It starts with me and Varie arriving at the Loud House and we head in and up to Lincoln's room
We go in and we get a surprise
[Lincoln is dressed up in a costume next to a poster of one of his favorite superheroes: Ace Savvy.]
Me: Lincoln?
Lincoln: "I'm not Lincoln today. I'm Ace Savvy, the world's savviest crime fighter. A man of few words, and fewer emotions. Except for today." [dancing with excitement] "Because today is the day of the big Ace Savvy comic book convention! YEAH!"
Me: Right on. I forgot that was today.
Varie: Ace Savvy must really be awesome.
Lincoln: He is! [stoically again] "And now to call my trusty sidekick." [breaks out walkie talkie] "One-Eyed Jack, this is Ace Savvy."
Clyde: [dressed in his costume] "This is One-Eyed Jack. Just putting the finishing touches on my costume. And when it's ready, I'll be keeping one eye out for crime." [pulls an eyepatch over his glasses and lets go, causing the impact to smack the lens of his glasses.] "Ow!"
Lincoln: "Roger that. I'll meet you at 4:00 when it's time to..." [bursts out of room] "...deal out some justice!" [pulls out a deck of cards that spill all over the floor.] "Dang it."
Me: You'll get it Lincoln. It takes practice. But I think your sisters minus Laney would laugh at you because of your costume. Lets fix that.
Me and Varie make a whole new costume for him. Lincoln now looks more like Ace Savvy.
Me: There. Now you look perfect.
Varie Makes a mirror of Water and Lincoln is ecstatic.
Lincoln: This is Awesome! I Look just Like Ace Savvy. Thank you J.D.
Me: You're Welcome buddy.
[Cuts to outside of Lincoln's room]
Lola: "Ok ladies, once he's out of his room, get ready."
Luna (tries hard not to chuckle): "I feel bad for him wearing something as ridiculous as that."
Lori: "I'm sure he can handle our teasing. It's just a silly outfit after all."
Lincoln: "Ace Savvy Assemble!" (bursts out his door)
Lola (mocking): "Hey girls! Get a load of this!"
Luna: "Woah…(sincere) Rad costume, bro!"
Lana: "COOL!"
Lori: "That is literally the best costume I've ever seen!"
Laney: Your costume is Awesome, Lincoln!
Lola: "Wait-Wait…What? Weren't we suppose to make fun of-(Lana nudges her elbow on Lola)-Ow!"
Lincoln: "I can't wait to go to the convention! It's my first one! A dream come true!…Were…were you guys waiting for me so that you could tease me?"
Luan: "To be frank, we were about to, but after seeing this, you sure shut us up."
Lynn: "Your costume is awesome, man. I mean if you had underwear worn outside of it then yeah…it would look lame."
Lincoln (nervously): "Uh yeah. I mean…totally lame, right. Hehehe."
Me: Me and Varie made the costume for Lincoln. We figured we could make it look 100% authentic.
(Luna walks up to Lincoln and pats his shoulder)
Luna: "Have a good rockin' time there, buddy."
Lincoln: "I will. Ace Savvy…(jumps towards the stairs) Away-WOAH! (trips and falls down the stairs)-GAH-DOH-BLARGH-UH-OW-OUCH-CRUD-DANGIT-WHYARETHERESOMANYSTAIRS?!" (THUMP)
(The sisters look down the stairs with concerned looks on their faces)
Luna (worried): "Are you ok, bro?!"
Lincoln: "I'm ok! Dad conveniently broke my fall!"
Lynn Sr (in agony): "…My back…My leg…My everything."
Me: By the way Laney, hows control over your powers coming along?
Laney: They're great. I now have full mastery over them. Lincoln's comic books provided me the answer. Love is the key as well as concentration.
Varie: Way to go Laney.
Me: You're a fast Learner, Laney.
Lincoln comes back up the stairs.
Lincoln: I'll be with you in a second. I've got to use the bathroom.
Me: Okay. We'll wait out here.
(Lincoln enters the bathroom, water from the toilet gushes out)
Lincoln: (screams) What the?!
