After Tom's holodeck adventure ended, with Captain Proton and his sidekicks again saving Earth from the evil Doctor Chaotica, the trio headed to the Mess Hall for lunch.
It was bustling, and Gretchen blinked for a moment as they entered, no longer used to seeing the male crew members casually going about their day.
Neelix was back in what had formerly been his usual spot, wearing a chef's hat and puttering over a bright yellow stew. Gretchen tried to shake the strange mood off and continued walking, standing in the food line between Tom and Harry.
"I'm treating B'Elanna to dinner tonight or I would get something else," said Tom, too far back for Neelix to hear, "I have not missed the food."
"We had double the replicator credits and holodeck hours with you all gone," said Gretchen smugly. "Not that I'll miss them in comparison," she added quickly as they looked at her, "Even if I hadn't missed you all like crazy, it was so much work with half the crew gone."
"Yeah," agreed Tom, "We're looking forward to pulling our weight again. It just wasn't fair."
"How did things go?" added Harry, nodding, "I mean other than the Jen Hadar attacks and such. We really didn't learn that much last night but the big dramatic things."
"How were you?" said Tom, looking at her seriously, as Neelix cheerfully scooped a gigantic ladle full of the bright stew into his bowl.
"Oh well," said Gretchen, suddenly taken aback, smiling at Neelix as he filled her plate, "I was okay."
"Uh-huh," said Tom in his easy manner, not pressing further in the crowded Mess Hall.
"Gretchen!" shouted a child's voice as the three of them looked for seats.
Gretchen turned to see a very cheerful Naomi Wildman pushed up on her knees to make herself taller in her chair. The girl was waving, "Come sit with us!"
The men nodded at her glance and they walked over and greeted Naomi and her mother Sam.
"We have news," said Samantha, smiling broadly as they sat down, "Seven found a Klingon communications relay just now in Astrometrics. We're only 12 hours away. You're among the first to know, she hasn't even told the Captain yet."
"It seems like yesterday that happened last time," said Tom, "Isn't that how we got in trouble with the Jen Hadar?"
"It was," said Sam, still smiling, "But the Klingons won't mind us stopping in their territory. We're allies, remember? We're actually back in known space."
"Mostly known space," said Harry cautiously, "It's not fully charted. There could still be surprises out here that could kill us…..I mean delay us," he corrected quickly, glancing his eyes at Naomi.
Naomi looked back at him with a child's nonchalance and Harry speedily changed the subject, "I mean, yeah Tom's right, that does feel like yesterday."
"To you," said Sam, correcting him but still smiling, "To us it's been 9 months. To your family too," she said gently to Harry, "To your parents it's been almost a year since they heard from their only child."
"Yeah," said Tom, punching him on the back, "Think of how happy your parents will be to find out we're in Klingon territory. They might even see you this decade."
"Guess I'd better start writing a new letter to them," said Harry thoughtfully, "And Libby too….."
"I'm not writing anyone," said Tom flatly, "Gretchen?"
"Who would I write?" said Gretchen, shaking her head, "Sam?"
"My family," answered the blonde woman, a bit evasively.
She turned quickly to her daughter, "Naomi, how about we work on the letter to your grandparents together this afternoon? You could draw them something."
"It'd be fun to dance them something," said the red-headed child, bouncing on her heels, "Wouldn't that be fun mom?"
"Dance?" said Tom, not missing a beat.
"Gretchen's been giving me and mom dancing lessons," said the girl, beaming, "It's really fun!"
"They could see me do ballet, mom!" said Naomi excitedly.
"I'm not sure the relay is strong enough for a video message, Naomi," answered Sam kindly, "We're still pretty far out…..but maybe next time…" she said to Naomi's disappointed face.
"We could always tape it," said Gretchen, quickly, "And save it for when we get closer to civilization. I've been wanting to do a recital anyway. That'd be great to tape for them."
Why did I say that?…..I'm leaving the ship…thought Gretchen, frowning internally.
"Yay!" said Naomi out loud, suddenly beaming and clapping her hands, "I want to do a recital!"
"That sounds great," said Sam, also beaming, "I'd love to share my daughter with my family. They're missing so much by her being out here."
"Yeah, your husband should love it," said Harry, smiling widely.
"Right," said Sam, nodding, then holding her hand out to Naomi as they were done eating, "Come on Naomi, let's go work on that letter."
"Okay mom," said Naomi, grabbing her mother's hand.
The mother and daughter smiled and said goodbye and headed out of the Mess Hall.
"You've been teaching Sam and Naomi how to dance?" said Tom, raising an eyebrow and looking at Gretchen meaningfully once the two were gone, "Openly?"
"Yes openly," said Gretchen, hissing a bit in response, irritated by the reminder of her past.
There wasn't any point in hiding it once the Captain knew…..of course that's what Tom meant.
"I think that's great Gretchen," said Harry nodding, "We both know how much it means to you."
"And you're going to do a recital?" questioned Tom further.
"Why not?" said Gretchen, as off-handedly as possible, trying to make her voice casual, "It's just a child's recital. Even though I won't dance in it, what's to stop me from directing?"
... except that I'm leaving the ship…thought Gretchen internally.
Tom stared at her, rather oddly.
He was not an easy person to fool.
Suddenly Gretchen felt very lonely.
And a little two-faced.
When Gretchen finally returned to her Quarters late that evening, she paced the floor unhappily. Tom was currently on his date with B'Elanna, and Harry was writing his parents in private. The three of them had spent the rest of the day in Tom's Quarters. Despite his obvious suspicions, the pilot had yet to interrogate her, which made Gretchen feel even more guilty and uncomfortable.
Somehow she had not been able to voice her current plans to leave Voyager to either of them.
So far she had not mentioned them to anyone but the Capain.
This is what I need. To leave. said Gretchen to herself, pushing her fingers into a fist as she stared out the small window in her Quarters.
Are you sure about that?, whispered another voice, from somewhere. Why are you refusing to tell them?
Because you fear their reaction?...Or is there another reason?
She sighed deeply. The men's return had not gone at all as she had planned.
I haven't even seen Tuvok yet...or my father.
Suddenly her throat ached. The pain was dull, but growing in intensity.
She needed to get some relief now, before it got any worse.
I suppose I could meditate.
Gretchen breathed out deeply, in a painful, lonely noise, and moved towards the door.
Tuvok has a replicator, doesn't he?
And I think he's working the night shift, which means I can be alone.