Hi Readers: Huge sorry for the delay in chapters. But I got distracted, and I did some other things before now. But now, I am hoping to get a couple (maybe 1 or 2) chapters out to you; hopefully, I can get more though. But other than that, have a good day and enjoy.
Chapter Three Hundred and Twenty-One
A Doctors' Point of View and the Realities of Working in the Hospital during COVID
Halstead Kitchen – Walking out to the kitchen to see his brother standing at the fridge and grabbing some OJ, Jay smiled as he went ahead and spoke to his brother for the first time since he saw him in his bedroom; where he knew that there was a reason why he came in there, which was to tell him (inadvertently) that he needs to talk. That he needs to talk to someone, who isn't his wife and who isn't going to get stressed out with what's happening at the hospital; the hospital where her husband works each and every day and is probably the most at risk out of the four of them to get COVID himself. That was why Jay had to do this. He had to talk to his brother, and just see if he's okay. Because based on the way his brother's been acting lately, he doesn't feel like he's okay right now.
Rather, it seems like his brother has a lot on his mind; stuff that he really can't talk to Natalie about, as he doesn't want to stress her out until she has the baby. Their first child, who Will wants to meet more than anything, which is something that he knows, simply due to the fact that Will loves being an uncle to his own children. And based on how he interacts with Michael and Olivia, Jay already knows that Will is going to be a great father; especially since he's already a great brother, an amazing husband, and an even better doctor. But at the same time, he's down to earth; something that he's really only come to notice, ever since he and Will have started to live together once more. And that's due to the fact that he can see the same fears that he's dealing with in his brother, but worse.
He knows that it's worse for his brother, based on the fact that those numbers on the screen aren't just statistics for him; they're real people, whom he's treated himself and tried to save their lives. But there are just times where he doesn't have the ability to do that, because they're already in respiratory failure when they get to the hospital; or because the disease is already too far advanced in the patient, which leads to doctors having to treat a patient differently. And that would be to just make them comfortable in their final hours and days, rather than constantly work on them to try and make them better. And that has to be hard, and something that really weighs on Will each and every day when he goes to work, which is why he thinks this would be a great starting point for their talk.
"Is it like they show it on the news?"
Turning his head to look at his brother as he said that, Will let out a sigh; because it was obvious that Jay already knew what he was thinking of, and what he was dealing with right now. The death that he was dealing with, and the amount of suffering that he has to see some of his patients go through; including some of his regulars, whom he's already gotten close to simply due to the fact that's the type of doctor he is. He gets involved in his patients' lives, and he ensures that they know that they truly do have somebody on their team looking out for them; a doctor who is ready to advocate for them, and whatever they need at the hospital. But at the same time, it was really nice to know that his brother could see that; that he could see that he was struggling with some things right now.
"How could you tell that was what was on my mind?"
Taking a breath, Jay just looked at his brother before walking over to him; after which, he went to hug him. "Because I've seen that look on my own face before." Will was confused as he heard his brother say that, confused as to just what he means when he says that. "You do?" Jay sighed as he heard his brother say that, while agreeing with him. "Do you need to make breakfast for Natalie?" Will shook his head. "She's still fast asleep." Jay agreed with his brother as he said that, glad that was the case; because that means that he doesn't need to make breakfast for himself right now. Rather, he can just take it easy and relax while he makes them some breakfast. And at the same time, he can make Alex some breakfast in the process. "Then go sit down and take it easy." Will was surprised.
"Really?"
Jay agreed with his brother as he asked him whether he could really go sit down, and just take it easy; and based on what he was dealing with at the moment, Jay truly believes that it's not just something that he can do. Rather, it's something that he needs to do.. He needs to go sit down, and he needs to take it easy for his mental health; and that's exactly where Will was going to go. "In fact, how about you do something for me Will?" Will was confused as he heard Jay say that, unsure of what he wants him to do; when he said that he wants him to relax. After all, if anybody should be taking it easy and relaxing right now; then it would be him, simply due to the fact that he has a lot on his mind after a (clearly) rough 48-hours at the hospital. And that was why he was doing this for his brother.
