It Starts in the Loud House Dining Room.

[Lincoln is reading a book and having some carrot sticks, I am reading todays newspaper and eating potato chips, Laney is reading a book and eating apple slices, and Varie is reading a book and eating some celery sticks. Lincoln vacuums a carrot stick in his mouth right when doorbell rings.]

Lori: [on the phone] "Whitney, wait till you see my new shoes. They will literally blow your mind!"

[She opens the door and it turns out to be Clyde who is struck by her beauty.]

Clyde: [nervously infatuated] "L-L-Lori?"

Me: (Senses what's to come) Uh oh! Here it comes!

[Clyde gets a nosebleed which spills on Lori's shoes, making her scream so loud the crows fly away, and faints. Me and Laney grab Clyde before he falls to the floor]

Lori: [aggravated] "Ugh. Never mind, Whitney." [hangs up] "Guys, this is the fourth pair of shoes Clyde's ruined this month!"

Me: I'm sorry, Lori. But he can't help it when he's around you.

Varie: How many nosebleeds has Clyde gotten over the month?

[Series of flashbacks of all the other pairs Clyde ruined. First, Lincoln and Clyde are reading comics in his room. Enter Lori with the luandry basket.]

Lori: "Lincoln, do you have any laundry?"

Clyde: [sees Lori] "L-L-Lori?" [nosebleeds and gets her shoes ruined, making her scream.]

[Next, the boys and Laney are looking in the fridge for a snack and take out a dish with Lori right behind them.]

Lori: "Hey, you'd better not eat all the leftover gazpacho."

Clyde: [nervous] "L-L-Lori?" [starts acting like a robot] "SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE. SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE. SYSTEM SHUTTING...DOWN..."

[His shut down knocks the gazpacho out of Lincoln's hand and lands on Lori's shoes.]

Lori: "GAH!"

[Now, Lori is in Vanzilla.]

Lori: "Mom, Dad, I'm off to practice!" [notices Clyde in there for some reason; startled.] "Clyde?! What are you even doing here?"

Clyde: [shaking] "L-L-Lori?"

[His nose blood squirts right onto her shoes. Lori just bangs her head on the steering wheel's horn. End flashbacks as they put Clyde on the chair.]

Lincoln: "Maybe you should try wearing red shoes." [sees Lori growling at him; scared.] "Right. Bad idea, Lincoln."

Me: (Roars like a Bear) Sorry Lori. You were growling like a Wolf. One of my favorites by the way.

Lori: [calm] "Ugh. I just wish Clyde could act normal around me." [leaves]

Lori comes back briefly.

Lori: Thanks for the compliment J.D.

Me: You're welcome, Lori.

Clyde: [comes to] "So do I, my sweet angel. So do I." [opens a locket of a picture of a startled Lori.] "But how am I supposed to act normal around such a beautiful, flawless..." [starts nosebleeding again]

Lincoln: [shoves carrot sticks up his friend's nose.] "Don't worry, buddy. We'll figure something out."

Laney: You got to calm down when you're around Lori, Clyde.

Clyde: I know, Laney. But it's hard.

Varie: Maybe one of Lincoln's other sisters knows how to help Clyde.

Mr. Grouse: [from outside; talking to Leni] "Dang blast it! Eberhardt's dog went number two on my lawn again!"

Leni: "Try doing what I do, Mr. Grouse. I'll name all 40 states, and by the time I'm done, I've forgotten why I was mad."

Mr. Grouse: "Well, actually, it's 48. But I'll give it a try." [starts naming them in alphabetical order] "Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California..."

[Lincoln had watched it from the window.]

Lincoln: "Actually, Clyde, I may know someone who can help you!"[Cut to Leni in the living room.]

Leni: "Sure! What do you need my help with?"

Clyde: [stammering] "L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Lemons?"

Me: No.

Clyde: "L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Leggings?"

Laney: No.

Clyde: "L-L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Of course! Loofahs! Well, first of all, natural fibers are the way to go."

Lincoln: "He's talking about Lori."

Leni: "Oh. She doesn't use a loofah." [whispering] "That's why she has bacne."

