Hi Readers: Once again, before we begin; I want to apologize for the long delay in between chapters. I ended up getting distracted today ahead of writing, trying to do other things that most certainly were not productive in my own life; nor are they productive to the story that I am trying to write. So, there may not be as many chapters as I would've hoped today; but I hope to remedy that tomorrow. But, I am not going to waste anymore time now that I am starting to write; so, let's get to it. Here we go with today's chapters.
Chapter Three Hundred and Four
Are You Still Thinking About That Day?
"Were you working today to try and change your mind, because you're still thinking about what you saw at the office? When I went into labor?" -Gabriela Marie Casey
Now if that wasn't the million-dollar question, which most certainly was all that Gabby was thinking about now that she asked her husband that question; but at the same time, she knew that she had to ask him that question. It was the right thing to do as his wife, because she wants to make sure that he's okay; that will always be her first priority at the end of the day, regardless of whether she needs to recover in bed for a while or not. She just wished that it didn't take Matt forever to think about the answer to her question, as she was starting to get worried; but at the same time, she also understood. She understood why it would take so long to come up with an answer to that question, as it's a loaded question; a question that brings up a lot of emotions, and a lot of bad memories.
As well as a bunch of fear that was rushing through Matt's mind that day, as he was worried about a lot of things; the main one being whether he was going to loose her, not their daughters. Yes, you heard that right; he was more worried about loosing his wife, rather than loosing their daughters. And for him to have started the entire sequence of events being more worried about loosing Gabby, rather than about loosing their daughters; well, that was something that will always bother him, because he has regrets. And he has worries, as well as questions; questions that still run through his mind each and every day, simply due to the fact that he made a lot of decisions that day. Decisions that could've easily led to their marriage crumbling very easily based on a couple decisions.
He always goes back and replays the 'what ifs' of the day. What if he didn't tell the doctor to put Gabby first? Would they have prioritized the girls, and then put Gabby last? Would Gabby still be here with Gabby right now? After all, he did also tell her doctor that he doesn't care about the girls; he just cared that he had a wife at the end of the day, which was the truth. But that didn't mean that it wasn't hard to say, that he didn't care whether he had daughters at the end of the day; because he wanted to have the girls more than anything, as this is his dream life. It will always be his dream life, as he and Gabby now have the three most beautiful children in the entire world that they get to love for the rest of their lives; and they also get to love each other, for eternity and beyond.
But still, Matt knew that he couldn't hide what he did from Gabby; because that's not something that he can do as her husband, not when it was such a big decision that couldn't changed the course of history. He just hopes that she can forgive him for what he said, because he doesn't know what she's going to say. But one thing he does know, is that Gabby is starting to get a little impatient, which is why she just kissed his chest, and tried to get his attention. "Baby, you okay? You've been quiet ever since I asked you that question." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, as he most certainly has been quiet every since she asked him the question that was still hanging over this entire conversation at the moment; and while he was going to answer it, he knew that he couldn't do it like this.
More specifically, he couldn't do it while Gabby was laying down on his chest; not when he needs to look at her, when he needs to look into her eyes, and he needs to be able to hold her close at the same time. "Gabby, I can't answer that question with you on my chest." Looking up at Matt as he said that, Gabby got worried. "Oh god, are you hurt baby? Is that why you aren't…" Looking at Gabby, Matt shook his head as that was not what he was talking about; but you already knew that, as you know why he can't answer her question while she's laying down on his chest. "No, I'm fine; I just feel like I want you laying down next to me, so that I can look into your eyes as we talk about this." Gabby agreed with her husband, because she could hear it in his voice; he was scared right now.
He was scared of how she would react to what he was going to tell her, which was why she needed to lay down in front of him; and if that was what Matt needed, then she most certainly will do just that. "On one condition." Turning his head, Matt looked down at Gabby as he didn't know what condition that was. "What condition would that be?" Gabby smiled. "You need to take a sip of water, and you need to take a breath for me. Baby, I'm your wife; and I love you more than anything in the entire world, which means that I'm here for you regardless of what you tell me. I promise that you have nothing to worry about Matt." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before bending down and kissing her softly. "Okay, then lay down next to me please." Gabby agreed, and smiled as she did so.
