Regina Pov.
When we get home Emma opens the car door. I just sit for a minute. Emma looks over at me with curiosity. "Hey, whats up? You ok?" I look at her. "Uh, yea. Im alright. I just need a minute. I know you want to get to our talk but i just need a minute to calm my nerves. You go ahead inside. Ill be there in a few." I take a few deep breaths as she pats my arm gently and softly closes the car door. I grip tightly to the steering wheel and lay my head on the top of it. I can do this. I can be honest with her. I can be vulnerable again. I can do this! This is going to be so hard. I dont want her to be disappointed in me. The last time she saw my legs, they were so much cleaner than they are now. And i know shes going to ask to see them again. 3 deep breaths in and out slowly and i let myself out of the car. I walk into the house and Emma is sitting on the couch with 2 mugs of hot tea steaming on the table in front of her. I see a pair of my shorts from my top drawer. She knows i dont care if she goes into my room. She hears me come in and pats the seat directly beside her on the love seat. I sit and she holds out the shorts. "Ok. So weve done this before Regina. You know i wont be mad or upset with you. Please go put these on and come back in so we can talk." I sigh and grab the shorts. Might as well get this over with. I stand and instead of leaving the room i just pull the shorts on under my dress and take my dress off, leaving me in an undershirt and bra with short shorts. I pull my thigh highs down to under my knees. I appreciate Emma staring at my face until i sit down before she looks at my legs. As i sit i say "Emma, before you look, im sorry. You shouldnt have to even be having this conversation with me. I should have been stronger than this. But its bad Emma. Im just letting you know that i know its bad. Ok, you can look."
Emma pov
Im so scared to see what her legs look like now. They were toned and tan war zones last time i saw them. If its worse now, i dont know how ill react. I try to keep my face neutral as i slowly look down her body. When my eyes meet her thighs i take a deep breath. So many bandages are on her thigh. "Regina. Can you take off the bandages without hurting yourself? We can rebandage them as soon as we are done." She sighs and starts peeling the adhesive away from her skin slowly. She hisses around certain spots and i inhale sharply every time she does. I hate seeing my best friend hurt so much. The bandages are all off now and i see what she meant by bad. So many more scars, thick and red for fresher ones and pink and silver for older ones. Involuntarily my hand reaches out to trace over a particularly large red healed scar on the upper part of her inner thigh. I see goosebumps spread across her skin and hear her intake of breath. I focus on the new cuts. They look like the could have been done today. She has steri-strips on a few, which i know means they were gapped open. And some deeper ones still have tiny bits of fresh blood oozing from them slowly. I feel a tear fall over my lashes and drip down my cheek. "Oh my God, Regina." I say as i brush my fingers over another healed scar. "Im so so sorry i left you to deal with all of this alone. God, how could i have been so blind to not have realized you were suffering whenever i saw you?" She clears her throat. "Emma, i wasn't suffering on sundays ever. And thats when u saw me outside of work. Sundays were the one day that i never hurt myself. I told you Emma. You always bring color back to my world. That usually lasts until the next morning. I dont even usually have bad panic attacks on sunday nights after i see you. None of this is your fault. Not one little bit. Ive been doing this for years Emma. Since I killed the King. Thats when the nightmares started and the panic attacks got worse. I guess when i was living the horror i didnt need the reminder while i slept." I sigh and grab her tan hand. "One day i hope you feel comfortable enough to tell me what haunts you so badly that you take it out on yourself. You dont have to hide anything from me Regina. You are my best friend and i will love you regardless of your past. Nothing that happened with the King was your fault. You didnt deserve whatever he did to you. And you didn't deserve what your mother did to you either." I feel her shaking and when i look into her eyes she has silent tears rolling down her face. I lean forward and use the pads of my thumbs to wipe away the tears before i bring her into my arms for a hug. I feel her head dip down to my shoulder as sobs overtake her. "Shhh. Its going to be ok love. Shhhhhh. Just breath Regina. You are here with me and i wont leave you. Im right here." I rub her back in small circles as i slow my breathing so she can match pace. I feel her breathing even out and shes not shaking as much. But as i go to separate us i hear her whimper slightly and grip tighter to me. "Please dont let go yet." I hear her whisper quietly. "Ok Regina. Ill hold you as long as you need me too. You dont have to do this alone anymore. I promise."