[Lincoln, Me, Laney and Varie facepalm]

Clyde: "No. I want to learn how to act normal around her, or at least just stop bleeding on her shoes."

Leni: "Have you tried shoving carrot sticks up your nose?"

Clyde: "Yes! And bread sticks, and pretzel rods, and corn dogs, which you really need to let cool down first."

Me: Ouch.

Leni: "Well, no worries. I know other ways to help you." [takes Clyde]

[Later, Lori peeks her head from the second floor and sees Lincoln and Me playing video games.]

Lori: "Lincoln, is Clyde still here? This is literally my last pair of wearable shoes."

Lincoln: "Don't worry about Clyde. He's hanging out with Leni."

Me: And Varie and Laney are going to be with them.

Lori: "Really?"

[From the kitchen, Leni and Clyde are laughing. Lori peeks in to see it.]

Clyde: "Oh, Leni."

Lori's Thoughts: "Leni and Clyde? That's...weird."

[Outside, Lori is practicing her golf swing.]

Lori: [narrating to herself] "If Lori Loud can sink this four-footer, she'll literally win the Masters."

Lynn: "Heads up!"

[A frisbee comes by and Lori ducks and swings. Lana and Lynn laugh and chase after their disc. The golf ball lands right next to the cellar window.]

Clyde: [inside the basement] "And if I don't get a nosebleed, I'm usually doing this." [does his robot impression]"SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE." [mimics power down]

Laney: Usually J.D. snaps him out of it with a snap of his fingers.

[Lori witnesses it]

Lori's Thoughts: "Hmm...I only thought Clyde acted like an awkward robot around me."

[The frisbee hits Lori]

Lori: "Oof!" [falls into a hole]

Lucy: [holding a shovel] "Do you mind? This grave is spoken for."

[Lana notices what happened and sheepishly leaves.]

Lori: [on her phone] "Carol did what? Hang on, Whitney. I literally need chips for this story."

[Leni and Clyde are in the kitchen.]

Leni: "So, when somebody makes me nervous, I just stare at their left ear and recite my ABC's."

Clyde: "Got it! Great tip." [writes it down]

Lynn: [from outside] "Heads up!"

[The frisbee flies into the kitchen and hits Clyde in the nose.]

Clyde: "Ow!" [starts bleeding from his nostrils and covers it up.]

Laney: Clyde, are you alright!?

Clyde: Yeah.

[Lori enters giggling and sees them and hides.]

Leni: [with blood on her shoes] "My shoes!"

[Lori had seen it]

Lori's Thoughts: "Now he's getting nosebleeds on her shoes?" [Lori gasps] "This can only mean one thing: Clyde likes Leni!"

Lori: [jubilant] "I'm free! I'm free!" [gasps with joy and runs to Vanzilla.] "Oh, I am going shoe shopping!" [drives off]

Back in the kitchen Varie grabs an ice bag for Clyde.

Varie: Here you go, Clyde.

Clyde: Thanks Varie.

[Later, Lori returns with new shoes. Leni gets a call and answers.]

Leni: "Oh, hi, Clyde. What a nice surprise."

Lori's Thoughts: "Oh, poor Leni. I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes. Literally. Ooh! Lori, that was good."

Leni: "Thanks for the shoe cleaning supplies. It was totes sweet of you. You're the most thoughtful person I've ever met, Clyde."

[Lori looks at some gifts Clyde gave her in the past.]

Lori's Thoughts: "Well, I will give him that. He is pretty thoughtful."

[A series of flashbacks of her receiving those gifts is shown. First, there's a telescope with a note on it and she reads it.]

Lori's Thoughts: "Congratulations. A new star has been named after you: Corona Lori-alis."

[Lori looks into the telescope and an arrow points to the star in question. Clyde falls out.]

Clyde: "Whoa!" [thuds] "Oof!"

[Next flashback takes place in winter where Clyde has made a literal snow angel that looks like Lori, but Charles runs up to it to pee on it.]

Clyde: "Charles, no! Not on my snow angel!"

[The next flashback shows Lori coming home defeated in a golf game. She finds a teddy bear on the steps and reads the note on it.]

