. I am making absolutely zero dollars writing and posting this.

"So how much fun do you think Morgan and the boys had today?"

He snorted. "Oh, I know Morgan had a blast." Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he pulled up the streams of texts his best friend had sent throughout the day. "I literally had to silence my phone because it kept buzzing in my pocket while I was trying to concentrate on this date."

Sarah laughed, stopping at the driver's door and leaning against it. Almost as if blocking him from getting in, from leaving. All there was in the way of light on this cloudy night, complete with drizzle coming down off and on, were the sparse streetlights dotted along the sidewalk on either side of the street.

He'd lingered at her loft this long because the clouds had come in, blocking the sun, and then the moon once it rose in the sky above them. And cold had rolled in too. And it was so nice and toasty with Sarah Walker in her bed. Toasty enough she'd ordered food to be delivered for dinner. Toasty enough it was almost midnight now as he leaned in to show her the texts.

"Did Morgan actually buy that many subwoofers?" she giggled.

"Yes. The better to hear your sexy bass with, my deeear," he drawled.

Sarah rocked forward with a laugh. "Okay, if we're doing this dating thing, I know you were quoting a fairytale or whatever, but let's get this out of the way now. There'll be none of that 'dear' shit, please lord." She hugged herself as a breeze came through, playing with her hair.

"If?" Chuck sent her a warm look. Maybe it wasn't the weather that kept him here for this long and that was just the excuse he made, both to her and to himself. "You second-guessing?"

"Not a bit," she said immediately. "I've always wanted to date an influencer."

He laughed so hard he choked a bit. She reached out and thumped him on the back a few times. "Um, okay. Morgan and I aren't influencers, but thank you."

"Oh okay, ya snob. You are influencers. You just don't wanna be stuck in the same category as seventeen year old girls who talk a lot about K-Pop."

Chuck winced. "Damn. You know, you might not be wrong. That could've been snobbery. K-Pop's legit and seventeen year old girls are allowed to be excited about things without snobby dudes judging them for it."

Sarah's teasing smile dimmed a bit and she reached up to put her hand on his chest, her fingers curling into his skin under his shirt. The gesture was a delicious blend of intimacy and yearning. "I have never met anyone like you, Chuck."

"What'd I do?"

"You didn't do anything. It's just the way you heard criticism right there—as innocently as I meant it—and instead of getting defensive or offended, instead of snapping or getting triggered and angry, you genuinely considered it. And you accepted it and agreed." She shook her head in awe, giving his shirt a tug. "I'm sorry, it's probably kind of annoying how often I'm in awe of you being a good person."

"No, please. I accept awe. All the awe. It's very good for my self-esteem, so by all means, continue," he chuckled, making her beam at him.

Taking a deep breath, Chuck cupped her face with his right hand tenderly and stepped in closer, pinning her a bit to his car. Her grin became a smirk as she arched her brow and leaned her head back to look up into his eyes.

"So I can take you out again?" he asked softly.

"Mmmhm. But not before I take you out first." She reached out and pretended to drop the mic, making an explosion sound with her lips.

"Did you just drop a mic or a bomb?"

"Shut up," she laughed, giving him a playful shove as he chuckled, wrinkling his nose as cutely as he could muster. He couldn't get enough of her, which was good because she grabbed his jacket in both hands and pulled him in close again. "It was a mic, first of all. More importantly, I wanna take you out to dinner. You busy tomorrow?"

"No," he said, feeling glee mounting in him. He scrunched up his face sheepishly then and tilted his torso to the side. "I doooo have a bit of a curfew, though. Morgan and I are live streaming at ten."

"I can have you home by ten."

"Stellar. Then it's a date."

"Tubular." He snorted at how cute she was. "Just give me your address and I'll pick you up. You have a curfew so maybe early dinner? I can pick you up at five."

"Five works—" He stopped. "You know what? I could meet you here at five. Instead."

Sarah made a confused face, and he didn't blame her one bit. Only he realized belatedly that Ellie was off work tomorrow, and the next two days after that. Which meant she'd be home. And it wasn't that he was ashamed of his sister, or of Sarah on the other hand—exactly the opposite—but having Sarah meet his family on Date Number Two felt like it was putting a lot on her shoulders. It felt a little serious and while he was ready to dive in headfirst he thought there was a chance she wasn't.

