WARNING: MENTIONS OF INFANTICIDE, SUICIDE, AND MURDER

CHAPTER 6

He steps to the side revealing a woman I'd not noticed was there. And she is a... woman. She stands taller than my 5'2 frame ever could, though she is not so tall as to make me uncomfortable. If I had to guess I'd say 5'5 but even that could be wrong. I can not properly assess her height as she hunches over in a deep bow. Her limbs are long and thin, resting on the edge of healthy. She is encased in peach-colored skin that shows to have once held a long-time tan but not anymore. More than likely from living in a mountain.

It isn't until I hear her speak that I can think to guess her age. Her wizened croak of a voice drifts from her wrinkled face that is framed in white hair. She does not bow in respect but rather stoops with age over the thick cane her gnarled hands turn white gripping. She is old. The revelation is enough to snap me out of my thoughts and force me to listen to what she is saying.

"It has been many years, Miss Toothfairy." She wheezes out a laugh that holds no bitterness "I have begun to lose teeth again."

"... Oh Tilda."

"I never did officially receive your name, did I?" the woman bows her already bent form lower "Tilda, Princess of Dale."

"Thia Malcolmson." I answer numbly

"You are the queen." she chastises lowly "Are you not?"

"There was no coronation…" I start to deny

"Your wedding served as such. Your braid not only marks you as Thorin's wife but as a King's Queen." Balin informs as I blink slowly "It is why Thorin allowed the elves. As witnesses."

"Introduce yourself properly." Tilda commands lightly

"Thia Malcolmson…" I lick my suddenly dry lips upon realizing everyone is waiting for me to say it "Queen of Erebor."

"Now that is much better."

I smile at the words but my heart aches still. Old woman. Fili's wife. Little Tilda… It's hard to look at her if I'm being honest. The little girl who was just wetting the bed and crying about her father finding out is now two seconds from having a tea party in the afterlife. She's all grown up and has lived her days almost to the end. Being human, Bain, Bard, and Sigrid are probably already… 'So much time has passed. Everything is different.' I think this is what finally makes everything click in my head. Nothing is the same. No one is the same. It's been a few odd years for me but it's been a whole life for them.

Time didn't wait for me to come back and even though Thorin tried, he's not the same person I thought I was returning to. Before coming back I would have never even suspected that it could be possible for him to have taken a lover. I don't even know if in Dwarven law Monarchs can do that. He has always been calm and collected but he has become... resigned. Not the same at all. How could he be after a lifetime of hard-won leadership? Of not knowing about me or his child? He's grown tired, or broken, or something else completely but he is hardly the fiery wandering dwarf I fell in love with.

The question now is whether I accept this or fight it because leaving isn't even an option. I refuse to believe that he's gone. Grown, yes. Changed, definitely. But gone? No. I'm sure that behind the Santa beard and crown of advisors lies my Oakenshield. I refuse to accept that the dwarf I love has been lost to the tests of time. That Kingly Dwarf with no Kingdom to speak of but just as wiley, spontaneous, and in your face as he could be. Hardening my resolve, I determine that it is time to go help my husband and just... figure some stuff out.

"It's a pleasure to finally make your formal acquaintance, Tilda. May I call you Tilda?"

"But of course, Ms. Toothfairy." she says with a grin

"I apologize that it took so long. We will get together soon. I promise." I offer her a grin of my own and a quick bow before gathering up my skirts and heading to the door "Duke, take care of my stuff, k? If you all will excuse me, I need to go find the king before it's too late."

"Wait!" Fili calls out "What about the baby?"

"What about Kili?" I counter in a whiney voice, only to be met with silence "I thought so. Good day."

"Indeed, your highness." My head swings around with a dull look. Tilda gives a knowing smile and glides out of the way as I start to rush out the door but stop suddenly as my head is given random data once more "Is something the matter?"

"You are Kiliel's guardian, aren't you Tilda?"

"I was." She admits "It is your duty now, isn't it?"

"Hm." The room is filled with whispers and I can see that Fili wants to correct his wife but I don't give him the chance "You're right. I am. Thank you for your service until now."

"It was my pleasure."