Laney: What happened to the bathroom!?
Me: So this is what happens when a toilet gushes water.
Varie: It's not a pleasent sight.
I go downstairs to get Lincoln's sisters.
Me: Uh girls? We have a little situation with the toilet. It's clogged.
The other sisters rushed upstairs and see all the water.
Lori: You're right! The toilet is literally clogged!
Lynn: But How?!
Lola: I bet it was Lincoln!
The sisters minus Laney, Lucy, Lana, Lisa, Lily, Me and Varie, all glare at Lincoln.
Lincoln: "What makes you think I did it?"
Luan: "Maybe because you made more clogs than a Dutch shoe factory!" [laughs during rimshot]
Me and Varie laugh with her.
Me: Good one Luan and Lincoln I'm only laughing at Luan's joke.
[cut to a few flashbacks of Lincoln clogging the toilet; Flashback #1: Lincoln is scraping his gross dinner into the toilet.]
Lincoln: "So long, liverwurst loaf!" [flushes the toilet only for it to back up.]
Lola: [bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[Flashback #2: Lincoln is holding an embarrassing sweater his mother made him.]
Lincoln: "Mom can't make me wear you if she can't find you." [flushes it down the toilet only for another clog to occur.]
Lola: [bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[Flashback #3: Lincoln is pouring a bunch of CD's into the toilet.]
Lynn Sr.: [off-screen] "Has anyone seen my CD's? I gotta practice for karaoke night!"
[as Lynn Sr. practices his singing, Lincoln flushes them down the toilet only for the obvious to happen.]
Lola: [bursts in] "I'm telling Dad!"
[end flashbacks]
Lincoln: "All true. But this time, it wasn't me. I swear!"
Me: I believe you, Lincoln.
Lori: J.D., did you not remember all the times Lincoln clogged the toilet?!
Me: I've lived here for 2 weeks and I wasn't here to witness all those times.
Lori: Oh. You have a point there.
Lola: Whatever, I still think Lincoln did it and I'm telling Dad!.
Laney then forms a cage made of vines around Lola.
Lola: Hey! Let me out of here, Laney!
Laney: Sorry, Lola but not this time.
Lincoln: (Angry) I'm sick of you babbling me out! I'll tell dad!
Lola: No! I will! Now let me out of here!
Laney: No!
In the kitchen Lincoln approached Lynn Sr.
Lincoln: Dad?
Lynn Sr.: What's wrong son? Ooh! I love your Ace Savvy costume, son. Did you make it?
Lincoln: Thank you Dad but no I did not. J.D. and Varie made it for me. Anyway, I came here to tell you that someone clogged the toilet.
Lynn Sr.: What?! Did you do this Mr. Flush-My-CD's-Down-the-Can?!
Lincoln: No! I didn't do it! I swear!
Me: He's telling the truth Mr. Lynn, and Laney couldn't have clogged the toilet because she only uses the bathroom to brush her hair. She told me so herself.
Lynn Sr.: That's true. But someone did it. Toilets just don't clog themselves! Until one of you fesses up, everyone but Lincoln and Laney are grounded.
The Sisters minus Lincoln and Laney complain.
Me: (I have a plunger in my hands) You need this plunger Mr. Lynn?
Lynn Sr.: Ah! Thank you J.D.
I hand it to him.
Lana: [grabs the plunger and busts out an even heavier plunger known as Big Bertha.] "Forget that pitiful plunger, Dad. This is a class 5 clog. You're gonna need Big Bertha!"
Varie: Wow! Lana's quite the little handyman.
Me: When it comes to the houses internal and external plumbing, cars and boats, Lana can fix them right up.
Lynn Sr.: "Until I know who did the crime, you're all doing the time!"
[the sister's minus Laney complain even more]
Lana: [entering the bathroom with her father and Big Bertha.] "Big Bertha coming through!"
Lincoln: "Well, My sisters are not doing the time for this crime. I'm gonna find out who the real clogger is...Ace Savvy style!" [pulls out his deck and drops it again.] "Dang it."