"You already tell Natalie that you're home?"
Will agreed with his brother as he asked him whether he already told Natalie that he was home, which he did when he took a shower. "I had to take a second shower in our room, as I just took a shower to clean off. I didn't take one to smell better. Plus, you know this hair needs special shampoo." Jay laughed as he heard Will say that, as he could clearly see that was the case. "Don't you ever get hot with that head of hair on your head? I mean, that bush looks like it could become a bush fire quite easily." Will shook his head as he heard Jay say that, well aware that he likes to make a bunch of bush jokes when it comes to his hair. "Just be careful and remember that it's in your genes too; that means that it could happen to one of your children." Thinking about it, Jay agreed with his brother.
After all, that is how genes work; there are times where genes can skip a generation, so his daughter could very well likely have curly hair. "Well, at least we don't have any gingers in my family." Will shook his head as he heard Jay say that, before just looking at his brother. "You are never going to let me live it down that I am the only ginger in the family, are you?" Jay agreed with his brother as he said that, before going to add on. "Well, you're the only ginger in the family…for now." Will was confused as he heard Jay say that, so Jay had to point it out to his doctor brother. "Wow, you're a doctor; and I'm the one that has to point this out to you!" Will just looked at his brother, because he was still half-asleep. "I'm working on two, or three hours of sleep. I'm exhausted." Jay agreed with him.
After all, Jay could clearly see that in his eyes; just how tired his brother is at the moment, and how much he needs to rest. "Did you get any rest last night?" Will sighed. "Not when I have to share a bedroom, with a bunch of pagers going off in the middle of the night. So, I shouldn't even call it sleep. I should really just call it rest more like it." Jay agreed with his brother as he said that, starting to really feel horrible for him. "Will, I swear; I feel absolutely horrible for you, and I am so sorry that you had to deal with it." Will agreed with his brother as he said that. "At least I get 72-hours off." Jay agreed with his brother as he said that, glad that was the case as well. "Let me guess, you're going to spend the first 24 sleeping?" Will sighed as Jay asked him whether he was going to spend the first 24 asleep.
"Honestly, it depends whether Natalie is okay with me spending my first 24-hours home from the hospital in bed."
And that was when Natalie came out, having heard her husband's voice this morning; as well as him getting in and out of the shower, as she was already awake after going to the bathroom. "I wouldn't be opposed to us spending the day in bed." Turning to look at Natalie, Will was a bit surprised to see her awake this early. "You're up early." Natalie agreed with Will as he said that, while walking over to the man she loves; after which, she stood next to him and put his hand on her face. Meanwhile, Will wrapped his arm around her and smiled as he brought his family close to him; while also leaning his forehead against Natalie's, as she was doing the same while whispering to him. "You okay? I just heard a bit of what you said to Jay." Will took a breath as Natalie asked him whether he was okay.
"I wish I could say yes, but I don't want to burden you with this; you have enough to worry about with our little one."
Natalie agreed with her husband as he said that, really loving the fact that he's been so compassionate when it comes to letting her relax and take it easy; but at the same time, he has to know that she can always talk to him. "Jay, how about you just make breakfast? I have a feeling that you were going to talk to my husband today?" Jay agreed with Natalie as she asked him that, as that was exactly what he planned on doing. "Yes, I was." Natalie agreed with him, before smiling as he was a great brother-in-law. "How about you just make breakfast for your family? I can make breakfast for me and Will, while he goes to lay down in bed and take it easy." Jay agreed with Natalie as she said that, while Will protested a bit as he didn't want his wife to over do it. "Nat…" Natalie then turned her head.
