Hi Readers: Hope you guys liked the last chapter that I wrote for you guys, and what it means for the story. Now, I most certainly am not done with this storyline that I am starting; and that's due to the fact that I need to get it really started, so let's do just that. Here's some more about Jay and Alex, and just how they're feeling in the immediate aftermath of their encounter with Hank.
Chapter Three Hundred and Forty-Five
Uncharted Territory: The Fears of Starting Fresh
Halstead Primary Suite – They only did the basics when they came here, and when they've been here. Heck, they've mostly been concentrating on getting their children settled, rather than taking the time they need to unpack their room; but now that Michael and Olivia are taking their morning nap, it was going to give Jay and Alex time to do something else; and that would be to go through all the bags that they've been living in since they learned that they were moving home, not that they were opposed to the idea. The truth is, Jay has missed spending time with Adam and Atwater; and Alex has missed spending time with Kim and Hailey, mostly Kim though. She still feels like Hailey has feelings for her husband, which is another reason that she's not ready to go back; that, and she just doesn't feel confident enough yet. And let me explain that. It's not that she doesn't feel like she can do it, as she knows she can.
She knows that she can do the job better than anybody there, with her experience at the FBI; both here at the Chicago field office, and then at the New York City field office while she was there in the aftermath of the whole thing with Bunny. But now,, she was home again; and not just with the man she loves, but also with their children Michael and Olivia. And that was something that Alex loved. But there was one thing that she didn't love, and that would be how she was feeling at the moment, which was one of confusion, and pure fear. Fear that she's going to do it again, that she's going to push her husband away; and chose her father over him, like she's done in the past. Because that's what she did when she went to New York City. She chose her father over the man she loves, the man who was going to propose to her on the night she left to go to New York City to save her father. And that's why she needs time.
Because even when she came back, she tried her best to just make it seem like their relationship was okay; for her father's sake, as she didn't want to cause problems for the man she loves. But now, after having seen him; it was all coming back, the anger that she has for Hank…and it's just starting to impact her in ways that she never expected, including when it comes to her emotions. After all, Alex isn't an emotional person; but becoming a mom and having dealt with everything that she's dealt with over the past few years…it's turned her into one, and that was something else that scared her. Because she doesn't recognize herself anymore. Gone is the strong, Alex Lindsay that left Chicago; now, she always seems to feel much more vulnerable and adept to manipulation. But not by her husband, as he's actually the one that protects her from being manipulated; manipulated by the man who always hated them being together.
Her father.
She never understood why her father never liked Jay. He's an army veteran, he's always protected her, and he's always treated him with the utmost respect. But now, things have just changed ever since she returned to Chicago from New York City; and it was really just starting to be obvious to her, now that she was no longer in that haze of hormones that came with being pregnant with the twins. She had a clear mind to go through everything that happened since the last time she was in Chicago full-time, before she had to leave to go to New York City; and that was frustrating her, as it wasn't what she wanted to do. She didn't want to look backwards, and live in the past; rather, she wanted to look forward and live in the present with her beautiful children. After all, they are the only children that she and her husband will ever have. But still, she can't get all of these other thoughts out of her head; and it was because of him.
Seeing him here today really did a number of her, and it's starting to make her wonder whether she's really ready for this; ready for a relationship with her father, when she's feeling this way after barely talking to him for five minutes. She's feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and she hates it; and that's due to the fact that she doesn't like feeling this way, even with her own husband at times. When it comes to her past, she tries to leave it there; in the past, where it can't hurt them. But now, it's just like everything is starting to come forward once more. All the feelings of doubt and insecurity that she had before she married Jay in Las Vegas, before she said her vows in that chapel; it just made her feel worried and made her question whether she's doing the right thing when it comes to her father. Because this time around, it's not just her. This time around, her children will be impacted; and that really scares her to pieces.