Meanwhile, Matt smiled as he rolled over to grab his water bottle; that way, he could take a sip of water ahead of talking to Gabby about this. Because this topic was something that still haunts him, if you couldn't tell; and it was also a topic that he's been trying to avoid talking to Gabby about, for obvious reasons. He just hopes that she can understand, and that she can see where he's coming from when it comes to the fear he has about this topic. A topic that could've been the end of their marriage, which was the last thing that he wanted to have happened right after she gave birth to the girls; both due to the fact that they just got back together a year earlier, and due to the fact that they needed each other more than ever right then. They needed each other for support and love.
And he just hopes that Gabby understood that was one of the main reasons that he told the doctor to prioritize her life, rather than those of the girls; because he knew that at the end of the day, they could have more children. They could figure out a way to have daughters, that didn't include adoption. But one thing that he couldn't live without, that was his wife, which was something that he told her 18 months prior before she left to go to Puerto Rico, which might actually come in handy. The fact that they already spoke about this before will definitely come in handy, as Gabby will already understand Matt's point of view and his train of thought when it came to this; especially when he's going to be very stressed as they talk about it, and extremely worried (which he's been for a while).
Ever since Gabby and the girls were admitted to the hospital, Matt has been extremely worried; he hasn't been able to sleep as good as he normally did when they were still here, and he just hasn't been himself since they got to the hospital. And he can't help but wonder whether Gabby has picked up on that, and whether that might be another reason why they need to talk to each other right now; whether they need to talk, as Gabby wants to know how her husband is and how he's doing in the aftermath of all of this. And at the same time, he wants to know the same thing; he wants to know that she's okay, and that she's going to just take it easy and relax. But right now, he needs to set his water down and face her in bed; that way, they can talk about all of this as they cuddle in bed.
Rolling over to face Gabby after taking his sip of water, Matt smiled as Gabby truly is a very beautiful woman; and he finds himself extremely lucky to have the honor of calling her his wife, which is something that he will always cherish. The fact that this gorgeous woman here is his wife, and the mother of his children; he just hopes that he made the right decisions in the hospital, and that she isn't going to be mad at him. But only time will tell, because they still need to talk about it. Matt's just glad that they are currently holding each other close, and cuddling up to each other; because right now, that's exactly what he needs as he talks to Gabby about this. He needs to talk to his wife and just hold her in his arms, while they cuddle up to each other in bed today.
Slipping close to Gabby, Matt smiled as he tugged her body against his chest; meanwhile, Gabby put her hands on it and just smiled as she looked into his eyes as they both held each other close. But before she could say anything, she felt Matt move his hand up her back and kiss her softly. And god, was that exactly what she wanted him to do as she moved her hands to his face and kissed her loving husband nice and slowly. "Now that, was exactly what I wanted you to do right now." Matt smiled as he heard Gabby say that, having had a feeling that was going to be the case. "I had a feeling that was going to be the case." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, while smirking as she was really happy that they are currently in each other's arms; but at the same time, they had to talk.
And that's exactly what they're going to do right now, as Gabby wants her husband to tell her what's on his mind; because she's here to listen to him, and to let him unload on her if he needs to. She loves him more than anything, and that will never change. "Baby, I want you to talk to me if you feel like you need to." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, as he feels like he needs to talk to her. "So, listen, I need to talk to you about our time in the hospital." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, clearly able to see that something was on his mind. "I had a feeling that it was related to that. What's going on baby? You have something on your mind?" Taking a breath, Matt agreed with Gabby as there was something on his mind; something they had to talk about and go over.
And as he said, he just hopes that Gabby can understand and forgive him. "I just hope that you can forgive me for what I did." Gabby was confused as she heard Matt say that, not exactly understanding what he was talking about. "What are you talking about?" Matt sighed as he looked into his wife's eyes, while also running his hand up her back and cuddling up to her some more. "Baby, it's about when you were going to give birth; when the doctor came out and asked me who to prioritize, I told them…" Slipping close to Matt, Gabby put her hands on his face and nodded; because she already knew that, she already knew that he could prioritize her. "Hey, hey. Take a breath and look into my eyes baby." Matt agreed with Gabby, as he did just that. At the same time, Gabby smiled at him.
She then leaned in and kissed the man she loves. "Baby, I already knew that. I already knew that you put me first, because I knew that was what you would always do." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before taking a breath. "And that was why you were working downstairs?" Matt agreed with Gabby. "I've been feeling guilty about it the entire time, because I just…" Turning his head, Matt looked at their girls. "I've been thinking about what it really meant recently, what those words meant." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, while continuing to listen to her husband. "Those words meant that you have my permission to sacrifice my daughters, if it means that my wife comes home with me." Gabby agreed with Matt, while cuddling up to him some more as he needed it.
