"Here you go, sir," said Johan as he handed a customer a tray of biscuits. "Dung beetle biscuits and key lime pie."
"I ordered three dung beetles," the customer complained. "Not four!"
One of Johan's eyes twitched. He inhaled, exhaled and said through gritted teeth, "Mi metto subito al lavoro, signore."
"Say it in English!"
"No, I won't," Johan said as he returned to the kitchen.
"Wow," said Ivy. "You didn't scream in someone's face this time."
"Sorry. It's just that I have a thing for the number four. You should have seen me when I was younger. I remember one time I lost a card game to my Zio Mista..."
Poor Guido Mista and Sex Pistols screamed as a six-year-old Johan jumped onto the former and began scratching him like an angry cat. "I knew he would get mad if I had four of a kind! It's always four!"
"YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE, ZIO MISTA! GET OVER IT!"
"I keep telling him to get over the fours..." It was then Johan realized Ivy was wearing a big backpack. "What's with that? Are you going on a camping trip or something?"
"Yep. The Plantars invited us to go to Camp Phlegmington. Gonna rough it outdoors and get filthy!"
"Wait. Why wasn't informed of this?"
"Well, I figured a city slicker like you wouldn't be interested."
"You kidding? I always wanted to go camping," said Johan. "I just never found the right time. Let me come with you and the Plantars."
"WHERE'S MY PIE?!"
Johan closed his eyes, inhaled and exhaled. "Right after I deal with this irritating customer." He walked out of the kitchen and Ivy heard a splat sound. He walked back into the kitchen with a satisfied smile. "I made sure this one had three beetles."
"You threw it in his face, didn't you?
"Sì!"
The campsite was something that Johan surprisingly expected to see. Frogs were water skiing, roasting sausage worms over a campfire, axe throwing, catching bugs with giant nets. "This is nice," he said. He looked forward and saw the Plantars and Anne. "Anne! Guys!"
"JoJo! Ivy!" Anne shouted and waved them over.
Sprig turned pinker than normal and looked away. "H-Hey, Ivy."
"Isn't it great? Finally, some time away from mother! I can't wait to tell scary stories. The more teen frogs running from deranged psychopaths, the better. Ha-ha!"
"Y-Yeah."
"I'm just happy to get off the farm. So much fresh air, and it's all mine," shouted Polly as she took a deep breath, almost inflating like a balloon.
"I personally love the peace and quiet," said Hop Pop. "A frog can really hear themselves think out here." Did you leave the stove on? The front door unlocked? WILL YOU DIE ALONE?! "Well, that was a mistake."
Johan noticed Anne cringing at the sight of a butterfly flying by and a stag beetle crawling by her feet. "Anne. You're back to wearing your school uniform and worn out sneakers? Wait, did you actually put the leaves and sticks back in your hair?"
"Hey, I'm not getting my new dress ruined from being out here in nature!"
He asked her, "Anne, do you even want to be here? You seem uncomfortable."
"You sure you want to stay, Anne? You can take Bessie and go home if you need to."
Anne put a finger on Hop Pop's lips when he said that. "Hey, hey, hey! Here's an idea. How about we stop questioning my decisions and get to camping together already? Who's with me?"
The kids cheered. "Yeah, that sounds good," said Hop Pop.
"Anne, can I talk to you in private?" Johan grabbed Anne by the arm and dragged her behind a tree. "You can fool the others," he said in a low voice. "But you can't fool me. You really don't want to be here."
"What? That's ridiculous, JoJo! I really wanna be here! I am tough! I can rough it in the woods!"
"Anne."
The girl finally caved in. "Fine! I don't wanna be here! But I can't let the Plantars know that! Polly called me a baby, for crying out loud!"
"Oh, I get it. This isn't about you roughing it up in the woods. This is about your pride again. You can't stand the idea of being seen as weak."
Anne opened her mouth to respond, but stopped. Then she said, "So what if it is? I hate being called weak, or incapable of doing something! I mean, do you feel the same way?"
Well, I figured a city slicker like you wouldn't be interested. "You know what? I do feel the same way, Anne."
"Eh?"
"Ivy thought I didn't have what it takes 'cause I didn't go camping. I nearly got eaten, killed and gunned down by Stand user amphibians and she doesn't think I can hack it?! That's not going to fly! Why don't we show her what us city slickers can do in the wild? JoAnne against the world!"
