Merry Christmas guys! I know it's boring, sorry, but I'm trying to work towards something, so this is just setting it up. Also, I know I usually do two chapters if a holiday falls on a normal update day, but this is my last banked chapter, so I'll try to write some more to keep the updates coming, but we'll just have to see how it goes. I haven't been in the mood to write lately. Anyway, hope you don't hate it, and I'd love some revies as a Christmas present!
That night, Mallory climbed up the fire escape to her room, slipping in the window. She usually flew to the roof, but even with the alcohol out of her system, her fire was just too unpredictable to use at the moment. She shut the window with a soft thud, allowing herself a small smile as she thought about the diner, then she sighed heavily, shutting her eyes.
"Well, it took you long enough," she said, sensing their presence as soon as she came in the room. She listened as they started to come out of the other room, out of the shadows, and turned around to face them. Raquel, Zatanna, Conner, Megan, Artemis, Kaldur, Roy...and Dick at the front, all dressed in civies, all looking at her with varying levels of sympathy and concern.
"We tried to turn on the lights, but…" Megan started out gently.
Mallory crossed her arms, her walls going up. "It's a bad bulb," she said flatly.
"What about this?" Dick asked, holding up the eviction notice.
She bristled, her back going rigid, and she crossed the room in three strides, snatching the paper out of his hand, her eyes shooting daggers at him. "Why are you going through my stuff?" she asked.
"I wasn't, it was open on the table." He gave her a ghost of a smile, tilting his head slightly as he added, "you know I get curious."
"I don't care if it was projected on the wall, you crossed a line," she said.
"And you haven't?" Conner asked, taking a step closer to her.
She raised an eyebrow, her mind going straight to letting Jr go. "Oh, please, like you've never let him go before. And how did you even know about that this soon?"
His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he asked.
She froze, realizing that they didn't know, and tried to backtrack. "Uh, well, I…"
"You let Icicle Jr go?" Dick asked, his wrist computer already out.
"What?" Raquel exclaimed.
She narrowed her eyes. "Hey, I'm not part of the League, or the team. Not anymore. I don't have to answer to any of you."
"No, but maybe you should," Roy snapped.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you even doing here, Roy? Why aren't you at home with Lian?"
"Because I can't ignore your self sabotaging anymore. You were on that rooftop when I needed some sense knocked into me."
"The way I remember it, it didn't work," she said.
He shrugged. "You're not as stubborn as I am. I thought maybe we could get through the first time," he admitted.
She shook her head. "What are you even trying to say?" she asked, looking around at her friends. They looked at each other, and all eyes seemed to settle on Kaldur, electing him to explain. Mallory crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for her former leader to get to the point.
"Mallory, we have reason to be concerned. You have cut yourself off from everyone, even Peter, and you have been growing increasingly more violent in the way you take care of your cases."
Mallory nodded. "Ok, is that it?" she asked calmly.
"Well, no. We are also worried about your personal life. You lost your job, you are living in an almost empty apartment, the only food you have in here is a stale bag of pretzels and two frozen dinners, and you're getting evicted. And the most concerning part of all of this is that you didn't say anything, you did not come to any of us for help."
Mallory tilted her head. "So what, I have to report my status back to you? That's why I left the League."
"You know that's not what we mean," Zatanna snapped, glaring at the pyrokinetic. "Stop trying to twist everything we say. We came to see if you're ok, which you're clearly not. Why are you still trying to hide from us?"
"What are you talking about?"
Zatanna raised an eyebrow. "You know what I'm talking about, Inferno," she said pointedly.
Mallory tilted her head. "You came to my place, you don't get to decide–"
"Evomer eht ksam," Zatanna said quickly, and the mask was pulled off of Mallory's face, left hovering in the air a few feet away. The magician snatched it before Mallory could grab it.
Without the visor in front of her eyes, Mallory suddenly felt very exposed. Zatanna had a hip jutted out, one eyebrow raised to see if she was still going to fight them. Instead, she seemed to sag in her skin, the walls that were the only thing holding her up crumbing down around her.
Zatanna's face softened, and she handed the pyrokinetic her mask. "You want to go change?" she asked softly.
Mallory sighed and nodded, and the others let her through to the bedroom. She shed her suit, leaving it in the middle of the floor, and pulled on some sweatpants and a tank top. She was about to go back out when the window caught her eye and she tilted her head, crossing the room to it. It opened easy enough, but when she tried to put her hand through the opening, it jerked back with a sharp snap. She rolled her eyes, slamming the window shut, not sure if she was angry or touched by this new development. At the last moment, Brek's cap caught her eye, and she pulled on it, shutting her eyes as the memory of him washed over her. She allowed herself one breath, preparing for the long, emotional, irritating talk about where her life was going.
When she opened the door, the others looked up from where they'd made themselves comfortable on the floor, Dick sitting on the overturned gumbo pot. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned right before she shoved him off and balanced cross legged on the base. He rolled back upright and got comfortable on the floor next to her.
Mallory looked at them from under the bill of her cap. "Ok, I'm here," she said.
Artemis shook her head, pulling the cap off her head. "No hiding," she insisted. She traced the scorch mark on the corner and smiled. "I'm glad you found it. I wasn't sure it would survive the blast, even outside the cave."
Mallory's eyes widened. "You saved it?"
Artemis smiled. "I had to. I had to check the rooms, and it was just sitting there, and I couldn't just leave it behind. You can't replace it."
They drifted until silence, and Mallory looked at each of their faces. "Well?"
