Author's Notes:

Thanks for all the reviews! Feedback is positively appreciated.

Trigger Warnings: Drug Use, Sexual Assault, and Blackmail.

Enjoy!

"We looked at each other for a long time, and he made no effort to disguise the torment in his face. Then, like a defeated man, he sighed. I saw his shoulders sink, and he reached out for me. He took me by the forearms and pulled me into him."

Siri Hustvedt, The Blindfold

Our Affair

4. My Truth

Ichigo

Previously in May

I royally fucked up.

The first week of college was a blur of meeting dorm roommates, professors, T.A's, and project partners. Getting my classes in order and interviews for a part-time job to help pay for books.

The second week was the introduction of the college party life. I wasn't really feeling it. Having Mizuiro as a friend in high school sort of set the precedence of too much partying gets you a bad hangover.

However, my roommate insisted I go to this freshman get together. I backed out of all the previous parties so maybe this one would be different. I accepted and went.

I met Ayako there. She seemed cool and pretty, but not compared to Orihime. We conversed during the party. I found out she was a huge basketball fan since high school and played it during her down time. Ayako was interested in my life, but I only gave her snippets. I barely knew her to share my whole life story with her. She wanted my number after the shindig was ending to get to know me better, but I shot her down letting her know I was not interested in anything at the moment -or the foreseeable future.

At the start of classes, I ran into her again. She was in my morning Psychology 101 lecture. As soon as she walked in, she spotted my excessively bright hair. Grabbing the seat by me, she reintroduced herself. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her little joke.

Since then, we were joined at the hip for the class. Project partners, group assignments, and study sessions for upcoming tests, Ayako was there. I appreciated the company. She would invite me out for coffee and a bite to eat after a grueling study session in the library. I'll admit, she was not only a genius in sports but excelled in her classes too. I respected not having a slacker for a partner.

Despite our growing closeness, I always thought of Orihime. I didn't want a long-distance relationship. Statistics show they don't last if you're not emotionally stable together as a couple. Hopefully if I text her every chance I have, our relationship will grow. I sent her a message between classes, during study hall, on my lunch breaks during work, hell even on the toilet moving bowels. I told her about my days and asked about her daily activities. Nothing could stop me from talking to her.

It all came ahead when midterms for the first semester started approaching. I focused all my devotion on passing. Here and there I tried keeping up with my communication with Orihime, but I started slacking on dividing my attention.

I eventually mentioned Ayako to her. If our friendship grows, I hope for Orihime to meet her and my other friends back home.

But she never responded to my text.

.

..

…

Previously Late June

Midterm week had drained me of all my energy. But I took the first train back home once I dropped my pen.

Detouring on seeing my family first. I had to see Orihime again, letting her know before I showed up. And I was glad I did.

My high school crush dressed in a beautiful cream-colored summer dress flowing against her pale skin. Her unique auburn hair in a high ponytail swinging in the wind as she ran into my arms giving me life. Her perfect pink lips capturing mine in a searing kiss, had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.

God, I missed her.

And I showed it by making love to her that day.

.

..

…

Returning to college the next day after spending the night with Orihime, my roommate dragged me to a campus gathering. The end of midterms and welcoming the second half of the new semester party with all the students present. I declined with my usual excuse, 'I'm tired'. But he begged me in a bribe of cleaning the bathroom for two months straight.

With reluctance, I gave in.

I wish I followed my instincts and stayed in the dorm.

The gathering was an extravagant festivity. Midterms had drawn the majority of the student body into a frenzy of pent-up aggression in need of a release.

I wanted to leave as soon as I seen some random guy and girl going at it outside in the parking lot inside of a car. Windows down for everyone close by to see, and moans for everyone farther away to hear.

Inside was way worse. Outside was a prequel to what my eyes were going to see. Lots of booze, drugs and acts of sex in the corners of the prestigious dorm house. I literally wanted to vomit. My roommate chuckled at my uptightness.

