Mei and Kakashi were diligent in their practicing, despite their limited time together. They went back and forth talking about and trying new things. For a start, they discussed what they were physically comfortable with and why. Those conversations sometimes took days because they were often interrupted and being caught discussing physical intimacy would be not only embarrassing but disastrous. It was their little secret to keep in a village full of ninja. It was exciting, the sneaking around. They'd come to understandings and made great progress. Then there were times that felt like backtracking, like when they experimented with hugging.
Mei enjoyed the feeling of a warm embrace, now that she and Kakashi had an understanding. Kakashi on the other hand…
"Can you do something different with your hands?" Kakashi tensed when Mei lifted her arms to hold him. "It's like you're going to strangle me."
They were not at the angle where Mei's strongest grip and Kakashi's veins and arteries best lined up but now didn't seem the time to point that out. "Would it be better if I went for a waist hug rather than an over-the-shoulder hug?"
"Maybe," Kakashi agreed grudgingly.
"Your father didn't hug you much, did he?" Mei meant it as a joke, then she saw Kakashi's face and realized her misstep. "Oh I'm sorry."
Kakashi waved her apology away, he knew she hadn't meant to hurt him.
Mei frowned in thought. "Maybe we should discuss a situation where you'd want a hug. What would that look like?"
Kakashi only shrugged, still not looking at her.
"What about a situation where you felt a hug would comfort me?"
Kakashi visibly perked up. His dark eyes rested on her. "If it was to comfort you, knowing what it meant to you, that would be agreeable."
Mei thought about that. "Any time I'm crying I'd probably appreciate being held, but not if I tell you not to!" Even as she said this, she realized that if she was upset enough to be crying, she probably wouldn't be able to coherently speak her wishes. She quickly added, "or if I wave my hands at you, then forget the hug."
"Hug you if you're crying unless you give clear signals to the contrary. Got it. What's next?"
"Snuggling I suppose," Mei replied, suddenly anxious.
Kakashi shrugged. "I have no problems with snuggling at all."
Mei stared at him, dumbfounded. "You're alright with snuggling? After all your concerns with hand holding and hugging?"
"What can I say? I'm used to dog piles."
Mei opened her mouth and closed it. "I suppose that makes sense." She grew quiet.
"We don't have to practice snuggling the way we did with other things, it's more of a comfort thing if we choose to. There is no situation I can- oh."
"What oh?" Mei asked.
"There's a festival coming up, in a month."
"So?" Mei asked.
"You don't shoot off fireworks at the end of a festival in the Mist?"
"Think about that," Mei suggested.
"Right, mist."
"And," Mei elaborated, "fire anything really isn't our specialty."
"The reason I brought it up is, I've seen couples cuddle up on blankets while they watch the fireworks."
"It probably wouldn't be appropriate for a kage to do," Mei suggested. "But, I'd like to try snuggling again sometime. Now that I'm used to hugging, I think it would be nice."
A month later the Leaf held a festival in honor of the founding of the village. Mei observed the preparations with no intention of attending. It was a Leaf festival after all and Kakashi said that although she was the Hokage's wife, she was also the Mizukage so no one would think less of her if she wasn't interested in participating. Mei worried that Kakashi was favoring her in this instance but Tsunade agreed with the assessment.
"I wish I had an excuse," Kakashi commented when they discussed it.
"Not a festive guy?" Mei smirked.
"The food is obnoxious, the clothes are problematic, and the fireworks is loud." Kakashi smiled. "Naruto loves festivals."
"I bet."
"I don't mind festivals, but as Hokage I'm basically required to go. That takes away most of the fun; it's work."
Mei hummed in understanding. Despite his unease, when the time came Kakashi was dressed and ready to please. Seeing Kakashi in his festival garb almost made Mei wish she was going after all, almost. "Have fun," she encouraged when he left.
The festival was held with all the pomp, lights, music, and food that usually entailed. Mei happily stayed in her room, reading. She couldn't even hear the music from her domain. What she did hear was a scratching at her door.
Frowning, Mei went to look out into the hallway. Pakkun sat outside. He looked slightly put-upon.
"The Hokage requests your presence at the top of the tower." Pakkun announced.
Mei's eyebrows rose. "Oh?" But Pakkun had nothing more to say on the matter. He poofed back to his home.
Mei slipped on her shoes and headed to the stairs. When she arrived on the roof it was dark out; the night was pleasantly cool. Mei could hear the din of the festival but the breeze swept most of the sound away. She could just make out Kakashi's silhouette in the twilight. Mei stepped over to him lightly, not knowing what to expect.
"You came," Kakashi breathed out. Then he coughed and said, "would you like to watch the fireworks with me? The display should start in a few minutes."
