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Mallory stayed under the radar for the next few days, staying out of costume and keeping off the zeta tubes so that the League wouldn't be able to track her. She also made sure that she was only at her apartment for a few hours every day to lower the chances of running into any more concerned friends. Without a job or money, though, she found herself just wandering around the city aimlessly. She thought about trying to find somewhere else to live, but every time she started to look, she had to remind herself that she didn't have the money for rent. She was down to her last fifty dollars, and that wouldn't get her very far in Metropolis. If it kept going like this, it wouldn't be long before she would have to go to her parents or the League for help. She shook her head, not wanting to think about it anymore.

She turned the corner, zipping her jacket and pulling on the hood. She had already raised her body temperature a little to compensate for the cold, but if she went any higher she would start to melt the snow, and the last thing she needed was to attract any unwanted attention. She found herself gravitating towards the business district, staring not at the distinctive globe of the Daily Planet but the newly finished penthouse of Lexcorp tower. The last conversation they'd had played in her head, his words tugging at the part of her brain that would always insist on telling her to help. He was so close to telling her something, about the plan, a bigger partner. She shook the thought away, forcing herself to turn away from the building and continue down the street. That was in the past. It wasn't her problem anymore. Not since she left QU.

She pushed her way through the pedestrian traffic, not caring who she bumped into or what they said about her as she passed. She hit someone almost full on and took a step back, barely glancing up as she mumbled a halfhearted apology.

"Inferno?"

She snapped to attention, looking up at the man. "Icicle?" she hissed. She glanced around them nervously and grabbed his arm, pulling him along side streets and alleys until they got to a secluded spot that she knew didn't have any cameras. "What are you doing just walking around? And how did you know me?" she asked, her eyes red as she kept her fire just under the surface.

"Your hair," he said simply.

Her eyebrows came together in confusion, then she remembered that she didn't have any shampoo. She pulled the hood back on her head, pulling the strings tight so it wouldn't come off again. "That doesn't answer why you're just out walking around like you don't have a dozen warrants on your head right now," she said. He wasn't covered in ice like he usually was, but his skin was still a grayish blue color, and he wasn't trying to conceal it much with a dark gray wife beater and a black unzipped jacket.

He shrugged. "Actually, I only have one warrant out right now, and it's for being an accomplice to a theft. Besides, I didn't think I was gonna run into a superhero." She looked away, and he tilted his head. "What, you're not a hero anymore?" he asked mockingly.

She narrowed her eyes a little. "No, I'm not. But that doesn't mean I won't make an exception and bring you in."

He shook his head. "What, after I left you the briefcase and everything?"

The thought came back to her and she tilted her head. "Did you know what was in it?" she asked.

"No," he replied, too easily.

"There were specs for new snow machines, stronger than they were before. They would have frozen entire cities at a time."

He didn't look surprised. "Ok," he said. "So?"

Her eyes widened a little. "So, even if you really didn't know what was in there, which I don't believe for a second, you still saved countless lives by leaving that briefcase behind."

He smiled a little. "Is that right?"

She allowed a small smile to come to her face, taking a step back so she wasn't cornering him. "Superboy's right about you," she said. "You're not so bad. You might even make a pretty good hero if you weren't always so focused on following your dad."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? You can't choose your family, but you can't just quit on them either."

Mallory looked away as his words started to sink in, thinking about the team. They weren't quitting on her, even after everything that she'd put them through, but that was exactly what she was doing to them. She wasn't the only one grieving, and even if her reasons were different, it wasn't fair to check out on them. Not again.

She turned to go without a word, and Icicle looked at her with surprise. "You're not bringing me in?" he asked.

She looked back at him distractedly. "No, I-I need to be somewhere," she said. "But do me a favor, huh? Stay out of trouble. I'd hate to have to be the one to bring you in."

He chuckled. "Why, because of all the bonding time we've had lately?" he asked jokingly.

She scoffed, smiling a little. "No, it's just gonna be hard to explain why I let you go twice when you're so easy to catch."

