Chapter 46 - Sunrise

A few days later he was sitting on the sofa with Ginny. It was already 11 o'clock in the evening and he felt shattered by a very intense workday. He was enjoying Ginny cuddling while dozing off slightly.
Ginny had had some of the Witch Weekly pictures framed, and they were hanging now over the wall. She was very pleased and couldn't keep her eyes from them. She was making various remarks at which Harry was replying somehow sleepily.
'By the way, I meant to ask you for already sometime, how much we got for the interview?' he asked yawning.
'Nine hundred and seventy-two thousand galleons net of taxes'
Silence fell in the room. Harry was suddenly quite awake. He widened his eyes, sat up, and looked at her mystified.
'Nine hundred and seventy-two thousand.' He repeated stupidly, thinking to have misunderstood.
Ginny nodded 'and a few sickels and some knuts.'
Harry was dumfounded.
'Nine hundred and seventy-two thousand?' he asked now loudly.
Ginny rolled her eyes annoyed 'Yes, Harry, yes. Nine hundred and seventy-two thousand.'
'What the heck! It's more than I make in a year' Harry blurted out amazed.
'Harry, it was long time you didn't give an interview, plus they knew they were going to sell like crazy, I'm sure we could have asked even more if we would have just wanted to'
A long silence succeeded this affirmation. A silence in which Harry was making a fast calculation. If he would have given an interview every, let's say six months, his descendants wouldn't have needed to work for several generations. Under this revelation the interview seemed somehow less of a bother than what it had been really. He had only answered to a few questions… And signed thousands of autographs… And spent hours being ordered about… And being objectified for the next weeks… Notwithstanding that in the end it had been totally useless for both his purposes…
Nah, they can go to work after all…
'Harry…'
'I know, right?! It's crazy!' he exclaimed thinking she was following his same train of thought 'We will need a larger Gringotts vault soon'
'No, Harry…'
'And I think you may even consider dropping your job if you want to. I could drop mine too as a matter of fact, but I don't know if…'
'HARRY' she exclaimed interrupting him.
Harry halted and looked at her 'What?' he asked. She was gazing fixedly in front of her, like if listening to something. No answer came, however. She was immobile staring blankly at the wall. She suddenly made a grimace.
'What?' he asked again.
'I think my water just broke' she whispered not altering her expression.
'What?!' he asked now in alarm 'But it's not due for two weeks yet!'
'I know but I'm pretty sure it's happening now'
Harry stared at her a few seconds and then, realising what all this meant, sprang from the sofa 'Ok, keep calm! Let's not panic!' he ranted in a fit of pure panic.
'I am calm, Harry' she answered very composedly.
'What do we do? Do we need to go to St. Mungo's right?' he asked, his mind fuzzy walking about the room 'Shall we apparate? Can you? A portkey maybe?' he blabbed in agitation while trying to wear a jacket without success.
'Harry, calm down' Ginny ordered rising unsteadily from the sofa 'First thing go to the bedroom, under the bed there is a bag. Take it. There are my things inside'
Harry nodded repeating stupidly fragment of her sentence without comprehending the meaning of it. When he putted the pieces together, he dropped the jacket and exclaimed 'Right! Ok, bag under the bed' and dashed upstairs to retrieve it.
While he was in the bedroom, he heard a scream coming from downstair that made him cringe. He grasped the bag and flew down the stairs.
Ginny had a hand on her belly, supporting herself against the table, her face contorted in a grimace.
'Contraction has already started' she said taking a big breath.
'Ok. Right. Ok. I got the bag! What now?' he stuttered trying to keep agitation under control.
'Send a Patronus to my healer to tell her we are coming, send one to mum too'
Without even knowing what he was doing, he grasped his wand and one after the other two phoenixes shot out of it. Two of the easiest Patronus ever performed. Probably not the most efficient though. God only knows if the meaning they had to convey would have been clear with a mind so hazy as he had casting them.
Once that done, he waited expectantly to receive some other orders, his ability in any kind of rational thought utterly incapacitated.
'I don't think I should disapparate and neither take a portkey, not in this condition. We'll need a cab'
'It's almost midnight! We haven't got a telephone! Where do I find one?! I told you we had to get a telephone!'
'Harry, find a damn cab! Now!' she ordered.
Harry retrieved his jacket and the bag from the floor, shooting out of the door, followed unsteadily by Ginny.