Then there was the fact that she had this beautiful loft over a warehouse where there was privacy and space and he lived in the home where he grew up, with his same brown duvet he'd used in high school, the same action figures, comic books, sci-fi pulp novels from the 'fifties his dad had left behind when he left (Bradbury, Knight, Tenn, Zimmer Bradley, etc), and his vinyls too. His Jackyl poster was less embarrassing than the fact that he secretly knew Klingon. He hadn't even mentioned that in the Games N Rock Sessions streams, as much as their viewers were also big ol' nerds. That was an extra level of nerdery only Ellie, Awesome, and Morgan knew. Jill had known too and she forbade him from saying anything in Klingon in front of her because it was "rude" she didn't know what he was saying. "I don't speak the many languages I know in front of you, do I?"

Ugh, he needed Jill the fuck out of his head. Especially right now.

"That's an extra trip for no reason, though," Sarah was saying. "I'll pick a place to eat somewhere near you. I can pick you up, we go eat, we mess around, maybe we make out a little in the car…" He raised his eyebrows approvingly at that and she smirked. "And I have you home by ten. Then we don't have to rush so much, either. That's more time we get to spend hanging out…"

He couldn't figure out a way to explain why all of what she'd just said wasn't the most logical route. Because it was the most logical route. More time hanging out with her, too. That was a major plus. Instead of driving home alone taking up some of that time.

And so she won the day over his own self-consciousness.

"Oh. Good point. Yeah, okay."

Sarah frowned. "Do you…not want me to go to your house for some reason?"

She was too observant. Or he was too transparent. Or it was both.

He decided to just be honest. If they were going to do this, he should get this out of the way now, right?

"Look, I-I don't live on my own, ya know? My sister and her boyfriend are there. My job is working out of the basement where I used to play Dungeons & Dragons with Morgan and other neighborhood kids when I was twelve, ya know?"

"Are you embarrassed? Because you just said out loud with your mouth that you've played Dungeons & Dragons and I'm still here."

Sarah was clearly teasing him and he chuckled, rolling his eyes as she gave him a cheesy grin.

"Yeah, well, I've kind of got you pinned here, Sarah, so I dunno how much of a choice you've got."

"Oh. You think I'm pinned, huh? Buddy boy, I know a hundred and seven different ways to get out from here right now and you won't even know it's happening 'til it's over and you're the one who's pinned."

Chuck gaped at her, shivering. Well hot damn, Sarah Walker. "That's the sexiest thing anyone's ever said to me."

She barked out a laugh, her head falling back against the roof of his car. "Ooohhh, you're so weird. I don't give a fuck where you live, Chuck. If it's at home with your…mom baking you and Morgan cookies for your stream or if it's your sister and her boyfriend. Or a ritzy condo in WeHo or a fucking…I dunno, Long Beach house boat. I don't care." She stroked her fingers down his face.

He did his best to ignore the thing about his mom and the cookie baking. That definitely wasn't on the docket ever again.

"There's also the fact that Ellie will most likely be home when you pick me up."

"Ellie…Oh, your sister? That's fine. Oh wait. I get it. You don't want me to meet her, do you?" She winced. "She got a thing against musicians? She think we're deadbeats with shit for brains or somethin'?"

"No," he said, cracking up. "Are you kidding me? If Ellie met you, she'd love you. I have no doubts about that. She's gonna wait 'til your back is turned and she's gonna do one of these." He clasped his hands to the sides of his face like that Munch Scream painting and bent his knees, mouthing OH MY GODDDDDDD and then he made his wrist limp and slapped at Sarah's bicep a few times, bouncing on his toes in excitement.

Sarah rocked forward with laughter. "That's adorable."

He chuckled, dropping the act. "She's pretty adorable. And I'm gonna be embarrassed, too. And I say it with sureness because I'm starting to realize you are picking me up at my house tomorrow…"

"Yes."

"…in spite of my misgivings."

"Yep."

"Hm. Thought so."

"What's the big deal anyway? Especially since you say she's gonna like me and I'm holding you to that."

"I said she's gonna love you. Adore you, even." He thought maybe she was blushing, but the lighting was bad out here. He could feel a slight mist starting again, though. "I just don't want to push you into meeting family. It's the second date, ya know?"

"Oh." She seemed like she hadn't really thought of that. And now that she was, she squirmed a bit. His big dumb mouth. But then she shook her head and shrugged. "Maybe there's a whole…rule about that or something, but I've never been big on rules. So how 'bout we just say it isn't a big deal…?"

"Okay. It isn't a big deal. Fuck rules."

Sarah giggled, leaning up to kiss him. He could get used to this. So used to this. He already was in fact, and he wanted more of her lips on his. "Okay, I don't want you getting wet out here, so get in this car and drive home safe, huh?"

He moved away so that she could shift out from where he'd pinned her to the door. But before he could get in, she caught his hand and pulled him in close for another kiss.