Anne muttered, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Well, you and Sprig do that whole 'SprAnne against the world' thing, so I figured..."
"Hey, that's me and Sprig's thing. Don't ruin it."
Johan rolled his eyes. "Fine. By the way, I got you a better weapon," he said as he handed her a bush axe. "I got this from Hopediah's toolshed. I think it's better than that tennis racket you're carrying."
"Okay," Anne said, taking it. "But I'm keeping the tennis racket. Oh, I got you something too." She handed him a long, silver object.
"Is this a flashlight bat?"
"Better than that toothpick you call a knife."
Johan's left eye twitched. "Vuoi vedere cosa so fare con questo stuzzicadenti?"
"Say it in English."
"Hey!" Hop Pop called out. "What's keeping you two?"
"We better go," said Anne. "Don't wanna keep them waiting."
The two of them left the tree and approached the frogs. "Sorry for keeping ya," said Johan.
"Hey, is that my bush axe?" asked the old frog as he pointed to the tool strapped to Anne's back. "Be careful with it, that's an antique!"
The Plantars, Ivy and the humans went fishing. While the frogs caught small fish, Anne was pulled in by a large pike. As for Johan? He caught a boot.
Sprig set up the tent. Not to be out done, Anne set up her own tent. It collapsed and somehow caught fire. "Come on, kids, throw some dirt on it! Get some water!" shouted Hop Pop.
After returning from a spring with some fresh water, Johan stopped when he saw something that horrified him and he reached for his gun. "Anne...don't move..."
"Why?" she asked. She got her answer when she realized a spider as large as a chihuahua was on her back. She screamed and began flailing her arms around. "Get it off! No, no, no! Get it off! Get it off!"
"Stop moving, you idiot!"
That night, everyone slept outside in their sleeping bags. Anne had a little trouble sleeping, then had even more trouble when she rolled down the hill and into a briar patch.
Sprig applied a soothing lotion onto Anne's back, which was covered in large red bumps. "Ow! Careful! I'm pretty sure those ticks caused internal damage."
"Are you okay, JoJo?" asked Ivy as she rubbed the same lotion onto his arms.
"Yeah I'm fine," he said. "I'm just hoping I don't get malaria from those mosquitoes."
"So, awkward question, but are you two sure you wouldn't be happier back home?" asked Sprig.
"Seriously, kids, no need to torture yourself," said Hop Pop. "Take Bessie and go home. And don't you worry about us, 'cause we'll be just fine without you."
"What, and be seen as weak in front of you guys? Forget it," said Johan.
"What did you say?" asked Ivy.
Anne immediately slapped her hand over Johan's mouth. "What he meant to say was this camp is weak!"
"Weak?" questioned Polly.
"Look around you. Singing, butterflies, laughter. I guess I'm just used to something a little more... Extreme."
Suddenly, a green, bearded frog covered in tattoos and wearing a Crocodile Dundee khaki uniform and hat out of a bush, startling everyone. "So, this place ain't extreme enough for ya?" he asked in a deep, scratchy voice.
"Uh, dang right it ain't," said Anne.
The frog let out a long, maniacal laugh, unnerving everyone. "I can take you folks to a real campsite, one where there ain't none of this kiddie stuff, like shelter or potable water. Blech."
"Well, would a more extreme experience make you and JoJo happy, Anne?" asked Hop Pop.
"Uh...yeah?" said Anne.
"Let's go with that," said Johan.
"If Anne and JoJo wants hard-core, we go hard-core. Lead the way, Mr., uh..." Sprig said, stopping when he realized he didn't know the frog's name.
"Name's Joe. Soggy Joe," the frog said. He laughed again.
"Yeesh. Could you like, turn down the creep just a bit?" asked Anne.
"NO!"
Evening fell. As the group followed Soggy Joe deep into the woods, they felt uneasy. The forest seemed scarier as night fell. Frightening sights included a skeleton of a frog with a sign that read "SAVE YOURSELF!", a pond full of buckets similar to the one Polly was in and an unfortunate snail getting eaten by a giant spider.
"I swear to God," Johan said to himself. "If I ever see a guy wearing a goaltender mask and carrying a machete come out of the bushes, we are going back home."