Mei looked and saw a blanket spread out on the roof of the tower. There was another one folded up next to it.
Kakashi said hesitantly, "you said you'd like to try snuggling again and," he gestured at the empty roof, "there's no one around to see us." Before she could answer he continued, "but I brought separate blankets, if you don't, want to that is. You could also leave of course." He was rambling and cut himself off.
Mei smiled. "How about we cover up with that second blanket to keep the chill off?"
Mei couldn't see his smile in the dark but his shoulders straightened a little. The couple lay down together and Kakashi meticulously covered them both with the second blanket. Then they carefully maneuvered until they were entwined.
Mei could feel Kakashi's breathing and it soothed her in ways that she didn't know existed. He was like a big warm pillow, a pillow that was also an S-class threat and a world leader. He was also just Kakashi, her Kakashi. Mei smiled to herself. Kakashi was careful to make her feel comfortable and never pushed. Mei stared up at the stars above them and wondered if it was possible to be happier. Then the fireworks started.
The first rocket shot into the air with a whistle and Mei stiffened at the brilliant pop. She clung to her husband and he tightened his hold on her in response. His grip loosened seconds after but his body remained tense.
His voice sounded worried, "are you okay?"
Mei nodded into his shoulder. Then she looked back up at the sky again as the colorful show continued. With each fiery burst, Mei grew more relaxed. She felt safe and warm under the blanket, in Kakashi's arms. The glow of each fading spark lit up her husband's face. The mask hid his mouth from her but Mei thought she detected a smile under the cloth.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" Mei asked. She was conscious of how close they were but only felt contentment.
Kakashi turned to look at her. "Best festival I've ever been to. Are you?"
"I am," Mei was surprised herself. "I might even attend the festival next year."
"In that case, I'm looking forward to it," Kakashi replied.
The colorful bursts of fire in the sky lit up his silver locks. Mei thought she'd never seen him look more handsome.
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Intimacy practice continued whenever the couple had time. Unlike with jutsu or physical training, the benefits for these exercises were subtle and it was nearly impossible to measure their progress. They couldn't put a ruler up against trust or record any amount for their confidence growth. What they did notice was slowly being able to enjoy each other's closeness without fear spoiling it. That was useful enough, as far as Mei was concerned. She couldn't imagine a situation where hand holding would have a practical application. That was until one sunny morning, Shikamaru knocked on her door.
"This month's drill is to test how the Hokage handles the kidnapping of a diplomat visiting the village. I was wondering if you'd be willing to play the part of the kidnapped diplomat? You'll have to judge Lord Hokage on how he attends to your needs during and after the kidnapping," Shikamaru elaborated.
Mei wondered if Shikamaru had suggested she be the hostage to Kakashi in advance or if it was meant to be a surprise. She couldn't think of a reasonable reason to refuse. It wasn't like she had anything else to do that morning. Besides, it could be fun playing the damsel in distress. Mei raised an eyebrow dubiously but agreed.
Mei followed Shikamaru and a squad of ANBU to Hokage Mountain. Once they'd summited the stoney faces, they stopped on top of the Third Hokage's head. Shikamaru turned to her. "We were originally going to have you bound and hanging from the Third's beard, but that seemed overdramatic."
Mei couldn't help but agree but she kept her comments to herself.
"Would you mind still being bound? It shouldn't be for long and we want everyone responding as if the prisoner is helpless."
"I'd hardly be helpless if my hands were tied," Mei pointed out.
Shikamaru flushed. "Of course not Lady Mizukage. What I mean is, if you were a civilian, I mean-"
"You don't want me jumping in and using jutsu to help my rescuers," Mei finished for him.
"Exactly," Shikamaru seemed relieved that Mei wasn't about to burn a hole in his face.
"Seems simple enough."
Mei was overly aware of their height at the top of the mountain, the wind in her hair and the view of the village. The village that it was Kakashi's job to protect, like the Mist was hers. She consented to allow the drill to be as realistic as possible, short of her being unconscious. Mei almost panicked when her wrists were tied but she took a deep breath, looked out over the village, and let it go. Then Shikamaru left her with her squad of ANBU, pretending to be kidnappers, and waited. Mei knew that Shikamaru needed time to get back to Hokage Tower and officially start the drill. Still, ten minutes had never seemed so long.
Mei thought about chatting with the ANBU but decided against it. If they were going so far as to tie her hands then she probably shouldn't be chatting with them like she knew them. Then again, if she was really kidnapped, she'd try to distract her kidnappers as much as possible so that the Leaf's forces would have better opportunities to catch the villains off guard. Mei didn't get a chance to consider the question any further.