I incline my head and quickly depart from the room. 'Feeling' for the dwarf, I find him a few levels up and surrounded by one or two others. In my haste, I can't be too sure. They are much closer to him than I feel comfortable with and I take action. Taking the chance of dismemberment, I 'jump' between the pair and end up landing in Thorin's lap. I am not sitting on him but my legs do frame his own. Just as when I met him the first time, in this instance my back is to him. His hands are pressed against the dip in my spine as though he is warding away an oncoming but non-threatening person.

Probably the dwarfdam who was trying to kiss him. How do I know she was attempting such a feat? The fact that she has just mistakenly shoved her icky tongue into my mouth. Never having been bi-curious, I fight not to bite her. Instead, I flail my arms wildly but she grips my cheeks in her meaty palms and hangs tight like an octopus. Thorin doesn't dare to move and I end up frozen in disturbed shock. When he finally snaps out of his daze, he jerks me backward, away from the other female. My chest warms a little as he wraps a possessive arm around my middle, even if it took him way too long to act.

"You have the softest lips, my king." She purrs in a sultry voice, that I find absolutely disgusting, while ignoring the fact that her partner literally wrenched themself away from her "I have waited many years to feel them." Upon finally opening her gray eyes and seeing a grossed-out human woman rather than a dwarf king, she springs back with a shriek "Oh Mahal!"

"Augh, Mahal had nothing to do with that! It was allll your morning breath; It's midafternoon! You should work on that." I violently rub my mouth on my abundant sleeves as she stands a few feet away wiping her tongue on a handkerchief "At least watch whose face your molesting, you homewrecker!"

"Where did you- I-I beg your pardon?!"

"Beg all you like" I shiver as the taste of her lingers "but you can't have it."

"King Thorin." a dwarfdam from across the room asks "Who is this... woman?"

In the corner sits the other occupant I felt before I kissed a girl and dreaded it. Her auburn hair is pulled into a high and tight bun that basically says 'NO NONSENSE.' Her indigo eyes are locked on me with an expression of pure distrust. Probably because I materialized into the room like a ghost. She doesn't appear frightened or out of sorts in the least though, simply staring at me in annoyance. I'm sure I have the same look on my own face. I just barely keep myself from growling at the two ladies; That wouldn't be very queen-like and I'm really trying here. Hands slip from my back to brace on my hips as Thorin uses them to anchor me in place while he stands. The chair scrapes loudly on the stone floor but I keep my eyes on the female occupants.

"I will announce this publicly soon but I will share it with you now. This is my wife and queen." He steps to the side and waves his hand in a presentation-like fashion "My One, Thia Malcomson."

"Charmed." even if I most certainly am not, I offer with a small dip "Do you have any further business with my husband, or was kissing him the only thing on your agenda?"

"I do not understand..." the younger stutters out in disbelief. She looks between us and her sister in confusion "The girl from the stories? She's long dea- I-I-I mean-Wh-where has she been all this time? How did she get in here? I just... I dont-"

"Miss Pauline and Miss Eponine were just about to leave, my love." He momentarily departs from my side to open the door for the two dwarfdams, ignoring the distraught confusion of the younger "As you can see, visiting hours have ended. In addition, I'm not able to accept courting because my One has returned from a great journey. It would serve you well to keep this knowledge to yourself until I officially announce it. It would look very poorly on you to knowingly chase another's spouse."

"O-Our father will hear of this!" Eponine, aka Miss kissy face pouts "I assure you he will not be pleased."

"Yeah?" I respond tightly but under my breath "Well neither am I. Welcome to the club"

"You!" she cries out, tears welling up in her eyes "How could-"

"Quiet, Eponine. Our king has spoken." Even as Pauline sides with Thorin, I know she is scheming behind that tight bun "Please excuse us."

With that, the two bow and leave relatively easily. I'm immediately suspicious. Just like all the people I'd rather avoid, I'm sure I'll see the two of them again. That's just the way things are, you know? Eponine seems like a spoiled brat but Pauline is the one to look out for. Not even a week in and I've got 4 people who I know don't wish me well. Dulola, the weird dwarf, and now Eponine and Pauline. What's next? Is Azog gonna come back to life?