Lastly, making our way through this madhouse, we finally settled in a more stable area. I spotted Ayako sitting on the couch talking with her friends I'd assume. Her eyes lit up on my arrival. She got up and hugged me in excitement. Odd, because I told her I wasn't going to the party when she asked me after our Psychology midterm. I made myself out to be a liar.

Throughout the night, she flirted with me and I in no way reciprocated. I pushed her off when her hands would travel to parts of my body it shouldn't. Her friends egged her on when they had seen us. Pouring her more drinks, hyping her up with how pretty she was, and how she can sleep with me at the end of the night.

I left when her words began slurring. My roommate quickly found me before I could leave and asked me to be his partner in beer pong. I wasn't much of a drinker, but since I was sober, I figured the game would be easier to win.

Boy was I wrong. The games changed and so did the challenges of losing. I got drunk as the night progressed, nonetheless I knew my limit. Or so I thought. I was given the challenge to eat four whole brownies laced with illegal THC. I thought nothing of it since it could absorb the majority of the alcohol in my system. However, mixing alcohol and THC, I ended up having an out of body experience. Ending in the results of me blacking out and waking up next to a nude Ayako in my bed.

To say my world shattered at the thought of what I had done would be an understatement. I immediately wanted to call the police on myself for harming Ayako. But when she woke up with a shit-eating grin, that told me otherwise. Her smile and nonchalant attitude implied she was never drunk the previous night.

"Trust me, I fully consented to us fucking." Ayako crawled out of my bed. Her brazenness of stalking around naked in my room had little to no excitement on my end. I wanted her out so I could collect my thoughts.

Noticing my internal conflict, Ayako approached me after she was fully dressed.

"There's no need to panic, Ichigo. We had fun." Kissing my cheek, she left without another word.

I snatched my phone and was about to call Orihime. I needed to tell her what had happened. However, the thought of her crying and feeling betrayed made me hesitate. Yes, Orihime was not my girlfriend, but she was someone I planned on dating in the future.

Therefore, how do I explain to her what I had done? Would she even believe me? I am a man after all. How can a man be taken advantage of during this situation?

For the rest of the day and late into the night, I could only stare at my phone with my mind trying to make sense of what had happened.

Denying if it even happened, maybe it's a welcoming freshman hazing. My eyes looking at the tossed sheets and feeling how sensitive the muscle between my legs is, explains it's not a joke. Blaming myself if word gets out and shattering my image, how will I handle it? Angry for letting things get this far when I'd heard Ayako's friends egging her on. Accepting this was entirely my fault and this could of all been avoided if I just said no to going to the party.

I ran a hand over my face fighting back the burning tears from my eyes. Building up some courage, I sent Orihime two text messages hoping she would hear me out.

When it finally did light up with notifications, all my anxiety disappeared. Instead, it was replaced with rage and utter disgust in myself.

Ayako: You're a beast in the sheets. This whole time I thought you were a virgin.

Ayako: Hopefully I don't get pregnant my Strawberry King.

Ayako: 😜😜

The added emojis made me hurl my phone across the room.

I was royally fucked.

.

..

…

Previously July

Ayako pressured me on taking her to my hometown. I would rather throw my head into a wall before bringing her anywhere near my family and friends. Not after the shit she pulled.

But with a smirk, she rubbed her belly. "Are you denying your family from meeting your child."

"You really expect me to believe you're pregnant? Not the way you've been drinking at the past couple of campus parties."

Ayako shrugged. "You can think that, but your family may think differently."

Begrudgingly, I took her home with me. I hoped to only see my family, but Yuzu was excited about my return and my birthday she invited everyone for the celebration.

The atmosphere was cordial, but I was seething with rage. Ayako was literally climbing my body like a tree in front of my family.

