The urgency and panic that Kathryn and Gretchen felt soon turned to exhaustion as the procedure dragged on.
Three hours later the K'Terran blood was gone, every trace of Shimai erased, but Chakotay had still not woken up.
Kathryn still had her arm around her daughter, who was silent and looked utterly defeated. But as the Sickbay doors started to open the younger woman had enough self-consciousness to jump away. Gretchen quickly altered her posture and looked at the door, rather professionally, to see who was entering.
I suppose it would be odd for a crewman to see me holding Gretchen, while we were both staring at Chakotay's pod in despair…..
"Hi Athena," said Gretchen, recognizing the Lieutenant a moment before Kathryn did, as her viewpoint towards the door was slightly better.
Gretchen's voice was even, and her tone was friendly. Kathryn was struck again by how different the young woman was with other people around.
The serious Lieutenant nodded at the two of them, before heading in the direction of the Doctor, who took her into his private office.
"I suppose I should go to bed," said Gretchen suddenly, looking back towards the door, "I'm not accomplishing anything here, I can check on him in the morning."
"That's a good idea," said Kathryn, nodding, smiling slightly, "I hope you have a good night."
Kathryn watched Gretchen leave, hoping her daughter would be able to sleep, worried she wouldn't be able to, and selfishly sad that her vigil was much lonelier now.
After another half hour of staring hopelessly at her First Officer's face, Kathryn grabbed one of Sickbay's uncomfortable chairs and sat down next to Chakotay, not realizing when she collapsed into a tired sleep.
Kathryn felt herself blinking what felt like decades later, squinting up at the Doctor as he approached. The doors were opening again, and she could make out the raven haired Lieutenant leaving.
"Don't worry Captain," said the Doctor as the doors closed, "Ariti isn't the kind to contribute to ship gossip."
"Wha?," said Kathryn, still blinking the disorienting nap away. Then she noticed not only had she been leaning against the pod, she was openly and very obviously holding Chakotay's hand.
That's not necessarily romantic…but it's not exactly something I want floating around the ship either.
Kathryn shook her head, attempting to get up.
"You might as well sleep, Captain," said the Doctor gently, "I'm sorry I woke you, it wasn't intentional."
She blinked at him for a moment, frowning, unable for the moment to remember what was wrong with that offer.
"I'll have the computer warn us if anyone else approaches Sickbay," said the Doctor reassuringly, "Your secret's safe with me."
"I….we're not involved Doctor," said Kathryn, as defensively as she could half-asleep.
There's standards for a Starfleet Captain, and I am not going to break them.
…..no matter how much I might want to….
Shut up Kathryn, she ordered her sleep deprived mind.
"I didn't mean that," said the Doctor, holding her gaze, "I meant the secret that deep down, you're just like the rest of the crew."
Kathryn blinked at him, frowning and unhappy, but nevertheless, put her head back on her arms and fell unconscious again.
It was morning, or felt like morning, and Kathryn felt her body move. The warmth underneath her head shifted, and suddenly Kathryn was completely awake, standing as she realized where she was.
"Chakotay?" said Kathryn, uncertain this time, rather than optimistic.
"Kathryn?" said the man, bringing up a hand to rub through his hair, and turning to her, "My head hurts. How long was I out?"
"Nine months," said Kathryn, smiling slightly, but much more professionally than before, "We had some bumps along the way."
Explaining what had happened to the ship while the men had been in stasis had taken Kathryn all morning. She and Chakotay had left Sickbay as soon as the Doctor had cleared him, and they had quickly headed to her Ready Room, greeting many enthusiastic crew members on the way.
Kathryn had sent a message to Gretchen, who had not responded. After checking with the computer that she was okay, Kathryn had decided to leave the young woman alone.
I'm sure her thoughts and feelings are complicated right now…..and maybe it's better I brief Chakotay first.