A violent shiver runs up my back at the thought; goosebumps skittering up my arms. 'No. Thorin killed him. It's ok. Everything is ok.' I catch myself before I begin to rock back and forth; a habit I developed whenever dealing with the more... unpleasant memories of middle earth. The fear does not dissipate but a single thump at the door has me facing my husband. Thorin leans on the closed structure heavily, resting his forehead against it. I take a good look at him and am saddened by how exhausted he appears. Was he always so tired and I just never noticed or is this new?

"They are gone for now." He murmurs though I am unsure if he is speaking to me or himself "But they will be back."

"... Don't feed the squirrels."

"Heh... You are the one who gave her a taste, Thia." he smiles lightly at my put-out face before closing his eyes again "I would have reacted sooner but the image of a daughter of men and a dwarfdam together is not something I have ever witnessed."

"Haha, very funny... Why were you in here alone with them anyway?" I set myself down in the vacated seat and tap my fingers on the desk "I thought you were planning a meeting with all the dwarf bigwigs and... they didn't look like planners."

"Big… Wigs…"

"Important... influential people."

"... I was finalizing the last-minute details when they barged in." he rubs the space between his eyes, frustration showing through. I suppose I barged in too and didn't really help the situation... "They are the daughters of one of my Lords and have been visiting my office during open hours with the hopes to catch my interest."

"Have they? Has... anyone?" he scrunches his brow in confusion but doesn't look up. I can't tell if he's annoyed or just not paying attention. I drop my eyes and tap at the desk with my fingers "Caught your eye. I mean... Has anyone caught your eye..."

"Thia, what are you talking about?"

"Have you... taken anyone to... bed. I've been gone a long long loooong time and I kind of get that you would have had needs but-"

"You had no idea if or when you would return to me." my mouth clicks shut as he looks over at me with tired eyes. No. Not tired. Exhausted... Worn out... Dog tired eyes. He definitely wasn't this far gone before I left. I know something, multiple things, have occurred to bring him to this point "Did you find another to fulfill your needs?"

"Wh-? NO! Not in a million years-"

"It has not been a million for me either, my love." pushing off the door, he straightens his clothes. I guess I'll have to be satisfied with that answer. It's not a sweet nothing but a matter of fact. I know that as a human, I'm not bound to him the way he's bound to me. He probably knows it too. I don't have a One but I am sustained by his unyielding connections to me as I am his. Even if I was unsure if I'd ever come back, the chance that I would was enough that I'd never violate our marriage. So I believe that he wouldn't either. Honest, I do. It's just... he thought I was dead... AGAIN. That takes its toll on a person, especially a person without a partner to lean on or come home to. He was planning to marry again. Doesn't that mean he'd started to move on? I pull my lip into my mouth and nibble at it in worry before his next question catches me off guard "Did Loli you find a dress?"

"Not… really." I'd forgotten how my day actually started and try to move forward with the conversation. The tailor found me many dresses but… I poke at the parachute impersonator. My hesitance causes Thorin to move in my direction "It's not my style."

"Nor is it to your measurements." He chuckles lightly, coming over to lean his hip against the desk and running his knuckles over my bare shoulder "It exposes too much of your flesh for a formal meeting."

"You're telling me. It's not suitable for any meeting really." We stand quietly for a moment before I muster up the courage to speak my mind. There is so much on my mind. So much that I think I'll explode. Before I had the kids, I probably would have never even thought about bringing this to him, especially since its so obvious that something is up. But it's because of my love for my family that I can't pretend that everything is a-o-k "Thorin…"

"Yes?"

"I know I was gone for a long time..."

"60 years..."

"Thats a long time to wait..."

"It is."

"But you still love me... right?"

"To the end of eternity and back." his answer is swift and without hesitation, loosening the coil in my belly a little. He can immediately tell that I still have something on my mind "What troubles you, Atamanel?"

"A lot of things have changed and I'm so lost in the sauce... It's just... Its been 60 years and that's a long time to just keep your hands to yourself and you're the apple of everyone's eye, the biggest catch. Every available dwarfdam must have been all over you and its foolishly girlish of me to think you'd just WAIT. A year, maybe 5, but even back home you get 7 years before EVERYONE legally thinks your dead-"

"Thia, I can't understand what you're saying."