Me: No Lincoln, we'll find out who that clogger is together.
Lincoln: Okay Laney, I know you're not one of the suspects because you only use the bathroom to brush your hair like J.D. said.
Laney: I have a system.
Me: That leaves us with 10 suspects.
[Lincoln is shuffling a deck of cards and places various cards he put drawings of his sisters on onto his desk.]
Lincoln: "One of you is the perp... but which one?"
Lucy: [comes out of nowhere] "Hey guys." [scares Lincoln and Laney] "I might have a tip for you."
Laney: Well, what is it? Who- [Lincoln interrupts her]
Lincoln: "Really?" [suspicious] "Wait. Why do you wanna help?"
Lucy: "I don't care about being grounded. My life is just an endless mental prison, anyway."
Lincoln: "So, what have you got?"
Lucy: "Lynn has eaten spicy meatball subs for ten days straight. You know what that does to your digestive system?"
Laney: [Disgusted] Don't remind me...
Me: Ew!
Varie: Lynn likes spicy food like I do.
Me: Great minds think alike.
Lincoln: "That's disgusting, but also a lead! I like your instincts, kid. You wanna team up?"
Lucy: "Sure. I've got nothing else to do. Besides bear the weight of the world on my shoulders."
Laney: You never cease to amaze us with your unwavering sense of optimism, Lucy.
[in the kitchen, Lynn is indeed eating a meatball sub; suddenly, Lucy shines a flashlight in her face.]
Lynn: "Hey! What's with the light?"
Lincoln: "Why don't you admit it, Lynn? You jammed the john!"
Lynn: "I think that new costume is cutting off oxygen to your brain."
Lincoln: "Oh yeah? Then explain this!" [dumps discarded sub wrappers on the table.] "Nobody can eat this many subs and not wreak havoc on the plumbing!"
Laney: Don't be so hard on your own sister Lincoln! [To Lynn] Please ignore my partner, he tends to be a little hasty. We just want to talk about why the toilet's clogged. Did you make any stops today?
Lynn: "Nice try, geniuses, but my favorite roller derby is playing tonight and I never bomb the bowl before the big game. It's bad luck! If I go number 2, we won't be number 1!"
Lucy: "Gross."
Laney: Going to the bathroom isn't bad luck.
Me: You're really superstitious when it comes to sports, huh Lynn?
Lynn: "Yeah. I know. I can't help it. If you wanna know who plugged the porcelain, why don't you ask Lisa? She keeps a log of all our bathroom habits. Pun intended."
Lincoln: "Of course! Lisa's weird poop study! Let's go see this joker!" [holds up the wrong card]
Lucy: "That's the 2 of Diamonds."
Lincoln: "UGH!"
Varie: Keep trying Lincoln.
[Lisa and Lily's room]
Lincoln: "I need the file from last night from 1 to 4 AM."
Lisa: [looks for the requested file] "1 to 4 AM...Hmm. It seems to be missing."
Me: Huh. That's weird. I wonder where it went.
Lucy: "Missing? How convenient! Clearly, you did it! Case closed!"
Varie: Let's not jump to conclusions to fast, Lucy.
Lisa: "Oh, please! I haven't used the family lavatory in years! It takes too much time away from my studies. I prefer to use Lily's training potty."
Lincoln: "Well, it looks like your story's clean...but your training potty's not."
Lucy: "What about Lily? She's always dumping her dirty diapers in the toilet."
Lincoln: "Aha!" [slides right into and knocks over Lily's diaper genie and reveals a plethora of pooped padding.]"Nope! I'd say they're all here! That clears these two."
Lucy: "What about Lori?"
Lincoln: "Of course! She was so quick to point the finger at me, and you know what they say, "She who dodged it, lodged it!"
[Lincoln goes to interrogate Lori; just then, a stretch and snap sound effect is heard; Lincoln returns revealing that Lori gave him an atomic wedgie to prove her innocence.]
Lincoln: "Lori did not do it!"