After all, she can do more than he thinks; because she's a woman, a very strong woman. And that's why her husband is going to go relax and take it easy in bed ahead of her joining him. "Go to bed, and I will be right there." Will agreed with his wife as she said that, well aware that he isn't going to be able to win this fight; so, he just got up and wrapped his arm around her. After which, he leaned in and kissed her softly. "See you in a bit?" Natalie shook her head. "I'll be right there after you, because I want to talk before I come help with breakfast." Looking at Natalie, Jay shook his head. "No, go ahead Natalie. I got breakfast for you guys. Want me to bring it?" Natalie bit her lip, before agreeing with her brother-in-law as that would be very much appreciated. "Thanks Jay." Jay agreed.
"Natalie, it's my pleasure; you guys are dealing with a lot right now, and it's time for me to repay the favors you did for me while we were in the hospital with the twins. You guys were so much help, including you Natalie; because you came in, and checked on the twins even on your days off. So, I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say, there's no problem in us taking care of you."
Natalie agreed with Jay as he said that, before walking over to her brother-in-law; after which, he looked at her husband. "Go to bed Will." Will agreed with Natalie, before walking away to their bedroom; at the same time, Natalie smiled as she walked up to Jay. "Did he tell you anything?" Jay sighed as he looked at Natalie, while going to hug her; after which, he went to fill her in. "He didn't sleep at all last night due to the pagers. Well, maybe two or three hours of sleep. And I didn't exactly hear him say this, but I suspect that he had a death last night." Natalie agreed with Jay as he said that, really appreciating that he was okay with getting up to talk to his brother. "I hope you know that I appreciate you volunteering to get up and talk to Will." Jay agreed with Natalie, as it was his pleasure.
"Natalie, he's my brother. I can see that he's dealing with a lot, and it pains me to see that; I also want to understand what I can do to help him, just like he's trying to do when it comes to my PTSD. Plus, we're all we have left in the world. That's really why I invited you guys here, because I wanted you guys close. I want to go through this with you, rather than have you far away from me and Alex."
Natalie agreed with Jay as he said that, as he truly is an incredible brother-in-law; and she is so grateful to have such a great friend, as well as a resource in her life. "I hope you know that I will never forget what you guys did for us." Jay agreed with Natalie as she said that, before moving to hug her. After all, that was what Natalie needed right now. She needs a hug, which will allow her to take it easy and just relax today. "Go relax and take it easy. I'll be there with breakfast soon." Natalie agreed with her brother-in-law as he said that. After which, she proceeded to walk away so that she could make her way to her and Will's room; where she would try and see whether he was really okay. Because as much as she loves him for protecting their baby, he needs to talk to her as well.
Will & Natalie's Room – He was currently in the midst of writing something in his new journal, a journal that he just purchased at the hospital gift shop for a purpose. And there was going to be a purpose for it, which he wasn't sure whether he was ready to reveal to anybody but himself; and he knew that was wrong, because he knew that there was going to be a lot more names to come in the future. Names that he's going to have to add to this book. The book he's calling: "The Fallen Victims of COVID-19." And it wasn't a book that he's already written, but one that he was going to write in after each and every death he has; and unfortunately, that's exactly what he has to do right now. And that started with the date of their death, which was yesterday; because that was when he died.
'March 9, 2020 (1) – Wesley Michaels, age 38. Wife: Laura Michaels. Children: Jacob and Marie, 4 mos. Organ donor.'
That was what he just wrote in his book, and what he was going to keep writing in his book each and every shift. The name of the person who died, their age, the name of their spouse (whom he had to call) and any children they had. And this was just horrible, due to the fact that he could see himself in the man. He was a newlywed, only married for less than a year. And he had babies. A sweet little boy, like he and Natalie are going to have soon; and an adorable baby girl, who will never get to know their father. And it was made even worse as he had to call them and say that he was dead. That he was brain dead, and he had to ask his wife what she wanted to do. Whether she wanted to have his body, or whether he was going to donate his organs, which he thankfully was.
