Ginny

I cannot believe him! He stood me up! He promised he would come at least for the wedding! He knew how important it was! It's Luna's wedding! Luna's wedding! I would have understood if it was, I don't know… one my colleagues for example. I know how he hates being stared and fuss over by strangers, but this is Luna! There were going to be only friends and muggles!
I'm so mad I can hardly think straight! This sodding job is draining our lives! There is always a Dark Wizard behind every corner who needs to be caught, always something that needs his undivided attention. Sometimes I wonder if he is the only one working in that office. How is it possible that he always needs to be there for any tiny thing? Most of the Heads of Department barely show up at work and he basically lives in there. And, mind, I try to be understanding. I realise he has got a demanding job and he is working to make the magical community a safer place but there must be a measure! I try not to complain when he gets back home late or work on Saturday, but this is getting out of control!
And to add insult to injury he didn't even call himself! He let Elisabeth do it. Coward. He'll pay me this.
I was so happy to finally have a nice holiday with him, to be able to travel around without kids. It's yonks we hadn't had the chance. And I was planning to be so nice to him, I even bought some very endearing lingerie in a very expensive shop. Well, he can forget that for a very long time.
Apparently there has been a breakout from Azkaban. Elisabeth was very worried about it as a matter of fact. It must be serious; she is always so composed. A Death Eater. No wonder Harry felt to stay. He made his mission in life to capture them all, I don't know how many hours have been stolen to our relationship in this pursuit.
When I'm back, I will need to have another serious conversation with him. It cannot continue this way. Sunrise is very handful and I need help to take care of her.
And I cannot hide, I get worried sick sometime. I see the condition in which he gets back from work. He tries to hide it and I play along pretending not to see what is blatantly in front of my eyes but I cannot be imposed upon.
It's a dangerous job the one he had undertaken, and we both live with the constant preoccupation he may not return home one day. I try not to think about it, and I suppose he does the same but when something very bad happens I can always tell; he closes up in a gloom it's almost scary, or some other times he enters in such agitation of spirit it seems he is living the last instants of his life. I must say sex is amazing when he is in one of those mood and it's the only actual thing that manages to calm him down but still it cannot be right, and it scares me more than I'm willing to admit.
Sometimes it seems as if he is walking on the edge of a precipice, ready to fall any moment and I constantly need to be vigil not to let it happen. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only thing that can keep him from falling.
It's not easy to be married to him.
When I saw him for the first time at ten, I fell in love straight away in a romantic childish way. He was the boy-who lived, and, in my eyes, he couldn't be anything but perfect. When I grew up, I quickly understood he was out of my league, going out with Cho Chang and Parvati and they were way prettier and more popular than I could ever aspire to be, so, under Hermione's advice, I started to console myself somehow with somebody else and I found out I could attract guys too. Dean was quite hot all considering and a good catch but to be completely honest, I hanged out with him only because he shared Harry's dormitory, it was only a way to be noticed by him. Harry was the one I always longed for since I was ten, he was a hero, fighting you-know-who, risking his life any other day and on the top of it getting more handsome by the year.
There was an irresistible aura about him. Always humble and shy, he could have had any girl in that school only snapping his fingers and never got profit of it. How could a teenage girl not to fall for him?
We were all so taken, and he chose me. Me. A girl like any other, prettier than most but definitely less than many.
I often wondered why.
I know many brats bitched behind my back saying it was only because I was his best mate's sister. Now I can say in full conscience that at the end of the day they were only jealous but then I felt a bit insecure even if I endeavoured spite in front of this accusation. What if they were right? Would he have looked at me if I wasn't Ron's sister? Did he want to marry me or Ron and my family?
But they were only teenage insecurities, growing I understood it was a bit of both and it was fine, in fact even better, I rejoiced in the idea that I could give him, other than myself, a family who loves him as I do.
My last Hogwarts year has been one of the happiest of my life. Harry had proposed and I was over the moon, I was getting married with nonetheless than Harry Potter!
I never felt so important as that year, people whispered in awe when I passed by, I was surrounded by morbidly curious girls who knew I was meeting Harry at any Hogsmeade trip and wanted to know particulars tickling my self-esteem pleasantly.
Obviously, I spurned the girls and I pretended to be totally indifferent to this unexpected popularity, but I can admit to myself now, inside I was swelling with pride and satisfaction.
