Part II of III - Sunrise
Chapter 1 – Just be cool!
'I invited Hermione for lunch on Sunday' Ginny informed Harry one day.
It was the eve of Ron and Hermione's return in England for summer holidays.
Harry knew this day was going to come and he was tense. It was a few days already that nothing else was talked of at home. Ginny was very excited to see them again; she had even hinted a possible reconciliation with Ron at which he had scowled so fiercely she hadn't tried again.
Hermione however, ought to be invited. There was no escape from it; it ought to happen. So, better being soon notwithstanding the possible consequences than drag this motive of uneasiness for who knows how long.
He had never written to her in all this time and she, following his instructions, hadn't done it either but this didn't mean that he was indifferent to her doing and welfare. He read attentively the ones Ginny received and sometimes he even asked her to write messages from him.
Ginny didn't even notice she was Hermione's only correspondent taken by all the novelties surrounding the baby growing inside her and she was still in the dark on respect of what had passed between the two. But now, with Hermione returning, it was going to be a piece of work not to let her find out.
In those months Harry had helped her, through Ginny's correspondence, in many tasks that needed to be performed.
It became apparent very soon that it was impossible to keep the house as Hermione had whished. They couldn't possibly return to it anymore. In the few months they had been away, it had been victim of nasty malicious acts and letters were still addressed to it, together with howlers that, not being opened, exploded in front of the door. To avoid muggles spotting anything Harry had performed a quite tricky piece of magic to create an illusion of their front door a few feet from the real one so that everything could happen behind it, however the yelling resounding from the howlers was still an unsolved problem. The only solution had been to convert it in a normal muggle house so it could disappear from the Ministry register of wizarding families. Harry had been there to remove any sign of magic, to catch all the gnomes (an entire day of rolling in the mud) and despite how cumbersome all these tasks had been, it soon appeared to have been the easy ones. Muggle's paperwork needed to be created to give it legitimacy and Harry found himself lost in a maze of muggle bureaucratic difficulties unknown before. Only after days of fruitless efforts had he found in Diagon Alley a small agency that took care of everything. He almost wept out of relief.
With the money, and Ginny's collaboration, they had bought a muggle house in the countryside not far from Hermione's parents and Harry had casted a Fidelius charm on it so it couldn't be found.
The hassle had been endless considering how very little he was inclined to help Ron in any way; however, it was the opposite regarding Hermione. It couldn't help one without the other to be benefitted also as an unpleasant but unavoidable side effect.
And now they were there, Ron to revive all the disquiet in one direction and Hermione in another. Ron to be hated and resented and Hermione to be missed dreadfully.
Sunday morning arrived even too quickly, and tension was high.
He had had four months to get ready for that moment, but he was still unsure on how it was going to turn out. Obviously, he wanted to appear as relaxed as possible, but at the same time he couldn't behave with her as he would have normally done. It was impossible to hug her with the same enthusiasm that would have characterize their previous encounters. No physical contact of any kind could pass between the two. It was going to be tricky not to let Ginny notice. She was bound to spot the difference.
Just be cool! Behave normally! He would keep repeating in his mind.
In the meanwhile, Ginny was in a frenzy; she had cooked a particularly appetizing Sunday roast to vent out all her happiness. Harry had helped her with that sense of disquiet heightening with every minute that would bring him closer to the feared moment.
A light knock at the door announced the imminent encounter.
Be cool! Behave normally!
Ginny dashed to it beaming. Harry followed feeling suddenly as if he was made of wood.
The door was open, and Hermione there. The same Hermione he was used to seeing since he was eleven. The same bushy hair, the same smile, but, unfortunately, not the same friend he thought her to be until a few months before. He could still picture Hermione's distress very vividly while revealing her love to him and his sharp rebuke of it, her hurt expression, his bitter disappointment.
Ginny engulfed her in a tight hug before she was even able to say a single word.
And then shrills of joy from both, flow of fast exciting jabbering about Ginny's pregnancy, new home, Hugo, Rose, Ion, Ron… Hermione wasn't inside yet and already half of the topics had been covered as fast as the speed of light.
And then Ginny stopped, suddenly, realising he hadn't moved or spoken behind her, she turned smiling expectantly.
It was his moment to greet her. He felt the urge to run to her and squeeze her tightly; his Hermione was finally back after months of loneliness, his best friend was back! And yet his itching limbs with repressed longing must be restrained and controlled, a semblance of normality had to be imparted to them without letting them free to express themselves.
'Hi Hermione. How was the trip?'
And that was it. An indistinct awkward gibberish after four months of mental preparation. The hesitant smile accompanying it wasn't much better.
A disaster. The exact opposite of 'behave normally and be cool'.
'Hi Harry! It was fine, thank you'
Embarrassing silence and an unnatural distance separating them.
Ginny, still at the door, in the middle of them, looked from him to Hermione enquiringly, her smile dropping slowly transforming in a frown.
He ought to save the situation somehow.
'Come inside' he added in a friendlier tone 'How's Hugo getting on?' he asked to break the ice.