I was enthusiastic when Keigo mentioned going to the club to celebrate my birthday. Without hesitation I agreed. Hopefully, ending my awkward interactions with Ayako and to have an opening chance to speak with Orihime alone. Possibly, that way I can explain my situation. I needed her to know nothing had changed. I want her and only her.

Instead, the club had me wanting to pull out my eyelashes just to get through the night.

Ayako was all over me preventing me from talking to Orihime alone.

"Kiss me back if you don't want your friends to know our little secret," her voice whispered in my ear. I shivered at kissing anyone but the auburn woman in front of me. Half-heartedly I kissed her back, held her leg as she threw it onto my thigh and played the part of a man in love, not a man ready to commit murder.

Lastly seizing the opportunity when Orihime disappeared to the restrooms, I slid -threw myself- out of Ayako's hold and seek the one person who mattered the most to me.

Tatsuki stopped me from going further by grabbing my arm.

"If you can move on with someone new, so can Orihime."

Looking at my childhood friend in dismay. "What do you mean move on?"

"Don't be an asshole, Ichigo. You and Ayako flaunting your sexual love in front of us, it's uncomfortable and gross. And if we feel like that, imagine how Orihime feels. You played her for a fool." Her hand squeezed my arm tightly. Her emotions splayed on her face and in her strength.

I grimaced at the pain but did not pull away. "You're wrong I would never do that."

"Really? Then explain her?" Tatsuki pointed her chin towards Ayako who was chumming it up with Keigo.

"It's not what you think." My eyes moved towards them. I didn't have time to tell Tatsuki. Not until I tell Orihime first.

"Well, whatever it is, Orihime has moved on to a better person. Her Mr. Mysterious." Tatsuki smirked.

I peeped at the way she bragged about this mysterious guy. Was it the same guy Orihime mentioned before? The one who took her out for tea? She said it was nothing serious.

"She's happy with him." Tatsuki continued cutting through my thoughts. "So, leave her alone." I snatched my arm from Tatsuki.

"Never." I was in denial. "She's mine." I pushed my way through the crowd to her.

.

..

…

My whole world imploded in on itself when I spotted her. Orihime was in the obscured part of the hallway near the restrooms rubbing her body all over some guy. He had his hands on and inside her body.

"Orihime! What the hell?"

.

..

…

Watching the blue haired bastard walk away after tasting Orihime like she was his prey, made me want to beat the shit out of him. Turning my eyes towards her, she didn't look the least bit sober. She only had a glass of a sweet cocktail but was inebriated enough to wrap her arms around a man, and exchange spit.

Damn this night keeps getting bad to fucking worse.

"It's not what it looks like."

I was livid hearing her say something so obvious. "Really? From what I've seen, it's exactly what it looks like. Who the hell is that guy?" I folded my arms over my chest to keep my hands to myself. "You were gone for almost a half hour since you haven't returned to our section, so I came looking for you. Instead, you're here dry fucking some random guy."

Reality then hit me, the dreaded question I should have asked her first. "Did he pressure you to do that stuff?" I dropped my arms moving closer to her. "Are you okay?"

Her lack of response and sweat accumulating on her forehead proved my point. She was given some type of drug. Gathering some sense of control over my heartbreak and loneliness, I had to know what Orihime really felt for me once I've told her everything. First, I need to cool her body down. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the restroom. With any luck, if I splash some water on her face, she can answer my questions.

"I'm sorry," her voice whispered. In a daze, she pinned me to the door and kissed me. I knew she was not herself; I did not want to be like that other guy and take advantage. I tried to push her off my body, but she clung on. She was always soft and passionate with me, but she gave me pain. Biting my lip and delving her tongue inside. This was not my Orihime.

"What do you want from me?" Her mouth was no longer on mine. "I have nothing left to give you. You have a girlfriend now." She wiped at her mouth as if I was a disease that had contaminated her. That stung. "I have no one. So, this is how I cope."

No, this isn't how this conversation is supposed to go. Trying to maintain my composure, I shouted. "Orihime!"