This was a drug. It was totally a drug. He hugged her tight into his chest and kissed her back, not wanting to go home. He just wanted to stay like this. But she finally broke the kiss with a hum.

"Tomorrow. Five. Text me your address, huh?"

"You got it," he mumbled into her lips. She pulled away, grinned mischievously, and backed away from the car, crossing the street, thankfully looking for cars first. "I'm staying right here 'til you get inside with the door shut and locked."

"Aw, cute the way you're lookin' out for me. I have a black belt in karate."

"What?!" He bent his knees and a strangled groan came up from his throat. "How are you such a badass in every way?" he called out to her as she neared the other side of the street, hopping up onto the curb, giggling cutely at him over her shoulder. "So wait… when I told that jerkwad you could kick his ass, I was one hundred percent right…"

She just sent him an evil look, making him laugh.

"G'night, Chuck. Pleasant dreams."

He raised his hand as she hurried up the metal stairs at the side of the building, then leaned around at the top balcony and waved, even blowing him a kiss, before she ducked inside. Chuck swung into his car behind the wheel, feeling lighter than he had since…forever.

And he wondered if Sarah knew that black belt in karate stuff would give him the most pleasant dreams ever. Dear God, whose life had he saved in his past existence to have earned this?

He was beaming and chuckling intermittently as he drove. And the beaming and chuckling got even worse when Van Halen came on again.

}o{

Sarah stopped playing, holding up her hand. The rest of the instruments petered out.

"What now?" She giggled at Mac's frustration, turning to give him one of her looks. He groaned. "I know, I know. We gotta get the bridge right."

She sighed, taking her bass strap off and setting the instrument in its stand. "I dunno, fellas. What if we're just a cover band? I keep thinking about it. We're good at covers. We add something fresh to a classic, our own sound layered on something familiar. People love that shit. Just something I was sleeping on last night…"

"Oh, is that what you were sleeping on?" Dylan asked. He added a, "Hehehehe" afterwards for good measure.

Sarah glared.

"Nah, he left at midnight, but that was a good one, Dyl," Zondra muttered, taking her own guitar off of her shoulders and putting it in the stand.

"What the fuck, Rizzo? Just telling them all my business?"

Zondra shrugged defensively. "As if you were gonna be able to keep all that from them. They're nosier than I am."

"It's true," Dylan sang with a high-pitched trill. "We aaaare."

Mac nodded along with his guitarist best friend. As if this was all so matter-of-fact. Jerks. "Anyway, it is our business." He twirled his drumsticks in his fingers. "You're sleeping with the co-host of GnR and we're very protective of those boys. They're kind of ours now."

Dylan pointed at Mac. "We're looking out for our guy, Chuck."

She gasped. "Him? What about me? Am I chopped liver?"

"You're an extremely beautiful woman who's the lead singer of a radical metal band. You could literally get just about any person who digs women and wrap 'em 'round your pinky, Sarah Walker." Mac shrugged. "And he's a gamer who's a cutie but, like…" He rocked his hands back and forth as if weighing, then lifted one way higher than the other, making a "bwoooooooop" sound.

She found herself getting a little defensive all of a sudden.

"That's not fair. He's not just a cutie. He's very handsome. And he's emotionally mature which is downright hot. And last but not least, he respects people. He respects me. Which is…new," she finished in a flat voice.

Mac made an "Awwwwwww" sound this time. "That's sweet." She glared. "I'm being sinceeeere!"

"Anyway, I'm not sleeping with the co-host of GnR." She leaned down, bracing her palm on the edge of their warehouse stage, and she hopped down with a thump of her sneakers on the cement floor. "I'm dating him."

"What's the difference?" Zondra asked.

Sarah sent the other woman an Are you serious? look.

"No, she's right. There is a difference." Dylan sat at the edge of the stage and played a three-second guitar solo. "I haven't dated in years but you bet your tight bottom I've slept with a whole looootta girls. OwOwwwww!"

The blonde turned to give her brunette friend a significant look and got a smirk back.

"I think our girlie's done did both," Mac said when Dylan's second solo finished, his jaw falling open as he laid his sticks down across the snare drum. "You think I'm dumb? I saw that little girl to girl inside look you two just exchanged. Spill. The. Beans."

Zondra glanced at Sarah one more time and then said, "I came for practice earlier this morning because I needed to replace one of my strings and she floated down here from her loft and, like, I mean floated when I say she floated. She had this big dumb grin on her face."

Sarah pushed her hands through her hair, giving Zondra the most murderous look she could muster. Was she seriously giving them all of this info? Sure, they'd find out. Eventually. Sarah probably would've even told them by the time practice finished. But damn. Et tu, Zondra?