She could hear his laughter as she weaved her way back out to the main road, making her way to the zeta tube by the Planet.

She was at Artemis's door in minutes, anxiety eating at her as she lifted a hand to knock. She didn't know why she was so nervous, but she did know that she needed to stop being so selfish in her grief, and this was the best place to start. Artemis swung the door open and tilted her head expectantly, but the words left Mallory's brain as soon as she saw the archer. After a moment of scrambling for anything to say, she cleared her throat and asked, "am I too late?"

Her friend smiled and shook her head. "No, you're right on time." She stepped to the side to let the pyrokinetic in, and led her to the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat? I haven't even started yet, honestly I've been putting it off all morning. I was hoping you would show up."

Mallory didn't answer, and Artemis made some grilled cheese for them. "I went by your place yesterday, but you weren't there," the archer said casually.

Mallory resisted rolling her eyes. It was too casual, too much of a subject change. She knew exactly why Mallory wasn't there, and she wanted her to admit it. "I was apartment hunting," she replied quickly. "What did you want?"

Artemis shrugged. "Nothing, just to see how you're doing. Did you find a new place?"

Mallory narrowed her eyes, putting her half-eaten sandwich on the plate. "Not yet," she said defensively. "Do you want to get started?"

Her friend sighed and nodded, and they got up and went into the bedroom. Artemis pulled a few empty rubbermaids out of the corner.

"I think we should do his collections first. That's what his mom wanted, his action figures and yearbooks and stuff from his childhood." She pulled a few boxes down from the top of the closet and set them on the floor. They were all perfectly packed already, and Mallory tilted her head.

"Did you already go through these?" she asked.

Artemis shook her head, sitting down beside the box. "No, they're still packed from when we moved in." She chuckled, pulled out an action figure that Mallory recognized from Wally's old room. "I didn't want the toys in the apartment. I was trying to get him to donate them, or give them to Peter and Gar, but you know how he was about his souvenirs. He couldn't part with some of them, others he was convinced would be worth money someday." She chuckled, rubbing her thumb over the head. "I'm glad he was so stubborn about it. If he wasn't, I wouldn't still have them."

Mallory nodded, looking at the other figures in the box. She could picture just where they all went in his old room, the way the lamp would cast their shadows on the walls as they stayed up after a team up.

"I guess all of these are going to his mom," Artemis's voice cut into her memories, and Mallory looked up to see her friend labeling the box and pushing it off to the side. She pulled out another box, and the girls dug in, sorting everything to either give to his parents, stay in the apartment, or be donated.

The girls worked for hours, but the going was slow. There were too many memories, and everything that they picked up held some kind of a memory for one of them. When Artemis suggested a break, Mallory was glad to agree. The archer stood up and stretched, surveying the room covered with old clothes, toys, books, and notebooks.

Mallory noticed a box they hadn't gone through yet and knocked the top off, peering in. It was full of notebooks. She pulled a few out and flipped through them, finding experiments he'd done. She smiled when she saw some attempts on recreating the accident that gave Barry his powers. Wally's handwriting hadn't improved much over the years.

"What are you going to do with these?" she asked, still flipping through the pages.

Artemis shrugged, stepping over a few boxes to get to her. "I guess I'll keep them, I don't think anyone else will even remember them, and I can't get rid of them."

"Barry might want them," Mallory mentioned, sticking the book back in the box. Artemis shrugged again, kneeling down to look through them. Mallory pulled another box towards her and pulled off the top. There were some cheap toys on the top, but further down there were things that Mallory recognized, like the burner phone with lightning bolts on the back, carnival toys from the day that they went to the fair in Happy Harbor and jumped off the roller coaster. The coil binding of a notebook was sticking up, the most easy to access in the box, and Mallory pulled it out. 'Inferno' was written on the front in the bright orange. As soon as Mallory recognized her name, her curiosity piqued and she flipped the notebook open to the first page.