"Don't call me that, Kurosaki-kun." That stung a little too.

Has every decision I made really led us to this? To this moment? I have to explain to her my full story, let her understand I have not given up on us. I just needed time to shake Ayako off my back.

"See you later." Her broken voice filled my ears. I could only watch her leave me with painful thoughts going through my head.

Running after her was my next option. Out of the club into the late summer night, it was as if her scent dragged me to her. To the park where she sat on the swings.

Only, she was with another guy. I couldn't make out his appearance or the words they were exchanging, but the emotions in the way they kissed and walked away hand in hand told me everything.

Orihime had moved on to someone who would not betray her like I had.

My heart was torn to shreds. What a way to welcome my 19th birthday.

.

..

…

Previously Mid-August

Ayako dragged me along to her family's beach house where I gave in to the pressure of sex.

And I fucked her.

I didn't care about anything. I just wallowed in my pain of losing Orihime.

Deprived of seeing, feeling, and hearing her. Giving myself to the one person undeserving of my attention through sex. I fell into a deep depression.

I still tried despite receiving the same results, I called and texted Orihime. Consistently. I was desperate to salvage my loss.

However, Tatsuki hauled me in from those trenches. She told me flat out when I couldn't reach Orihime, she needed time to adjust to my relationship with Ayako.

Hearing Tatsuki say that was a punch in the gut.

But I did not give up. If I can't explain my reasoning, she has to believe my resistance to fight for what we had.

To no avail, summer was over, and college was beginning again.

Not once seeing her was internally killing me.

.

..

…

September

Ayako had broken up with me not even two months into our so-called relationship.

Shocker.

Once we had arrived back to school, not even two days she was tonguing down some guy who was at our college with a basketball scholarship. Apparently, they went to high school together and rekindled their romance.

I can say I was pissed for being used and humiliated, but I was also relieved. No longer was I tied down by any possibilities.

The weekend of our 'breakup' couldn't come fast enough.

I hopped on the first train and made it back to my hometown Karakura to find Orihime. This time I started early. Passing her workplace as soon as it opened then to her apartment. She was not in yet. I had the chance to see her before she went to work.

Her red eyes were what greeted me after banging on her door at such an early hour of the day.

She had changed so much since I last saw her in the club that night.

Her hair was dull of its radiant color, usually bright hazel eyes were red rimmed, and healthy pale skin was blotchy red from her tears.

"What's wrong?"

No greeting, just straight to the point. Her well-being will always be my main concern.

.

..

…

Orihime

After Ulquiorra had left, I went to the pharmacy to get an after-morning pill. Arriving back home and swallowing the pill with water did the reality of my situation come into focus.

I was alone again. Being alone is nothing new to me, but the loneliness never ceases to stop hurting.

Tears fell from my eyes. Ulquiorra was gone. Tatsuki went back to school. Ichigo…

Tears did not cease their fall. Stripping out of my clothes and putting on an oversized t-shirt, I curled up on my couch in my living room. I cried myself to sleep dreaming a restless dream.

A loud banging woke me up from my uncomfortable slumber. Snot and dried tears stuck to my face. I blinked away the teary crusts from my eyes. The loud banging at my door frightened me to fully wake up. Looking at the clock on the wall, I groaned.

I had work in a few hours, but the time showed me it's been ten hours since Ulquiorra had left. Ten hours since I last felt him, touched him, and kissed him.

Fresh tears took the place of the old ones. The banging of my door interrupted my solitude.

"Coming." My voice croaked. Wiping away the fresh snot and tears with my t-shirt, I answered the door.

I was instantly annoyed. Ichigo was in my doorway, eyes blazing with concern.

Ulquiorra had left abroad, and my tears were the only company I'll allow, until Ichigo with his brazenness embarked himself on my doorstep. Sweaty and full of worry. Something I did not need from him.

"What's wrong? Who hurt you?" His eyes looked up past me inside of my apartment. "Are they still here?"