You may have lost your golf tournament, but you'll never lose my heart.

[Lori presses the bear]

Teddy Bear: "I love you fur-ever."

[Lori doesn't like it very much. End flashbacks. She presses the bear again.]

Teddy Bear: "I love you fur-ev..." [breaks down] "...er..." [pops an eye]

Lori's Thoughts: "[gasps] What am I thinking? I have to get Clyde back!"

[Downstairs, Me, Lincoln, Clyde and Leni are all playing video games together and Laney and Varie are Reading books. Enter Lori with a pitcher.]

Lori: "Oh, hey, guys. Just wondered if anyone wanted some lemonade."

Me: No thank you Lori. I'm good.

[Her very presence puts Clyde in a paranoid state as he tries to act normal.]

Lori: [confused] "Clyde?"

Lincoln: "Ooh! I'll take some!"

Lori: [angrily] "Get your own." [tosses glass aside]

[Clyde relaxes]

Leni: "Great job, Clyde. You were in the same room as Lori and no nosebleed."

Me: Good job, Clyde

Clyde: "Yeah. Your ABC's trick really worked."

Leni: "It always does...unless you have to go past the letter P 'cause then it gets really hard. Okay, now let's work on the next step: eye contact."

[The sun is blazing, but Lori is wearing a wintery scarf.]

Lori: "Brr! Boy it is chilly today. So glad I have this cozy scarf Clyde made me."

Lincoln: "It's 85 degrees, and you're sweating."

Lori: [growls like a lion at Lincoln; sweetly to Clyde.] "Clyde, wherever did you learn to be such a great knitter?"

Me: (Roars like a Leopard) Great Lion roar, Lori.

Lori: Thanks J.D. You've done all sorts of animal sounds.

Me: Not to brag, but Predatory Animals are my specialty.

[Clyde stares at Lori, holds his breath, and runs back inside.]

Leni: "It worked?"

Clyde: [exhales] "Yup. I just held my breath, like you said."

Leni: "Great! You're ready for the final step: conversation! But that one we'll need to train for."

Clyde: "Just give me a moment." [hyperventilates into his paper bag.]

[Clyde's house]

Clyde: [petrified] "Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this!"

Lincoln: [knocks on one of the support beams; acting.] "Oh, someone's at the door. Who could it be? Why, it's my eldest sister, Lori."

[Enter Leni dressed like Lori]

Leni: [Lori impression] "OMG. Bobby, texting, literally."

I am holding my laughter in.

[Unbeknownst to them, the real Lori is coming over with a comic.]

Lori's Thoughts: "Clyde can ignore the lemonade and the scarf, but this limited edition Ace Savvy comic will definitely do the trick."

Clyde: [shaking] "H-h-h-hi, Lori. H-h-h-how's it going?"

Leni: "Super job, Clyde!"

Me: Great job, buddy.

Lincoln: "Yeah! You sounded totally natural!"

Clyde: "Thanks." [shows an ice pack under his shirt] "The ice pack was a great idea." [removes it] "It really kept me distracted; though I can't feel my bellybutton."

[Lori approaches the door]

Leni: "This has been totes fun. You're such a great guy, Clyde."

Clyde: "Thanks, Leni. And may I say, you've never looked more beautiful."

Leni: "Oh, Clyde!" [giggles]

Lori: [tosses the comic and growls] "That does it!"

[In the bathroom, Lori is changing her appearance to look more like Leni.]

Lori's Thoughts: "So, Clyde likes the way Leni looks? Fine! I can look like Leni!"

[She tries brushing her hair, but the brush snaps to her annoyance. Outside, her sisters are waiting impatiently and demand that she come out.]

Lori: [opens the door] "LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M BUSY!"

[The other sisters gasp at the sight of the firstborn.]

Lynn: "Uh...why do you look like Leni's messed up twin?"

Lori: "Because I'm trying to win Clyde back!"

Luan: "Win him back? He's obsessed with you."

Lori: "No. He's obsessed with Leni now. But not for long."

Lana: "Why do you even care?"