"You mean the I got laid big dumb grin?" Mac asked.

"That one!" Zondra pointed.

"Wooooo, Sarah!" Dylan lifted his hands over his head and clapped. "G'on with your bad self!"

She sighed, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. "Do we have to do this every time one of us sleeps with someone?"

"Yes," Mac said.

"Every time," Dylan agreed.

"It's part of the bylaws."

"Do you even know what bylaws are?" Zondra asked their drummer.

"Laws that you wave at as they pass by." He lifted a hand and waved floppily as if something was flitting past him. "Good bye, laws. Nice havin' ya."

"So what I'm getting from this is that if this slick Cole Barker cat who says he's a producer decides he wants to fuck us over with whatever contracts we have to sign, we're absolutely screwed. Genius over here doesn't know what bylaws are. None of us are exactly lawyers. You a lawyer, Dyl?" Riz asked.

"Fuck the law. My people have been treated as non-citizens since the white man plagued our lands and killed our buffalo, deer, and antelope we survived on. If we aren't citizens, we don't have to play by any damn fuggin' rules." He crossed his arms in front of his guitar.

"And if you sign a contract and we misstep after signing said contract, you'll go to damn fuggin' jail just like the rest of us," Mac muttered.

"See? That's how the man plays it every time. We are a Tribal Nation, so we don't get benefits of citizenship, they make it impossible for us to vote with our Tribal IDs so we have no say in laws, who writes them, et cetera. But ooooh, if we break a law, bam! Into the slammer. Mother fuckers." Dylan brushed his hands off. "I ain't signing any stinkin' contract at this point. He'd better come in with an offer we can't refuse," he finished in his best Godfather impression, swiping the backs of his fingers under his chin and jutting his jaw out.

Children. She was in a band with kids.

"If we wanna go anywhere, be something, we're going to have to sign a contract sometime. If you think we should get a lawyer involved, I'm sure I can find one. Maybe the accountant I use who helped my grandma knows of a good one." Sarah shrugged. "Someone who knows the ins and outs of this kind of thing, knows how to read contracts and parse through details, and they can tell us whether it's a good idea to sign it or not."

"I don't trust lawyers eith—"

"Okay, man. We get it. My family back in Iran are all Muslim and when my parents fled here during the billionth freaking time some other country came in to 'rescue us' from war and just made the war worse. They hate us here too. Not to play marginalized person Olympics or anything. But law sucks. Lawyers suck. The red tape sucks. What this country has done and is doing to your people really sucks. But if our band is going to make it big, if we're even gonna get to record an album—a real album and not some demo Sarah pays a tiny recording studio in Culver City to let us make in their space—we're gonna need to sign a contract and make sure it's one we should sign," Zondra cut in. At least she didn't use a contentious tone, and it seemed Dylan was a bit more open to listening to reason. "I think we should see about a lawyer, personally. Sarah, the guy likes talking to you the most. He probably thinks you're the leader." Sarah rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, we know. We're all equals, but if that's what he thinks, that's what he thinks. See if he minds if we have a lawyer there when he sits us down with whatever contract it is he's gonna make us sign for this music video he wants us to do."

Sarah nodded. She looked to the boys. "You guys good with this?"

"Yeah. I don't wanna get my houseboat yanked out from under me."

They all looked at Mac, eyes boggled. Houseboat?!

"It was my grandpa's. It's important to me."

"You just…have a houseboat?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah."

"Bro!" He cracked up. "Where?!"

"I rarely use it. But it has all my grandpa's stuff and I go and fix it up 'n shit if my family's coming to—What?!"

"You never told us, that's all." Sarah shrugged.

"I'm a little offended I've never been invited to go on your houseboat," Dylan muttered, amused as all get-out.

"Can we just move on? Do the lawyer thing, Sarah. Please." Mac pouted a little.

"Dyl?"

"Fine, fine. Do it."

Sarah nodded, pulling her phone out of her back pocket. "I'm making a few calls. I guess we're gonna take a break, huh?"

"Good. I need a beer," Zondra groused.

}o{

His sister spun from where she'd been perched on the plush chair in the living room, her jaw practically falling into her lap. "Dinner? You're having dinner with a girl? Tonight?"

"Oh ho hooooo not just any girl," Morgan said, swinging out of the kitchen with half a sandwich cupped in his paw.

Chuck gave him a look.

"What?! She isn't." As he shrugged, some of the lettuce broke off and flopped onto the floor. "Oops."

"Morgannnnnn?" Ellie got up from the chair, putting her book on the table face down to hold her place. "Get. A. Plate. We have plates."

"Right. Plate." He stooped to pick up the lettuce, clearing his throat and hurrying into the kitchen.