The last thing she wants, is for her father to have a relationship with her children; for them to fall in love with him, just for them to have to stop the relationship due to the fact that they had another falling out. Because ever since New York City, it seems liked Hank isn't her father as much anymore; and that's due to the fact that he saw her as something that he could use, that he could use to save his skin. Yet, she still wants to have a relationship with him for her children; for his grandchildren, in return for him having raised her and saved her from the life of a drug addicts' daughter. It doesn't mater that he was the one that caused her to go into premature labor, it seems like she still wants to have a relationship with him; or does she, as she's really confused at the moment. But if there was one person that could make her feel better, then it would be her husband. The husband who could clearly see something was up.
Because that's how well Jay knows her, he knows when something's spinning in her mind; and right now, that was exactly what her mind was doing. It was spinning, with all the thoughts that she has right now. And she hates it, as this is the last way that she wants to feel about starting fresh with her father; she should be happy that she was starting fresh with him, but instead she's worried and just feels like she needs to be held. She feels vulnerable, and that worries her; but not as much as it worries her husband, who can clearly see that something has changed since he last saw her outside. And that was why he knew that something was wrong, and that they needed to take a minute with each other before they even start unpacking some more; and that's all due to what happened outside. Due to the conversation that he and Alex had with her father. Heck, maybe just due to the fact that Alex saw him here today.
And now that Jay's here, he's going to see just what's on his wife's mind; because he hasn't seen her like this in a while, and he doesn't like it one bit. He would rather have his wife all smiles and be happy as they unpack their home. But instead, she seemed worried and like there was something on her mind; something that she needs to talk to him about, and maybe even have him hold her for a bit. And that's exactly what Jay decided to ask his wife, whether she needs him to hold her. Well, indirectly. "You okay babe?" Turning her head to look up at her husband as she heard his voice, Alex shook her head as she didn't feel okay; rather, she felt worried and like she made a mistake even opening herself up to the risk of being hurt by her own father. And that was why she needs her husband at the moment. She needs him to hold her, and just help her through what's going on in her mind at the moment. "Move over." Alex agreed.
After which, she moved over in bed just as her husband asked her to do; and that was so that he could hold her in his arms with the hopes of making her feel better, because Jay is an expert on that. He just knows how to hold her and make her feel better.
Lying down in bed with Jay as he held her in his arms and rubbed her back, Alex took a breath laid her head down on Jay's chest to listen to his heart as a way to calm down; meanwhile, Jay wrapped his arm around her back while pressing his lips to her forehead before speaking to her. "You okay Alex? One minute, you're all happy…and then I come in here, and it's like you flipped a switch. What happened babe?" Looking up at Jay, Alex took a breath as she looked at the man she loves. "I guess…it was related to seeing my dad here." Jay agreed with Alex as she said that, because he knew that she wasn't expecting to see him for a while; hell, they didn't even want to tell him that they were moving home. "And who are you really feeling now Alex?" Alex sighed as she looked up at Jay, the man she loves and knows she can't lie to; after all, he knows her better than anybody and will be able to call her out on any BS she says.
"I guess, it's related to the fact that we're back in the same city as him; and it just worries me, especially now that we have the kids."
Jay agreed with Alex as she said that, well aware that was the case. "And I guess, everything is just starting to hit me now that I can think clearly." Jay was confused as he heard Alex say that, unsure of what she was talking about. "Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about Alex." Taking a breath, Alex looked up at Jay as she expected him to be confused. "I'm no longer dealing with the hormones, and I'm no longer under Hank's spell…" Jay then understood what Alex was trying to tell him, and that's how she can really see what everybody has always told her; about who her father really is, and just what he's capable of. "Jay, I'm sorry that I never believed you about it. I really should have." Jay agreed with Alex, before moving to kiss her forehead softly. "Baby, I already forgave you for that; I know that you were under his spell, and I'm just glad that you're no longer in it as it's a very toxic place." Alex agreed.