The group eventually came to a clearing. "We're here," said Soggy Joe. He fell into some mud and gave it a taste. "We bunk here for the night. And in the morning, if we're still alive..." Everyone held their breaths. "I'll take you all out for pancakes." Everyone sighed in relief. Pancakes sounded good.
They set up a campfire and roasted some bugs over it. Soggy Joe remained silent the whole time. After five minutes of dead silence, he finally spoke. "Want to hear a tale?"
"Uh..." said Anne.
"I'm good," said Hop Pop.
"Hard pass, old man," said Polly.
Sprig raised his hand. "Oh, me! I love scary stories."
"That goes for me, too," said Johan.
Everyone except Soggy Joe, Sprig and Johan groaned. "Gather 'round and hear ye the tale of the Mud Men," said Soggy Joe as he began his ghost story. "Born in the bowels of the bog itself, the mud creatures stalk the inky night, lusting to devour any frogs that might have wandered into their domain." He sank into the mud.
"Ten bucks says he doesn't come back up," said Polly.
"JUST LIKE US!" Soggy Joe shouted as he burst out of the ground. "Ah, yes. The Mud Men only fear two things. Daylight and being clean. Holy honey thistle!"
"What? What is it, Joe?" asked Hop Pop.
"Nature calls. Be right back," Joe said as he ran into the bushes.
"Pfft. Weak story," said Johan. "Now I got a real scary story. A true scary story." He held the flashlight bat under his face and said, "It is the story of two of Diavolo's minions."
"Diavolo? Wasn't that the previous boss of Passione?" asked Ivy.
"Yes. And this is the story of the mad doctor Cioccolata and his human pet Secco." The kids leaned in a little closer. "Cioccolata was a doctor who was fired for misdiagnosing a patient, resulting in his death. However, after he joined Diavolo and became a Stand user, his true nature was revealed."
He paused.
"It was no accident." A shiver ran down his listeners' spines. "He killed his patients on purpose. He would purposely misdiagnose patients who were perfectly healthy and operated on them. Even worse, he would reduce the anesthesia so they would wake up in the middle of surgery, all so he could watch their expressions of despair."
He paused again to make an eerie smile.
"As a boy, Cioccolata had the top grades in school and when he was fourteen, he volunteered to care for the elderly. But in reality, he was secretly administering unknown drugs to the people in his care. And also, he would..." Johan made a raspy, scratchy voice and said, "'You want to know why no one comes to visit you? It's because they think you're a burden and they really hate you.'" His listeners made frightened squeaks. He coughed before continuing his scary story in his normal voice, "He would say these cruel words to them every day until it became too much and they killed themselves. And he filmed them every time. In his home, he had a collection of twenty-five tapes in which he had documented the despair on his victims' faces. It was after he drove nine people to suicide that he decided to be a doctor. The only reason he became one in the first place was to watch people die. While watching someone die, he felt superior over the rest of humanity, as he felt he truly understood the psychology of the human race."
There was another eerie pause. Polly ducked under her bucket, Sprig and Ivy held each other close, Hop Pop wished he could crawl under Bessie's shell and Anne's face turned pale.
"A-A-And...what of Secco?" she asked.
"Little is known about him. He was one of Cioccolata's patients," said Johan. "He was driven mad and became his loyal dog, essentially. He would obey only Cioccolata's orders and helped him film the deaths of the people under his...'care'. This was a role, however. Underneath this guise, Secco was a smart man who used Cioccolata for his own needs. When off his leash, he proved to be more dangerous than anyone even imagined. Even among the various Stand users loyal to Diavolo, these two stood out as true monsters."
He paused again.
"Their Stands were perfect reflections of them. Cioccolata's Stand, Green Day, spewed out a mold that rotted people alive. The mold's growth was triggered when the potential victims lowered their current altitude, a condition that applied even to individual limbs, forcing them to either stay immobile or go upwards. Secco's Stand, Oasis, liquified surfaces into mud. Secco's Oasis formed a deadly combination with Cioccolata's Green Day as Secco forced targets to sink underground, accelerating the growth of Green Day's lethal mold. In turn, Oasis's nature as a wearable Stand protected Secco from the mold, allowing him to operate with impunity even against mold-infected victims."
"Wh-Wh-What happened to them?" asked Polly.