Chuck heard the plates clacking as he got a plate per Ellie's orders, but now his sister was closing in on him.

"Tell me everything, all of it. What's this about not just any girl?"

"We went out yesterday, too."

"You didn't tell me you had a date yesterday! Ugh, I do these stupid twenty-four hour shifts and I miss everything important going on in my brother's life!" She grabbed his shoulders and shook him, teasingly dramatic.

"You didn't get home 'til this morning and you flopped right into bed after your long shift. I didn't have time to tell ya."

"Ask him how it went, though," Morgan said, reemerging with the sandwich on a plate thankfully. He took a massive bite. "Go on and ask 'im."

Ellie raised her eyebrows at Chuck.

He tried not to blush, pulling his lips back between his teeth and wrinkling his nose. And then he blurted, "Best. Date. Ever."

"Ahhhhhhh!" Ellie raised her arms over her head and pumped her fists. "Yes yes yes! So who is she?"

"Wait, wait, wait, I wanna hear! I need to hear this!"

Out from the hallway clambered Devon 'Captain Awesome' Woodcomb, still damp from the shower he just got out of, one towel tied around his waist, a smaller towel twisted intricately up on top of his head. And he had some sort of green stuff covering his usually handsome face.

Morgan screamed, his sandwich flying.

Chuck watched as it broke apart, meat, cheese, lettuce, bread falling to the floor in slow motion.

"Morgan, what the hell is wrong with you?" Ellie asked in the stunned silence.

Morgan blinked at Awesome, still holding the plate. Thank God. It was glass.

"Wrong with me? Your boyfriend walked out here looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon! You're dating Martian Manhunter and what's wrong with me?!"

Awesome laughed. "This rejuvenates my pores, bro. You should try it sometime. It's avocado."

"Avocado belongs in a burrito. That isn't going anywhere near this beard." Morgan pointed to the bushy thing over his mouth. "It would never come out."

"Fair play. It's a wondrous beard, too."

Morgan smiled. "Aw, thanks, pal."

"This is very sweet 'n all, BUT WHO IS GETTING THE SANDWICH OFF THE FLOOR?!" Ellie barked.

"I got it!" Morgan put the plate on the nearby family room table, rushing to pick everything up off the floor.

"Wasted food. Great."

"Excuse me? Wasted how? You think I'm not eating this?" Morgan reconstructed the sandwich and took a bite. Chuck felt Awesome and Ellie making faces with him. "What? Oh come on. I know you three clean this place like three times a week. There's no safer floor to eat off of."

Awesome disappeared and came back with a wet cloth. "Which reminds me… Run this over the spot where all that crap landed."

Sighing, Morgan shrugged, set down the sandwich, clambered down onto his hands and knees, and got to work.

"Girl. Who's the girl?" Ellie never allowed herself to be sidetracked for long.

"She's just the lead singer and bassist of Critical Hellfire, no big deal," he said with a modest shrug, pursing his lips cockily to cancel out the modesty.

"She's in a band?! BRO!"

"What band is this?" his sister asked, bouncing a little on her toes.

Chuck shook his fists at the heavens. "Elliiiie. Have you not watched Games N Rock Sessions, like, at all?! Morgan and I have been gushing about them for, like, three eps in a row!"

"Oh, you're right. Lemme just get one of my nurses to hold up my phone and put on one of your streams while I'm digging in a human being's brain with a knife to save them from death."

He wrinkled up his face and exchanged a sheepish look with his best friend. "Okay, point taken. They're this four-part metal band. They do a lot of covers, but some original stuff too. Two women, two men. Lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bass guitar, drums."

"Sometimes Dylan breaks out the keys!" Morgan called out from the floor.

"True. Good addition, Morgs. Dylan's one of the guitarists. He plays keys and sometimes takes lead vocals, too. But Sarah does most of the singing and she fuckin' waaaails, oh my God."

Morgan scrambled up to them, so excited he bumped into Chuck's shoulder. "She wails, you guys. Like an angel. A metal angel."

"Or a devil, depending on the song," Chuck said, preening a little bit. He was actually dating her. They were having dinner together. Twenty-four hours ago, he'd been tangled up with her in her bed, reaching up and gently undoing her braid so that he could feel the full effect of those soft blond locks twisted around his fingers…

He shook himself, clearing his throat. "Um, we got a demo of their stuff, loved it, and as we do, we talked about it on our show." He was distracted though by a loud chomping near his ear and he turned to find Morgan paying rapt attention but eating his sandwich in a way that sort of reminded him of Betty the otter. They had the sam facial hair sort of, didn't they? Interesting… "Buddy, can you maybe give me a few feet? The loud munching is killing my buzz."