I was certainly in love back then already, but I had an image of him that didn't quite exactly represent the truth. I was aware he had a good heart, and I was sure he would have protected and cared for me tenderly, but I think I idealised him quite a lot in my young mind. It was only starting to live with him, when we shared our life that I really got to know him in all his humanity. All his weak sides together with his merits. It didn't quench my love, quite the opposite, it brought him from the pedestal I formerly installed him to my level. He was not a flawless hero but just a man, an amazing man full of virtues I never suspected but also full of worries, issues, and insecurities. His childhood, his troubled past, left a strong mark. I discovered it straight away. The gloom that sometimes pervaded him, the agitation of spirit, were only two of the things that made me wonder. I still remember the first time I have been awakened by one of his nightmares. I was terrified by the violence of it, scared when he woke up, shaking like a leaf, and I could see a trace of the horror hidden in it through his eyes. He has always refused to talk about them as he has always refused to talk about what was troubling him. I didn't push it, it didn't seem the right move, I always thought that in good time he would have felt the need to let everything out and I would have been there for him.
It happened eventually. Right after Lily died.
Only I never thought it would have been as it has been.
With that act of brutality, he showed me all what was hidden in him. He discharged his mind from that fardel rendered unbearable by our child departure.
Only at that moment I really understood how scarred his mind was, the traumas were deeper and more rooted than what I always imagined. Behind all that strength there was a lot of fragility, very little was needed to destroy his mind completely.
I cried then, not for what he was doing to me but because I understood that that violence and fierceness was what he always harboured inside. After years and years of silence and struggles to show me the best, for the first time, he was showing me also the worst.
And I have done what I promised myself; I have been there for him.
Is it not what love is all about?
Could I have walked away from him then?
Accept all the good but turning away the first time the bad was presented to me?
Walk away the first time he, so blatantly, asked without words for my help?
I couldn't do that. All started because I desperately wanted to help him, and I was given the opportunity to do it.
It hasn't been easy, I putted myself aside completely to be a sustain to him. I repaid violence with tenderness and comprehension because I understood that was all what he needed. He needed me comforting him more than anything else. I had mum, dad all my brothers and friends, he had virtually nobody but me. And in a moment where I would have only liked to lay in bed and cry the whole day, I had to rally and be strong enough for two.
The days following Lily's death had been the worst of my entire life. Everything was falling apart.
I was wrecked to bits; I couldn't think about anything else but my baby. My baby who used to be so full of life and laughter laying cold in a coffin. But my boys, who were still there, needed parents more than ever and Harry was unable to be of any sustain, completely out of his mind by sorrow. The children were scared to be in the same house with him and I couldn't blame them, I was scared too in a way I never thought possible. He shunned me completely. Sorrow was tearing us apart not bringing us together. And on the other side my birth family was falling apart likewise.
It was nonetheless than Ron who killed my little girl. My brother. He was in Azkaban; mum was worried sick. Some of my brothers blamed him. They were starting to fight between each other.
Both my families were threatening to crumble under my eyes. I couldn't allow it to happen.
I couldn't indulge even a second in an ill will that would have destroyed everything.
Ron was blameless. It had been an accident. Period. It was the only way to keep everything together. If I didn't blame him, nobody in my family could. Nobody could argue.
He had to be cleared by every fault. He ought to get out from Azkaban as soon as it may be. Hermione never asked me to do anything, but I knew that what was happening in my family was happening likewise in her own.
Bring back stability and an appearance of normality was the only thing that could save us from annihilation.
It was necessary again to rally, put myself aside and try to mend the rips in both my families.
All these efforts helped me in a way, I believe. They didn't allow me to fall into despondency. Lily was my beautiful girl, a ray of sunshine, a breath of fresh air in a chaotic house of boys.
But I knew he was that and more for Harry. The first child of ours he welcomed with joy and not preoccupation and fear like for Albus and, in much greater measure, James. Lily was for him what James is for me. If I was born a boy, I would have been James.
I can see so much of Harry in him, not only because of his look but in all his impetuosity and strength of character. Unfortunately, it goes together with that tendency of self-deprecation of which both are so prone. Both suffering from the same evil. They are both shadowed by something too big for them. Harry by the popularity brought by his defeating You-know-who and James by Harry's popularity.
Many of Harry's insecurities as a father come from this knowledge.
I don't think he has been a bad father; he made many mistakes to be sure but understanding it, he tried to mend them as best as he could.
He is surely a man with many issues but also many wonderful qualities that always made my task of caring for him cherished.
He loves me as I could never hope to be loved by anybody else, with a strength and devotion that sometime frightens me. In his eyes I'm perfect, which I'm far from be, and he spoils me to such a degree that sometimes I need to put a stop to it.
And I just don't get why.
He could have any woman. Any woman out there would give her right hand to have him and some of them are so beautiful that I could almost understand an infidelity, probably not forgive it, but definitely understand it, and he just either doesn't notice or avoid them pointedly.
