Chapter 25 - She is just a friend

The next day at work was, if possible, even worse. The restrain that shyness and surprise had commanded the day before was completely gone. He avoided purposely his morning walk not wanting to confront his groupies. Already normally they were kind of fierce, it was better to let the dust settle before showing up.

It felt like he was slowly losing every small pleasure of life.

Going to the lift he spotted the girl managing the weather on his floor. He greeted her, but he got back only a strangled sound as she was so overwhelmed by awe.

He thought again longingly of Hermione before her declaration. It was rather hard not to be able to have a rational conversation without being stripped mentally or, even worse, when there was the only interest in taking as much advantage from his person as possible.

There was his staff. True. They were all decent fellows. But he always tried not to get too close to them. He was the boss and, even if he didn't like it, it was right to maintain distance to be able to perform his role at best. He didn't want to show any favouritism getting closer to one more than another and he needed to retain control and discipline over them. It was possible only not getting too friendly.

It was a good department to work in though. Auror were all young, fit and with a strong mind. They needed to keep their wits about them, because of the dangerous and unpredictable nature of their job. When somebody was getting too old to bear the physical or mental strain, could decide if to get an early retirement (it was allowed since it was considered a hazardous profession) or being relocated in another department.

The atmosphere was, albeit stressful time to time, overall good. Harry tried to keep it cheerful and chattering. It was already a hard and sometime depressing job; therefore, he wanted his staff to feel at ease and as relaxed as it was possible to be, at least when they were in the office. He had completely faith in their capacity, so he left them quite flexible to organize their tasks and days, stepping in only when it was necessary, to give assignments or to redistribute them.

He had chosen most of his present colleagues having him the last word on it and he was very happy about every choice taken.

However, that morning every shred of embarrassment or deference was gone completely. He found Carola, as the day before, busy in literally wall papering the wall beside her desk with pictures of the magazine.

Harry was so startled he fell immobile for a few seconds just watching at himself from every picture looking back at him.

'What in the name of god are you doing?' he blorted out in the end, indignant.

'Oh, hullo Harry!' she replied cheerfully finishing to attach the last picture 'How are you doing? Just thought to lighten up the atmosphere. It was getting too grizzly with all these ugly faces staring at us' she grimaced gesticulating toward the images of the dark wizards around the room 'and it has got the double use of getting our men not to neglect their exercise. I showed them to my boyfriend too so he can get the example' she added looking airily at the watery picture as she caressed it with a coveting finger 'Nice six-pack'.

Harry turned scarlet feeling a tinge in his tummy where she was touching the picture, he bellowed outraged 'I want those bloody pictures down by the end of the morning.'

'No need to be shy! We all appreciate them very much' she said sniggering, followed by more sniggering from the others and mumbles of agreement.

'By the end of the morning!' Harry replied furious 'I remind you that I heard voices a Death Eater has been spotted in the Mongolian desert. I may decide anytime to send somebody there to check if it's true…' he said threateningly. The first picture was already being removed. Very good, the power of persuasion.

He tried to avoid getting out from his office for the whole morning but, exactly as the day before, the hustle and bustle was part of it and undiminished. The number of letters received was overwhelming and, this time, he was sure not to want to read a single one. It was getting necessary to light up a fire, despite the heat, to dispose of them, and it became mandatory a trip to reception to apologies.

Despair was slowly overcoming him and at the umpteenth knock at the door and he let slip an angry tone in his answer.

A bushy head peeked in 'Having a rough day?'

Harry, seeing her, felt almost like crying. He rested his head in desperation on the desk enjoying the coolness of it against his forehead.

'Hermione…' he just managed to utter in a wail.

She slipped in the office closing the door behind her 'Come on Harry, cheer up. It is not that bad'

Harry didn't answer fighting the impulse to look for a comforting hug from her. Why and why with all the billions of people in the world she had to fall in love with him? Why had she to deprive him of her friendship? He was on the verge of asking but he contained himself. As usual with her nowadays.

She leaned against the desk looking at him. Before the declaration she would have caressed him.

Why Hermione? Why? Can't you just unlove me?

'I'm here for business. I need the file regarding Gregorian Lupu, he may be responsible for a leak of an important Rumanian government secret. An Imperius curse is suspected.'

With his head still on the desk he pointed limply to a pile on the floor. She went rummaging in it muttering reprovingly about the state of his office.

'For how long you are going to stay at the Ministry?' he asked under his voice.

