Gretchen had returned to her Quarters, completely exhausted, after leaving her parents in Sickbay. She fell on her bed as soon as she entered her rooms, not even bothering to take off her uniform.

She slept fitfully and hot, dreaming of spiders, and her father's rage, and the hated face of Marla Gilmore.

She woke in the early morning, sticky and hot, stripping off her uniform and staying in a cold shower until she felt halfway human.

I can't believe I didn't have a vision….I guess they really are gone.

Gretchen felt numb as she sat in front of Tom's TV set, slowly sipping a very cold tea. She checked updates on her computer, seeing both that her father had woken up, and that the Captain had invited her to her Ready Room to see him.

She felt numb.

Not again, I don't want to do this again…..

I'm leaving anyway…..I tried…..I tried and Shimai took him over…I don't want to do this again.

She could not find the energy to answer the Captain's message. Gretchen had the day off, as did most of Voyager, but wished that she was working.

Even as she thought, her doorbell rang repeatedly, in a very obnoxious manner.

Well…..I'm sure that's not my father.

Knowing the next interaction was inevitable, she opened her door.

"Gretch," said the charming Tom Paris, strolling into her Quarters, "I'm here to get my TV back, and to invite you on an intrepid Captain Proton adventure of course."

Gretchen rolled her eyes.

Nine months and he hasn't changed a bit, thought Gretchen, suddenly no longer so numb.

"There is absolutely no way you managed to book holodeck time today," said Gretchen combatively, "Everyone has plans."

"You underestimate Tom," said Harry entering behind him, "He had a bet and he won."

"So come on," said Tom, grabbing her hand, "We're all off today and who knows when that will happen again. Let's go play the rest of that Captain Proton we started before the stasis. We've earned it. Well," he paused a beat, "You have, we were asleep."

Gretchen sighed, but smiled ever so slightly, and went into her bedroom to change into Constance Goodheart's 1930s secretarial outfit.

A couple of minutes later, she found herself walking with Tom and Harry through the corridors.

Just like old times…..

….Except…so much has happened…She winched internally.

"Have you all been brought up to speed?" asked Gretchen suddenly.

"Most things," said Harry, "We heard about the murder," he said sadly.

"Murders," Tom corrected unhappily, "Rachel Hargrove was murdered too, and even if it was technically her that attacked B'Elanna….I don't think she meant to."

"She didn't mean to," said Gretchen, nodding, "Shimai made her do it, before Shimai had her kill herself."

"Hargrove meant to murder Alexander Rogers though," added Gretchen after a brief pause, "She killed him in his sleep because of his awful treatment of her."

"Yeah," said Harry grimly, "It's terrible all around."

"Yeah we knew," said Tom quietly, pausing in front of the holodeck doors, uncharacteristically still, "We knew when we went to that stasis we might not see everyone again…..it's happened before, but…..no matter how many times.…..you never get used to it….that maybe you could've helped…..that it's just wrong…..that one day a shipmate's, a friend's there and the next they're just…..not."

They stood there in silence for a moment as the doors opened, following Tom's lead as he slowly stepped into the empty room, keeping quiet as he called up the program and then began to fiddle with the holographic ship's dials.

Finally Tom spoke again, in his easy manner, but both Harry and Gretchen could tell it was covering emotion, "That's why I like Captain Proton, you know. No matter how many friends you lose…..when I'm gone too…..Captain Proton will still go on, just the same as always, the gallant hero saving the universe."

That's odd….but true, thought Gretchen sadly, His children and I watched Captain Proton for over a decade after Tom himself was gone…..

…..When I watched it I remembered all the times I spent with him.

…..Now I remember the times I spent with his children.

"Hey," said Gretchen uncharacteristically, moving between Harry and Tom and grabbing both's hands, not caring for the moment how cheesey it seemed, "Let's make this the best Captain Proton adventure ever!"