Ichigo moved past me checking to see if there was an intruder. Closing my door, I quickly followed him.

He kicked off his shoes, trudging through my small apartment looking for the nonexistent prowler. Finally turning his attention to me, he asked the same question again.

"What's wrong?"

"Why are you here, Kurosaki-kun?" I avoided his question.

"Orihime?"

"I said not to call me that." I mumbled leaning against the wall tilting my head to the side. My state of undress in front of him did not faze me. It seemed to not bother him either.

His eyes fell to the floor, before looking back up at me. "Fine, Inoue. Why are you crying? Are you hurt somewhere?" He took a step and grabbed my shoulders as his eyes roamed my body searching for any visible injuries. Ichigo had stopped breathing when he saw Ulquiorra's love bites and red hickeys on my neck.

Shaking his hold off me, I took a step back. "I'm fine. As you can see no one is here. Which means, you can leave now." I turned my body to give him some space to pass towards the door. "Don't want your girlfriend finding you in another woman's place so early in the morning." I couldn't help but mock him.

"Ori-"

"Kurosaki-kun!" I cut him off getting frustrated.

"I'm not leaving until I talked to you." Ichigo approached me again. He stood towering over me, brown eyes blazing with determination. He had grown taller since I had last seen him.

"Why? Why now?"

"You wouldn't answer my phone calls or texts."

"Is that not a hint that you should have probably taken? Maybe… just maybe I didn't want to talk to you?"

"Yeah," his voice softens remembering my outward rejection. "Tatsuki told me you were processing my 'relationship'. But that's what I needed to talk to you about."

"I don't really care about it. You don't need to explain anything to me." I wiped my nose with the back of my hand feeling snot ooze out. I didn't care how disgusting I looked. I just need him to leave.

"Please, Ori… Inoue."

"No!" Irritated, I shouted at him. Maybe if I'm loud enough he'll leave me alone. "I. Do. Not. Care." Pointing to the door I gestured for him to leave. "Go and don't come back." I pushed past him going to my bedroom and slamming the door.

I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. Silently, I listened to his heavy footsteps move towards the front door. Straining my ears to listen for it to close, but his feet made their way to my bedroom door. A soft thud shook it.

"I'll wait as long as you want me to. I just need to explain why I did it. I never meant to hurt you." A pause stretched for a few seconds before he continued. "I just need ten minutes of your time. It doesn't have to be today… but please. I'm begging you, let me have a chance to make this right." Moving away from the door, Ichigo sighed. "I'll… I'll come back tomorrow, and if you refuse to see me then, I'll come again next weekend and the weekend after that until I see you. That's a promise."

Finally, his heavy footsteps could be heard walking towards the front door. A loud slam soon followed.

Fresh tears fell for my past and the loss of my current love.

.

..

…

It has been two weeks since I told Ichigo to leave my place. Two weeks of silence, but his lingering presence was not too far. I really didn't want to give him the chance to explain his side… but what if…

I know I would regret it if I don't hear him out. But I considered it necessary to have time.

Scrolling through social media, during my break I was shocked to see Ayako with someone totally different.

Every picture with Ichigo was erased and replaced with a different male student from their college. Their pictures are full of love and happiness.

Was this what he wanted to tell me?

He had broken up with Ayako and travelled to rekindle whatever was salvageable between us?

Nonsense.

Tatsuki huffed on the line during our daily phone heart-to-hearts.

"I honestly don't know what's going through that guy's head." I only listened to her complain. "One minute he's into you, next he's all over her, and now he's a lone bug. I swear Ichigo needs his ass kicked. But maybe he has a reason for his sudden arrival. Especially on your birthday."

"Tatsuki…"

"Hey Orihime, don't get me wrong. I will always choose you over him…" she sighed. "…but then again hearing how desperate he sounds calling every day asking about you is helluva annoying and pretty sad."

"I'm sorry about that." I muttered.