And while it was a tragic, and slow death; he also knew that it was going to do a lot of good. He just hoped that this book wasn't going to be filled with too many names. A book that Natalie will now know about. "What's that you got in your hands?" Turning his head, Will looked at Natalie as he wanted to keep the book secret. "Oh, nothing." Will was then about to put his book away, but Natalie was not going to have that. "Will, we both know what we agreed to; we are not going to keep secrets in between us, not when we're having a baby. Not when it almost led us to splitting up for good last time." Will sighed, and agreed with his wife as he knew that was the case; after which, she proceeded to make her way over to her and Will's bed so that she can join her husband and talk to him.
"Will, I am going to give you another chance to answer it honestly. What is it?"
Will sighed as he watched Natalie get in bed and get comfortable, before thinking about what he needed right now; and that would be to lay down with his wife and hold her close. But first, he needs to tell her what the book is; so he just decided to give it to Natalie so that she could see it for herself, and so that she could read it. And that's exactly what Natalie did, just as soon as it was in her hands; but that didn't really clarify just what the book was. "What's this Will?" Laying down in bed some more, Will took a breath and proceeded to tell Natalie. "Date, number of deaths, patient name, age, spouse, kids, age of kids, and organ donor status." Natalie turned her head and looked at Will as he said that, before realizing what this book was. "Oh." Will agreed with Natalie.
After all, that was why he didn't want to share it with her. "And that's why I didn't want to share it with you, because of how morbid it is; I thought…" Taking a breath, Will looked at Natalie while she gave him the book. "Here, put this down on your side table and then let's lay down together." Will agreed with his wife as she said that, before grabbing the book; after which, he rolled over and proceeded to put it on the side table as he was told the do. But at the same time, he apologized to Natalie. "I'm sorry." Looking at her husband as he said that, Natalie was well aware that he was sorry; but at the same time, she could tell that he wasn't entirely sorry. "Are you really though?" Rolling over in bed, Will looked at Natalie as he most certainly was; he will always be sorry.
"Natalie, of course I'm sorry. I mean it."
Natalie agreed with her husband as he said that, while also watching him lay down in bed. "Lay down and come here." Will agreed with Natalie, as he laid down in bed and then get close to her; just like she wanted him to do, as she wants to hold him in his arms. Because at the end of the day, that's what's very comfortable for the both of them. For them to hold each other close, and just take it easy with each other. He then proceeded to get close to Natalie, and wrapped his arm around her; after which, she put her hands on his face and looked at the man she loves. "Natalie, I'm sorry that I lied to you about it. It's just so morbid, that I didn't want you to even think of it." Natalie agreed with Will as he said that, appreciating the thought of him not wanting her to deal with it.
But at the same time, she does have to deal with it; and that's due to the fact that he's her husband, and the man she loves. "Will, you're my husband. You're the father of our child, and the love of my life. I am here to help you get through it, because that's my job as your wife; but I can't help you get through it, unless you tell me what's going on." Will agreed with Natalie as he ran his hand up her back, and then kissed her softly. "Forgive me?" Natalie agreed with Will as he asked her to forgive him, which is something that she can do; and that's due to the fact that she knows that this is very depressing, and quite sad. "I know that it's sad, and that's why you tried to hide it from me; so I forgive you Will, but you need to know that I'm here for you, forever." Will agreed with Natalie.
After which, he leaned in and kissed her once more; after all, that was what he needed at the moment. He needed to hold his gorgeous wife in his arms, and he needed to take things nice and slow with her. "I'm just happy to be home, holding you right now as I'm exhausted." Natalie agreed with Will as he said that, well aware that was the case. "I asked your brother to bring us breakfast in bed, as I think that's what you need." Will agreed with Natalie as she said that, before smiling as he leaned in and kissed her once more. "I love that idea, because I most certainly do need to have breakfast in bed with you." Natalie agreed with Will, and just smiled as they were both really happy with each other as they both held each other close right now in the comfort of their bed.