Chapter 15 - Whispering in the dark

Like just a few nights previously, Harry was in his room listening to the loud voices coming from the next room, tired and overcome. He just wished for serenity, for some peace of mind and it was denied to him. He wondered whether it would have been better for him not to have had any kids. It seemed he could only make mistakes with them; it didn't matter how hard he tried. And now there was a new one coming, another life in his hands. Another responsibility.

While he was lost in this consideration, he heard James' door opening and, after a moment he was there, his face was still red with anger. He spoke without looking at him.

'I'm sorry for what I have said. I shouldn't have done it' but Harry understood it wasn't earnest. Ginny was behind him with a severe expression, and it was blatant that this apology was more an act of obedience in regard of Ginny than a sincere admittance of wrong.

He shook his head disappointed 'James, I don't accept your apology. Either it's felt or I don't wanna hear it. Go back to your room and, if you can, try to imagine what it has been like fighting Voldemort. I would have been glad if somebody else had done it instead, believe me.'

He saw a start in his son demeanour at the pronunciation of the name and then his eyes widening at his sentence, comprehension downing on him or more probably just surprise in hearing Harry acknowledging that much about the Dark lord's down bringing, when he usually never mentioned it. He faltered as to speak but Harry was too frustrated with him, he didn't want to have to explain himself. Was it too much to ask from his children (James) comprehension and support?

'Now go.' He said dismissing him before he could say something else to pain him. He just wanted to hug Ginny and sleep.

James lowered his head, his gaze on the floor. He was still red but, this time, surely for shame, having fully realised the meaning of his previous sentence. He marched out of the room and Ginny followed him with her eyes, concerned, but when he looked at Harry, her expression dropped.

She approached him 'Harry…' she just said enclosing him in a tight embrace.

'Ginny, please, come to bed and keep close to me.' He said kissing her 'I need to have you by me'

She smiled affectionately 'Ok, I'm coming'

Once they were lying together, lights out, spooning, both very much awake Ginny whispered, 'Do you want to ground him?'

'What's the point?' Harry asked resigned 'He already cannot get out.'

'What do you want to do then?'

Harry sighed 'I don't know. What do you think I should do?'

'You should talk to him'

Harry whisper became irritated 'You see how he reacts all the times I try! He spurns every attempt on my part'

'No Harry, you know what I mean. You should be more open with him'

He didn't answer dejected. She was right, he had to confide in him more.

He had already realised how much damage his being reserved could produce. Lily's death should have taught him that. He had made a promise with himself to be more open with them, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. All the times he tried he felt a knot that prevented him continuing.

He had done in with Ginny, it was true, but it was in a very particular circumstance. He was already so low that couldn't go any lower and his mind was weak after being shaken by extremely strong emotions.

It was very different now to have to recount everything again with a cold mind. And to his son.

It was difficult to be open, to speak about his sentiments to a kid that wore a scowl like a shield all the time their gazes met. He had to expose his weak side with the risk to be much injured, he had to confront again all the monsters hiding inside him. The distress in speaking of it was great and he just felt he didn't have the strength to tell everything one more time.

He hadn't recounted Ginny about the extendable hear yet. He took the opportunity to do it then. At first, she was outraged 'Did you eavesdrop on James?' she asked in a hiss turning her head to look at him.

He chuckled 'It wasn't me! It was George, he forced the string in my ear!'

She turned facing the wall still frowning but, with curiosity, asked, 'So, then, what did you hear?'

He recounted her the jest of it. When he got to Bianca's point, she spun her face toward him again excited 'Has he got a girlfriend?'

'Apparently' he said 'But it seems she fancies him just because he looks like me'

'Oh…' she uttered as the excitement faded quickly.

'It seems endless the damage I'm inflicting to that kid just because I defeated Voldemort'

He felt Ginny shudder at the mention of the name.

'I'm sorry' he said.

'It's ok. I should be used to it by now' she answered turning to face him.

'Harry, it's not your fault. It's just…' she paused undecided on how to proceed 'He is different from Albus, he had always enjoyed the popularity at school but now it is starting to bother him that it doesn't come from something that he earned. He is starting to feel insecure and to question all his relationships with friends and now girls as well. It's not easy to have a father that incidentally has defeated the darkest wizard of all times'

Harry felt the usual pang of annoyance and retorted in angry whisper 'What should I do about it?! Shall I keep a Hogwarts conference on how not cool the whole business was?'

'It wouldn't help, I believe' she answered ignoring his tone 'I don't know, Harry. Let's see after the interview, let's affront one problem at the time'

Taking his face in her hands she gave him a kiss, one of those kisses that starts innocent and grow dense. Harry felt a shiver going through him and as soon as he started to respond enthusiastically, she broke it giving him her back 'Good night', she said simply.

Harry was so taken aback that after the first moment of surprise, forgetting to whisper, blurted out loudly 'Good night?! What's that supposed to mean?'

She shushed him severely 'It means good night. I'm tired and I want to sleep' she replied sternly.

'Wait a sec! You cannot kiss me that way and then say good night as if nothing ever happened!'

'It was just a kiss'

'Well, you know the effect of your kisses on me, don't you? Or do I have to make myself clear?' He said mischievously rubbing his body against her own.

'Harry, I said good night! Let me sleep!' she said shrugging him off.

Harry snorted loudly and let her go. He looked at the bare ceiling trying to calm his passion, then to the boring wall, then to the unattractive window, then to her attractive back and then, uncapable to channel his thought on anything different of what he longed for, spooned on her again.

'Ginny, my love' he whispered honey-like in her ear and, with a sudden inspiration, asked naughtily 'Would you show me your inner qualities?'

She nudged him hard in the chest while Harry was putting all his efforts in not to laugh too loudly.

'You are such a fool!' she exclaimed taking the pillow and throwing it to him 'Go to that "I don't remember her name" one if you want to see something worthwhile! Apparently, she has got some very big ones!'

As she made to slap him, he grabbed her wrist and kissed it 'Your inner qualities are the best there are, my absolute favourites!' he said smiling maliciously, starting to make for them under her t-shirt.

'Harry, I'm tired, we have to work tomorrow...' she said but Harry could detect a relenting tone and not to lose the advantage he had conquered intensified his caresses.

'Yes, yes, yes. You will have the rest of the night to sleep.'

And with a swift move he removed every barrier between him and her.