And she knew that he needed it, based on how his voice was cracking; how he was so torn up about what he said, and how much guilt he felt regarding what he told the doctors. He didn't even need to tell her that was how he was feeling, because she already knew that was how he was feeling. He was feeling like he sacrificed their daughters, just so that he could have her. "Can you forgive me Gabby?" Wrapping her arms around him some more, Gabby smiled as she looked up at the man she loves and agreed with him; as she most certainly can forgive him, because she understands where he was coming from. She knew that he wanted, because it's something that he's always wanted. And that would be her, because he's said it a million times before. "Matt, of course I can forgive you."
Matt was a bit taken aback as Gabby told him when she said that she can forgive him, because he thought that it was going to be harder than that. "Sorry if I'm a bit surprised to hear you say that so fast." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, well aware that he was surprised; but that doesn't mean that it's going to change the fact that she forgives him, as she does. And she will always forgive him, as she loves him more than anything and she knows that he just wants the best for her. And the decision he made was hard. "Matt, I hope you know that I don't forget all the things that you told me in the RV." Matt took a breath and agreed with Gabby as she said that; while at the same time, he turned his head and kissed her forehead softly…because that most certainly was a reason.
One of the reasons why he told the doctors to prioritize Gabby, rather than prioritize his girls; and that was due to the fact that he's already lost one woman he loves, he's already lost Hallie. And due to the fact that he loves Gabby so much, and due to the fact that they have two little boys (and now girls); he just couldn't do it, he couldn't put his wife's life ahead of their daughters when that wouldn't be fair to Matteo and Noah. "All I could think about while I was making that decision, was Matteo and Noah; those little boys of ours were on my mind, and they were all that was on my mind at the time. I thought about it long and hard, and I just thought; we can have more children, but my sons only have one mother." Gabby agreed with Matt as she laid her head down on his chest.
After which, she ran her hand up and down his chest as she gave him the comfort that he needs from her in this moment; and let's just say that Gabby really is giving him a bunch of comfort, because he already feels better. "Gabby, I've had to make that decision before; and you know it. I had to make a rash decision when it came to Andy, and I made the wrong one; I didn't pull him back, and stop him from going in. But when it came to our children, I was not going to make the same mistake. Our sons were not just going to grow up with one of their parents, they were going to have both of their parents." Gabby agreed with Matt as she cuddled up to him, while at the same time her heart couldn't help but break for her husband; especially since his decision was related to his hard past, with Andy.
And that was why it made a lot of sense why he would tell the doctors to save her, rather than the girls; because it was the right thing to do, for the sake of their sons. Based on Matteo and Noah's age, them loosing Bella and Sofia would really only affect them; but loosing her would affect so many more people, including her own family and best friend. And that was why she truly believed that Matt made the right decision, in prioritizing her life; rather than prioritizing the life of their daughters. "Matt, I understand. I understand your rational, and I understand that you had to do what was going to have the least impact on the most people's lives. I mean, imagine if I had died; all the people that would be affected, including my own family." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that.
And while he didn't think about them while he was making the decision, he can see the reasons why he should've now; why he should've thought about the impact of his decisions of the Dawson family, because he knows that they would really be affected. They would've lost a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. But at the same time, she's his whole world. "Baby, I was more concerned about myself; because you have to know that I can't do this without you. You're my rock, and the person that I rely on keeping me sane; this is a lot to deal with, and I don't know where I would be in my PTSD journey if I didn't have you by my side." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, well aware that was the case. Plus, she had a feeling that his choice was related to that too, as it would've made it worse.
His PTSD would be much worse right now, if she wasn't here with him. "I can understand Matt, and I do understand. You can stop explaining to me now, as I understand and approve of the decision that you made." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, glad that was the case as he proceeded to turn his head and kiss her forehead softly. "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that." Gabby agreed with her husband as he told her that, while also running her hand down his muscular chest; after which, she bent down and kissed his chest softly. God, did she miss this feeling; and boy was she happy to be back in Matt's arms, the arms that she loves more than anything in the entire world. "God, I am so glad that we're back in our bed." Matt agreed with Gabby.