Varie: Watch this.
Varie then fired a jet of water from her hand and it smelled like rotten fish and it splashed Lori and soaked her from head to toe.
Lori: (Screams) I'm all wet and I smell horrible.
Laney: Wow! Varie, I didn't know you have water powers.
Varie: It's one of my many powers over water. That water I splashed Lori with smells like rotten fish. The smell will linger for a few days.
[The bathroom; Lana, Lynn Sr., and Big Bertha are searching for the bowl's barricade.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh! Big Bertha's got something!"
Lana: "I wanna see! Is it something really grody?" [Dad hands her the object] "Paper? It's gotta be something bigger than that!" [tosses paper out the window] "Move over, rookie! Some jobs require you to get your hands dirty!" [takes over]
[the paper falls daintily as Clyde makes his way to the Loud House.]
Clyde: [singing] "One-Eyed Jack. One-Eyed Jack. Villains better watch their back." [gets his glasses struck by the paper Lana discarded.] "GAH! MY CRIME EYE!" [crashes into the van and gets catapulted into the tree in the front yard.]
Lincoln: "Better put a pot of cocoa on. We've only got 2 more hours until the convention and 5 more suspects to go."
Laney: I'd like some cocoa.
I put a tea kettle of water on the stove and 3 minutes later it was ready. I make 4 cups of cocoa.
Lincoln: Thanks J.D.
Laney: Thank you.
Lucy: Thank you.
Varie: Thanks honey.
[Their next suspect is Luan.]
Luan: "It wasn't me! I was asleep the whole time and I can prove it! I film myself sleeping in case I say something funny I can use in my act."
[Video footage shows such an event.] Luan: [sleep-joking] "What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!" [laughs during rimshot]
Me: (laughs)
[They cross off Luan and move onto Leni.]
Leni: "Ooh! You wanna do an interview? Okay! My favorite color is zebra and the secret to a great smile is..."
[They cross off Leni who proves to be too dumb to pull off such an act and move onto Lana.]
Lana: "Wish I could take the credit. I've been trying to dam up the dumper for years."
[They cross of Lana and move onto Lola.]
Lola: "I would never get up in the middle of the night. It disrupts my beauty sleep."
[They cross off Lola and move onto their final suspect, Luna.]
Luna: "I was at a rock concert, dudes."
Lucy: "Prove it..."
[Luna turns on the TV to a news report of last night's concert where she is shown chasing Mick Swagger on stage.]
TV Luna: "MICK! WAIT! I JUST WANT A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR!"
[Lincoln and Lucy are just speechless at Luna's alibi.]
Laney: Yeah, that's her. She loves that guy
Lucy: "Okay, that proves it."
Me: Well her alibi is iron clad.
Lincoln: "GAH! We're running out of time and we've got nothing!"
Lana: "WE'VE GOT SOMETHING!" [finds the source of the clog.] "Here's the culprit!" [hands it to Lincoln]
Lincoln: "Aha! A break in the case!" [sees that it's a book] Princess Pony: The Touching True Story Of A Delightful Pony Who Changes The World With Her Horse Sense
Me: That is a really girly book.
Laney: Who would read something like that?
Lucy: "There's only one person who would read this: Lola!"
Lincoln: "That lying scoundrel!"
Lana: "You guys do remember that was just down the toilet, right?"
[Me, Varie, Lincoln, Lucy and Laney revile in disgust and go back to Lola; Lincoln kicks the door open only for it to close on his face; he then enters normally.]
Lincoln: "We know you did it, Lola! We found your book in the toilet!" [shows evidence]
Lola: "Barf! That is not mine! I may be girly and pink, but I do have standards!"
Laney: She's right.
Lincoln: [convinced] "I think she's telling the truth."
Lucy: [doubtful] "I don't! She's sweating more than a vampire in the sun!
Me: Vampires don't sweat in the Sun, Lucy. They burn. The Sun will incinerate them.