He ran to the main street and assaulted the first cab that crossed his path. Not even ten minutes later they were in front of the neglected façade of St Mungo's. The cab driver dropped there with a very suspicious expression wondering what they could possibly wanting to do at midnight in front of an abandoned department 'Are you sure you don't want to go to a hospital?' he asked while they were getting off, glimpsing Ginny who had another contraction in the meantime.
'No thanks, we are fine' Harry answered between clenched teeth supporting Ginny, hoping he would get out of the way as soon as possible to allow them to pass unobserved through the shop window.
When he finally drove off, they were soon inside. The healer was waiting for them (apparently his Patronus had been understandable after all), kindly she let them use the service lift and not the main one. The hospital at that hour was almost empty but there were still people about and Harry was still in control of his faculties enough to want to avoid the event to become public.
She gave Ginny a private room in a separate aisle and after having checked her she went out to assist other patients. Ginny started to pace up and down, time to time emitting barely human screams.
Harry, after scarcely an hour of it, was past endurance; he grabbed by the collar the first healer who was passing in front of the room and hissed furiously 'Can you not give her something for god's sake? A potion? a spell? Anything!'
The healer, a tiny bald man with silver spectacle, squeaked terrified that they couldn't give her anything yet and not without her healer approbation first.
'Go and fetch her then!' he bellowed pushing the poor man toward the direction where Ginny's healer had disappeared.
He was back in the room and got Ginny's hand to reassure her. She took it and, breathing heavily, she sat on the bed trying to smile 'Don't worry, Harry, it's everything…' she halted suddenly, her body rigid, she squeezed Harry's hand so tightly he almost heard a crick coming from it, then she screamed so loud Harry almost fainted out of tension.
He had assisted to all her deliveries, but every time felt like the first. It was one of the most dreadful and terrifying thing he assisted in his life and he had assisted to many terrifying things. But witnessing the loved one screams in so much pain and not be able to do anything to help is one of the most unbearable things on earth.
He was reminded when in Malfoy's manor they could hear Hermione being tortured upstairs while locked in the cell unable to do anything to put a stop to it. Ron was frantic. Exactly as he was now. The only difference was that eventually they had managed to break free and rescued her. Here he couldn't do anything if not having his hand crushed to powder.
As soon as the contraction was gone, he dashed out of the room looking for the healer. She was calmly having a tea in the break room.
Trying to master himself in an appearance of composure, he asked politely for her to come and check on Ginny again as he thought she was quite ready. She smiled sympathetic seeing his constrained expression.
'Potter, it's not time yet, it may even still need a few hours. Why don't you get a tea too? It may help you relax.' She said stirring some milk in her cup while gesturing toward the chair opposite her.
What the! A few hours? A few hours of this? Relax? A tea?
He didn't trust himself in speaking; he couldn't be as rough as with the other healer, not with a woman.
Putting all his efforts in not falling in an escalation, he took the cup from the healer hand, left it on the table, grasped one of her arms and without a word dragged her in Ginny's room where she was again screaming.
The healer, when the contraction had passed, smiling tenderly, addressed Ginny 'Your husband seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Shall I give him a potion?'
Ginny chuckled feebly. The healer made her lay on the delivery bed to check the situation. Her smile vanished quickly 'I actually think it may be about time' she muttered.
Harry shot her an exasperated look 'Didn't I say so?' he hissed. Without answering she disappeared swiftly from the room bringing back, a few minutes later, a potion for her to swallow and the tiny healer who throw a fearful glance in Harry's direction.
After that everything became hectic.
The potion made very little effect, Ginny was in much pain and Harry, through that link that united them in better or worse, felt it all.
He didn't relinquish her hand for an instant finding himself following stupidly the instruction given to Ginny with her.
When the baby was finally out and they heard it crying at the top of its tiny lungs, Ginny's hand relaxed in his own, he felt loosen up too. He had been so tense and empathising that it almost felt as if he had given birth himself.
The baby was soon in her arms, and she was laughing and crying at the same time.
'Isn't the most beautiful thing you ever saw?' she asked between tears, holding the bundle close to her breast.
'Indeed' he only said looking smitten with this new tiny, wrinkly, red little being. He kissed Ginny many times over 'You have been amazing' he whispered in her ear.
The two healers were bustling around them to check everything was fine, but they were lost in contemplation of this new creature and didn't have eyes for anything else.
A couple of hours later Ginny was sleeping in a fresh clean bed. The baby was in a cradle just beside. Harry was exhausted but he wouldn't get any sleep just yet.