"There's no need to apologize. Maybe it's all about timing. Ulquiorra had left right? He won't be back for a few years, so why not talk to Ichigo and see where his head is at?"

"No… I can't." I rubbed my chest trying to ease the pain. "What I had with Ulquiorra was… is special. I can't have Ichigo tainting that with his lies."

"Ori-"

"Just no." I looked at the time on the bakery wall. "I gotta go. Breaks over." I hung up before listening to her farewell. I had a few more minutes left of my break, but I would rather have time to collect myself.

I don't need anyone coaxing me into speaking to Ichigo. There was nothing that needed to be said. Finding Ulquiorra's social media, I watched his latest story. He was visiting a tourist attraction with a group of his friends from school. He didn't have a smile stating he was happy, but his eyes lit up with joy being in a new place.

I couldn't help but smile at his glowing green eyes.

"I miss you." I softly whispered to the screen.

.

..

…

Ichigo

October

The weekend was approaching. I already booked my train ticket back to my hometown to try and see Orihime again. It's been over a month of silence on her end. However, I could wait a lifetime if she wanted me to, just to have the chance to speak to her again.

I only had one class today before being free to travel home. My dreaded Psychology 101 class with Ayako as my seat mate. Walking in class with other students, I took my place in my assigned seat. Opening my laptop to check if my train status was still set for the day, I did not notice Ayako taking her seat.

Since her little mind fucking games, I barely spoken a word to her. If it was not class related, silence would be all she would receive from me.

"Good morning," her whimsical voice sang to me. I rolled my eyes and continued reading my train status updates. "Excuse me then." She pulled out her phone and scrolled through videos until the professor entered the hall.

Throughout the lesson, my mind drifted in and out planning how to approach Orihime this weekend. A plan that won't scare her away. Would it be enough that she'll agree to see me this time? Or will I have another disappointing weekend of not seeing her smile?

"Guilt is aversive, known as an unpleasant stimulus," my ears perked at the sound of the professor talking. "It's the feeling of shame, embarrassment, or pride." He read off his prepared power point. He then faced the class arms folded as he walked to the other side of the lecture hall. "It has been described as a self-conscious emotion, involving reflection on oneself. People may feel guilty for a variety of reasons, including acts they have committed or think that they committed. The failure to do something they should have done, or thoughts that they think are morally wrong."

Slowly my eyes trailed over to Ayako who was sitting with her back straight and eyes focused on the moving professor.

"When one causes harm to another, guilt is a natural emotional response. Those that lack the emotion of guilt and remorse is one characteristic that experts have used to diagnose as psychopathy." Listening to the professor speak and sitting next to Ayako has my blood boiling. Not once has she apologized for what she has done. Ruining the relationship with the one woman I have loved dearly outside of my family. My hands tightened into fists.

"Guilt is self-focused but also highly socially relevant. It's thought to serve important interpersonal functions, for example, encouraging the repair of valuable relationships and discouraging acts that could damage them. But in addition, guilt may needlessly burden those who experience it." The professor used his clicker moving on to the next slide.

"Now, how do we cope with said guilt? Feeling guilt after a transgression is normal and can often be eased by apologizing and taking steps to make up for whatever pain or offense has been caused. However, many feel guilt that is out of proportion to the harm they have caused, or even disconnected from any real harm. In such cases, it may be necessary to reflect on the reasons for one's feelings of guilt. Perhaps in conversation with a counselor or therapist, especially when an underlying mental health condition may be involved."

He moved back to the front of the class. "Owning up to mistakes is important, even if you only admit them to yourself. It's equally important to take note when you unnecessarily blame yourself for things you can't control." The professor ended his power point. "For your next assignment, I want you to write about when there was a time when you, a friend, or a family member had felt guilty and how did they cope with such a feeling. That's all for today. Have a good weekend and see you next class." The lights turned on and students started chatting amongst themselves while making their way to the exits.

