A/N: Welcome to my first Banna multi-chapter fic! I'm planning on this story being around 8 to 10 chapters, most of which are already written and/or planned out. So, my hope is to not take too long between uploads. Thanks for reading and reviewing if you have the time!

Chapter One

Anna stared at her hands and felt like she could crumble into a thousand tiny pieces right then and there. The single blue line that had tormented her for the past nine months was staring back at her yet again. Her vision grew blurry with tears and she couldn't hold them in any longer. She let them flow freely down her cheeks and drop into her lap.

John came in then. Seeing the tears silently falling from his wife's eyes as she rocked back and forth on the edge of the bed, he knew instantly that today was going to be another one of those difficult days steeped in sadness, of which they had many during their time together. He sat down beside her and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple before looking down at the results in her hand. It was another single line, something he had hoped he would never have to see again. They were sure this was finally their time. He gently wrapped an arm around his wife and she crumpled into him and sobbed. Tears escaped him as well. They both wanted this so much.

"I'm so sorry, my darling." He held her close as her sobs calmed somewhat. "I know how much we both wanted a different outcome."

"I was sure this time would be different." Anna cried harder again. "I can't do it. I'm not able."

"Shh," he soothed and rocked her gently from side to side. "You don't know that for sure. The doctor said it could still happen for us."

"Yes, but I'm thirty-nine now. He said that ten months ago, and it still hasn't happened."

"I hardly think age has anything to do with it. Plenty of people are starting families in their forties nowadays, Anna." He gently wiped away her tears and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't."

"But why hasn't it happened yet? We track everything so diligently and are constantly trying."

"I know this is hard, darling, but all hope is not lost. We can look into other methods of fertilization. We've tried naturally for over the recommended 6 months. We can go back to the doctor and talk about IVF or something."

Anna ignored her husband's suggestion. Her mind was fixated elsewhere. "I just don't understand. I was so sure this was the time. My ovulation thermometer showed that I wasn't on my cycle. My temperature levels have been consistent with a pregnancy for days."

"I know my darling. I thought so too."

"Maybe I'm still ovulating and we should try again," Anna said, tugging lightly at John's trousers.

Knowing his wife was still in a fragile state, he shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea right this minute." He wasn't ready to engage in intimacy while he felt this emotionally drained, and he knew she wasn't either. But seeing how his wife tensed up with sadness when he turned her down, he knew he ought to say something else to try and lift her spirits. "Maybe you are pregnant and it's just too early to tell." He gave her an encouraging smile. "You said it yourself, your temperature is consistent with pregnancy. Maybe your hormone levels just aren't quite detectable on the test yet."

"Maybe," she frowned. "But I don't think so."

"Give it some time darling."

"Love, we've given it so much time!" she cried. "I don't think it's going to happen for us." He held her closer as she began sobbing again. As she went to cuddle into her husband, she caught a glimpse at the test with its single line in her hand. "Ugh, I'm so tried of these stupid single lines!"

A mixture of anger and sadness seethed within her. She was angry at everything. Angry that her body had failed her yet again. Angry that God or the universe or whatever wouldn't let her have this one thing. Angry that she couldn't find a way to be content with her predicament. Plenty of women went through the same thing and had found a way to make peace with it. Why couldn't she? Why did she let that damn line taunt her so much? She chucked the reminder of her anger across the room. She remembered the one and only time she had seen something other than a single line and how happy she had felt then, and she grew more angry as she remembered how that had been taken from her too. Why wasn't she allowed to be happy?

"I think we should go see James," John said in a soft, loving tone. He had attempted to soothe her, but instead he only made her more angry. The mention of that name just reminded her of another thing she couldn't have, of another time her body had failed. Her pain from nearly five years ago overtook her. She fell back against the bed and curled into a ball.

"Not right now," she said as she lay there taking shaky breaths. Silence settled between them, and John gently took hold of her hand. Realizing he wouldn't let her push him away, Anna took a deep breath and broke their silence. "Do you think he's mad at me for wanting another baby?"

"No, my darling," John assured her and began to rub her back lightly with the hand that wasn't holding hers. "I think he understands, and I think he would tell you as much if he was here."

"My body let him down," Anna sniffled. She had cried all she could cry for the time being.

"No," John said assuredly. "Your body did everything in its power to keep him in there as long as possible, to keep him safe." He laid down next to her and looked her sincerely in the eyes, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "These things are out of our control, and there's no use blaming yourself when nothing you did is to blame."

"Well that may be, but I still wish it hadn't happened."

"I do too. I wish we had a little tyke running about, wreaking havoc, spilling crayons and toys all over the floor." He spoke softly, pain seeping through in his voice. "I have wanted that since the day I met you. But I'm sure we will get it when the time is right."

"Now should be the right time!" she exclaimed before whimpering softly. John gently traced circles into her palm and stroked her face with his other hand.

"I know, love," he commiserated with her as they lay in sorrow for quite a while together before she broke the silence.

"Maybe you're right about trying another method."

"We don't have to go through with it if you don't want to," he stated. "But I think we should at least go back to the doctor and discuss our options."

"Love, I want us to have a baby, and if we have to go to ten different doctors to discuss our options, we will. I want us to make this work. I know I originally insisted on a natural conception, bu–"

"It's okay to change your mind," he assured her in a gentle voice full of confidence. She smiled at him and felt a glimmer of hope for the first time all day.

"I love you," she whispered breathily before giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

"I love you too."