And that was why she was worried, especially when it came to starting a new relationship with her father; right now, they're in uncharted territory. One where she controls her future, and just what happens in her relationship with her father; and whether she even wants to have a relationship with him, as that's not something that she's felt like she could do it in the past. In the past, she's always felt like she HAD to have a relationship with him, as a way to pay him and Camille back for everything that they did for her when she was a kid. But now that she's an adult, and he's betrayed her a couple times; it just feels different now, and even seeing him felt different. He made her feel a way like she only wants to feel with Jay. "And I think that's why I'm so scared, because I know that we're in the same city; and he just has that affect on me, that I'm not ready to deal with again." Jay agreed with Alex.
After all, he knew all about the hold that Hank used to have on his wife. The hold that came with having been her "father" for all those years, and how she was always so loyal to him; only for those loyalties to be thrown to the side, and for him to not respect her wishes. "I mean, he wouldn't even respect my wishes when it came to who I wanted to love at first; and now he wants to just look past that, especially when he questions decisions I make for the sake of our relationship." Jay agreed with Alex once more, as he knew all about that; and how he questions the decisions that she makes regarding their relationship all the time, up to and including not returning to the CPD's Intelligence Unit. "I think that you made the right decision for what it's worth, when you didn't return to the unit." Sitting up after hearing Jay say that, Alex looked at the love of her life; after all, he needed to know something about that decision she made.
"Jay, that was the second easiest decision that I've ever made in my life."
Jay was a bit perplex as he heard Alex say that. "What was the easiest decision?" Alex smiled as she proceeded to lay down on his chest, and hovered over his lips; after which, she put her hand on his muscular chest and stared into his eyes. The eyes of the man she loves and is incredibly proud to call her husband. "The easiest decision that I've ever made in my life, is saying yes to marrying you." Jay smiled as he heard Alex say that, before moving his hand to the side of her face; after which, he leaned in and kissed the woman he loves softly. The woman he craves more than anything in the entire world…and is really happy to be holding close to him. "I love you so much." Alex agreed with her husband as he told her that, while smiling at the man she loves. "I love you too, and I am so proud to call you my husband." Jay agreed with Alex as she said that, while also feeling her cuddle up to him, which is what they both want.
They both want to hold each other close, and just take it easy with each other; as they concentrate on each other at the moment. And that was why Jay decided to run his hand up and down her back, and just give her a moment to relax; yet at the same time, he also decided to talk to her about what they're going to do when it comes to her father. "So, that doesn't answer the question that we have ahead of us. And that would be whether we're going to have a relationship with your father." Alex sighed as she cuddled up to Jay, while continuing to enjoy the feeling of him running his hand up and down her back. "I think that before we even think of introducing him to the kids, I need to repair my own relationship with him." Jay was confused as he heard Alex say that. "What?" Alex sighed as she looked up at the man she loves, and just cuddled up to him once more, because that's what she needs right now.
She needs to be held by her husband, as he helps her through this; while at the same time, she needs to explain what she means. "The last time we dealt with my dad, I was still dealing with all the hormones with having just been pregnant; now, I'm not pregnant and I can deal with him…and I feel like, I can finally see the truth when it comes to him." Jay was surprised as he heard Alex say that, but he can't say that he doesn't like that fact. "Care to explain?" Alex sighed as she looked at Jay. "I can see him for who he is now Jay. I can see how manipulative, and how dangerous he truly is; but I've always forgiven him, because he and Camile took me in." Jay agreed with his wife as she said that, knowing that was a momentous occasion in her life; one that made her the woman he loves. "And I think that's why I always defended him, why I always felt like I could pick him." Jay agreed with his wife as she said that and smiled at her.