As far as she could tell, it was just like the other experiment notebooks. There were lists of ingredients on the first few pages with notes about their components and how they would react together. Wally's handwriting was as familiar to her as his voice, and it made her smile to see the neat little box letters squished together in places where he was excited about something, the pen pressing into the paper harder in other places where he was concentrating. He made notes about things that did and didn't work. As she kept going, the lists and notes became more specific, talking about her powers and what elements she could come into contact with during the day. She turned the page again and chuckled when the first thing she saw were fireworks and stars drawn in the margins around a boxed in recipe. She skimmed the list, and suddenly her eyes widened and she looked up at Artemis. "Is this…?" she started, her voice trailing off.

Artemis looked up and smiled when she saw the notebook. "The recipe for your shampoo," she finished. "He spent a lot of time working on that. I think he mostly just kept the notebook as a souvenir of your friendship. There's something in there from everyone on the old team. A whole box for Dick."

Mallory smiled and looked back down at the notebook. At the bottom of the page, there was a ps: 'Don't surprise Mallory with dyed hair unless you want to get pinned to the wall.' Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she chuckled at the memory, shaking her head a little. She flipped through the rest of the notebook, forgetting all about the rest of the stuff around her. According to the book, Wally never stopped making improvements to the shampoo. There were alterations in the coming pages, making it resistant to more things, making it last longer, but that wasn't what kept Mallory reading on. On every page, there was some little note about her, commenting on her powers or her behavior from his point of view.

He made notes about her temperament, things she liked and disliked, things she pretended not to like. There were notes from after the Watchtower incident when she was benched and having the nightmare, notes about Isaiah and how he felt about him and Mallory dating. When the Legion came in, he wrote about that and there was a reminder to have him test how cold temperatures would affect the shampoo. When she was at the farm he made notes about increased sun exposure, and he wondered why she was gone for so long, expressing his concern for her. He wrote about her second time at Cobra, when she almost killed Cass, then later about her getting super strength. Then there was a page of a boxed in final recipe, and on the back of that page, the last one in the notebook, Wally wrote about how proud he was that she was joining the Justice League and not letting her fear of change hold her back. By the last line, Mallory couldn't hold the tears back, and they rolled down her cheeks freely. It was almost like him talking to her again, probably the closest she would ever come to hearing it again.

She looked up to see Artemis watching her, tears streaming down her own cheeks. Mallory brushed a hand across her cheek and went to her friend, wrapping her in a hug. They both started to cry harder, and Mallory held the archer, her heart breaking with every one of her friend's silent sobs. The weight came back, crushing her chest, and finally she couldn't hold the words back any more.

"I'm sorry, Artemis. God, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Artemis stiffened a little, and Mallory sat back, watching her nervously as her friend's face hardened a little, her eyes almost angry as she stared back at the pyrokinetic. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

Mallory tried to hold her friend's gaze, but the guilt wouldn't let her. She dropped her gaze as she murmured, "I just–it should have been me, he–"

"No, stop." Artemis's tone left no room for argument, anger clear in her tone. Mallory shut her eyes tight, not wanting to see one of her best friends starting to hate her. "Do not put this on yourself. You were with me, there was nothing we could have done, and you should know it. I know how hard it is. I had a hard time after Tula died, but you can't let yourself go there. It's not going to help anyone, not you and certainly not Wally. He'd be furious if he thought you were blaming yourself for this. You know I'm right." Mallory took a shaky breath, intending to explain everything, but Artemis just shook her head firmly, her face softening as she pisces up a framed picture of Wally. It was the day they got Brucely, and he was holding their new puppy, a huge grin on his face, his eyes sparkling even in the picture. The archer let out a soft breath, seeming to deflate a little. "Mal, you have to stop blaming yourself. We all miss him. I miss him. But you have to live your life, not live in the past. You told me that, remember?"