"They died. My dad beat Cioccolata to a pulp after he used Gold Experience to turn a bullet into a stag beetle that ate his brain while Zio Buccellati slashed Secco's throat with his Stand, Sticky Fingers. Both of them wound up thrown into a garbage truck and crushed."
"Okay," said Sprig as he held his hands up. "I've had enough scary stories for tonight!" He turned to Anne. "Well, Anne? Extreme enough for ya?" She didn't respond, too petrified to say anything.
Suddenly, Soggy Joe came out of the bushes, groaning. "Oh, uh, hey Sog Man. Everything okay?" asked Sprig.
Soggy Joe fell over, revealing a huge axe in his back. Everyone screamed. Then the fire went out. "Don't worry. Good thing I brought my copper matches," Hop Pop said as he relit the fire.
Johan's eyes widened. "Uh...Hopediah?"
"What?" The old frog looked up to see a creature completely coated in mud looming over him.
"It's the Mud Men!" screamed Sprig.
More of the creatures slowly crawled out of the ground, armed with sickles, axes, forks and knives, and bolt cutters.
"THEY'RE REAL!" shouted Hop Pop.
Polly jumped onto him and screamed, "AND THEY'RE HERE FOR OUR DELICIOUS SOULS!"
Johan quickly grabbed his gun and fired at the Mud Men. One of them got close to him and tried to take a bite out of him, but he quickly jumped back and summoned DARE to punch it in the face. Another Mud Man lunged at him and bit into his leg. He let out a scream and fired at the Mud Man's head, killing him instantly. Five more Mud Men appeared and pinned him to the ground.
"JoJo!" Anne shouted. She grabbed the bush axe and ran to him and slashed three of the Mud Man's guts while decapitating the remaining two.
The Plantars and Ivy tried to drive the Mud Men away with torches, only for the Mud Men to douse them.
The group backed into a tree as the Mud Men slowly advanced toward them. Johan kept firing his gun at them until he heard the dreaded click. "Damn. Out of ammo." He readied his Stand and pulled out his knife, but he knew he couldn't take them all out at the rate they just kept coming. "Any bright ideas?" he asked nervously.
"I wish I had sunlight," said Sprig.
"Or at least cleaning products," said Hop Pop.
Anne let out a gasp as inspiration struck her. "I have something even better. Everyone, take cover!" She reached into her backpack and pulled out a pink and blue sphere. "Peony Princess bath bomb! Good-bye, dear friend." She ripped the tag off like it was the pin of a grenade and threw it into the muddy pond. Nothing happened.
"Well, guess we're dead," said Hop Pop.
"Uh huh," said Polly.
Ivy and Sprig held each other close. "Goodbye, cruel world," he said.
Suddenly, the bath bomb began to fizzle and...
A tremendous explosion doused the whole area in a sea of pink soap bubbles.
When the bubbles cleared, everyone was squeaky clean, even the Mud Men...who were nothing more than lanky frogs in furry loincloths. They screamed and covered themselves with their hands.
"The jig is up, boys!"
"Quickly, before she throws another one of those things!"
"Man, all I wanted to do today was get muddy and eat people."
"Ahem," said Johan as he blocked their path. He summoned DARE, though they couldn't see it because they weren't Stand users. Poor them. "You think I'm gonna let you just walk away after you tried to eat us?"
"Uh...yes," said one of the Mud Men hopefully.
"Ripensare." And right on cue, DARE made sure to give each and everyone of them a thrashing.
"MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA, MUDA!"
They were sent flying over the trees, bruised and battered.
Johan dismissed DARE and he fell onto his back as he grabbed his wounded leg. While Ivy cleaned the wound and tried to stop the bleeding, Hop Pop said to Anne, "Guess we were wrong to doubt you and JoJo, Anne. You really are used to extreme camping."
Johan exhaled. "Guys, can I say something? Anne and I hate this. Ow!" He winced at Ivy tightening the bandage.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"The only reason we even went along with this Camp Blood nonsense to begin with was because..." He looked away in shame. "...we didn't want you to think we were weak just because we were city slickers. I mean, Polly called Anne a baby!"
"We know," said the pollywog. "I was there."
Sprig looked at Anne. "Is that true? Did you really not want to be seen as weak?"
Anne sighed as she sat on a log. "It's more to it than that in my case. I've been feeling kind of left out lately. I'm not a frog. I'm not a Plantar. Heck, I wasn't even invited on this trip. I really like you guys and wanted to be with you, miserable or not."