Mei had expected to feel something coming when the rescue force arrived, the chakra of a large force heading their way maybe or the flare of Kakashi's chakra or her ANBU kidnappers reacting to an assault just in time. None of those things happened. What Mei felt was sudden and enthralling, a literal howl in her bones. The wail of a wolf pierced her through and down into her chakra coils. It was like a genjutsu she couldn't dispel, a nightmare she couldn't wake from, it was so overpowering. Her ears had heard nothing but her body was ringing with it.
The ANBU around her stood stock-still, frozen in the wake of that howl. Then something darted between the ANBU and grabbed Mei. Her bonds fell free! She hardly had time to gasp before she was scooped up and they jumped into empty space, flying over the edge of the mountain!
Mei would have been frightened if she hadn't recognized her husband immediately. Kakashi didn't say anything. His head swiveled, judging their trajectory. Mei was jerked in his arms and then they were sliding down the side of the mountain. Kakashi used his feet to slow them down, showering everything below them with rocks and dirt as they slid. Then he jumped and Mei's stomach floated into her throat. They landed with a jerk on a little roof that stuck out halfway down the mountain. Kakashi swung them over the edge and onto the platform below. It was a hard landing and Kakashi rolled to absorb some of their momentum. He all but dropped Mei, folded his hands, and a clone of Kakashi holding an illusion Mei continued down the mountain in the rain of debris their descent had sent flying.
Mei should have been frightened, but she wasn't. Pretending to be a hostage felt more like a mission than anything. And the suddenness had given her no time for playing the part of damsel. She was exhilarated and impressed. "Well that was," Mei started to say but Kakashi put a finger to his masked lips. He gestured for her to follow him deeper into the mountain.
It was dark in the tunnels. Mei was surprised they existed. She'd seen the little buildings sticking out of Hokage Mountain but assumed they were watchtowers. She hadn't realized they were entrances to deeper areas within.
Kakashi knew his way and headed straight into the dim hallways. Once they were out of sight of the door, Kakashi gingerly took Mei's hand. It surprised her after all the rough treatment, the sudden but sure feeling of Kakashi's gloved hand in hers. Then there was a gentle tug and Mei followed Kakashi's lead.
After a couple turns it was so dark that Mei couldn't see anything. Kakashi's direction was sure, his steps careful. Mei stumbled a few times over the uneven floor or a loose rock. Kakashi's grip remained steady. At last they rounded a corner and Mei heard Kakashi sigh.
"We should be able to talk here," he whispered. Their hands remained linked in the dark.
Mei was surprised by his strong grip on her hand.
"Sorry about that. I meant to get you out of there as soon as possible."
"Wouldn't it have been better for you to order subordinates to my rescue, in a real emergency?" Mei's words hung in the darkness between them.
Kakashi gave her hand a small squeeze, not letting go. "I thought- I know you agreed to do this, Shikamaru said he'd ask, but I didn't want you to be frightened if someone else-"
Mei smiled but he couldn't see it. He'd considered how she'd feel about someone else rescuing her, touching her. She squeezed his hand back. "It was a risk, doing it yourself. Shikamaru is probably going to fault you for it."
"We escaped your kidnappers, so I'm not sure how he can say anything about it." Kakashi paused for a moment. "You didn't have to let them bind you."
"I know, but I was confident you'd take care of it."
His hand loosened a little, unsure. Mei clasped his hand in both of hers.
"You took care of it," Mei assured him.
"If you say so," was his quiet reply. Mei could imagine his face, downcast.
"I do." She squeezed his hand again but released the pressure, keeping their hands linked. She didn't want to lose him in the dark. After a minute she said, "I didn't realize there were tunnels up here."
"These are the old evacuation shelters for the village." Kakashi gave her hand a little tug and they started walking again.
"Oh, I see," although Mei couldn't physically see anything. "That was quite a dramatic rescue," Mei hoped he could hear the smile in her voice.
"Guy has always warned me that my taijutsu style is too flashy. I waste a lot of energy on extra flips and my movements sometimes lack economy. I'm sure he's right, I just can't seem to help myself. I told him it must be in my chakra nature."
Mei frowned. "By the way, what exactly was that distraction you used? I've never felt anything like that."
The darkness seemed to close in on Mei as Kakashi went silent. His continued hold on her hand was her only reassurance. Then he said flatly, "that's classified."
Mei could imagine the knowing look he'd give her if she could see. Her mind made the connection and she almost gasped. "That was your father's technique?"
"You didn't hear that from me," Kakashi replied quickly.
