Chapter 14 - Punishment after punishment

'What if you make it worse?'

Ginny had been doubtful when the whole plan was explained to her. She was hesitant in admitting that it could be a good plan to calm down the unhealthy curiosity of the magical community, a bit more optimistic on the idea to unburden Ron's family but, at the same time, she was afraid of the possible consequences.

'Can it get any worse?' he replied with a question that wasn't really a question.

He couldn't see how it could get any degree worse than it was already unless the Fidelius charm would break. And that would have been a calamity. He loved his place. It was spacious, comfortable, close to the park, not far from the Ministry and just fifteen minutes from King's Cross. It took them forever to fix an apartment that united all these characteristics. It was thanks to Hermione that they could get it. They couldn't use an agency because his address had to remain a secret, she had acted as an intermediate to buy it and Harry had casted the Fidelius charm on it. It was already several years they were leaving there, and the last thing Harry wished was to move again.

He was nineteen when he and Ginny had decided to get a place together. He had spent the previous year at the Burrow, and despite Molly and Arthur had always made him feel part of the family, he wished for a place of his own. At first, he had considered moving to number 12 Grimmauld place but, after reflection, he discarded the idea. There were too many memories linked to that place, and it was too gloomy. He would have felt forlorn there by himself.

Ginny was still at school and that year felt like the longest in Harry's life.

After the Hogwarts battle, he hadn't lost not even a second in securing Ginny to himself. Following Fred's funeral, a heart broking event for the whole Weasley Family and for him that felt greatly responsible for it, he moved with them not having any other place to go.

He didn't realise yet to be finally free and had a lot of anxiety stuck to him like a second skin. He still felt every second could be the last one and was in a great agitation of spirit.

He wanted Ginny. He knew already then that she was the only one for him. There were no doubts about it. And now, that he had the chance, he wanted to make sure she felt the same. He had been away for a whole year and much can happen in a Hogwarts year. He ought to know, he ought to find out if she still cared for him.

Therefore, one night, he sneaked out from Percy's old room, his new room, knocked at her door and suggested they took a stroll into the garden.

He felt awkward and afraid. What if she had found somebody else? It was a bleak prospect. And Harry was hesitant.

He remembered how lovely she looked in her light night shirt, illuminated only by the pallid night's light. An enchanting seventeen-year-old Ginny that he had dreamed of for a full year.

They walked in silence, in the garden, bare feet in the grass full of the summery dew. He had to speak, he had to win the awkwardness and declare himself.

He took her hand and halted, that was the moment, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. How could he express all his wishes, all his fears? How could he convey in words all that was filling his mind? How could he tell her that each of his hopes for future happiness were linked with her? It was impossible.

He could only look at her, his eyes full of these silent sentiments and unasked questions. She had looked at him back, and he understood that there wasn't any need to speak. He read in that golden penetrating gaze what he hoped to hear from her mouth.

He kissed her then, and it wasn't the kiss it should have been, sweet and delicate. He pulled her against him, he parted her lips with his own. It was a voracious kiss, a passionate intense exchange. There was urgency, a longing that had ripened for a full year. A kiss in which he tried to explain all what he had felt for her in those months full of loneliness and desolation. The anxiety of not having enough time left in his life driving his actions. He could just think that if he had to die, he didn't want to leave this world without having had her at least for one night. He had lifted her in his passion, her legs crossed around his waist, and it was a kiss that turned on every pore of his skin, he could just sense her, thinking about her, wishing for her with every fibre of his body.

They broke apart and they laughed out of pure delight, then they kissed again, and laughed again, and kissed again, reversing in it everything they wanted to say to each other. He lay her down on the grass and undressed her. There wasn't only that burning passion commanding him but also a desire to see what he had always only imagined. And he caressed her slender body, he kissed it and worshipped it, he explored it and discovered it. And then they had each other. It was everything Harry had fancied and more. This time he was making love with the girl he loved without having to pretend. He wasn't trying to forget how miserable his life was but discovering how beautiful it could be.

And when the final bliss caught up with him, there wasn't any darkness waiting for him after it, not anything to forget or regret. There was just all the contentment of having her in his arms with the sudden realisation that nothing threatened their happiness and their future. He was finally free.