He took the baby in his arms and sat down contemplating it. It had got already some black hair on its tiny head and, despite no features were yet really discernible, he was sure that one belonged to him.
As every time before, he was overwhelmed by the notion that a new human being was born to this earth, a human being ready to love, laugh, cry, get upset; a human being ready to live.
And it was part of him. Connected to him in an indivisible way. He had created this stunning new creature. It was certainly a responsibility, but it was also something elating. And he never felt so proud of himself as in that moment. He thought about his parents and felt close to them as probably never before. This was what they felt when they had him in their arms for the first time. And he really missed them now. He felt he would have loved to share this moment with them, to tell them that their sacrifice hadn't been vain. Thanks to it he had lived and learned to love, he had in his turn given life to four amazing children, two of them growing to become very decent adults.
A tranquil sadness pervaded his mind thinking about his parents.
He truly hoped with all his might that after death there was something more and they could see this stunning creature and they could see him holding it.
He knew very well by now the sentiment that drove them in putting themselves forward without hesitation against Voldemort knowing that they were going to be killed, to save him. He would have done the same for any of his children. The love for them much stronger than the love for his own life.
The realisation of what he had achieved in his life was poignant in him then. With this new baby in his arms, he thanked again all the people that had given his life to help him survive to this moment. And the happiness swelled swiping away the sadness. The happiness in having the family he had. It was a miracle. This was his greatest achievement. Nothing less than that.
Out of the window the sun was rising projecting a pink light in the room. The first morning of this beautiful child. It stirred slightly, opened its eyes and looked at him, moving something painful inside Harry in remembrance of the same moment seven years before with another child. Another child that would never have the chance to become the amazing adult she was surely going to be.
He blinked trying to keep back those tears that were emerging but one escaped, falling on the cheek of this new child of him. He brushed it away gently.
'Welcome to this world' he whispered 'You'll have a great time, I hope. It may get though here and then. There will be moments in which you will be afraid, or you'll suffer. Perhaps, there may be a moment in which you will think you may not bear life any longer and, perhaps, once you turn fourteen you may think you hate me' he chuckled and then continued smiling 'but it doesn't change anything, whatever it will happen, imperfect as I am, and despite all the blunders I'll make, I'm your father and I'll always be there for you.'
The baby grasped his thumb and made one of those grimaces only infant can make, making Harry laughing softly.
He lay the baby back in the cradle and silently got out of the room. He closed the door behind him and rested a moment on it reflecting. The swirl of emotions felt was subsiding leaving space for many other thoughts. He rubbed his eyes weary and confused.
The corridor was empty. Harry knew that somewhere in the aisle the Weasley family was waiting for news, and he ought to go to them, but he needed some more time to make order in his mind.
A hooting disturbed the stillness of the corridor making him jolt 'Dad!' it said.
'What are you doing here?' Harry asked startled recognising James on the other side of the corridor.
'Bill asked Longbottom to send us here with a portkey' he explained walking briskly toward him 'They are all in the room around the corner. I just couldn't keep on waiting and I sneaked out with an excuse. What's wrong?' he concluded seeing his expression 'How's mum?' he asked with a slight alarm.
'She is perfectly fine' Harry answered forcing a smile 'Sleeping'
'And…' James uttered, visibly torn if breaking his denial with a question about the baby.
Harry saved him the distress 'The baby is fine too.'
'So, what's wrong?'
Harry was about to answer he was only tired. That would have been the answer given at the beginning of the summer. The appropriate answer to give to a child. But somehow everything had changed in those few months.
He looked at his own son and perhaps for the first time his eyes were open on the fact that he wasn't a child any longer. He could finally see, not what his mind was used to picture when looking at him, but what he was for real. A young adult, clever, with acute feelings and ready to understand about grown up's matters.
It had never been easy for Harry to be open about his feelings, it was too much like showing weakness, something he didn't feel allowed to indulge. But he was starting to understand the necessity of making some efforts. Especially towards James. It was of the most importance to show him how valuable he considered him. And it could be done treating him like the adult he was becoming. He needed to show him his trust.
'Come with me' he said opening the door and gesturing him to follow 'Just be quiet, we don't want to wake up mum'
Once in the semidarkness of the room, he took a chair and beckoned him to sit.
He went to get the baby and made it to rest on James's lap. He looked terrified and tried to oppose himself but Harry, shushed him gently and quietly arranged his arms properly. When he finally set it there, James was a mixture of deep fright and clumsiness, but he was also utterly mesmerized which reminded him forcingly the first time he had hold him.