I closed my laptop and put it in my backpack. Standing up to leave the row of seats, Ayako was still sitting in her seat unmoving.

"Get up. I got a train to catch." Throwing my bag over my shoulder, trying to hide how annoyed I am from the other remaining students and the professor.

"Wait… um can I have a moment of your time."

"No." I stated bluntly. "Now move." Not caring who was watching anymore, I pushed past her heading to the stairs leading out of the lecture hall. After a few feet away from where I had exited from, I could feel her presence behind me by a limited amount of steps. I turned down a hallway with not many students around. "What?" I spun around startling her.

Ayako took a step back keeping a small distance.

Good choice.

Pushing her hair behind her ear, she glanced down at the floor. "I wanted to apologize."

"It's a little too late for that." I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets to keep myself calm.

"I know… but today's lesson made me realize how cruel I was." Her eyes glistened with tears, but I refused to fall for them. "I guess my infatuation with you made me think irrationally. Trying to have you in any way possible, I schemed to trap you the night of the party."

"You did all of that to get with a different guy entirely. Good job."

"No, Ryota was supposed to go abroad after high school to pursue his basketball career-"

"I don't need to know about the damn guy." I cut her off. "He's your problem now, not mine." Taking my hand out of my pocket I looked at my watch. I had about fifteen minutes to catch the bus to the train station. I need to wrap up this conversation. "Is that all? I gotta go."

"No wait… I really am sorry." She bit her lip. "I'm not a psychopath… I do feel guilty for dragging you along and lying to you. Lying to your family and friends. It was wrong." She bowed. "I am so sorry Ichigo."

"Fine. I forgive you." She stood up straight, her eyes shining with happiness and tears. "Don't get me wrong. I've forgiven you for my peace of mind. You don't deserve my forgiveness, but I deserve my peace." Turning away, I headed to the exit. "Later."

.

..

…

She was outside walking to her apartment complex. Two heavy bags in each hand. Without thinking I ran up to her and took the two bags.

Her eyes widen as big as saucers. "What… what are you doing?" Orihime stuttered in shock.

I grinned. Hearing her voice after so long eased my soul. "Helping of course." Moving before she could protest, I walked up the stairs to her apartment. She followed closely behind. Noticing I was not letting go of the bags, she huffed rummaging for her keys. Opening the door, she held it ajar to let me in.

Settling everything in her kitchen, I helped her put them away, leaving ingredients out for her dinner.

"What are you making for tonight?" My eyes roamed over the variety of things.

"Curry." Orihime whispered. I turned to face her. She was looking back at me. Eyes colliding, I felt the spark. The spark between us never really fizzled out.

Breaking the tension first, she quickly turned and bent down to grab a pot from under her sink. "You can stay for a plate, since you made the long trip."

I couldn't help but smile at her offer. "I would like that."

.

..

…

Orihime

I don't know what the hell I was thinking of inviting him inside. But I know I can't avoid this talk forever. Holding on to it has been hampering my spirits and increasing my curiosity.

Today is the day I'll find out the truth.

.

..

…

Ichigo

Sitting in silence with only the sound of our spoons scraping the porcelain plate and the ticking of her clock dawdled between us.

I have to speak before she kicks me out. Standing up, I grabbed her empty plate and dumped it into the sink. Turning on the water, I started washing our dishes.

"You don't have to do that." Orihime stood up from her seat and moved close to me. Her scent has been the same since high school; vanilla with a hint of coconut. God, how I've missed her.

Controlling my actions, I faced her. "You cooked; I'll clean." Turning back to the suds of the dish soap forming, I continued. "How about some tea?" She hesitated on leaving me, but then moved to the kettle already filled with water. She turned on the burner before walking over to the cabinets to grab two mugs.

While she prepped the tea and I washed the dishes, my mind tried to think how to approach the topic of my royal fuck up that destroyed what was growing between us.

Nothing but the truth. Which was still sadly hard to swallow on my end. Nevertheless, it has to be done.

