Michael Brown
My first impression of Diagon alley was surprisingly positive, if only because I wasn't immediately snatched by some faceless Ministry goons the moment I entered the alley. Then again it probably didn't mean much, as my potential captors would most likely have a lot of opportunities during my trip. For all I knew they were waiting for me in one of the shops, with a sack and rope already prepared.
My artificial memories about Diagon alley were quite blurry, most likely because of all these chemicals I had been fed all these years, but the sight in front of me was pretty close to what I was expecting. The street itself was uncomfortably narrow and crowded and most of the buildings on the street looked as if they were about to collapse at any moment. The condition of the stores and stands, which were located on both sides of the cobblestone road, wasn't much better, as most of them looked like they would give any self-respecting Health & Safety inspector an aneurysm.
All in all, it fit the image of a dystopian, Burtonesque hellhole I had in my head.
"The street is quite crowded, so please stay close, Mr Brown. Diagon alley is a reasonably safe place, but I would rather not have to look for you" Said McGonagall, apparently being able to lie with a straight face, which I should have already expected given her job. After hearing her words I actually had to stop myself from snorting, not wanting to antagonize a person, who was currently holding my life in her hands. It wasn't my fault I almost laughed though. She actually wanted to make me believe that Diagon alley was safe!
Maybe a shy, abused eleven-years-old boy like Harry Potter would believe this story, not knowing better, but I wouldn't be fooled by such an obvious lie. It was hilariously easy to find evidence to the contrary, as since entering the alley I have already passed more than three stores selling love potions! Which, in case you didn't know, were powerful and long-lasting drugs, used to forcibly make another person desperately desire you! And these sociopaths were selling them like candies to literal children! It was fucked up on so many levels that it wasn't even funny!
And if it still wasn't enough for you, this so-called "safe street" was directly connected to Knockturn alley, which, if my memory serves me correctly, was full of shady and/or cursed stuff that can be bought without a fuss! Wasn't it just lovely that there were exactly two magical streets in the city of London and one of them was openly called sinister and evil by most of the population?
Rational person would probably ask: why didn't the Ministry do anything about it? Wasn't dark magic illegal? Well, the answer to this question was actually quite simple.
Dark magic wasn't illegal!
It was just a ruse, a lie created to appease muggle-born, who came to the wizarding world with false preconceptions about morality and ethics. They thought that mages, these sociopathic slave owners, were actually following some moral principles. To not lose their support, the Ministry declared dark magic as outlawed, at the same time not doing anything to enforce this law. After all, if they really wanted to stop people from dabbling in dark magic, they would have, I don't know, put a taboo on fucking unforgivable curses!
And don't give that crap about a lot of people saying their names without casting the spell. When people were talking about Avada Kedavra, they would typically call it a killing curse! Most likely, despite their official contempt, Ministry was actively using these spells, almost certainly to torture their prisoners and extract information from them, at the same time making sure that muggle-born wouldn't be using them too much, manipulating them into thinking that they would end up in Azkaban for using them!
Also, if dark magic was actually forbidden, people wouldn't be able to casually enter Knockturn alley and buy as many horcruxes and baby basilisks as they wanted!
How did no muggle-born notice the truth? Wait, maybe they did notice, but were simply murdered by the Ministry, hit by a killing curse from behind and left to rot in some forgotten corner of the world?
How horrifying. But now probably wasn't the time to think about it. I was in the middle of this damned hellscape myself, with no idea where I was being led to, so for now I had more important things to worry about.
"I will, Professor" I responded, acting as if I bought her half-assed lie completely. After all it was better to be seen as a gullible idiot than as a rational, cautious man. One was an asset, the other one was just a threat.
After walking for a while, we reached our first destination.
"This is Ollivanders, a store where you will acquire your very first wand. Having a good wand is extremely important for any witch or wizard, no matter their occupation, so I am sure you will be happy to know that Mr Olivander is one of the best wandmakers in the whole of Great Britain. I am certain he will be able to find you a suitable wand in no time" Said McGonagall confidently as we approached a small, unassuming shop located in one of less crowded parts of the alley. Despite her praise the shop didn't look like much, differing from neighboring buildings only by a humble display, where various wands were being presented, and a simple signboard. Compared to other shops we passed so far it looked quite tame, which probably made it perfect to be used by the Ministry as a front for its operations. It made me quite hesitant to enter the shop, but I didn't have much choice in this matter, as McGonagall already stepped inside, forcing me to do the same.
The first thing I noticed was how messy the room before me was. It was filled to the brim with countless boxes, most likely used to store various wands, with no noticeable pattern or order. These boxes took most of the space of the narrow room, making it quite difficult to move for any potential customer. In the middle of the room, surrounded by all these boxes, stood a frail, old man, currently in the middle of working on some wand. When he heard us enter the store, he raised his eyes, smiling when he recognized McGonagall.