Mei had so many questions. Was it part genjutsu? Was it something that relied on animal instinct rather than training? Was it some sort of mind technique? Mei knew she couldn't ask any of them. All she said was, "I see."
"It isn't dangerous, it was forbidden because it was his calling card: The White Fang's Howl."
"I see," Mei said again. It had been years since Mei had heard Kakashi referred to as 'Son of the White Fang'. Kakashi had made his own mark on the world. He wasn't in his father's shadow, but he could still remember him.
Kakashi's hand was limp in hers, unsure. Mei flexed her hand and Kakashi gave a tentative, answering pressure that filled Mei with warmth.
After a minute Kakashi said, "I suppose you should go give Shikamaru your report. How did I do rescuing you, Diplomat Terumi?"
"I think if I wasn't your wife, I'd complain about you treating me rather roughly."
"If you weren't my wife, I wouldn't have tried that maneuver." Kakashi's hand felt lively again, strong and sure in hers.
"I don't think Shikamaru is going to appreciate your perspective," Mei smiled. "But I must give you credit for, how did he say it, 'seeing to my needs'? You knew I'd be uncomfortable with being grabbed by a stranger, even if it was to save me, so you took it upon yourself. That was a rescue specifically tailored to me. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Kakashi replied. "And maybe next time Shikamaru will know not to bother my wife in his drills," Kakashi squeezed her hand again.
"I think I've dug myself in too deep on that account," Mei replied with a squeeze of her own. "Do you know the way out of here?"
"I can smell my way out," Kakashi explained. "Better hold on tight."
"You were the one who didn't want to hold hands," Mei pouted in the dark.
"It's growing on me, but I still prefer when you just hold my arm. Holding hands seemed more useful in this situation," Kakashi explained.
"How romantic," Mei teased.
"Why do you think I chose this lighting?" Kakashi may have gestured with his other hand but Mei wasn't sure in the pitch darkness. He gave her hand a little tug and they made their way back out to the light. Kakashi chose the exit that was closest to Hokage Tower.
Once they were in daylight again, Mei released Kakashi's hand and captured the crook of his elbow instead. It was habit now, somehow, and the familiarity made it nice rather than nerve-wracking.
Their arms were still linked when they walked into Kakashi's office. To their surprise they found, not Shikamaru ready for a debrief, but Tsunade. She whirled at their entrance, wearing an expression Mei had never seen on her before. It was the pinch of regret, the tears unshed, the paleness of mourning.
"You found Sakumo's scroll in the archives?" Tsunade accused without preamble.
Mei moved to withdraw her hand from Kakashi's arm, she should go. Kakashi's elbow straightened to release her but then caught her hand with his. Mei looked up at him and his expression was clear enough. Stay? Mei smiled sadly. Their hands remained linked.
"What if I did?" Kakashi replied. He turned his attention back to his predecessor. His question came out sounding arrogant but Mei felt the uncertainty underneath.
Tsunade started to say something, stopped, and held up a finger. "You don't understand."
"I'm listening." Kakashi's muscles tensed. He was getting defensive. Mei pressed his hand.
Tsunade's expression softened. Her smooth face didn't change but the years she'd lived were heavy in her eyes. "You don't understand, will never understand, the sweet relief it was, knowing your father was on the battlefield. The Howl was his battle cry, do you know that?"
"There was a note," Kakashi's voice was strained.
"A note," Tsunade scoffed. "I've seen battalions surrender when your father made himself known."
Kakashi's hand was limp, Mei held on anyway.
"I'd never heard it," Kakashi confessed.
"Of course not," Tsunade almost laughed. "You were his son. And Sakumo never had to defend the Leaf that close to home." The silence stretched across the years to when The White Fang of the Leaf had been a name whispered by their enemies and praised on the home front.
Kakashi shook his head. "He was so…frail when he died. And even before that-" his voice shrank into a whisper.
"Still waters run deep," Tsunade replied. "You're like him that way."
They were interrupted by a quick knock. Shikamaru let himself in and then stopped, surprised. "Oh you're already back," then he saw Tsunade. "Lady Fifth," he greeted her. His mind worked furiously to account for this tense scene in the Hokage's office. His mind had been occupied by the drill only a moment ago.
"I was just leaving," Tsunade said, her voice a little too rough.
Kakashi looked after her but said nothing.
Tsunade turned. "I'll speak with one of your aides, have them schedule a meeting for me. There's more I have to say to you on this subject." Her words were formal, guarded. Kakashi nodded and she left with a swish of her pigtails.
Kakashi's shoulders slumped a little. Mei gave her husband's hand a reassuring squeeze. She laughed when he did the same for her simultaneously. Kakashi eye-smiled down at his wife. Shikamaru looked at the couple, confused, but not enough to get involved. It would no doubt be a troublesome thing upon which to intrude.