He proposed to her that night, just after they made love for the first time. There was no reason to wait, no need to meditate on it. Not for Harry. She was all he had always hoped for. And she agreed.

They had waited until the end of her Hogwarts year, an endless year, made of incessant flows of letters and of clandestine encounter in the Shrieking Shag. Harry could never get enough of her, neither then nor later on.

They married. They moved together in a small place just outside London and soon after it, as soon as Harry managed to take his eyes from her and look about him, he realised that his life could never have been just his own. He started to find out that he had to share it with strangers. That they were not safe anywhere from the morbid curiosity of the magical community. They moved so many times he lost count. He started hating people and their admiration for him. He had felt stalked. He was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and Hermione had helped him. She found the house for them, helped them to secure it and protect it. He had been extremely grateful, and had finally obtained a place to call home, a place to relax where he could enjoy his family without prying eyes.

And now he couldn't contemplate to idea of jeopardizing it. But at the same time, he needed a break from this maddening interest people had in his regards.

'Ginny, I am so tired of it. I want my life back and if it means having to share part of it with the magical community, I'm ready'

'I don't know, Harry. I don't think is going to help on that regard' she said eyeing the envelops 'But surely could help Ron's family…' she added pensively but then she resumed 'Well, actually I'm not even sure about that either to be truly honest. You will have to speak about delicate topics. You'll have to lie about Ron. You are not very good in lying you know…'

'I'm not very good in lying to you but I'm more than capable to do it to everybody else. Look at all those bloody dinners and public events I have to go all the time, pretending to like people I despise'

It was also true he was very sensitive on the Lily's topic, and he would have preferred not to answer questions about it, but it was an indispensable condition to help Hermione and Rose.

'I don't know…' she said still not very convinced 'But in any case, if you are going to do it, I'll be there too'

Harry would have loved to have her on his side but while he felt ready to be badgered by impertinent questions, he didn't want her to have to feel distressed by it.

Ginny started to open one of the letters while Albus irrupted in the living room 'Mum, I can't find my green t-shirt'

'It's in the second drawer, sweetie. Together with all the other t-shirts'

'It's not there, I looked!'

'Move the one on the top and you'll find it underneath' she replied airily.

'What are you doing?' He asked, his attention caught by the letters.

'Your dad is thinking to give an interview. We are considering options.'

'Cool! Can I help you?' he asked keen plunging himself beside them and taking an unopened one.

At that point James burst in 'Mum, I don't find my new black quill'

'It's in the first drawer of your desk, dear. Together with all the others quills' she answered slightly annoyed without rising her eyes from the letter she was perusing.

'It's not there… What's going on?'

Ginny explained to him too.

James, instead of going away in search of his black quill, sat on the armchair peeping at the pile curious. Blatantly wanting to get one but desisting, in one of his adolescently fit, not wanting to look too interested in anything concerning Harry.

Harry, rolling his eyes, pushed five or six in his direction and only then he took them, sulking.

The reading transformed itself in a family activity. With Albus that each time he found something that caught his fancy (basically in every letter) shared excitedly his discovery.

'Dad, Madam Malkin's wants you as a model for her line of underwear'

Harry laughed heartily 'I bet your mum would like that, wouldn't you?' he said turning to Ginny 'Wouldn't you want a giant poster of me wearing only my pants at the next Chudley Canon's match?'

Ginny made a grimace 'No, thank you. I prefer to be the only one seeing you in your pants' she said studying another envelope.

'Regina would like it' Albus said with a sly cheeky smile blushing a little.

'Who's Regina?' Ginny asked stern turning toward Harry.

He chuckled 'My chief groupie. Today Albus had the chance to be charmed by her big…. inner qualities' he concluded jokingly looking meaningfully at his son who was now again a shade of magenta.

'Did you introduce Albus to her?' Ginny asked bewildered.

'Well, she gave me some letters and it seemed only polite'

Ginny didn't look very happy about it; she took another envelop and pretending to be absorbed asked 'What letters?'

'The usual…' he said shrugging his shoulders.

'What's the usual?'

'You know, the usual letters.' He answered wanting to change subject from something he knew she wouldn't have approved at all 'I didn't read them; they are in my office'

Ginny opened her mouth to make a retort but stopped having James asked 'Is this Regina, a brunette, with big…' he stopped short hesitantly and, mirroring his brother's face colour, stammered '… ergh….'