Lucy: Never knew about that. But let me take a run at her!" [kicks down Lola's tea party table.] "We know you did it! ADMIT IT! CONFESS! If you don't tell the truth...YOUR HEART WILL NEVER BE SET FREE!"
Me: (I pull Lucy away) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, Lucy.
Varie: Just relax, Lucy.
Lincoln: [holding back an enraged Lucy] "Whoa! Easy there, spooky!"
Lola: [looks at Laney, unfazed from Lucy's outburst] "You're cleaning that up." [Laney sighs as she held out a cloth]
Laney went back to her room.
[The doorbell rings and me, Varie and Lincoln answer the door.]
Lincoln: "One-Eyed Jack?"
Clyde: "Sorry I'm late, Ace. I would have been here sooner, but I was thwarted by this dastardly piece of paper that flew from your bathroom window."
Lincoln: [looks at paper and sees something familiar.] "This looks like a page from Princess Pony. "If you don't tell the truth, your heart will never be set free." Where have I heard that before?" [suddenly realizes those are the exact same words that Lucy told Lola and finds out who the culprit truly is.] "LUCY! You solved the case, One-Eyed Jack! Thanks to you, the city can flush without fear!"
[Clyde does some victory poses]
Me: Come on inside, Clyde. Well explain along the way.
5 minutes earlier.
Laney was walking back to her room. But once she got there, she saw Lucy hiding something in the ceiling lamp.
Laney: Lucy?
Lucy: Laney!
Laney: What are you doing?
Lucy: [Nervously] Uh. Checking the blub in the lamp...
Laney: [Suspicious] What are you hiding?
Lucy: Nothing you can prove.
Present.
Lincoln: [kicks the door open] "IT WAS YOU!"
Lynn Sr.: [off-screen] "LINCOLN! STOP KICKING DOWN THE DOORS!"
Me, Lincoln, Varie, and Clyde came in.
Lincoln: "You're the Princess Pony lover!"
Lucy: "That's absurd!"
Lincoln: "Then you won't mind if I search the premises." [searches but fails to find any evidence.]
Lucy: "Are you done?"
Lincoln: "I'll be done when I'm-" [notices something on the floor] "That's an odd shadow." [looks up to the ceiling lamp and finds a clue.] "Aha! Lisa's missing bathroom files!"
Lucy: "Lynn must have put that there! You've got nothing on me!" [just then, her gloomy macabre poster peels off and reveals a Princess Pony poster from behind.] "Dang it..."
Lincoln: "You've been lying to me this whole time! Why?"
Me: You might as well come clean, Lucy.
Lucy: [readjusts macabre poster] "I couldn't let our sisters know I read Princess Pony. You know how they are. They'd make fun of me for the rest of my life."
Lincoln: "So, why do you read it?"
Lucy: "Even I need a break from the darkness every now and then."
Lincoln: "So, how'd it end up in the toilet?"
Lucy: "The bathroom is the only place I can safely read it." [flashes back to last night]
Lucy: "I was reading it last night. And when I heard someone coming, I panicked." [Through her panicking, Lucy tossed the book into the toilet and hid in the bathtub when a groggy Lincoln came by to use the toilet and flushed it; as soon as he left, it gave Lucy the chance to escape and save her secret; end flashback.]
Me: Do you have a sleepwalking problem, Lincoln?
Lincoln: Not that I know or remember.
Laney: But Lucy, I'd never make fun of you. Why didn't you tell me?
Lucy: I'd thought you'd make fun of me like the rest.
Laney: Lucy, I'm your sister. It's basically my job to be there for you. We're supposed to understand eachother.
Lucy: Thanks Laney.
Me: I would never do such a thing to you, Lucy. It's not in my nature. You're one of my best friends and if you like Princess Pony then that's fine with me.
Laney: Me too.
Clyde: Me too, Lucy.
Lincoln: "That's great guys but Lucy, you have to tell everybody. They still think I did it!"
Lucy: "But they'll tease me even worse than they tease you! You can probably handle that, but I can't!"
Lincoln: "I'm about to miss the convention! Either you tell them, or I will!"