As he felt the same way, especially since this is where they both belong; they belong in bed with each other, where they can cuddle up to each other and just hold each other close. That was, until they heard their girls; and right now, they still have a bit of time before the girls need them now that they get fed every 3-4 hours. "So, do you want to turn the TV on or something?" Gabby laughed as she heard Matt ask her that. "I think I want something else." Turning his head, Matt smirked and agreed with Gabby as she rolled over onto her back since she wanted him, which then prompted him to roll over on top of her so that he can give her just that, and boy was he ready to kiss her and just take things slow with her. And that's exactly what he did, as he bent down and kissed his wife softly.
That was, until he heard their girls crying out for them. "Oh, c'mon!" Putting her hands on Matt's face, Gabby smiled as she leaned up and kissed him softly. "C'mon, you know that they need to eat." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before bending down and moving to kiss her once again. "Which one are you feeding today?" Gabby smiled. "Sofia." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before rolling off of her so that he can go get the girls for the both of them; but at the same time, Gabby's phone rang. "God, seems like everybody wants to have us right now." Matt laughed as he heard Gabby say that. "How about you check who it is?" Gabby shook her head. "Let's get the girls here with us, and then we can check and call them as we feed the girls." Matt agreed with Gabby.
Carrying Bella over to bed with her bottle this morning, Matt smiled as he was extremely happy to be holding his little girl in his arms; after all, she is extremely adorable and very happy to have her close to him. "Yeah, someone's going to be fed by daddy today? Aren't they my little princess." Kissing the top of her head, Matt smiled as he looked down at his beautiful daughter; at the same time, Gabby just smiled due to the fact that her husband is very adorable with their daughters. "I have to say, I am really turned on when you do that with the girls." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before smiling as he walked up to his side of the bed; after which, he set the bottle of milk down on his side table so that he could climb into bed with Bella. And that's exactly what Matt did.
As soon as he set the bottle of milk down on his side table, he climbed into bed with Gabby and Sofia so that they could feed their girls together. "I want to keep the girls with us for a while, just hold them in our bed with us for the first time." Matt smiled as he heard Gabby say that. "Then that's exactly what we're going to do. We're going to keep the girls with us, as we hold them in bed." Gabby agreed with Matt as he said that, while also watching him get all comfortable in bed with Bella; at the same time, he also reached for the bottle of milk that he was going to be giving her and then looked down at his little girl. "Here we go Bella, you ready to drink your bottle?" Moving it close to her lips this morning, Matt smiled as he watched Bella start to drink from it pretty much right away.
After which, he bent down and kissed her forehead softly as a way to show her that he's proud of her. "Now there's a smart girl, who daddy's really proud of already." Gabby smiled as she heard Matt say that, before turning her head and looking at her amazing husband. "I swear, you are amazing; and I am so glad that this is what we're doing. Just spending the day in bed with our girls, as we take it easy." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that, before smiling at her. "So, are we going to check who called your phone?" Smiling, Gabby agreed as she reached over onto her side table to see that it was Alex. "It's Alex." Matt agreed with Gabby as she said that. "Then how about we call them back, and we can talk to them as we feed the girls?" Gabby agreed as she hit Alex's name.
After all, she was at the top of her Caller ID; and that made things a lot easier when it came to calling people back, along with the fact that it may mean that they answer quickly (which is why Gabby put the phone on speaker the moment she hit Alex's number). "God, I am so sorry if I called at a bad time." Gabby laughed as she heard Alex say that. "It's fine Alex, the girls just needed their daddy to pick them up out of their cribs so that we could feed them." Alex laughed as she heard Gabby say that. "So, that means that you guys are home now?" Matt agreed with Alex. "We've been home for a couple hours. We left first thing in the morning, so that we could beat the rush. By the way, tell Natalie thanks for the note; Will gave it to me when we signed the discharge papers, which he brought us."
That's when Matt heard Natalie speak up. "Actually, I'm right here Matt. Me and Will moved to Jay and Alex's place for the pandemic, so that we could all be together and so that I could have help with Owen when he's born; Will already spoke to the hospital, and he said that he can't get much paternity leave due to the pandemic." Matt agreed with Natalie as she said that. "So that's why you were all together when you were on the call this morning, that makes sense now." Natalie laughed as she heard Matt say that, while agreeing with her boss. "Thanks again for letting Will take time off from the company." Matt was a bit surprised that she even said that.
"Natalie, we're in a time of crisis; of course, I'm going to let Will work at the hospital, rather than work at Casey. As long as he's safe, Will belongs at the hospital so that he can take care of as many people as he can during this time."