'I'm really coming and going depending on what is needed' she answered scattering files all over in her research 'Harry, this is a mess! How can you find the things you need?'

Harry frowned at the reproach but then smiled; it was like being back to old times.

Seeing his smile, she laughed probably as the same thought crossed her mind.

And Harry, again, had to restrain himself from telling her how much he missed her and how his life had turned out to be lonely without her company.

'Do you want to get lunch together?' he asked hopefully instead.

'I don't think it's a good idea.'

'Why? It was nice yesterday'

'That's why'

Harry turned his head from her to the opposite wall crestfallen.

Doomed for misery and loneliness.

Hermione seeing this sighed. With the file in her hand, she leaned against the desk watching him.

Neither of them moved for a while. Then she reached out and stroked gently his curls. It was such a nice sensation and he needed so much a sympathising friend. Somebody that appreciated him for himself.

He turned to look at her and as their eyes met, she changed expression from sympathetic to frightened and retrieved hastily her hand to crumple it on her lap.

Harry, with a note of disappointment, said 'It's all right, Hermione. I don't bite'

'It's not of you that I'm afraid' and with this enigmatic answer she left him to his solitude.

The foul mood proceeded well through the evening. Tempers were running high. When, during dinner, Ginny found out he had lunch with Hermione the previous day she shot him a filthy look that could just mean one thing "when the kids will be out of earshot you will hear from me" and once in bed she had done just that. She reproached him for his behaviour reminding him of his intentions to stay away from her and Harry, being on edge, avoided any discussion not to end up shouting at each other. She just wouldn't get how left out he felt. She was surrounded by friends, family and colleagues to chat and be as merry as possible, he could count his friends on the fingers of one hand being comprised in: Ted (who was only twenty) and George (who was her brother).

Was it so hard to understand he had been tempted to look for Hermione's company since she was there? Was it so reproachful? Nothing had happened, like nothing had ever happened (well, almost nothing considering past behaviour). They had just chatted pleasantly, and it had actually been the only positive moment of the last two days. And as he was hoping getting home to, at least, being able to enjoy his family, Ginny was holding a grudge against him, he was too enraged by her failing to understand his situation and James was giving him the hardest of time.

He had asked to be brought to Bianca, but it was difficult to accomplish. James couldn't go by floopowder because there was the risk of them finding out their address, he could drop him by side apparition, but he had never been there and he needed to have seen the place at least once to be able to do it, they couldn't go with brooms in daylight, and they didn't have a car.

Unfortunately, the place wasn't close by as Francis' one had been otherwise, they could have gone by muggle transportation, it was somewhere down on the seaside, and he couldn't take time off only for that.

A solution could be found, perhaps with a portkey, but his mind was too occupied by his immediate problems to add another one to the list. Therefore, he had told James (not very patiently to be completely honest) that at the moment it was impossible.

A tantrum had succeeded this with James reminding him that just a few days before he had said he could go and that he was dying of boredom in the house and how unfair the whole world was and how he, poor teenager, was the only one suffering and how mean and totally unreasonable his father was. All this not said word by word, but it was pretty much the jest of it.

Ginny hadn't interfered all taken by conveying her mute reproach and Harry had to use all his power over himself not to fly off the handle and start to yell.

The day concluded with Albus sighing, James' enraged silence and Ginny's rebuking one.

The following day Harry passed Hermione a couple of times in the corridor but didn't approach her, barely greeted her following Ginny's instructions. Hermione's expression had been hurt making Harry feel there wasn't any possible way to keep the two most important women of his life happy.

But being Ginny his first, he stuck to his distant behaviour toward Hermione hoping she would understand.

When he got back home, was in the lowest mood because of it, and he just hoped with all his might to find a pacified Ginny. It wasn't so. She was still cold toward him, and he soon understood why.

Albus was reading a magazine at the kitchen table, on it were laying at least five different publications. On all of them there was him. On one there was a picture taken the night of the Hogwarts battle, the title reported "The mystery intensified! What was Harry Potter looking for?", on another there were him and Ginny having a walk on the seaside, her protuberant tummy clearly visible "The question of the moment. Is it going to be a boy or a girl?"

But the cover that caught his attention was the one Albus was reading.

It was a picture taken from behind. He was kissing Hermione, keeping her by the waist. They were on their way for the minister. The title read "Is it really only a friendship?".

Harry scowled; it was the worst moment ever for a publication of that kind. He peeped at Ginny who was cooking dinner. She had a set expression and was blatantly ignoring him.