'Inner qualities?' Harry suggested laughing heartily 'Yeah, that's right. How do you know?'

'What are those big inner qualities?' Ginny asked suspicious with a scowl ready to spring out.

James didn't reply to her question but to Harry's one 'She was in Hogwarts up to last year, in Slytherin.' he pointed out with a bit of aversion on his face 'She was very often speaking to me'

Harry's brow knitted together 'Why?'

It was odd that a girl in her seventh year would look out for second year boy, even for a chat.

James took an annoyed expression and looked away 'You know already, don't you?'

'No, I don't know' Harry answered unnerved 'Why?'

James took a big breath and looked at him challenging 'To ask about you, obviously'

'Oh, for god's sake' Harry exclaimed in disbelief 'What did she want to know?'

'The usual...' he answered shrugging his shoulders.

'What's the usual?' he asked greatly sympathising with Ginny at that moment.

'You know... The usual questions' he said clearly wanting to change subject 'Where do you go to run, when and where we are going on holiday, what you like and don't like...'

Ginny had a thunderous expression like Harry's one but for very different reasons.

'You didn't answer to any, did you?'

James snapped crossing his arms on his chest 'If I should stop answering questions about you, I would lose my voice for lack of use.'

Harry felt frustration growing, that was how they knew so many things about him, through Hogwarts and through James, and perhaps Albus, but he was ready to bet through James mostly.

'Ok, new rule, and this is for you too Albus' he said severely looking at both of his sons 'You are forbidden, under any circumstance, to answer questions about me. It doesn't matter how trivial they are. You are prohibited to speak about me and our private concerns.' He said looking at James in particular, his mind on his mention of the dream to Francis 'No small chats about my life and habits'

Albus nodded meekly but James, his face purple with anger, blorted out 'All my friends can talk about their parents and family! Why I cannot?'

'You know already, don't you?' Harry answered mockingly.

He flushed furious and challenging he answered 'No, I don't know. Why?'

'Because I'm a public person. I hate it, I didn't look for it and I don't want it, but so it is. So, you'll keep your mouth shut, and I don't want to hear another word about it.' He concluded feeling his temper rising, Ginny rested gently a hand on his arm as a reminder to keep it down.

James stood up boldly and exploded in anger 'So then, next time, do everybody a favour and let somebody else kill You-Know-Who' and saying that he rushed out of the room.

Harry was so enraged that sprang up quickly from the sofa ready to confront him.

Ginny retained him 'Harry, let him go. Sit down and calm down'

He started to swear forgetting about Albus who was still there looking aghast.

'How could he fucking say something like that, Ginny? How could he? After all I went through, after all I…' He couldn't even complete the sentence as outraged as he was. He shrugged Ginny's hand still retaining him and roared walking up and down the room.

'Harry, breath, relax.'

'No! I won't relax! I won't calm down! How did he dare? You are too soft with him! He deserves a lesson! I'm not taking this anymore' he shouted slamming a hand on the door to vent out his anger. Albus sat up in alarm.

'Harry now you stop and calm down' Ginny commanded suddenly severe 'He said a very bad thing, but you'll just make the situation worse confronting him right now. I'll talk to him'

Harry took big breaths to cool down and after a few seconds, he succeeded in a more sedate tone of voice to say 'Ok, I'm sorry. You are right.' And seeing Albus' pallid face he added 'I'm sorry, Albus.'

'It's all right' Albus answered tamely 'He shouldn't have said it.'

He let himself fall on the sofa between him and Ginny sighing consternated.

He still couldn't believe James had said what he did. Like if he had any choice. After all the dangers he had to endure, the traumas and the losses, he had to hear from his own son condemnation for it. He had to bear punishment after punishment for it. It was unfair.

He wanted back his child. The boisterous vivacious child who looked up to him. He didn't recognise him anymore.

It seemed that with Lily all the family serenity had departed.

And he felt then in a spasm of pain the need to have her pet in his arms loving him and telling him that he was the best dad in the world to heal the wound that James had just inflicted.

But there was no Lily.

And he had to learn to deal with this new son of his.