Sprig sniffed and wiped away some tears as he and the rest of the Plantars hugged her. "I don't know if it's the sweet-smelling toxins or the overwhelming emotions, but dang it, I'm a mess."
"JoJo," said Ivy as she gave Johan a hug. "I never thought you were weak. You don't have to go on a camping trip just to prove you're strong. Look at how much you've improved the town. Doesn't that make you feel strong?"
"Well...I guess I don't want to feel left out either."
"Next time, we'll include you guys, even if we know you'll hate it."
Johan held Ivy close. "Thanks."
Suddenly, Soggy Joe came out of a bush, making everyone scream. "What the hell?!" screamed Johan. "You died!"
The tattooed frog laughed. "Good thing I wore my axe-proof vest, eh? So, what'd I miss?"
"Well let's see," said Johan as he counted with his fingers. "We met some muddy cannibals, they tried to eat us, I got bitten by one of them, then Anne saved the day with a bath bomb, revealing them to be ordinary frogs. Ordinary, wimpy frogs."
"Oh, is that all?" asked Soggy Joe. He sniffed the air. "Is that peony?"
"Yeah, it's peony," said Anne.
"Yeah, I have a nose for these things."
"And that's pretty much it," concluded Johan.
There was a pause. Then Soggy Joe asked, "So, you all want to get pancakes early?"
"Oh, yeah, that sounds great," said Anne.
"Let's get outta here," said Hop Pop.
"Dammi i pancake!" shouted Johan.
"I've always been more of a waffle girl, myself," said Polly.
After returning from the camp, Anne gathered everyone into the Plantar house's living room. "Guys, now that we've been through a lot, there's something I'd like to share with you. This is how JoJo and I got here." She took the music box from her backpack and placed it on the table.
"Shiny," said Sprig.
"It's some kind of crazy music box or something. Have you guys seen anything like it before?"
"May I?" asked Hop Pop.
"Sure. I mean, it's busted."
The old frog took the music box and looked it over. He sniffed it. Then looked it over some more before handing it back. "Nope. Never seen anything like it."
"Well, it was worth a shot."
"Say, Hopediah," said Johan. "What are these words carved on the box's lid?"
Hop Pop looked at the words. "Oh, this is an ancient dialect. I have no idea what it means. Hardly anyone alive knows this language. And don't ask me if I know anyone, because I don't."
"Oh, well," said Johan. "Like Anne said, it was worth a shot."
"Anne, I promise... We're gonna find a way to get you home," said Sprig.
"And me, Mom and Grandma will do the same with you, JoJo," said Ivy.
The two humans held their froggy buddies close. "Thanks, guys," said Johan.
Hop Pop let out a loud yawn. "Well, that's enough excitement for me today. I think I'm gonna turn in. JoJo, you take Ivy home."
As Ivy and Johan left the Plantar's house, they heard a clattering sound. They looked into a barrel placed by a window and peaked inside. "Toadie? What are you doing here?" asked Ivy.
"I have a hobby!"
"You know what, I don't even want to know," said Johan. "Let's just go home." Ivy nodded and led him back home.
Toadie, meanwhile, hopped out of the barrel and returned to city hall. "Well, Toadie?" asked Mayor Toadstool. "Did you get the goods?"
"I thought they'd never get back, but I got them! Call the mayor of Swamp Shiro immediately!"
"Very well. Oh, and one more thing. Stand still." Toadie did as he was told and Toadstool bopped him on the head. "That's for giving me an order."
When he was sure everyone was asleep, Hop Pop went into his study and took out a book. He opened it and turned to one particular page. "It's just as I feared."
On the page was an illustration of the music box. Beneath it was the title "Calamity Box. Danger! Beware! Destroyed!"
The mayor of Swamp Shiro held the phone up to his ear. "I see. And tell me, were these gems colored blue, pink and green? ... No? They've already taken the power. What was that? ... I was just talking to myself. Just, shut up and do your mayoral duties, like we never had this conversation. ... Okay, thank you. Bye." He hung up the phone and looked up at the painting of the three goddesses again.
"You've already taken the first napkin before anyone else. I wonder, what will it take for you to give up your places at the head of the table?"
To Be Continued...