Potter and Excuses
The days went by and Easter was fast approaching. Minerva looked through the mock tests that she had sent the apprentices the day before and nodded, content. They were progressing faster than she ever thought anyone could. She had originally complained about the speed of the learning and, since there wasn't a deadline, why did it have to be so intense? She was surprised to find that it was Severus who had defended their ability to keep up,
"If anyone can master three years of learning in three months, it's those five. What they lack in intelligence they make up for in tenacity and stubbornness."
And they had surpassed her expectations. They would now be bringing in options for the group to choose from to add to the next months of study. She smiled as she marked the papers in green ink, wondering what they would choose.
There was a knock on the door and a nervous shout of "Professor" and the Gryffindor head rushed to the corridor.
"Miss Granger, whatever's the matter?"
The nervous Gryffindor quickly blurted out,
"Crabbe and Goyle are fighting Harry and Ron Professor. Please hurry!" and began running back down the corridor. Minerva cursed under her breath before chasing the red robes.
The pair slowed as they approached the second floor and Minerva looked around the corner in surprise at a familiar voice.
"Look blondie, you spineless worm. Fight your own battles and keep your dignity instead of sending two pummel horses down into war"
She stifled a chuckle at the use of vocabulary and followed Hermione around the corner.
Kanda had Weasley and Potter half collapsed on the floor, tucked behind his taller frame and faced Malfoy with a glare as the blond stood in front of his sleeping companions.
"I can get you done for assault! You can't just knock out students!" the boy accused. Kanda snorted as Hermione ran over to the boys,
"Yes because a sleeping potion is so much worse than an unbalanced fist fight" he shot back and turned his back on the boy, checking over the Gryffindor boys with Hermione's assistance.
"Only you could think that a pleasant sleep is better than this Malfoy" Hermione hissed, looking at the amount of cuts and bruises that she knew would appear. Malfoy sneered,
"And who asked you, mudblood?"
"That is enough! Mr Malfoy, you will come with me to my office!"
Malfoy's eyes widened at McGonnogal's shout and began to stammer out accusations.
"My office Mr Malfoy. Now!" Minerva cut across him and Malfoy glared before heading back down the corridor towards the woman's office.
"Apologies that I didn't get here sooner. And thank you Kanda for handling the situation. Could you accompany those two to the hospital wing?" Minerva gestured to the two battered boys and Kanda nodded in acknowledgement.
"What did you want me to do about the sleeping boulders?" he gestured to the two Slytherins. Minerva held in a snort but shook her head.
"I'll let Professor Snape know where they are and what happened. He can decide what to do with them" and with that, she followed Malfoy back down the corridor to issue the boy a large sum of detentions.
"Right then you two. Up you get. I presume you're coming too?" he hauled the two boys onto their feet, casting a bored look at Hermione who ruffled slightly.
"Of course I'm coming" Kanda nodded,
"Good." was all he said before heading down the opposite corridor, an arm around each lion. Hermione watched him, curious, before running after them, easing Kanda's burden.
"So do you just carry dreamless sleep around then?" Hermione asked him, recognising the potion. Kanda's face didn't change but she could feel that she'd said the wrong thing, but before she could apologise he replied,
"When you've had a life like ours, nightmares are pretty common."
Hermione shuddered slightly at his tone. Where had he come from then? McGonnogal had never mentioned anything about the history of the new Apprentices when she had introduced them.
Madame Pomfrey rushed over to the group at the sight of the two boys and guided the pair to parallel beds with Kanda's assistance.
"What on earth happened here Mr Kanda?" she asked after she had sent Hermione to the cupboard to grab bruise paste and pain potions. Kanda sighed,
"A corridor brawl with the Slytherin brutes. I managed to drag the mountains off them but ended up having to throw sleeping potions to stop them starting round two."
Pomfrey frowned,
"That's a very dangerous thing to do, Mr Kanda. You never know how people react to sleeping potions. Especially dreamless sleep" she warned him. He nodded and took a seat next to Potter's bed, staying quiet.
"I have the potions and the paste Madame Pomfrey" Hermione appeared at the matron's side and handed the tubs to the woman who quickly got to work. Soon the bandages were over cuts and paste over bruises and Pomfrey let the pair snooze and headed back to her other patients, Kanda and Hermione still sat beside the beds. The pair sat in companionable silence.