"Sorry. Sorry. The made you sent me, Dulola, she literally said that I wouldn't last very long-"

"She said wha-"

"-because you don't keep the same person in your bed for very long."

"I would never-"

"It makes sense that you'd have a lover or two or six in the last few decades, the last decade at least since I'd be dead and gone if I were here-"

"You are not list-"

"And you were planning to get remarried which means you kind of sort of moved on from me and then here I come! Popping back up with two kids, a dog, and an expectation of a white picket-fenced castle rock thing but nothing is ok and I just want to make sure that WE are ok. Are we? Are ok, Thorin?"

"Thia... Thia, my love." he lifts my chin to look directly into my eyes before crushing me to his chest. I'm certain that half of what I said flew right over his head. When I'm upset I talk how I think and I think like I'm on my last two brain cells. I'm shaking and breathing hard from my word vomit "There is nothing wrong with us."

"But-"

"Thia. There is no one, dwarfdam or woman, elleth or hobbitess-"

"What about the boy ones?"

"None of them either. No one could ever hope to lure me to their bed once I met you. I would never dishonor our vows or another by bedding them. I'd only ever think of you and I couldn't dishonor your memory like that."

"Your suitors though..."

"Are just that. Those who wish to sit on the throne beside me and rule. Not for love but for power, personal gain, or a sense of duty. I admit to you openly that it would benefit Erebor to have a Queen, which is the only reason why I considered it. Not for myself but to give a Queen to my people. I have my heirs, I needn't anymore and would have gone to my grave without ever consummating that union."

"... Really?"

"Aye. I have never desired another. My very soul would reject her before my body could even try to enjoy her."

"Then... What are you hiding?"

"..." he continues stroking my back but it's much slower "... What do you mean?"

"You've been hiding something from me."

"Have I?"

"Yes, you are. What is it?" I can't look at him but from the way his hand twitches in its movement, I know he's listening and thinking of how much to tell me. I don't want to give him that chance "You have been so secretive since I got back. All I hear now are secrets or you telling me to be patient. But you told those girls the biggest secret you have. That girl who literally tried to walk in here and take my place. I can't even sleep beside you because you haven't 'officially announced' it yet but you told them without a second thought?"

"It is because they were so bold but I told them. Knowing of your existence will be enough to keep them at bay for a while. They have become more insistent these last few years, especially after K-..."

"Kili... After Kili A-a-and what about Kili? No one will tell me what's happened to him-"

"My youngest nephew dishonored his blood." he interrupts swiftly as he switches our places so that he is once more sitting before he gently but firmly directs me to sit on his knees "For that, I banished him."

"Excuse me?" I question, bewildered. I attempt to stand but his hand that rests on my hip does not allow me to do so. Whatever he has to say, the dwarf apparently doesn't wish for me to flee from hearing "Why would you do that?!"

"It is true that much has changed in the time you have been gone and while there is much I cannot tell you yet, or ever, know that it is not for lack of love but for the greater good."

"Wh... what does that even mean?"

"As you know, my sister's son was infatuated with the she-elf, Tauriel."

"Yes, I remember that quite well. And?"

"He wished to wed her-"

"Did you say no?" I demand

"… I did not say yes."

"Thorin!"

"I did not deny them the right to wed however Thranduil forbid them to do so without the proper channels: a bridge between the parties that was not one of the parties themselves." I search his eyes for a lie and finding none, I nod for him to continue "Without his consent, she could not wed him without becoming a traitor and if she did, under our alliance, I would be forced to turn her over."

"Could no one speak to Thranduil about it?"

"He refused to talk to anyone but our liason on the subject." He rubs my side gently "Our liason being…"

"Me." Leave it to Thranduil to find a loophole. But I'm back now. I can fix this "What happened?"

"Though they could not marry, the two entered into an unofficial relationship and after 30 years, were blessed with a child." Kiliel comes to mind immediately but the years and look on Thorin's face is wrong "However, the child was murdered in her sleep by those who opposed their union."