While at the same time, he bent down and kissed her softly. "But now, I've seen the side that you've always seen; the dangerous and sketchy side that some people like you can't ignore and can't tolerate. And the truth is, that part really scares me; because this time around, we're not just dealing with the three of us. We're dealing with Hank, me and you, and the kids." Jay agreed with his wife, as that most certainly is the truth. "And I think we need to set ground rules with him, that he needs to change. If he wants to have a relationship with us, he needs to change his ways; he can't be manipulative, he needs to respect our boundaries, and he needs to remember that we're married." Alex was confused as she heard the last part. "Okay, what does that mean? Jay, he knows that we're married." Jay sighed. "I mean, he can't act like he has any say when it comes to decisions we make together." Alex then understood.
She understood that her father always passes judgment when it comes to decisions they make, decisions they make as husband and wife. "And I'm sorry Alex, but that's where I draw the line. I will be okay if you want to pursue a relationship with him, and I will support you in it. But here's what I won't tolerate from him under any circumstances: him acting like he has any say in our life, or our marriage, or how we raise the twins; him frustrating you to the point where you want to run, like he did in the past; and him putting you in a place where you need to be shipped away, so he doesn't go to jail." Alex agreed with her husband. "Also, I have other conditions. If something puts you in legal jeopardy, then you need to tell me right away. I don't care if he tells you that he'll take care of it, and you have nothing to be worried about; he's your father, I'm your husband and I need to know my wife is safe." Alex agreed.
After which, Jay took a breath. "And if there's a chance where you are at risk, then you need to tell me; and we need to do things the right way this time. No under the table deals that send you to New York without me or the kids, and we choose each other first. Your father, he'll make his own messes; but you're a mom, and a wife first. You need to make it clear to him, that you're not going to save him; and that he can't come crawling to us, when we're not police anymore. We're private citizens, who work for a company; and we have a family, that will not be put at risk. If he pulls a stunt like what he did in the past, then we're done with him; and I don't mean temporarily, I mean forever. Screw me over once, I'll forgive; screw me over twice, then he can rot in hell, and he's done with us. And I mean, no contact, no family visits, nothing; and I'm serious, because I am not loosing my wife." Alex agreed with Jay.
Getting close to Jay, Alex smirked as she put her hands on his face and then kissed him softly; meanwhile, Jay wrapped his arms around her as he took things nice and slow with the woman he loves more than anything. "Jay, I want you." Jay agreed with his wife, as he wants her too. "Then you need to get up so that we can both get undressed." Alex laughed. "I mean later, the kids will wake up soon and we need to unpack." Jay agreed with Alex, well aware that was the case. He then proceeded to just hold her again, smiling as he kissed her softly. "Listen, you want me to get changed into something more comfortable?" Alex agreed with Jay, as that was exactly what she wanted him to do. "Yes please." Jay agreed with Alex, before getting up and smiling as he walked away to his closet to get a fresh set of clothes; meanwhile, Alex got up so that she could do the same thing. "Maybe we take it easy and relax today Jay."
Jay thought about it. "After the drama with your dad, might be a good idea." Alex agreed with her husband and smiled at him as he walked away to get undressed. "Sexy day today please." Jay agreed as he walked into their closet, so that he could get undressed and just wear his boxers today for his beautiful wife.
She could already tell that Jay was going to love this lingerie the moment he saw it, the moment he got to lay his hand on it; the moment he got to hold her in his arms as she wears it for him. And that was why she was currently taking a bit of time to admire the sexy lingerie she was wearing, as she stood in the bathroom this morning; after all, she wasn't going to get a chance to do this once she walks out of the bathroom. And that's due to the fact that Jay's going to be all over her, and just hold her in his arms, which is exactly what she wants right now, she wants to be held by her husband in bed. I mean, what sounds better than that? Oh god, she can already see it. His bulging biceps wrapping themselves around her in bed, as his strong, manly hands roam around the sexy lingerie that she was wearing for him. Now that, that's going to be pure paradise; and exactly what she wants in life.