'Can I see that?' he asked Albus who leerily gave it to him.

'It is nasty, dad. Not nice at all.'

It was full of pictures taken at different times of his life. And in all of those there was him with Hermione in equivocal moments. The article would debate on them, insinuating an affair lasting for years.

'It came out this morning.' Albus said 'James was very upset'

James was surely upset, but Ginny was definitely more so judging by the strength with which the veggies were being cut. By hand. With a very sharp knife.

'You know they are all lies. Do you?' Harry asked Albus loud enough for Ginny to hear it too.

Albus nodded serious 'I know. I wrote to Rose. She said the same, aunt told her. I told James, he knows it too, but he was upset nevertheless'

Harry thought with dismay about what Hermione must have faced at work like at home with Ron. And how his pointed neglect that day had been surely attributed to the magazine by her.

It was a never-ending evil this popularity that infected everybody had the misfortune to be close to him.

Albus, very hesitant, seemed inclined to add something else but at that moment James made his appearance and Albus closed his mouth hastily.

The dinner turned out to be another silent one.

Harry asked them how they had spent their day. Albus stared at his plate 'Nothing special' he muttered under his voice. James didn't reply.

Harry tried to get a more exhaustive answer from Albus, usually very chatty, but as he raised his eyes to speak, he met James' stern glare and lowered it straight away 'Homework…' he mumbled.

Harry heaved a sigh and tried with James but something in the boy's expression told him that he couldn't expect anything better but only something worse. And he had seen right.

James was livid without any apparent cause if not his forced home staying.

An angry outburst poured forth from him when Harry repeated the question not receiving any answer

'What do you think we have done?! Nothing! Like usual.'

Harry felt the vein in his temple pulsating, he surely didn't feel up to start a battle with his son and overall, he wouldn't allow him to stand up to him 'Ok James, I have had enough of your behaviour. If you cannot use a pleasant tone, you may as well spend the rest of the evening in your room'

'Fine, better there than here' he muttered and pushing back his chair roughly he let his meal unfinished and stormed out of the kitchen.

'Well done' Ginny said accusingly once they heard James' door bang.

'Ginny, just give me a break, would you?!' he blorted out tired of this continuous bad mood of which he seemed, with the only fault of existing, the cause.

After dinner he suggested Albus a walk at which he bashfully refused without any particular reason. Harry was hurt, usually, at least Albus, was always eager to spend some time with him and he grew afraid too at his refusal. Was the fore coming of his approaching adolescence? He just couldn't stand the thought of two James in the house. One was already more than enough to handle.

He disapparated to his wood to have a run, and the greenery helped him in returning in a more sedate mood. Not properly good but at least not that bad.

Ginny was in the bathroom all busy with her pre-bed beauty routine. Harry leaned against the sink watching her smearing every angle of her face with a thousand different products, all with different properties and to be used in different areas. Once, out of curiosity, had asked her to enlighten him of the whole pre-bed routine and he had been amazed by the complexity of the affair and the perseveres of Ginny following it through every single night. He had found out later, asking Hermione, that she followed more or less the same procedure (even if not as strict as Ginny) every night since she was sixteen! It seemed so much a drag, he just brushed his teeth. He had thanked his lucky star to be born a man. Sometimes he was even bothered by having to shave…

He looked at her in silence while she was deliberately ignoring him.

'I barely said hello to her today' he said hoping to make up before to go to bed.

'You can do whatever you want. It doesn't concern me' she answered coldly not looking back at him tapping lightly the soft skin under her eyes with a yellowish moisture. The translation of that sentence, as Harry very well knew, was "Beware of what you do and what you say because you'll have to answer to me". When she was mad against him there was always a translation for every sentence said and by now Harry was quite good at interpret it.

'Ginny, she is just a friend…' he tried again conciliatory.

Ginny shot him a harsh look 'She is not a friend; she probably has never been, and she surely will never be'

Those words hurt Harry deeply. Was Ginny right? Has it been really nothing but a lie? Was everything she had done for him counted as nothing against that one feeling that she didn't even indulge in?

It felt a friendship to him, and he couldn't accept the fact that it couldn't be so any longer. He didn't want to cast her away completely from his life and forever. He needed her. Was it a selfish feeling? Was it really better to be both miserable in this forced separation? They were so happy before.

He didn't reply, prepared quickly for the night and when Ginny was ready it was long time he was in bed. After the light had been off for already sometime, she called softly his name.

He pretended to be asleep.