They paused, waiting for someone to take the lead. When no one did, Raquel said, "you put three people in the hospital this week alone, Mal. What's gotten into you?"
"They're in the hospital, not dead," Mallory argued. When no one came to her side, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, we've all sent people to the hospital, it's an occupational hazard."
"It was avoidable," Raquel said firmly.
"Sure, but avoiding it would have taken too long."
"What, you have more important things to do?" Roy asked.
She shot him a glare. "Yeah, maybe," she replied, her voice rising defensively.
"Mal, you don't have to answer every call," Conner pointed out. "If you have something you need to do, Metropolis has plenty of heroes now that can handle whatever comes up."
"No, you don't understand," she muttered under her breath. Conner seemed to be the only one who heard her, and something changed in his eyes, something that seemed inviting.
"Then explain it to me," he said softly. She shook her head, looking away. She knew her reasons, but she could never tell them. Not with Artemis sitting right there.
When she refused to say anything, Megan tilted her head. "If it would be easier, I could link us, so–"
"NO!" Mallory snapped, nearly falling off of the pot as her legs went flying, trying to find the floor, panic clear in her face and voice. The others looked at her, startled, and Dick narrowed his eyes, all traces of his smile gone.
"Ok, what is going on with you?" he asked, anger lacing the concern on his tone.
"Nothing," Mallory insisted, crossing her arms and not meeting his eyes.
"Then why stay away from us? You could have come to the League when you lost your job, you could have come to any of us when you found out about getting evicted. There are about a dozen places you could stay. You could go to your parents' house, or the Watchtower, or you could crash with one of us."
"I'm not going back to the League," she said firmly.
"Why not?" Zatanna asked.
"Because, I don't want them supporting me for the rest of my life. I want to make it on my own. Besides, they don't need to know that I failed. Batman would never stop reminding me." Her friends exchanged a look, and Mallory narrowed her eyes and looked at Zatanna. "Oh, come on, you should know exactly how I feel. You went to John before you asked for help from the League." Zatanna looked away, her mind clearly working to put something into the right words. Mallory shook her head though. She'd heard enough. "You know what, if it's just about me being too violent and my living situation, then I'll give you this: I'll be gentler with the bad guys, and where I live is none of your business, ok? You clearly know where the door is, so you can show yourself out as soon as Z takes the containment spell off."
She'd started to walk away when she heard Dick muttering to himself. "It doesn't make sense. You were fine until…" His voice faded away, and Mallory knew without looking at him that he'd figured something out. She chanced a glance back and saw the familiar look in his eyes, the look that said he knew something, something that no one else did. His face softened as he looked at her, her face frozen, her eyes silently begging him not to say it. Not in front of the others. Of course, her luck wasn't that good. "Mal…if Wally were here, he'd–"
The others' faces held understanding at Wally's name, and Mallory shook her head, her face hard. "No, don't bring him into this," she hissed. "This has nothing to do with him."
"Mal," Megan said softly, but the pyrokinetic shook her head, keeping her back to them. "Just, go," she said quietly, unable to keep the last of her walls up. Her friends looked more concerned than ever, looking at the real husk of a person that she'd become, but they didn't say anything, and Kaldur nodded, ushering the others out. Before he closed the door behind him, he turned back, a pained expression on his face, and said, "Remember, Mallory, you are never alone. All you need to do is reach out, and we'll be here."
She didn't answer, and he didn't expect her to. He shut the door, and she let out a shaky breath, thinking she was alone, but then she heard some movement behind her and turned to see Artemis and Dick standing by the door silently. After a moment of them just looking at each other, Dick sighed. "Listen, I know you said you want to figure it out on your own, but if you ever need a place to crash, you're welcome to stay with me. My couch is open."
Again, Mallory didn't say anything, and he nodded and left, leaving her and Artemis alone in the screaming silence. It felt like an eternity stretching on as they stood there silently, Artemis's face infuriatingly sympathetic. All Mallory wanted to do was tell her that she shouldn't be worried about her, she shouldn't have any sympathy for her, because she was the one who took Wally away from her, but her body wouldn't let her, and so she said nothing.
After a long time, Artemis tilted her head and smiled a little. "I know you miss him," she started, and Mallory's chest compressed as her words refused to come. "But you know if he was here he would've been the first one to track you down and tell you to keep living. I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. But you just have to keep moving forward and telling yourself that you're fine, and hope that someday it'll be true."
Mallory felt a pang as she looked at her friend, showing an unusual amount of vulnerability and honesty about her emotional health, and she couldn't ignore it. She sighed and crossed her arms, needing to do something to ground herself. "Has it worked for you?" she asked quietly.
Artemis shrugged, giving her a sad smile. "Sometimes I think it does. Most of the time it just feels like I'm climbing a hill that's never going to level off. But I keep going. I guess I just want to see what's on the other side. I mean, it has to get better, right?" Mallory let out a huff, completely understanding the analogy. Artemis looked up. "Listen, I've been thinking about, uh, starting to go through his stuff. His mom was asking about some of his old action figures and yearbooks, and I told her that I'd look, but to be honest, I don't want to do it alone. Do you want to come and give me a hand?"
Mallory's eyes widened at the offer, and she froze, not knowing if she should turn it down like her head was telling her to do or accept like she knew she wanted to. After a few minutes, Artemis shrugged. "Think about it. I'm not working on Wednesday, and I'll probably start in the afternoon. You know where I am."
She left without another word, and suddenly the small apartment felt incredibly large and lonely. Mallory sighed and went to her room, crawling under the covers and curling up, thinking for hours about what had happened that day.