"Oh God…"

"It was a sad day but even more so for Tauriel. A warrior she was, but a mother never forgets. Her child was clearly more elf than a dwarf, which only fueled the hate from the nay-sayers. She was a bastard child and one that would tie a well-liked and available prince to an elf. Some dwarves felt that they could release my nephew from Tauriel's clutches if they showed her that she was unwelcome." He lets out a breath and I clench the skirts of my dress in anger before growing worried for my own children. Few people seem to recognize that I even exist but the few that do might have a problem with the king's children having a human mother. Thorin reads my thoughts and quickly seeks to calm me "Regardless of your race, our children are somehow dwarves, at least in appearance. They will also be officially named as my children, making any harm to them a crime against the crown. The young half-elf child was not given, could not be given, that protection."

"... Thorin...They might look like dwarves, or even be dwarves by some weird Valar magic but is that enough? I'm their mother and that's not something that's going to get ignored gets ignored. What if we have more kids and they look more like me than you? Will they be slaughtered just because they don't look right? Thorin... what if-"

"No. Our children will not suffer the same fate. Even if it is decided that they can not ascend to the throne, they will be my children and under my protection. Theo and Thory's have all but officially been accepted, and they will have the support of the masses. Dwarflings are a gift from the gods and gave us two. All can see that. Not to mention…"

"Not mention… what?"

"We have.. gotten off topic.… The loss of a child is not something a person gets over. It stayed with Tauriel, even after Kiliel was born." I know he is evading my questions but I must know what has happened. I can't hope to fix what I don't know "The couple had left Kiliel with Tilda for the afternoon. They did not return to pick him up by nightfall... Fili found their bodies in their quarters. The pair had sliced each other's throats open in hopes of dying together."

"A ... uh... murder/suicide? Bu-b-but… no wait… Kili isn't… " my mind boggles at the information "He isn't dead, Thorin."

"No. He isn't. While his aim had been true, Tauriel's had not gone as deep and we were able to bring him back." I let out a shaky breath. Poor Kili. To have been forced into a corner like that and then to survive. Alone. Thorin leans his forehead into my neck as he continues "He had to be charged for his crime. Taking a life, whether your own or another's is heavy misconduct, especially amongst royalty. He either faced death or banishment."

"The punishment for suicide is death?" I bring a hand up to absently pet the monarch's hair "So you saved the life he didn't want."

"How could not? He is like my son, even more so after my sister's death."

"Oh no, Dis too!?" he nods and I bring my hands down to stroke his bearded cheek. He's lost so much and where was I? Watching LOTR on repeat. I'm an awful wife "I'm so sorry."

"Her caravan was attacked by bandits during one of her trips back to the blue mountains. She wanted to help..." his face twists in anger and pain "They desired what jewels her entourage carried, which was not much. She never carried much..."

"Thorin..."

"They paid with their lives for taking hers." he grips my hand tightly, staring into my eyes. Begging me to understand... pleading for the pain to disappear "You may think me cruel but regret it? I shall not."

"I'm not saying you are wrong." I turn so that my upper torso faces the dwarf. Pulling him flush against me, I growl in frustration. "Thorin, it's just… I'm so sorry. This is not what was supposed to happen. Nothing is going how I wanted it! Why? Why has so much happened? It isn't fair that everyone has hurt so much!"

"No one lives a painless life and none stay the same forever, Thia." He consoles me even as he leans onto my chest. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face into my skin "We all change, for better or worse. Those are the vows we took."

"Yes but I don't want you all to be worse! I saved you for the better! It HAD to be for the better!" I grip the front of his robes frantically. I feel like a child. A brat demanding that things go back to the way they were "I expected a love struck Kili but now I hear he tried to end the life I worked so hard to save."

"Thia..."

"I wished to be greeted by a fun filled and mischievous Fili but here is this subdued prince who seems to be hiding from even himself."

"My love..."

"I wanted you to glare at everything, stand with your head held so high that it went round up your butt, and demand the respect you deserve. Two dwarves barging into your office and you don't see them out by their braids but you... you all...It's too much for you all... too much." Where is my Thorin who had the gall to start on an adventure with no idea how to actually get into the mountain or a method to kill a dragon? I push at his chest roughly so I can see his face. Where has my Thorin gone? The one who stood up to Azog the defiler without a snowball's chance in dragon's fire of winning? Everyone, everything is changed and I just... missed it all. Like, I've woken up from a coma and just... missed it "I love you but I don't know you anymore. I don't know anything anymore!"