After everything was washed and dried, we sat on her sofa with hot mugs in our hands. Sipping a huge gulp of the lemon grass tea, I placed it on the table. Fully turning to face her, I began.

"I'm sorry for hurting you." Her eyes did not move from the mug I placed on the table. It was like she was afraid to look into my eyes again. But I needed her to see me. "Orihime please look at me."

I see her body wince at my voice saying her name. Slowly she moved her eyes in my direction. Locking her beautiful hazel eyes with my own. The beauty and bottomless pools of hazel still etched into my memory.

Not wrapping myself up in the fondness, I continued. "What I had with Ayako was nothing compared to what you and I had."

Orihime's eyes narrowed. "Seriously?"

"Wait let me finish." I slowly explained everything from the beginning and how I felt. I did not hold back on sharing each detail. Her face contorted from dismay, to sadness, and then loathing while listening to my story. But I didn't stop until I got everything off my chest.

Horror was written all over her face when I was done.

"I had no idea you went through that. You should press charges." She was seething thinking about my circumstances and what I had gone through. "That's assault what she did to you."

"It's her word against mine. Plus, we were both under the influence."

"It doesn't matter." Orihime snapped. "She took advantage of you and blackmailed you."

"I've already forgiven her."

"What? Why?" She was appalled at my words.

"Because it won't change the past. What's done is done." Her mouth opened to speak but quickly shut. Turning away from me she looked at the clock reading the time.

No, not yet. We can't stop talking yet.

"I... can't say I understand your sudden need to forgive her. Especially, after all that she had done... but I'm not in your shoes." I sighed at her understanding. "What you said is true. It won't change the past." Her words lingered in the air. It's as if she was saying it to herself. Believing in it for her peace of mind.

"What aren't you telling me... Inoue?" I have to get used to saying her name again. She looked down at her hands.

"Telling you won't change anything."

"Still, not telling me will only make me jump to conclusions." I took hold of her hand. She wasn't being real with me. She was hiding a secret and sparing me the hurt it may come with. Glancing at our linked hands, I squeezed it in reassurance. "It's okay. I won't be mad."

I searched her face for any indication of how she truly felt. I was met with turmoil and utter dejection.

"I've been with someone else..."

I soaked in her words. "Okay…" I knew where this was going.

She continued, "…before you came back the first time and after you left, I was with someone else." She bit her lip. "I realize I may have been projecting my anger on you because of my own choices." Taking a deep breath, she went on. "He was there for me after your announcement with Ayako, in more ways than one."

Fully understanding her words, I comprehended Orihime was not just emotionally not mine, but also physically. I wasn't just mad; I was mentally decapitated.

"Is it the same guy you were with in the park?"

Her nod confirmed my suspicions. Without realizing it, I withdrew my hand from hers.

"I'm sorry... I honestly didn't know you were going through all of that. If I wasn't so stubborn and listened maybe…" Her words trailed off. Watching as she didn't want to finish that sentence. Orihime did not regret meeting her Mr. Mysterious.

I shook my head feeling the jealousy surge deep within me. "You were already involved with him before my situation..." I eased up when I saw her wince at my heighten tone. "…but seeing me with Ayako solidified your relationship." I ran my fingers through my hair. Casting blame will not change who is really at fault. Discouraged by our lost time and lack of communication only made us grow apart.

How do we get past this? Is there any way of going back to the way we were?

To Be Continued…

Author's Notes:

I honestly hope this clears up some things. It's okay to be team Ulquiorra or team Ichigo. The bright haired duo must develop in time to find themselves.

Ulquiorra will make an appearance soon.

Until next week.

Songs

Slow Down – Chase Atlantic

Drive You Insane – David Di Angelo

I See Red – Everybody Loves an Outlaw

Close Your Eyes – Black Atlass

On My Shoulders – Sabrina Claudio

More Than Enough – Alina Baraz