"It's always like this" Hermione said after a while. Kanda looked over at her and raised an eyebrow but she didn't see, looking too closely at her two slumbering friends.
"They're always getting hurt by something. I do what I can to keep them out of trouble but it's like it goes hunting for them and I hate it" she began to shake slightly, on the verge of tears.
"And Malfoy and his 'friends' just add everything on top of it. So what if you've got a madman coming after you and dementors chasing your bad dreams, let's throw some good old bullies in the mix. It's just so unfair" and the girl began to sob, hands covering her face. Kanda watched the girl for a moment, reminded of Lenalee and the comparison warmed his heart. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave them alone and he let her cry for a little longer before looking at the boys.
"It's never easy, watching your loved ones get hurt" Kanda spoke and Hermione looked up in surprise. The man continued,
"You do what you can to protect them from harm. You try your hardest from the shadows, the firing line, by their side. But something always slips through. All you can do is be there for them when the bad times come"
Hermione wiped her tears and nodded, smiling slightly.
"You're close to the apprentices then?" she joked and Kanda smirked,
"Annoyingly so. Those trouble-seeking hellions decided that I would be the protective big brother in our weird family and here I am, finding more people to take care of"
He looked pointedly at the figures sleeping on the bed and Hermione choked a laugh,
"Harry has a way of drawing in good people" and she brushed the hair out of the boy's eyes before doing the same to the redhead on the next bed.
"Kanda, you're okay!" the voice and the sound of footsteps made the pair look up at the pair who had rushed into the wing. Kanda stood in time to be barrelled into by two sets of brown hair.
"Oi, what's wrong?" he asked the pair.
"McGonnogal told us you were in the hospital wing" Alma started,
"So we got here as fast as we could" Timothy finished. Kanda rolled his eyes and stepped back,
"Well as you can see I'm fine. I'm guessing Lenalee and Moyashi actually stayed long enough for the Professor to explain that?" he chastised the pair and Hermione stifled a giggle. The duo looked over at the girl and smiled awkwardly at each other.
"Sorry about barging in like that. I'm Timothy" the boy held out his hand as his brother continued fussing over Kanda. Hermione watched amused as Kanda batted Alma's hands off him repeating that he was fine.
"Hermione" she answered shaking his hand with a small smile. Compared to the other apprentices, Timothy couldn't have been much older than she was and Hermione wondered why Dumbledore would take on an apprentice so young. And if he was part of this dark history that Kanda had mentioned.
"So what happened to these guys? Harry Potter right?" Timothy sat in Kanda's now vacated chair and gestured to the boy. Hermione nodded and sat back down,
"A brawl. But the other side was a lot stronger" she admitted sadly. Timothy looked surprised,
"A physical brawl in a magic school?"
Hermione nodded and huffed,
"Those two were mostly brute and not much brain. Though, I'm glad it was only fists. Who knows what spells those two knew"
Timothy nodded in understanding - a fist to the face was probably more curable than an unknown hex. He'd learnt that much at least. Though, with his history, he was pretty used to picking up skills quickly.
"He'll have it worse soon won't he." he sighed, remembering what Kanda had told them after his talk with Snape. Hermione looked up, shocked.
"How do you -" she started but she was interrupted by Alma,
"Snape told us. We're not here just to learn" he sounded solemn.
"What do you mean? Who are you guys?" she was suddenly suspicious. Kanda gave his brother the look of 'now you've dropped us in it' before answering the question.
"Have you heard of The Holy War?" Hermione's eyes widened in horror as the brothers told her of the battle against the Millenium Earl and their fight for Innocence.
Snape winced at the stubborn expression on his godson's face and stepped to one side to let the teen into his office.
"Draco. As you can presume, McGonnogal told me of your recent spat with Potter and his friends." He started and let the boy rant for a moment before butting in,
"Yes yes, Potter turned you down after hearing you insult his first friend. I wonder why."
Draco looked at his head of house aghast.
"He goes out of his way to aggravate me. I didn't do anything wrong - and this has nothing to do with first year. He's just an idiot Gryffindor wonder boy that gets a free pass for everything. You don't exactly treat him like a prince either Sev" the boy hissed and Snape narrowed his eyes in response.