Kathryn had replicated a large coffee and sat down on her couch, settling in to share the ship's long story. She explained the mysterious happenings that had culminated in Voyager being surrounded by Jen Hadar ships, ready to enslave Voyager's women for nefarious purposes. How the being responsible for all that had been the K'Terran alien Shimai, a traitor to her proud all-female race. How after Shimai's death her sisters had done everything they could to assist Voyager, ultimately getting them to Klingon territory, only 10 years from home.
"Honestly I'm going to miss the K'Terrrans, Chakotay," said Kathryn warmly, smiling a bit, "I know they seemed ridiculous, but after we got past the etiquette we got to be friends…..not that we didn't miss you constantly," said Kathryn, looking Chakotay in the eyes and letting the smile on her face grow.
"I missed you too," said Chakotay, smiling just as warmly and leaning back in his chair.
It feels so right to be like this again.
They sat there for long moments, just breathing each other in again.
Finally Kathryn got up to grab another coffee and Chakotay took her cue to return to business.
"How's the crew been?" he asked in concern.
"Alright," said Kathryn, taking a sip, and then sitting back down, across from him. She looked away for a moment pensively.
"We had a lot happen…..it was terrible there for awhile, and then it was dreadfully boring," Kathryn said looking at him, trying to lighten her voice towards the end, "It got so bad I ended up throwing dinner parties in my Quarters."
"Dinner parties?" said Chakotay, eyes widening, "Now that I would've paid to see."
"Every week for months," said Kathryn, quirking a smile, "My formal uniform was about worn out…..I did enjoy it though, much more than I thought I would."
"I'm sure the crew did too," said Chakotay, smiling for a long moment.
There was a brief pause and he changed the subject. "Where is Gretchen?" he said suddenly, looking around, "Shouldn't she have been able to get away from her shift yet?"
"She's off today," said Kathryn and Chakotay blinked at her, obviously surprised, and beginning to be hurt.
"I…..I haven't quite told you what happened yet Chakotay," said Kathryn.
"What happened?" he asked, fear beginning to creep into his voice.
"It's nothing well…..urgent exactly," said Kathryn, "Gretchen wasn't hurt but…..you tried to attack both of us when you woke up the first time."
"What?" said Chakotay, looking panicked.
"It wasn't your fault," said Kathryn quickly, "We had a….container of Shimai's blood being stored for her sisters to visit. It…took over your body briefly…..the Doctor took care of it," she added, speaking even faster as he continued to look more disturbed, "But you weren't yourself there for a bit and…..well, it reminded Gretchen of something that happened in her timeline."
Chakotay continued to look at her in dismay, trying to take it in, "What happened in Gretchen's timeline?"
"Well," said Kathryn, "You know the Rift illness left you incapacitated…..apparently it caused you to try to kill your daughter."
"What?" exclaimed Chakotay, outraged and standing up.
"It wasn't your fault, Chakotay," said Kathryn, also standing, "And Gretchen's obviously….fine. Today just spooked her," she said, putting one hand on his arm, "And with everything else she's easy to spook these days."
"What's everything else?" asked Chakotay intently.
"Well," said Kathryn, knowing this conversation was coming, "After Gretchen tried to kill me,"
Chakotay stared at her in shock.
"Also courtesy of Shimai," said Kathryn firmly, "Gretchen remembered more about her mother, and she realized she only wanted to have a professional relationship with me," said Kathryn, frowning, speaking through a tightness in her throat, "It's what she needed…..does need,"
Kathryn found herself lifting one hand to wipe at a suddenly fallen tear and looking down. Chakotay's face was very soft.
Despite the emotions, Kathryn continued, "The reason Gretchen was so frightened of her mother was because her mother wished that she was someone else…when she couldn't reach those expectations, Gretchen almost felt as if she didn't deserve to exist."
"But she wants to break to break free of that Chakotay," said Kathryn, turning her head back to look at his sympathetic face, "She wants to break free of that…..and I told her neither of us would get in her way."
"Of course we won't," said Chakotay firmly.
"I think…..I think she may have to leave Voyager," said Kathryn, looking back, "It may be the only way to let her heal."