"Oh. Sure. Got ya, man."

He moved back.

"Thanks."

"Sure!"

Chuck turned to his sister and her boyfriend, Awesome's face still unironically covered in the avocado paste. "I guess a few members of the band watch our show and were excited we mentioned them. And then, just, like…wow, what are the odds? We go to Mosh Mansion and there's Critical Hellfire doing battle of the bands. And h'ooohhhhhhh mama that band…"

"Electric. Explosive. Groundbreaking," Morgan muttered around his food.

"What he said. They blasted the roof off the place. Style off the charts. They know how to work a crowd. It's more than music, it's a whole show. They're genius. And she's…" He melted dramatically, folding himself up against Ellie like he was fainting.

She giggled. "Wow. Okay."

He straightened up again, holding onto his sister's biceps. "Think the coolest rock woman you know and multiply it by infinite…that's how cool she is. And gorgeous."

"You guys don't even understand," Morgan chimed in, the sandwich gone, plate set on the counter. "Vicki Vale but if Vicki Vale could hit Ann Wilson's notes and in the next breath growl out some Joan Jett notes."

"Noooooo shiiiiiiiit," Awesome droned, aghast. "And you're dating her? You?"

Ellie gave her boyfriend a sharp look. "Excuse me. This young man is the filet mignon of men. Of course he's dating someone like that. Do not doubt my brother. I will make you sleep on the couch."

Chuck smiled at his sister. "Awww. Thanks, sis. Your comparing me to steak aside. That was a little…interesting."

"Sorry. I skipped lunch, it's four-thirty, and I'm hungry."

Chuck blanched. "It's four-thirty?! Fuck! I gotta get ready! She's coming to pick me up at five! Nobody told me what time it was! Nobody told me time did this! It marched on so fast and you were all just silent about it!" he shrieked shrilly as he raced past them to go to his bedroom.

"Time does that, you know. It just…goes. You didn't tell anybody she was picking you up at five. How were we supposed to know?" Ellie called after him.

But then she followed him and she was in his room as he panicked, going through his closet. "Nothing looks good. This is all crap. It's crapola. I'm gonna look like an idiot in all of this."

"Well, if you put all of it in at once, you probably would look like an idiot."

He ignored her. "None of this is gonna work. Ellie, help. Help me, Ellie-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

His sister giggled. "You goofball. Here. Scooch ya booch outta the way. I'm here to help. Do you know if she's taking you someplace casual? Like a burger joint? Or someplace fancy? Like a steakhouse?"

"You really are hungry for red meat, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Then her question actually struck him.

"Oh God. Oh God, I don't know!" He put his hands on his head.

"Okay, breathe. You had a very successful first date, it sounds like. Whether you wear the right thing or not to dinner isn't gonna send her running for the hills. Anyway, she's a rocker chick. She's probably extra cool."

"Exactly! That's exactly why I'm freakin' out. She's so cool, and she looks so amazing in everything she wears, and I'm…not, I don't."

"Um, your hundreds of thousands of Twitch followers would disagree with that but okay. I mean cool as in chill."

"Oh. She's pretty chill, yeah."

"So take some deep breaths, Charles Irving. Collect yourself. It's okay. We've got this. When you don't know whether it's casual or fancy, err on the side of fancy. That's what I do. Just don't do black tie. It's kinda cold and rainy out still, so you're gonna need a blazer. I like black for early fall. In fact, let's do a black button-up and black slacks too."

"Black on black on black? That isn't a little too…Neo?"

"Who cares? Isn't Neo supposed to be cool?"

"True. He is. He's the chosen one."

"Just no sunglasses. That's extra douchey."

Chuck snorted. "You know, the producer guy who wants to do Games N Rock Sessions on a big time platform wears sunglasses at night."

"He's a producer. They're douches." She winced. "But if he's giving you guys a shot, he's probably fine."

That made him laugh. "Okay, thank you, Ellie."

"And no sneakers. Wear nice leather shoes for once."

He pouted. "They aren't as comfy."

"Do you want my help or not? Anyway, it's been raining. The ground is slick. You shouldn't be wearing those sneakers out there. There's no grip on the bottom. Do you wanna fall on your ass in front of this super cool chick?"

"Fiiiiiiiine. I'll take your advice."

"Ahhhhh," she sang, backing towards the door and cupping her hand around her ear. "Music to my ears. Say it again I love it."

"I'm taking your advice," he droned flatly, rolling his eyes as he grabbed his shirt to take it off and start changing.

"And they said there was no hope for mankind!"