Gretchen was rewarded by Harry's nod, and Tom's wry smile, "Yeah, you're right Gretch. We've gotta use the time we have right? Let's make it a great adventure!"

Maybe the last one, thought Gretchen sadly, clenching both their hands.

What do I want?

Still in her Ready Room, Captain Janeway and Chakotay continued their conversation.

"I'm worried about her leaving," said Kathryn, turning sadly to look out the empty window. Chakotay looked at her in surprise and dismay at the revelation that their daughter might leave the ship.

He quickly adapted to Kathryn's mood, as she'd known he would.

"Not that I don't agree with you but, to play devil's advocate I suppose," said Chakotay, seeing that Kathryn needed to talk it out, "All mothers worry about their child leaving home."

"Yes, but it's usually done a little at a time, the first overnight at a friend's house, later a week at summer camp, then a month at an enrichment program. I don't think she's ever spent so much as a day away from Voyager, and she wants to leave the ship permanently?"

"I know she's an adult Chakotay," continued Kathryn forcefully, not looking at him, "But she has such limited life experience. It's very deep but not very broad, not at all. She's known the same 200 people her entire life, lived on the same 15 decks."

"That's not all that different from my early experience," said Chakotay, "Four to five hundred people in the area, essentially a village. Some people were happy their whole lives there. I wasn't. I wanted to see a much broader universe than that, than my small tribe. I wanted to test my wings, to grow, and I did. I joined the Academy as a teenager. I was young, but even with that limited experience, I was ready."

"I was a teenager when I joined the Academy too," answered Kathryn, "When I left home. But this isn't about age," she said turning back to him persuasively, almost pleading, "It's about vulnerability, about being alone. The Academy's a very safe place in comparison to the edges of Klingon Space. They protect all the cadets, especially the underclassman. I'm not saying you or I couldn't have found trouble, but we would've had to be looking for it, like Tom. There was plenty of help if we asked for it, and if either of us had been found to be less mature than they thought, we would've been sent home unscathed."

Kathryn frowned deeply, gestures restless, "If Gretchen falters there will be no one to watch her back, and if she changes her mind where we will be? Light years, even real years away, likely unable to stop or return for her, possibly not even able to be contacted."

Kathryn was silent for a long moment, and found herself staring at the floor. Her voice was quiet, but very deep.

"You do realize she could die and we might not even know…..or even worse in a way, she could be in desperate need of help, suffering, and we wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it?"

She glanced up and stared at Chakotay with an incredibly intensity for a brief moment, before looking away, out the dark window again.

Chakotay sighed deeply, "Is that really what's worrying you…..that if she leaves Voyager you won't be able to justify helping her since she won't be a member of the crew?"

"I don't know," said Kathryn, putting both hands in her pockets and staring out the window, sighing, "It all worries me," she emphasized, before she paused and her voice became softer, "You know I'd offer to go with her…..if I could….."

She sighed again, even deeper, "I know, on the one hand, that's the last thing Gretchen would want…..but on the other….if we could get out of the cycle of being Captain and crew member…..if Gretchen could be the one with the agency….the control…maybe she'd find the relationship wasn't such a burden to her…"

"I'd let her boss me around a little bit," continued Kathryn quirking her lip, "Be the junior crewman…..I wouldn't mind it…..she could make the decisions…..I'd go where she wanted to go, do what she wanted to do…..let her explore, support her from behind…make up for some of the years we lost…..that Gretchen lost to me being the imperious Captain….."

Kathryn's shoulders sagged, "I know that's a pipe dream, Voyager needs me, and I can't leave the ship until it's back to Earth….." she sighed again, desperately, "I just…..can't…"

"If only she could wait until we got back…..but I know she can't…..10 years is far, far too long…..10 months would be…..I can't ask her to suffer for my sake."

"But this is so damn dangerous," said Kathryn, clutching her head in one hand now, "Every instinct I have is against it."

"Maybe there's a third way," said Chakotay.

"Maybe," said Kathryn uncertainly, for once short on hope.