She wants to have the man of her dreams hold her in his arms, as they take it easy with each other in bed; because right now, that's exactly what she needs as a way to distract herself from all the drama that she's dealing with right now. After all, it seems that's all her father will ever bring around; drama, and a whole lot of it. And that was when she saw her phone flash. And boy was the urge to ignore it tempting, but she let the urge to see who it was get the best of her; and unfortunately, that was the wrong move.
'I hope you know that I love you, and always will Alex. You're my daughter, and I'm your dad. Forever.'
Sighing as she read that, she just knew right away that her plans for some sexy time with her husband were dashed due to the fact that she had him on her mind now; and even worse, she had to break the news to her husband…who was madly in love with the lingerie she was wearing, and he was in the midst of running his hands all over as he stood behind her. "Now this is something that I most certainly approve of." Sighing as she heard Jay say that, Alex put her hand on top of his as she needed to calm him down; and calm him down he most certainly did, due to the fact that he saw that something has changed in her demeanor again. "Okay, what happened in the past two minutes?" Alex sighed, as she turned around and faced the man she loves. "He texted me." Jay agreed with Alex as she said that, before moving his hands to her sides; after which, he looked down into her eyes and moved his hand to her neck.
"Let me guess, this has curbed your urge to have me in bed."
Alex looked down, feeling horrible around that. "I'm sorry Jay." Jay shook his head as he heard Alex say that, before bending down and kissing her softly; after which, he proceeded to grab her phone and went to take it out of her hands. "Then I will just make you crave me again. And we're in no rush, and we can take it easy. That's what we need to do right now anyways, as I wasn't ready to take you in my arms yet anyways." Alex was confused as she heard Jay say that, while placing her hands on his chest; meanwhile, Jay put his hands next to her on the counter before deciding to pick her up and setting her down on the counter. And boy did Alex love that. "Oh, now I like that." Stepping close to Alex, Jay tugged her body against his chest and smiled. "Oh, do you now?" Alex agreed with Jay, before rubbing his toned chest; after which, she put her hand on his neck and leaned in to kiss the man she loves softly.
"I love you Jay, forever."
Jay agreed with Alex as she told him that she'll always love him, as that's something that he already knows. "Alex, how about you just block his number for now. He obviously is causing you problems, and I don't think you're ready to deal with him. Just block him, and we don't need to deal with this." Alex took a breath. "Should I tell him that I'm going to block his number?" Jay shook his head. "No, because you're allowed to do whatever you please on your phone." Alex agreed with Jay, before opening her contacts; after which, she found Hank's and went to block it. "I think that's what I need for a while." Jay agreed with his wife as she said that, well aware that was the case. "Remember babe, I'm on your side when it comes to this." Alex agreed with Jay as he told her that, well aware that was the case. "You're always on my side." Jay agreed, before moving his hand to her neck and leaning in to kiss her softly.
"And I will always be on your side, and I can show you that if you want me to."
Alex laughed, agreeing with her husband as she felt him wrap his arms around her; after which, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight due to the fact that Jay was picking her up in his arms. And boy did she love that feeling, especially as he wrapped her legs around his waist and stroked them the entire way out to their bed. "I promise babe, things are going to get better her on out." Alex agreed with Jay as he said that, well aware that was the case; and it was all thanks to him. "I know it will, and it's all thanks to you." Jay agreed with Alex as she said that, smiling as he carried her out to bed; that way, they could cuddle up to each other and hold each other close. After all, that's exactly what they both want to do with each other at the moment; cuddle up to each other in bed and hold each other close as they share a kiss. "I want your hands all over me in bed." Jay laughed and agreed.
"Oh, you aren't going to have anything to worry about that baby."
Wrapping her arms around Jay's neck, Alex smiled as she held the love of her love close to her while they made their way out to bed with each other; meanwhile, Jay moved his hand to the side of her neck and started to suck on it as a way to give her pleasure the entire way to bed. Because at the end of the day, that's exactly what they both wanted to do. Make their way to bed with each other.