She did remember, but that felt like a lifetime ago, and she'd said it to her grieving friend who had just lost the love of her life without warning. It didn't apply to Mallory. She stood up abruptly, stumbling over the boxes in her haste to get to the door. "I have to go," she said as she almost tripped over a hoodie that she'd seen and borrowed a hundred times. The notebook caught her eye, and she froze right before she got to the bedroom door. She didn't know why, but she knew that she couldn't leave without it. "Can I, um, Can I keep this?" she asked tentatively, picking it up out of the box of friendship souvenirs.

Artemis nodded, smiling through her tears. "Yeah, of course. I think he was going to give it to you anyway, when the fun of being in control of your secret identity wore off."

A genuine laugh bubbled out of her, catching her off guard. "Yeah, right. I think we both know tha never would have happened," she said.

Artemis chuckled, nodding. She grew serious again, a different kind of sadness coming to her face as she looked at Mallory and said, "I hope you find some peace, Mal. I know it's hard, not to have closure, but he wouldn't want us to stop living."

The hologram popped into her head, and she nodded and walked out of the room without another word, holding the notebook tight to her chest as her mind whirled, with only one thought clear in her head: she needed to see him.

Going into the Watchtower in civies after spending so much time away felt wrong. She could feel it as soon as she stepped into the zeta tube and punched in the coordinates. Once she was actually in the watchtower, looking around the main room, it felt worse. The Watchtower had never felt like home, not the way the cave had, but she had at least felt like she belonged there. Now, with that sense of belonging ripped away, she felt like she was trespassing. It didn't make it any better that there was no one there. Which was strange, when she thought about it. There was always at least one person up here for monitor duty. She shook the thought away, telling herself that that wasn't her concern anymore. She was only here for one thing.

She made her way to the memorial room quickly, weaving through the trees until she could finally see the holograms. Tula's was the first she came across, and she closed her eyes as she passed. She didn't want to think about the others, as bad as it seemed. She was having a hard enough time letting go of Wally.

Her feet brought her to his platform from memory, even though she hadn't been back here since the day she quit the League. She opened her eyes slowly, looking up at the picture. She thought about what Artemis said about finding peace and closure, and she sighed, thinking about what that would mean for her. What did she still need to do? She knew the answer right away, but she didn't like it. She shoved her hands in her pockets, then pulled them out and hugged herself, the notebook pressed against her inside her jacket as she shifted her weight around, trying to get the words just right in her head. Finally, she gave up and just started talking.

"Uh, hey, Wally. I'm sorry I haven't come since, well, you know, but, well, I don't know. Anyway, Artemis told me that I need to find closure, so here I am. I guess I just need to tell you why I'm throwing my life away and just hope you would forgive me for it. It's just, I killed you. I don't care what anyone else says, it's true. How am I supposed to live with that? But I guess I need to start trying to climb over that hill, so let me say what I came here to say: I'm sorry. God, Wally, I'm so sorry. You know I never would have told you if I even thought that it would be putting you or anyone else in danger. I know that life is short and no one's guaranteed another second, but you gave me more time, and even if I wish every day that you hadn't, it's the greatest gift anyone will ever give me. I think it's time I stopped wasting it. I hope you're in a better place. No matter where you are, though, you'll always be my best friend. I miss you so much, Wally. I promise, I won't let your sacrifice be in vain."

She took a breath, expecting to feel a change, or be sad, but she felt nothing. She glared at the hologram, the picture with his face serious, his body ridgid. There were none of his smiles, or his laughs, or his hugs. No matter what she said, his eyes stayed the same lifeless, heroic stare over her head. It wasn't him, and the only thing that she felt after saying everything that she wished she could tell him was that she had wasted her time. She shook her head, feeling stupid for having spilled her guts to a hologram, and she turned on her heel and stalked out of the room, feeling worse than she had when she'd come.

She was just coming out of the door when she slammed into someone. She nearly lost her balance, but a wall behind her kept her on her feet.

"Woah, careful, there," Hal said, pulling the construct back into his ring. "Oh, Mallory, hey! How have you been?" She raised an eyebrow at the overenthusiasm of his voice, and he sighed. "Supes and Nightwing may have mentioned a thing or two, but forget them. How are you? What are you doing up here?"