Lucy: [admitting defeat] "Sigh...I'll tell them..."
Me: No. We'll all tell them.
[Downstairs, Lori and Leni are texting each other, Lola's fixing her hair, Lana's arranging her tools, Lynn's doing push-ups, Lisa's reading, and Luan and Luna are fighting over the TV remote.]
[Lori's in the dining room because she smells like rotten fish]
Luan: "Give it back!"
Luna: "It's mine!"
[Enter Laney, Me, Lincoln, and Varie with Lucy, ready to confess]
Lucy: "Guys. [gets their attention and reveals the book.] "This is what totaled the toilet."
Lisa: "Princess Pony?!"
[the sisters laugh]
Lynn: "Which one of you lame-o's does that belong to?"
Lisa: "Certainly not me! It's so sickeningly sweet I get a toothache just looking at it!"
Leni: [terrified at Lisa's exaggeration] "Can that really happen?"
Luan: "Whoever that belongs to is gonna be the laughing stock of this house!"
Lori: "Yeah! They are literally worse than Lincoln!
[The other sisters laugh some more and Lucy knows she has to face the music]
Lucy: "Actually...the book belongs to me.
Luan, Leni, Lynn, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lori, and Luna: [flabbergasted] "YOU?!"
Me: There's a reason for it. Just let her explain.
Lucy explained her reasons why the toilet clogged up.
Lynn Sr. Came in and was saddened by her confession.
Lucy: [Just finishing her confession] And there you have it. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you would all laugh at me.
Lynn: Luce, I would never laugh at you. We share the same room.
Lynn Sr.: Lucy, I would never laugh at my little dark angel. Everyone has their own hidden hobbies.
Lori: That's right, Lucy. Some of us have stuff we want to keep hidden.
Me: Even if they are extremely girly.
Lynn Sr.: Well you're all officially ungrounded.
[the other sisters cheer and celebrate their freedom.]
Lynn Sr.: Why is Lori in the dining room away from you guys?
Varie: Lori gave Lincoln an atomic wedgie as he was interrogating her and I used my Water Powers and drenched her with water that smells like rotten fish.
Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola and Lily: EW!
Lana: Cool!
Lisa: It's true fellow siblings. Myself, Lucy, Laney, Lincoln and Lily witnessed Varie firing H2O down the hall at Lori.
Me: It's also payback for Lola gathering everyone to tease Lincoln about his costume.
Lynn Sr.: Well that's not nice. Lola you are grounded for a week.
Lola roared in anger and went up to her room.
Me, Varie, Lincoln and Clyde went to the comic book convention and got his book signed. Lincoln also won a special contest for having the best Ace Savvy Costume and he got a medal and an official Ace Savvy deck of cards. The Same thing with Clyde for the best One-Eyed Jack Costume.
[Later that night in Lincoln's room.
Lincoln: [perfects the card trick] "I did it!"
Me: All right! I knew you could do it.
[Enter Lucy with something in her hands.]
Lucy: Hey Lincoln. [Lincoln jumps and screams] I'm glad you guys all had fun at the convention and congratulations on winning that contest.
Lincoln: Thanks Lucy.
Lucy: I have something for you.
Lucy hands Lincoln her own comic book that she made and we see that it has a lot of dark images.
Me: Lucy, this is really good. Have you ever thought about making your own comic books?
Lucy: It's not really my thing. But thank you.
[Outside Lincoln's room]
Lucy's break from darkness was over and Laney went back to your room, knowing that the mystery was finally solved.
Lynn: [ecstatic] "WOO-HOO! MY TEAM DID IT! WE'RE NUMBER 1!" [feels intestinal distress] "Ooh...time for Number 2..." [hurries to the bathroom]
Lana: "DAD, I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED BIG BERTHA AGAIN!"
THE END.
My 6th Fanfiction is complete.
Varie has lots of powers that use water. She has Cosmic Hydrokinesis. She can fly too.
The next story is gonna be good but it's gonna take some time for me to think about it so until then, this is J.D. Signing off.