Any woman out there would worship him like a god, give him his way in anything adoring him blindly. And he has eyes only for me who I'm not submissive, I don't flatter him that much, I definitely don't spoil him, as a matter of fact I scold him all day long. What do I do to merit such a devoted love? Why does he love me so much?
There is a quivering fear in me that one day he will wake up and discover that I'm not that perfect after all, that I'm getting old, that I'm annoying, that he wants somebody younger and more complying, and he will realise there is a queue outside the door.
That's another reason why I never lower my guard fitness wise. How I envy my slight overweighted colleagues than finishing a tiring workday go home, slouch on the couch, eating ice cream straight from the box while I slave myself to death with sit ups and I survive upon carrot and celery sticks.
I had four children! Most of the women with four children I know look about sixty, I cannot allow that to happen to me.
We are followed by reporters any time we step outdoor. Once I found one lurking in a corner of a muggle shop! Thankfully as a last-minute whim I wore some make up before to go out.
My picture is on magazine a day yes and a day yes. I don't want people to say, "Oh look, Harry Potter's wife looks so sluggish!". I must be at my best not to shame us both.
It's tiring, it requires a lot of dedication, hard work and time.
But then I must admit, I'm quite pleased seeing the figure we cut when we are all together. Very endearing. We are a very beautiful family indeed.
Harry is hot as a god, James is getting more handsome and manly by the day, Albus has got all the best features of my family plus Harry's dashing eyes and Sunrise is a cherubin.
I'm very proud. All my efforts pay off.
Yet, it's still upsetting when pictures published on newspapers are not of our family but of Harry with some other women.
I learned long time ago they are just mendacious, horrible lies but yet Harry cannot understand what they mean for me. He should be more careful!
All the women at work look at me piteously for hours and as soon as I turn my back an excited gossiping booms straight away. The whole magical community is convinced I'm cheated on any other day, with celebs as well as teenagers which is very unfair on my regard and on Harry's too. He is not that kind of person.
He would never and ever use me ill. He would never and ever cheat on me.
Especially if you think he has got Regina under his eyes any other day and he could have her as easily as a glass of water but doesn't.
I know some people think I'm mad to keep her in the house, but I couldn't leave that girl go on living as she did. She is so smart and ambitious, she has potential to achieve much, but her look gives the world a false impression. She is very much sought after by men because of it and that could seriously damage her self-esteem in the long run.
I'm glad I met her in time to put her in the right path to success. It was so easy for her to take a bad turn.
I'm not sure why I felt like helping her so much, perhaps because her childhood has been as abusive as Harry's, and they remind me very much one another in many ways.
Obviously, she is completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with Harry. She doesn't hide it and I'm glad she doesn't. She is open about her sentiments for him but, being smart as she is, she cannot help to notice that Harry considers her just a girl and he is entirely in the dark about the real nature of her feelings. He is truly convinced she is a teenager with a childish crush over his popularity rather than over him. Surely that was the case at the beginning, and she still adores him as a sort of divinity but there is more to it now. I don't disabuse him anyway; he would just freak out needlessly. He cannot handle these situations at all.
Why am I not worried in the least then?
Firstly, because she never had any mother and found one in me; I helped her when she had nobody in the world, and for that she loves me as much, if not more, than Harry. She would never do something to hurt me.
Second, she understands Harry. She knows he loves me devoutly and would distance her straight away in case of any funny business. She is not willing to run the risk to lose the "greatest of privilege" (as she deems it) to be close to him.
Thirdly, her openness cannot harbour deceit. If she would have any design on him, she would conceal her sentiments and not avowing them on every given occasion. And surely not avowing and discussed it openly as she did to me when asked. To her we are the perfect couple, she relishes in seeing us together and spend time with us. She is so besotted with him that only because he chose me as his wife I must possess some divine characteristics too. Bless her.
And fourthly, I'm sure that Harry would never do anything like that to me being her ten times more alluring than she is already.
He is always so nice and sweet. He repeats me constantly I'm beautiful even when it's so blatant I cannot possibly be. In the morning for example. If a guy tells you that you look stunning in the morning he is definitely in love. There are no two other ways about it. Especially when you are thirty-seven and mornings surely are not that time of the day that enhance your charm.
I wonder how is coping, all alone, surely worried sick about this Death Eater…
I'm sure he isn't eating properly. He never does when I'm not there preparing him meals.
Mmmh… Maybe I'll just pretend to be angry. Just to teach him a lesson. Then I'll forgive him graciously and we will have a delicious night cuddling each other.
A week should do after all. He works so hard the poor man…
All considering just a day or two should be enough actually…
Oh, what the heck! Who cares?! I can't wait to see him again! After all, that lingerie was very expensive.