"Are you so unhappy with what I have become?" he asks sadly

"NO! No...It's just... its all my fault."

"You weren't even here, Thia. You could not be at fault."

"Yes, I am! Don't you get it? I saved your lives and gave you each a new destiny of pain and suffering." What was the point of it all? The Valar only wanted me to give birth to the next line of Durin but I took it upon myself to go the extra mile and now look? So much pain. So much unhappiness. I take a deep breath to calm down. I'm just working myself up, and honestly not helping anyone. Placing my hands on his shoulder, I ground myself "I'm sorry that... I wasn't here. I could have done... I don't know. Something. Anything."

"I am King under the mountain and even I could not change a thing. Do not blame yourself for the cruelty of the world. Fighting and blood shed is all it knows. I was born of royal blood, born and raised to be King but I had to fight for my crown if you remember."

"... All things worth having are worth fighting for."

"And you are Queen under the mountain. Farseer. Hero of Erebor, forever etched into our history."

"Thorin-"

"Show me another who pulled a dragon to the depth of a lake with her bear hands, dragon rider?"

"I just… why…" I shake my head at a loss. I'm confused. I'm furious. I'm taken aback and useless. Is this world so cruel that its too much for me to want him to be happy? I tried my best all those years ago and still his eyes bleed invisible tears of unfulfilled desire. To be King and still powerless to make everything ok "...I just want us to be... happy. I just want you. I just want you to want me. And I want us to have everything in between. Is that too much to ask? "

He drops his head to mine with a sigh. Mirroring our faces, he is so close that our lashes touch. Despite the topic, a shameful flare of arousal licks at my body. It's sudden and catches me by surprise, as I've never known myself to be excited by emotional rollercoasters. It eats at my anger, fueling it... no... fueled BY it. Judging by the way he leans into me, the king feels it too. The longer we stand the worse it gets until both our breaths become unsteady. Yet we can't move. Locked in each other's gaze, trapped. Stuck. Its terrifying and disturbingly arousing. He swallows thickly before bringing his lips so close to my own but not. Quite. Touching.

"I am King, Thia. You are my Queen. We can still have everything."

"No... The King and Queen under the mountain can't. Much too politically polite But..." I pluck the heavy crown from his head and set it aside without backing away at all. His eyes sparkle with intrigue and anticipation, just as mine do the same "But Thorin Oakenshield and Thia Malcolmson can."

"Perhaps we must go back to the beginning."

"Oh? Where is your shield then, husband?" he's so close that we can share droplets of sweat "Have you seen it around lately?"

"… I can not say that I have." He tip his head back for a moment before the world tilts on its axis and I end up lying flat on my back with the desk beneath me. I look at the dwarf now leaning over me with a grin. The tense atmosphere quickly evaporates into a much more pleasant kind of tension "Would you care to help me find him?"

"Mmmm. Him?" The shield is an embodiment of his character, giving him even a name; it means something. If I saved him once, I can do it again, can't I? I can because I have to. I confirm the statement by kissing him gently. My chest feels lighter now that I've ridden myself of the heavy feelings even if I did not receive as many answers. It just felt so good to talk to him "I guess, I could help. You, dear husband, just need a good adventure. Care to go for a ride?"

A/N

Ok, so we got a lot of information in this chapter.

1) Fili married Tilda. Why?

2) Kili and Tauriel had two kids, one was murdered, the other is ignore and hated. Tauriel was killed by Kili is a murder/suicide gone wrong. He has been bannished

3) Thorin did not have any extramarital affairs and no one knows if the twins are magically fully dwarves or if their biology just physically displays more daddy DNA

4)Thorin needed his wife and Thia needed her husband. Sometimes you just need your person for things to be ok.

5) There is totally a continuation in the side story

6) Atamanel-breath of all breaths. Thia is Thorin's very air. Without her, he still lives but... painfully