"No I don't go out of my way to be nice to him. But I also don't set two thugs on him and use the most un-Slytherin methods of petty one-upping either. May I also remind you of my position within this house - and within the Death Eater ranks. How well do you think it would go down if one of your house mates suddenly decided to let mummy and daddy evil know that I was chummy with Slytherin's most hated?"
Draco's face lost the childish scowl and took on an expression of solemn fear as the weight of the situation that his godfather had been put in hit home.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean - I wouldn't accuse you of -" he stammered and Snape put a hand on his shoulder.
"I know Draco. But you have to understand the situation. I wouldn't want you turning into a tyrant. I'm not saying that you need to be Potter's best friend. But maybe just leave him alone. Can you manage that?" Snape asked softly and Draco nodded holding back tears of shame.
"Maybe talk to your father. You know that he's been trying to figure things out himself don't you?"
Draco nodded. Lucius hadn't harpered on about blood traitors or 'mudbloods' for a while - ever since the end of the second year. The whole diary incident had shaken the man and made it clear that he couldn't okay another war. But Draco knew that his father was worried about what would happen to them if the Dark Lord was to return - the man wasn't exactly kind to traitors. He knew his mother was worried as well but then she had never been marked like Lucius had. Draco nodded at his Professor and headed out in the direction of the owelry with a heavy heart and a confused mind.
Snape leant back in his chair with a groan. Everything was getting complicated. Not that anything was ever simple in his life, but he had the dual responsibility of keeping Potter out of trouble and Draco on a kinder path. Neither would be easy and it was all coming along with the presence of Black and the Dementors - both of which were trying his patience, especially where Potter was concerned. As soon he had found out that the man was a traitor, he seemed to become more eager to throw himself into danger - if such a thing was possible.
Snape was brought out of his musings by a knock at the door.
"Enter" he called, expecting Draco or another Slytherin student. He didn't have any detentions assigned after all.
"How is the snob Prince?" Kandas drawl made the professor look up at the door where the apprentice was leaning on the doorframe. Snape stood from his chair and gestured the man in.
"Off to write to his parents. I gave him a lot to think about. What can I do for you Kanda?"
"I thought I'd give you an update on Potter and friends." Snape gestured for him to go ahead.
"Potter and Weasley thankfully only had surface injuries, though Weasley was given a lovely black eye that'll stay for a while since they can't use paste on it. The Granger girl wasn't hit thankfully though she figured out who we are so she's currently in the apprentice quarters being calmed by Timothy and Lenalee"
Snape groaned quietly, of course that know it all figured out who they were. She was too observant for her own good. If she wasn't such a wall of fire, she probably would have ended up in either Ravenclaw or Slytherin.
"But they'll recover fine?" Snape confirmed and gave a small sigh of relief at Kanda's nod. Though the man then cocked an eyebrow.
"Though from what I've heard, I'm surprised that you care Professor" he smirked at Snape's minute twitch before the professor schooled his expression into one of disinterest.
"Oh and where did you hear that?" he asked, already guessing at the answer.
"Miss Granger let us know of her confusion of you helping us as - to her knowledge, you dislike Potter's very existence along with the noble house of Gryffindor. Now why would that be? Because according to her, it doesn't seem to be based upon any previous events. Potter entered Hogwarts and you already hated him"
Kanda lay all the information on the table and let the man sweat. He knew exactly why Snape treated Potter and the red and gold house so poorly. Dumbledore had finally relented and let him know about the man's double-spy status, knowing that he'd figured most of it out already. Kanda just wanted to know if Snape would pretend that he could have so much hate for a boy he barely knew in front of him or if he trusted him enough to tell him the truth.
Snape wrestled with himself, not sure what he should say. Did he tell the man about his life as a spy? Did he mention his hatred of Potter senior and his cut-short friendship with Lily? His descent into self-loathing and joining the Death Eaters? He didn't know what to say. Somehow this man had made him want to spill his darkest secrets without a drop of veritaserum and he didn't know what to do about it. Was he that good of a Slytherin? Or did he not want to hide anything from him? Both concepts scared him.
Kanda watched, shocked at Snape's apparent indecision. How much had Dumbledore not told him? He'd run to the Headmaster soon after Granger had shown her confusion at Snape's concern. Apparently that was a very un-Snape characteristic.
"At least towards Harry. I'm not sure why, I've never thought to ask" was what Granger had mentioned. She hadn't gone into any more detail but it had made Kanda curious.