As she left, she shut the door behind her. She was such a doofus sometimes. Truly. An extremely sarcastic doofus.

Chuck finished changing in record time, but took too long with the hair, deciding to just comb it and hope that did the trick. She seemed to like his dark brown curls without product yesterday, the way her fingers seemed to gravitate towards them while they were in bed. That was such a perk, a perk he hoped he'd get to experience again somet—

Suddenly Morgan was there in the mirror behind him, his eyes wide. "Bro. She's here. She's here!"

Shit.

He'd spent too long mulling over the hair thing.

"Shoes!" he yelled. "Where are the shoes?!"

"I dunno, man! But you have a bit of time. I only saw her car park at the curb and ran in here to give you a head's up. She hasn't reached the door y—" The doorbell rang. "Ooohhh…"

Chuck stepped into the shoes, not even tying them, and he scrambled down the hallway with Morgan close behind, still swinging the blazer on over his black button-up as he emerged into the family room where Ellie had reached the door first.

"No, I-I got it—" he tried as he stuck his last arm through its sleeve, but Ellie had already whipped it open in excitement.

He watched his sister's profile as her features dropped the excitement, curiosity there instead. "Hi, can I help you?" she asked.

"I'm…Sarah? I'm here for Chuck. We're—"

Chuck made a mad dash for the door, knowing Ellie's talk about her brother being a catch hadn't translated into action as she apparently thought the woman standing on their porch was some kind of solicitor or something rather than the woman Chuck was dating.

Yep. There it was.

He took the door from Ellie and gently nudged her aside. "Hi, Sarah. Hi, you. Hi." He held out his hand for her and she took it, grinning.

Oh help him, she looked incredible.

She had on a fancy black leather jacket—probably faux leather since it was rainy—over a deep night sky blue cocktail dress and shiny black stilettos. Her hair spilled down her back in perfect blond waves.

"Oh my God, you're Sarah."

Chuck broke Sarah's gaze for a moment and sent his sister his best TOLD YOU look. At least she had the decency to look apologetic as he invited Sarah inside with a tug of her hand and a "Come in. Please. Meet the fam."

"Oh. Oh, the whole…?"

But as he shut the door behind him, the tension seemed to ease in her shoulders a bit.

She didn't know his story, his and Ellie's story, so she probably expected parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents…

"Sarah, you know Morgan."

"Of course. Hi, Morgan."

"Hello." Morgan shifted his weight shyly.

Thank God, Awesome got dressed and took the avocado stuff off of his face and had his hair all perfect. His usual. "This is Devon, my sister's boyfriend."

"Oh. You're Captain Awesome."

"Really, Chuck?" he heard Ellie breathe, but Devon practically exploded.

"Yes! I am! Can I hug you?"

"Yeah." She shrugged, giggling.

Awesome dove in to hug her, then mouthed, "CHUCK, SHE'S A BABE. ALLL RIIIIGGGHTTT!", winked, and sent him the 'okay' sign.

At least he was somewhat subtle as he pulled back, chuckled happily, and patted Sarah's shoulder. "So good to meet you, Sarah."

"Nice to meet you."

"Uh, and this is, of course, my sister. Ellie. Ellie, this is Sarah." He walked over to Ellie and put his arm around her, hugging her to his side.

The grin on Sarah's face was extra big as she reached out to shake Ellie's hand. "You're Chuck's sister. Hi! It's so good to meet you."

Chuck had a feeling his sister was just barely holding in a ridiculous amount of excitement. He gave her a grateful squeeze as she reached out to eagerly take Sarah's hand.

"Hi, Sarah. Welcome to our home." She paused. "Am I also allowed to hug you?"

"Yes," Sarah giggled.

Ellie broke away from Chuck and went in for a gentle hug, squeezing Sarah. His date opened her eyes halfway through the hug, meeting his gaze, and her smile widened shyly.

All he could do was shrug. This was his family. These were his people.

He supposed it was best they got this part out of the way right up front, wasn't it? Sarah meeting the fam.

They two women broke their hug and grinned at each other and Ellie squeezed Sarah's arm, turning back to wander to Chuck's side again. Sarah couldn't see her face so she widened her green eyes and gave him the proudest look he'd ever seen, practically vibrating as she mouthed OH MY GOD at him.

That was pretty close to what he'd told Sarah she'd do. She even swatted his chest a few times as she sidled up next to him and wrapped her arms around his torso in a side hug.

"You make sure he eats a balanced meal, Sarah. He's a growing boy," Morgan said. "He's our growing boy." He teasingly said the last part choking on emotions, bringing his fist up to his mouth and blinking away fake tears.

Sarah giggled as Chuck rolled his eyes, mumbling, "Oh dear God."