"Ah, Minerwa. What a pleasure to meet you again" He said, before his eyes slid down to me. "And who you might be, young man?" He asked, looking at me curiously. Truthfully I didn't really want to answer that question, as I didn't know what he would do with this information. For all I knew he would use it for some nefarious ends, like cursing me or framing me for something. Remember, never give your name to mysterious strangers in shady shops. It rarely ends well.
"This is Michael Brown, a young man who will attend Hogwarts starting this year. He is here to acquire a wand" responded McGonagall, stopping me from giving Ollivander some false name. That damned woman. If I were to die because of that, she would be the first one I would curse. Then again she would probably be able to capture my spirit in a jar or something, so maybe I shouldn't do that. Yes, If I die, I will not visit her! This will show her!
"Ah, of course. It's this time of the year. I am sure you are quite excited to start your education at Hogwarts, aren't you? Well, you will need a wand for that. Lucky for you I have some experience in finding a suitable wand for a young wizard" He said and then stopped, as if he thought of something "Not that I have much to say about which wand will be best for you, Mr Brown. Wands choose their wielders by themselves, after all. I am just a person who introduces them, so to say"
What? What did he just say?
"Wands choose their wielders, Mr Ollivander?" I asked with a slightly trembling voice. I knew something similar was said in Harry Potter, but was it actually true? There was no way, right? Right?
"Yes, certainly. Wands are truly unique objects. They have preferences, sometimes even relations. Even I don't understand all about them. My role is to simply look at the person in need of a wand and give them certain wands to find out if they would be suitable. Ultimately it will be the wands who will choose their wielder" He said, giving me a small smile.
I felt a cold sweat cover me as I thought about his words.
Wands were sentient. They were the ones who chose their wielders, not the other way around. It meant that they were the ones in charge of the relationship. If they could choose their wielder, could they abandon them whenever they felt like that? Could they plot against their wielders, waiting for the best moment to betray them?
I almost gasped when I understood the truth, only stopping myself from doing it because of the other people in the room. Wands were actually sentient, magical parasites, using humans as their food, leeching off their magic, growing stronger by devouring it! They all had food preferences, just as humans did, so they would choose a preferable host and use it as a source of food. When their host would turn useless they would betray them and find another one, starting the process anew!
As they couldn't travel on their own, they needed a person who would help them find another host, otherwise they would starve. They needed a person like Ollivander, who would find someone suitable for them. It meant that he was just a thrall, unable to disobey his master, forced to lure prey to his shop, so that these disgusting parasites would use them as food!
I sent Ollivander a pitying look, saddened by his cruel fate. If he noticed it, he didn't comment on it, instead deciding to look for a fitting parasite for me. I felt disgusted by a mere thought of one of these disgusting creatures being connected to me, but I didn't have much choice. McGonagall would surely stop me if I decided to just run away. Then they would repeat the process, only with me gagged and bound. I had no choice but to proceed.
"Hmm, you look like an inquisitive young man. How about you try this one? Just take it in your hand and swing" He said, giving me a parasite. I hesitantly took it in my hands, looking for any sign of it stealing my magic. Not noticing any abnormalities, I swung it, ready for anything.
The only sign of it working was a faint light coming from the end of the wand, with nothing else really happening. Taking it as a sign of failure, I sighed in relief. I was still a free man. Well, other than being in simulation and being controlled by both Government and Ministry.
"Well, it didn't work. No matter, there are other wands. Try this one" Ollivander said, giving me another wand. This one also didn't work, much to my relief. It actually took seven wands before Ollivander picked one of the wands and gave it to me with much more confidence than before.
"This wand is a little more, let's say, unconventional, but I have a feeling it might be a good match. Willow wood with a core made out of dragon heart. Little bendy and quite unpredictable at times. Thirteen inches. Come on, try it" He said encouragingly, looking at me with anticipation. Having a bad feeling about it, I swung the wand hesitantly, prepared for anything.
The room was suddenly filled with bright light, much more powerful than before. Some of the boxes raised from the ground, moved by the unseen force. It only lasted a few seconds however and soon the room returned to its previous state as the light faded and boxes landed on the ground. I knew what it meant and cursed in my head. I just became a prisoner to a magical parasite. Fuck.
"Ah, it appears I was right. I have had this wand for a long time, as I couldn't find a proper wielder before. I am happy that it finally found someone worthy of it" He said with a smile, as if he didn't just give me a dangerous creature, ready to betray me the very moment I ceased to be useful.
Thank you, Mr Ollivander. I will treat it with care" I said, smiling as well despite my internal panic. I was now infected with a magical parasite, unable to do anything about it. My future looked quite grim.