"I'm fine," she snapped, but she took a cooling breath at his narrowed eyes. "Sorry, I'm just so sick of answering that," she muttered.

He smiled, putting a hand on her shoulder and leading her towards the monitor room. "I'll bet. I'd love to catch up, if you want to stay for my shift on duty." She hesitated, looking back towards the zeta tube, and he sighed dramatically. "Oh, but then if you don't want to spend time with an old trainer, then…"

"What are you talking about? You never trained me," she said, her gaze coming off the tubes and landing on the Green Lantern.

He put on a hurt look. "What? How could you forget all of the grueling hours I put in helping you with your strength training?"

She smiled, rolling her eyes. "Oh, right, how could I forget. You spent all of three days trying to help me, and then Donna took over and succeeded first try."

He shook his head as he signed into the monitor system and started pulling up the equipment. "Hey, don't even bring that up. I still can't believe you replaced me after all we'd been through together, training every day."

Mallory chuckled, rolling her eyes. "It's good to see you, Hal. How's everyone on the League?"

He shrugged. "Same old. It took some adjusting to the team being up here, but it's working out pretty good. Kaldur's been keeping everyone in line lately, even us."

Mallory smiled, nodding. "Sounds about right," she said quietly.

There was a disturbance on the scanners, and Hal took a moment to alert the League and send Black Lighting and Steel to handle it. "So, you gonna tell me why you're up here, or am I just supposed to keep pretending like it's completely normal? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's good to see you, but you've been gone for a long time, not answering calls and leaving as soon as disasters are over, and then you just show up here out of the blue."

She shook her head, looking away. "I just needed to see Wally. Artemis told me to try to get some closure, and I thought if I could see him again it would help."

Hal's face softened a little. "Did it?" he asked. She shook her head, and he sighed. "I'm sorry, Mal. I know it's hard to come to terms with this kind of thing. We're all having a hard time with it."

Mallory narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, but you all seem to be able to go on with your lives just fine," she pointed out.

Hal nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess so."

"It's killing me, Hal. I can't do anything, think about the future, without feeling so guilty about it that I just give up and stop planning."

"Mallory, you're not the only one who's ever felt like that. It's called survivor's guilt. It's common in situations like this, where everyone goes into combat and not everyone comes out. My first mission with the Lanterns was a routine patrol of our sector. I went with people that I had been training with. I'd gotten to know them all, trust them, and we lost half of the troupe that day. For weeks after it, I just kept thinking, why me? Why did I survive and not one of the others? It was a horrible feeling, but finally Kilowog sat me down and told me to get over it. It wasn't easy, but eventually I did find a way to stop living with the guilt."

"How did you do that?" she asked.

"Well, I let myself feel the guilt, first off. Instead of rejecting it, or trying to fight through it, I took the time to let myself understand it and deal with it. I found a lot of it went away the more good I did. And I stopped cutting myself off from the others. You need to connect with people, show yourself that there are people that would miss you, and they can help you find your reason for being here."

He turned back to the screen, and Mallory sat there thinking about his advice. She had always let herself feel the guilt, and she'd been doing plenty of good since the crisis. But that last thing. She'd spent months blocking everyone out, convinced that she needed to do this on her own. Maybe she needed to stop punishing herself and let her friends help her. She pushed herself to her feet, heading to the zeta tube without a word.

Dick pulled out a granola bar, shutting the cabinet and heading to his room. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept in two days, and he'd just come in from a beat at work. He was about to lay down when there was a knock on his door. He sighed heavily, considering ignoring it. When it didn't come again, though, he tossed the bar on his bed and went back out to the living room, his curiosity winning out. He looked through the peephole and his eyes widened, and he immediately swung the door open, revealing Mallory standing there, a cardboard box in her arms and a sheepish look on her face.

"Hey, uh, is that couch still available?" she asked shyly.

He grinned and stepped to the side, letting her in without a word.