"They say big ol' heaps of meat for dinner isn't the way to go. The veggies are supposed to be the biggest helping, and your meat is supposed to be the side dish," Awesome said. "Load up on those greens, huh? Green is a very healthy color to eat."

"Great, thanks, Awesome. Thank you."

"You're welcome, bro." He received a wink and a beaming white grin.

"Well, ahem…I think it's high time we get a move on. Don't want to be late for our reservation, eh, Sarah?" He gave Ellie one last squeeze and hastened to Sarah, sliding a hand around her hip and leaning in to press his lips to her cheek.

"Oh. We don't have a res—" she started quietly, but she caught onto his desperate inside look quickly. "Yes! Don't want to be late for our reservation."

He loved her. Already.

"Don't be home too late, son," Morgan said, deepening his voice. "But just between us, Sarah, if we start GnR a little later than ten, it won't be the end of the world, huh? Huhhhh?" He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned behind the beard.

Chuck was half pulling Sarah to the door now as she saluted Morgan. "You got it, sir. I'll have him home safe by ten. You can count on me."

His co-host seemed pleased as punch that Sarah played along like such a trooper, and he saluted back.

Awesome slung his arm over Morgan's shoulder and sighed. "Don't you kinda feel like our sweet boy is going off to his first prom?"

"Damn it! I knew we forgot—" the shorter man started.

"The corsage and the boutonniere!" they chorused together, snapping their fingers in disappointment.

Sarah laughed as Chuck blushed, glaring at his best friend and sister's boyfriend. Their antics were going to get him killed, he swore. Or maybe they'd be the ones murdered. Yeah, actually that.

"You two cut it out," Ellie chastised, rolling her eyes. She pointed at Chuck and Sarah. "And you two, have fun."

Chuck appreciated the apologetic look his sister sent him. At least she was trying to be chill.

"Technically, it would be his first prom, 'cause—Oh, is that a joke too far?"

"I really am gonna kill ya, Morgs. Like, truly," Chuck mumbled over his shoulder as he finally got Sarah out of the door, shutting it behind him, his shoulders sagging a little in relief that the horrors were over for now.

Sarah laughed good-naturedly, fingering the lapel of his blazer. Thankfully, she didn't say anything else as they moved towards her car. Damn, even her car was sleek. He whistled as he approached. "Is this a hybrid BMW?" he asked. "She looks like she glides."

Sarah smirked. "Yeah, an i8. Don't think they make 'em anymore. It was my first present to myself after I inherited gram's fortune. The warehouse with the fancy loft up top was the second present." She winked.

"Well, it looks very nice."

"You look very nice," she said, running her hand down his shirt. "I like you in black."

He knew he was blushing. "Uh, thanks. And you are…stunning."

She moved up to her tiptoes to kiss him. "Thank you. Hungry?"

"For sure."

"Good. Get in." Chuck reached down to grab the door handle, and when the door slid open in an upward direction, he let out a shocked beep sound through his lips, backing up. Sarah gifted him with a bubbly giggle. "Oh, uh, yeah. Watch the door. It's weird. Not the greatest feature. Kind of dumb. But worth it for the ride."

The way she purred that last part. H'ohhh boy.

Suddenly he heard the door to his house open and Morgan and Awesome spilled out, followed by a contrite Ellie much more slowly.

"That is a niiiiiice car, Sarah! Woooooo!" Awesome belted.

She cracked up, poised at her own door on the driver's side. "Thanks!" she called up.

"Chuck, it's a little nippy out! Did you bring a coat? Want me to get you one?" Morgan asked, cupping his hands by his mouth.

"Nooope," Chuck called back drolly. "But what you can get is a life mayyybeeeee."

"Oooohhhh hahahaha!" Devon gave Morgan a teasing shove.

"That's fair. I deserve that one," his best friend called with a shrug and a grin.

Chuck got into the car, Sarah following. He felt stupid with this door situation. Did he pull out or down? Down and out?

And he had freaking Captain Awesome commentating as he reached up and awkwardly tugged. "Th-Theeeere ya go. Down. Dooown. You got it, bro. Yeah! Wooo!" He was even doing the loud sports clap.

"I'm killing them both later if you wanna stick around after we get back from dinner," Chuck chirped at Sarah as he shut the door and she turned on her car.

She cracked up.

He glanced out of the window as Ellie grabbed both of them and yanked them back up onto the porch and to the door, sending one last wave before she ushered them inside.

Thank God.

Now he could just enjoy.

A/N: Devon and Morgan feeding off of each other is never good news. ...For the Bartowskis.

Thanks for reading! Please review if you're able!

-SC