Dumbledore's answer made sense but Kanda also had the thought that something else was going on with the man - after all "a part to play and a life to protect" would only explain part of the man's attitude.
"It's - it's a long story. We should probably move somewhere more comfortable" Snape eventually said, deciding to trust the man and gestured for Kanda to follow him out of the office.
"Where are we going then?"
"My quarters"
Kanda blinked in surprise and suppressed the warmth in his chest, following the man deeper into the dungeon.
Kanda listened to Snape's story intently as they sat next to each other in the Potion Master's quarters facing the fire. He said nothing as the man spilled his deepest regrets and his own hand in Potter's life.
"Why do you have to return?"
Snape wasn't expecting the question but answered,
"I managed to make myself one of the most trusted within the Death Eaters. I was privy to so many top secret plans and schemes and could send these back home without delay. My Occlumancy is also strong and so the enemy would never learn of my betrayal from my mind and I was careful enough to not leave a trail. Nobody else could do it. And we would need someone on the inside or everything would be so much harder, the war so much longer"
Kanda took the information and sat back in silence.
"And because of the mark you can't escape him?" he asked, quieter. Snape nodded,
"Sadly yes. The mark binds me to him. We would all be forced to join him as friend or foe"
Kanda looked into the fire and Snape wondered about him. If he had told this to Potter, the boy would have called him a monster and a murderer, and he would have every right to - for he would be correct. But Kanda didn't seem to be judging him. Instead, the man seemed to be worried for him.
"If your Occlumency is that good, why can you not be polite to Potter in private and keep it from everyone you need to? Get to know who you're protecting. You shouldn't need to be the bad guy to everyone, even if it has to look that way to most. You'll just end up having nothing to fight for" Kanda said, still looking at the fire, fingers curling around the edge of the sofa. Snape looked over at him in shock before swallowing and joining him in staring into the fire.
"It makes it easier to maintain the facade if I keep everyone at a distance." He explained. Kanda frowned at that,
"What do you mean?"
Snape sighed sadly,
"It's easier to avoid the risk of letting anything slip through or to be seen by a third party. And everyone expects me to hate him so it was easier to give in" he locked eyes with Kanda before looking away.
"This is bullshit!" Kanda snarled kicking the table in front of him.
"Kanda, it's not worth it" Snape started but Kanda stood and glared down at the man,
"To Hell it is! I won't have you being a bastard after fighting for everyone! You deserve better than that! He deserves better than that!"
Snape stood at that, facing the man
"I created this mess! If I'm a bastard, I made it this way! I betrayed everyone and, if I have to let everyone hate me and for me to hate him to keep them alive, then I will!" he shouted back.
Kanda tsked and looked at the floor, his whole body shaking. Didn't Snape know that hating everyone never made anything easier, it just gave you more enemies and self-loathing? Neither of those things won wars. Loyal fighters who believed in a cause did.
"I used to hate everything. I used to be immune to kindness and love. I saw them as weak - they got in the way of the fight, of my duties. But I fought harder than ever after I let those idiots in than I ever did when I was alone."
Kanda shook harder,
"I found it easier to lie when I had something to protect; I found it easier to hide things when I had someone to care for. If you find it hard to change your opinions, don't distance yourself from people. Just work harder!" he spat at the older man.
Snape stared at Kanda in shock. As the words registered with him, his glare dropped from his face. This was a man who lost everything - who had faced monsters of Hell; fought and killed from a young age - and he was distancing him from those who would help him in his fight because he wouldn't stop his own hatred. The shame of it burned and he sat down, his heart heavy.
"I'm such a coward" he gave a wet chuckle.
Kanda's anger quickly faded and he looked away,
"I never said you were a coward" he mumbled and Snape looked over to see the man hiding red cheeks, "It's not cowardly to want to protect people, even from a distance" Kanda added, looking down at Snape who stared back, lost.
"Why would you say that? I decided to hate a child instead of looking at who he actually was just because it was easy. What have I done that isn't cowardly?" he said quietly. Kanda coughed lightly,
"Not everyone can stand on both sides of the war and stay alive." he gave him a small smile and walked towards the door. When Snape looked up, Kanda was smirking,
"Though if it bothers you, fix it" he instructed before letting himself out of the room, leaving a stunned Snape staring after him.