And going to the kitchen they started to chat. Almost as if nothing ever happened. With the only difference that: he tried to avoid her eyes, Ginny's eyes, talked little, and didn't mention Ron at all. He looked at his plate mostly, occasionally fleetingly to Ginny trying to understand if she sensed something (of course she did, who do we want to kid?). And while the two of them hugged each other at least five or six times over he kept aloof, didn't even approach her and she didn't either.
When dessert was over and it was time for her to go, Ginny accompanied her to the door alone.
Harry decided to make for the living room to avoid a parting salutation surely as awkward as the welcoming one.
He hastened to take a book he was reading about spells defence and pretended to be absorbed by it in a desperate attempt to avoid a confrontation with Ginny that was sure to arrive.
She was soon after in the room, her eyes enquiringly on him.
'Harry?'
'Mmh?'
'Is there anything you should tell me?'
'No, I don't think so. Why?'
She didn't answer for a minute, while he kept studiously his attention on the book, and then she said 'Your book is upside down'
Damn….
True. It was upside down. He turned it as if perfectly aware of the thing.
She sighed sitting on the edge of the sofa 'What happened with Hermione?'
'Nothing, why?' he turned a page nonchalantly.
Another silence followed by another sigh 'Harry, do you think I'm stupid?'
…alright…
Harry stopped any pretence and closed the book leaving it on the coffee table but somehow couldn't look at her. He weighted carefully the words to use hoping, against hope, to be able to avoid a full confession.
'I reflected on what you told me about being too physical with her and I decided that you were right, and it was better to stop.'
'Harry, look at me'
He did so reluctantly. Her face was stern, her golden eyes pointing at him searchingly.
'Why?' she asked.
Harry couldn't lie. He had never learned to lie to her. He could hide well enough but not lie. At the same time, he couldn't bring himself to speak either fearing the reaction. Suddenly, he thought, it would have been better to tell her straight away back then, he would have saved himself four months of distress and moreover, now, after so long, this untold thing seemed so much worse, as though he had done something wrong when actually blameless.
Third sigh from her in the space of two minutes not hearing an answer coming. And Harry reproached himself his inability of dealing with these situations when they arose; he was letting Ginny imagining the worst with his silence.
'Ok. When?' she asked in the end.
Harry lowered his eyes unable to sustain the gaze any longer 'The night we said goodbye'
'Ok. What?'
'She told me she is in love with me.' He glossed over the kiss thing. He didn't want to be responsible of a bloodshed. 'You were right, and I was wrong.'.
'Why didn't you tell me?'
'I didn't want you to break your friendship with her. Just because mine was ruined there was no need for yours to be too.'
He peeped at her, she was still looking fixedly and austerely at him. It was necessary to speak before an outburst.
'Look Ginny, I've been clear with her. I crushed every possible expectation. I've told her that she had to forget the whole thing. I have forbidden her to write to me and I didn't write to her. I told her to stay away as much as possible from me. I don't think she is really in love but nevertheless…'
Fourth sigh. It was a different kind of sigh this time though. It was impatient even irritated before while now it was just a sad sigh. She ambled over him and started to run her fingers in his hair lovingly. No trace of anger, just sympathy. She couldn't fail to understand what all this meant; he had lost both his best friends in the last few months.
He lay his forehead on her round belly relaxing under her touch.
'I start to think you are indeed doomed for misery…'
'I told you…' he replied closing his eyes. 'Please don't stop being a friend to her. I don't think she'll approach the subject again. She is not a threat. I don't want to make her even more unhappy than she is already'.
'Ok, it may not be easy, but I'll try. I anyway agree with you that she must see you as less as possible.'
Harry nodded.
It felt good to have this out of his mind. No more secrets to hide from her.
He had missed Hermione and Ron very much. His life had turned to be even more solitary since they were gone but he had so many troubles and issues to fight with that having one less was a relief.
Still with his forehead on her belly he caressed it and said against it
'Do you agree too?'
He felt under his hand a strong kick 'Good boy' he said chuckling.
'Or good girl' Ginny corrected him.
'….. yes, or good girl' he replied hesitantly.
Tonight, I dreamt about Lily. I must write it down. It was scary and extremely painful.
It started like the dreams I used to have about Voldemort. It was dark, I was in the graveyard, tied to Riddle tombstone, injured.
Voldemort was there, Lily was there too. She was alive and she was crying scared. Voldemort wanted to kill her. He looked at me with those evil eyes and smiling viciously he said 'You can save her if you want. It's entirely up to you. You just need to come here, and I'll kill you instead. She doesn't need to die'
I knew he wasn't being truthful, but I didn't care, I wanted to rescue her, it didn't matter if I died in the attempt. But I couldn't move, I was tied too tightly I was too weak. She was terrified, and she called me repeatedly, she begged me to go and help her. She was imploring and crying, in her eyes terror and incomprehension at me not going to her aid. And it was the worst torment I'd ever known. It was maddening, she was just there few feet from me, and I couldn't gather the strength to free myself, to save her.
And Voldemort seeing me struggling laughed a horrible scornful laugh 'Are you not coming then? Are you going to leave her dying?' he said pointing his wand against her.
'Too bad' and I just saw a green light hitting her straight to the head, her falling down. She was dressed in pink. Like at Christmas.
Ginny woke me up then, I was screaming apparently.
I didn't share the dream with her though, I didn't want to upset her.