Lucy: "Yeah. You hide when he comes over and throw his gifts in the trash."

Luan: "You use his homemade cookies as doorstops."

Lori: "Well, yes, but-"

Lola: "Do you like Clyde now?"

Lori: "Of course not!"

Lana: "Well, then why are you trying to win him back?"

Lori: "I just need him to like me. Now stop asking questions! I know what I'm doing!" [goes back in the bathroom, takes a look in the mirror, realizes and sighs.] "What am I doing?"

Lori's Thoughts: "You're trying to win back Clyde. Now stop farting around and straighten that hair!"

Lori: "No, I don't need to win Clyde back. I need to apologize to him."

Lori's Thoughts: "Don't be a fool!"

Lori: "Shove it! I'm not listening to you anymore."

[The other sisters except Lola slowly inch away from hearing Lori talk to herself.]

Lola: [uncomfortable] "I don't think I need to tinkle after all."

[Back at Clyde's house, Clyde steps out with confidence.]

Leni: "Okay, Clyde, your training is complete. You ready to go have a normal conversation with Lori?"

Clyde: "You know it!" [holds up a fish from his shirt] "I just hope this frozen salmon takes longer to melt than that ice pack did."

[Clyde salutes to his trainer. She and her brother give him a thumbsup and he makes his way to Lori. Lori steps out of the bathroom and sighs. Clyde is being followed by a pack of cats who smell the salmon.]

Clyde: [nervous] "Nice kitties."

[He sheepishly smiles and runs screaming with the cats in pursuit. Lori descends the stairs and Clyde approaches the door. Lori opens it and sees Clyde standing on the step.]

Lori: "Clyde! I was just on my way to see you. There's something I really wanted to tell you. First, I wanted to apologize for never appreciating how kind and thoughtful you are. And second, I wanna thank you for making me feel so good about myself all these years. You're a special guy, Clyde, and literally anyone would be lucky to be your crush."

[She hugs him, and this causes his nostrils to bleed all over her shoes, much to her fright. Lincoln catches his unconscious friend.]

Lincoln: "Lori, what happened?"

[They bring Clyde to the sofa.]

Lori: "I don't know. I was just telling Clyde that I'm okay with him liking Leni now, and-"

Lincoln: "What are you talking about? He doesn't like Leni."

Lori: "But I saw them in the kitchen. He got a nosebleed all over her shoes."

Lincoln: "Yeah, because he got hit in the nose."

Me: Lynn's frisbee hit him in the face and Varie grabbed him an ice bag.

Lori: "Well, why was he acting like a robot with her?"

Varie: He was just showing us what happens when he's around you.

Lori: "But I was just over at his house. I heard him say she was beautiful."

Laney: Because Leni was dressed like you.

Lori: "What? Why were they doing all this?"

Lincoln: "Because Leni was helping Clyde learn to act normal around you, just like you wanted."

Me: Yeah and we were trying to help him.

Lori: "So...he never stopped having a crush on me?"

[We shake our heads no and Lori looks at Clyde with joy.]

Lori's Thoughts: "HA! I knew it!"

Lori: "No you didn't!"

Lincoln: [disturbed] "Uh...who are you talking to?"

Lori: "No one."

[Enter Leni still in her Lori costume]

Leni: "Oh, no! Poor Clyde."

[Clyde suddenly comes to and sees the real Lori and Leni in her costume.]

Clyde: [nervously infatuated] "T-T-T-Two Lori's?" [goes into robot mode] "SYSTEM OVERLOAD. EE-OO."

I snap my fingers and Clyde returns to normal.

Clyde: Thanks, J.D.

Lori: (Amazed) Wow. That literally works.

Varie: Leni you can take off your Lori costume now.

Leni: Okay. (Leni changes back into her normal appearance)

Laney: Boy, this has been one strange day.

Me: You said it Laney.

THE END.

My 8th fanfiction is complete.

I wanted to do this before Not A Loud but I got ahead of myself.

Also I'm sorry if my different version didn't turn out like you had expected it to. But don't worry. It's all trial and error.

Until next time, J.D. Signing off.

Laney belongs to Kinghammer Publishing on