Taking another chair sat beside him.
'It's a girl' he avowed.
James nodded; his eyes glued on the tiny new being.
'That terrifies me' he said managing to push out this truth.
James widened his eyes and tearing them from the baby, glued them on him.
'This possibility terrified me from the very beginning. I hoped for a boy' he continued, marvelling at the easiness in which everything was tumbling up after the first difficult avowal.
'Why?' James mouthed.
'Because of your sister. I don't want this child to take her place. She is too important. I don't want her to replace Lily'
James shifted his gaze from him to the baby, lost in meditation. 'I see…' he said and then added downcast
'A bit like when Albus was born and took my place'
Harry placed an arm around his shoulders and shook his head eager 'James, this idea you are feeding is totally wrong. Albus never took your place and neither has Lily. You have got your personal space that cannot be affected by any of them, exactly as they have got their own. You all have the same importance to my eyes. There is not one who prevails upon the other.'
James was silent for a moment and then added 'If what you said it is true, you have nothing to fear from her' he said nodding toward the baby who was sleeping peacefully 'She'll have her own space too'
Harry was struck by his words. James was right. He hadn't been lying telling him what he did and if it worked so for all his children, it was going to work the same for this one.
'And anyway, I have got the feeling she will turn out to be very different from Lily' he said with a sly smile gently rubbing a lock of her black hair.
They sniggered softly over that shared trait that was now passed to the new baby too.
'I hoped for a girl' James said under his voice finally breaching the pretended aversion showed since day one.
Harry was surprised by this unexpected admission 'Why?'
James tilted his head on one side rocking slightly and unwarily the baby who had just emitted a muffled wail 'Dunno' he muttered frowning 'I liked to have a sister.' he said somewhat grim.
'And I also thought about a name' he mumbled bashful.
'Which one?' Harry asked keen.
'I'm not going to tell. It's silly. You are just going to take the piss and you won't want to use it anyway' he muttered souring up.
'I won't take the piss and I can't use it as we already chose a name. It's already registered so you can say it'
James encouraged, without looking at him, gabbled sheepishly 'I thought about Sunrise. It seemed cute and you know… It felts right. You know… Mum and… You know, you… Everything was… And now it's…' He was stammering in a visible difficulty and Harry to bring him back at ease tailed him off 'I know. You are right. It fits'
No name seemed more appropriated considering how something so beautiful as this child was in fact born from a sheer darkness made of grief, despair and violence, and how, moreover, with her only presence in those otherwise bleak months had brought that sought for light they were so much in need.
He smiled thinking how his son, despite his denial and accuses, had grasped something so deep.
'It's a cool name.'
James shrugged 'Yeah. It was just an idea. I knew you would have picked a different one. What did you choose?'
Harry smirked 'We didn't choose. I only wanted you to spill the beans'
James looked affronted but Harry, taking a resolution, a sudden resolution that was sure would have met Ginny's approbation, continued 'But I guess we have just chosen it together, don't we? Say hello to Sunrise' he said tapping lightly her cheek and smiling at James.
And the beam that spread there made him understand, in an instant, that this was the happy thought that will have sparked his son's future Patronus.

I dreamt again about Lily tonight; it was strangely vivid.
I was in my room, and I heard a noise from the corridor. It was dark all around, but a light was coming from Lily's room. When I approached it, she was there, playing with her rabbit plush in the morning light like if she never left. She smiled and greeted me cheerfully. I was amazed in finding her there. I kneeled and I hugged her with all my strength. I could sense on my fingers her hair and I could detect that smell of milk and biscuits that always accompanied her. It felt so real. I told her how happy I was to find out she wasn't dead really. I asked her not to leave again. I cried then. I couldn't contain it; the relief was so intense. She told me not to because she wasn't going to go away.
I woke up then and I had tears on my face. I brushed them away. It's odd though, I thought the pain in finding out it had been only a dream would have been excruciating and it had been, but only for a minute.
I felt better afterward. It had been consoling in a way. Like being able to meet her again. I thought about it the whole day. It's amazing how dreams can feel so real.
I felt better than I felt in months. Serene.
I decided to share it with Ginny in the evening; it seemed right.
She cried a bit when I did so but then she smiled; she told me she had dreamt about her too.
We took the picture of me and Lily from the bedside table in Lily's room and we hanged it on the wall in the living room together with all the others family pictures.
I don't think we will take them down again.

End of book II of III