Regina pov
I hate that im so weak. But i know im safe with her. I can be weak around her because she lets me feel how i feel. Shes the only person ive ever had in my life that i feel 100 percent safe and comfortable around. "Thank you Emma. Im sorry im such a mess. But im glad you accept me as i am. Ive never known someone like you." I squeeze her a little tighter for just a second and then pull away wiping at my face and eyes. I havent cried that hard in a while. Emma doesnt let the lack of contact last long. She grips my hand and pulls it onto her lap. Effectively making my entire side come in contact with hers. "Regina you are not a mess. You have been through things that were messed up and noone should ever have to endure. But that doesn't define you. You, the beautiful, strong, kind, good woman i see in front of me. You are perfect as you are. You just dont know how to cope with the terrible things that were done to you. And thats why im here. To help you stop hurting your beautiful body and help you find healthy ways to heal. You can get past this. And until you do, ill be here to dry your tears and keep your cuts clean. Speaking of which, we need to get these rebandaged so they don't get infected. Ill go get the med kit. Be right back." She gets up and walks quickly to the bathroom. I stare down at my legs. My right leg is so much worse than my left. I trace my more recent cuts from earlier in the week with my finger, carefully avoiding the fresh ones from this morning/last night. I dont hear her footsteps coming until i startle at her hand taking my hand that was running across my cuts away from my leg. "Its ok Regina. I know its going to be hard. I know that this has become your lifeline. But until we find a new one, you can come to me. Come to me and we can talk or i can hold you until the panic attack stops. And if that doesnt work, then you can do this and ill be there to patch you up. Just like right now." She opens the medkit and pulls out some alcohol pads and antiseptic spray. She carefully cleans each cut, apologizing after every time i groan at the sting of alcohol. She then sprays the whole thigh down with the antiseptic before unraveling nonstick gauze and wrapping my entire thigh. She covers that with an ace bandage and closes it together. "No adhesive for now. Your skin needs a break from it. It was so red from where you took it off." Then she places a gentle kiss just above my knee and pats the side of my calf. "All done." So many intimate things shes done today and she doesn't even realize. Its almost too much. I want so badly for her to love me back. Its like a fist around my heart it hurts so much. My feelings for her take my breath away when she does those small things. Like kissing my scarred leg, brushing a scar at the top of my thigh, holding my hand, holding me while i fall apart. Shes my comfort. And it kills me that she will never feel for me like i do her. I just want her to be happy. Even if im not in the picture. Even if her happiness means my own sadness. I can deal with that as long as shes truly happy.
"Thanks Emma. If its ok with you im going to go upstairs for a bit. This is your house now too, so do whatever you want. Your things are in the hall outside my room. You can choose whatever open room you want. Theres one down on the opposite side of Henry's and theres one directly across from mine, and then one more down the far left of the hallway. But you know where everything is. Im sorry im just walking away right now, i just need to decompress. I think im going to take a nap. I didnt sleep very good last night. Come get me if you need anything." Emma places her hand on my knee. "Wait. Are you safe? Do you need me to come sit with you while you sleep? Or we can both take a nap and im there if you need me? I know that what we just talked about can be a trigger and i dont want you to be alone right now. If thats ok with you. Can i please come stay with you so i can make sure you are ok?" My stomach flutters at the thought of her laying in my bed with me. Even if its just sleeping its still so intimate. "I think im safe. But you are welcome to come nap with me if you want. Be warned though. Im a big cuddler. I usually sleep with a cuddle pillow because i dont have a person to cuddle. I am not in control of my actions while i sleep." I laugh at my warning and so does she. "Oh you have no idea Regina. Im a huge cuddler too. I love having someone to wrap my arms around. So go for it. Might be the best sleep either of us has had in years." She grabs my hand in hers and drags me up the stairs. She stops at her things and grabs a long tshirt and a pair of boxer briefs for herself. I head into my room and change into my black silk knee length nightgown and a pair of panties. When Emma comes in shes already dressed in her chosen pjs. I see her mouth drop a bit when she looks at me but she just shakes her head slightly and looks embarrassed. "If i had known this was a formal nap i would have gotten my pajama suit instead of my everyday pjs." She says with a low chuckle." I scrunch my nose and smile at her. "No formal nap here. I just like how silk feels on my skin while i sleep. You look comfy though. And that is what matters for a nap. Comfort." I pull back the covers and crawl in to my side of the bed. I turn myself so im facing where Emma will be laying. I sink a little deeper into my pillow and let out a content grunt. Emma laughs and i open one eye to look at her. "Whats so funny Swan?" Emma climbs in and faces me under the covers. She pokes my cheek and says. "You. Your adorable when you get all comfy. You sound like a baby grunting as they fall asleep. Its cute." I chuckle and get closer to her and rest my cold hands between our stomachs. "Well if it makes you laugh i guess it's worth it. Plus im comfy. Dont judge me little missy." I say light heartedly. I feel her arm wrap around my hip and her legs automatically tangle in mine. So i rest my head on her shoulder a bit and relax. I can hear her heartbeat and its like a lullaby. Before i drift off completely to sleep i hear Emma say "One day things will be different Regina. Its going to get better. I will always be here for you." And i fully go under with a smile on my face.
Emma pov
Regina fell asleep really fast. She must have had a really bad night. Which i guess explains the still bleeding cuts earlier. She knows how to break my heart, thats for sure. All of a sudden since this afternoon i feel the overwhelming need to protect her. Even if that means from herself. I feel responsible for how bad things have gotten for her. I should have been here. If i had, she wouldnt have so many new scars. She wouldnt have needed to hurt herself as much. I take a moment to watch her sleep and i see her face scrunch in what looks like distress. In case she's having a nightmare i gently stroke her arm with my fingertips and whisper. "You are safe Regina. Nothing and noone can hurt you while im here. And im not going anywhere." Within a minute or two i see her breathing even back out and her face relax again. In the time it takes for her to relax, i decide im never leaving her again. If i can do anything to bring her comfort or happiness, then thats what ill do. I decide to try and get some rest too. I relax my body down into the bed and pull myself even closer to Regina. I hold her waist a little tighter and put my other hand beside hers in between us, our pinkies touching. I kiss her forehead like you would an injured child. She kind of is. She is just a lost little girl in a womans body. Never having gotten the chance to be a child. I drift off to sleep thinking of ways to make her happy again.