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As Kakashi and Mei wandered through the village on one of their public walks, Naruto approached. Clearly he had just returned from another Sasuke forum mission. His clothes were soiled from the road but he had a bright smile on his dusty face.
"Hey sensei," Naruto trailed off. He looked between the two of them, his brow furrowed in thought. "Did something happen while I was gone?"
"What do you mean?" Kakashi responded. He felt Mei's hand tense on his arm. He pulled his elbow in, hugging her hand against his side in reassurance. Neither took their eyes off of Naruto.
"Yeah, before when you walked together, you were all stiff and now you're not." Naruto squinted at them suspiciously.
Mei looked at the ground, a small smile on her face.
Kakashi's gaze shifted to his wife. His look was soft and warm, Mei could practically feel it on her skin. The insides of her ears were turning pink, she was sure of it.
Naruto pointed an accusing finger, his voice raised. "You were practicing water style jutsu without me! Weren't you!"
Mei's ears darkened further but Kakashi's attention returned to his student. He laughed. It was light-hearted and full of joy. Naruto had never heard that sound come from his sensei before. Any laugh Kakashi released was usually mocking or sinister, something he used to disarm people. Naruto saw genuine mirth in his sensei's eyes. Normally Naruto would find this unsettling but Kakashi's expression was so kind that it put the younger man at ease.
"You got us," Kakashi said, "we're sorry you feel left out. I know you've been wanting to learn more water style jutsu."
Having had time to recover her composure, Mei raised her head. "Next time you're free Naruto, I'll teach you some jutsu to practice on your own. From a retired kage to a future one. Kakashi's a little busy to teach these days anyway."
Naruto brightened. Then he darted off, realizing he should probably go clean up and write his report.
"Just so long as you don't tell him what we've really been practicing," Kakashi whispered jokingly to his wife.
Mei smiled coquettishly up at him from behind her bangs. Kakashi tilted his head to smile down at her, a glint in his dark eyes. Their secrets remained cozy and safe between them.
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When Mei offered to teach Naruto water style jutsu, she hadn't realized he'd take her up on it the next day.
Mei opened her door to find it was Naruto who'd been knocking. "Is now a good time for some water jutsu practice?" Naruto looked so hopeful she couldn't say no. Mei grabbed her shoes and they headed out.
Completely missing the opportunity to ask at a more strategic time, like after practice was over, Naruto blurted out, "so you love Kakashi-sensei huh?"
Mei snorted out a laugh at the abruptness of the question. "Yes I do."
"Good." They walked on in silence.
Mei almost thought the young hero was going to leave the conversation with that when he added. "He's really happy since you've been around. It's almost a little weird."
"Weird?"
"Yeah, like he was happy before, sometimes, but never this happy. Sakura agrees with me, so I know it isn't my imagination." Naruto paused. "I wasn't sure if he was happy as Hokage. Ever since Granny retired he's seemed, I don't know, heavy." He paused again, awkwardly. "Sakura would throw team dinners and sensei would try to come but whenever he did make it, it was like he was only half there. It was different from before when he'd ignore us just to annoy us, it was like he was sunk in thought and couldn't pull himself out, not completely."
Mei knew the mood Naruto meant, both from seeing it in Kakashi and in herself. The burden of leadership weighed on a person. "Does it still concern you?" Mei prompted.
Naruto brightened a little, blue eyes wide. "No, he seems lighter now. But-" he trailed off, a shadow falling over his features.
Mei waited patiently, not wanting to interrupt the Uzumaki's train of thought.
Naruto's hands were stuffed in his pockets as they walked along. "I don't want to sink, as Hokage. Sensei has pulled us or led us through missions that seemed impossible. It wasn't that I thought they were hopeless situations but I couldn't see, at the time, how we'd get out of it.
"I usually just keep moving forward until I find a way but sensei knows how to make a way happen, no matter what. But if sensei can't find a way as Hokage, if he's bogged down and is struggling to find a way through, what chance do I have?"
So, Kakashi's students realize he isn't infallible after all, Mei mused. They were growing up. The pair reached the training ground.
Out loud Mei said, "every kage finds their own way to be a kage. The first kage didn't draw up some guideline to follow for how one should lead a village. Everyone brings their own skills, traits, and personalities to any leadership role, just like being a ninja. Do you and Kakashi complete missions the same way?"
Naruto shook his head, expression lightening.
"But you still think you'd both succeed?"
"Oh yeah." Naruto was smiling now.
"Well there you go." Mei smiled. "Now, show me what water jutsu you already know."