[Episode begins with the show Dream Boat playing.]
Narrator: "Will our captivating captain find her first mate, or will it be man overboard? Find out tonight as we set sail for love on...The Dream Boat."
[Shows Me, Varie, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Woody, Lincoln and his sisters watching, mouths open.]
Lori: [excited] "Eeeee! Karen should totes pick Bronson, he's...so gorge, I can't even..."
Luna: "No way, dude! What about Brock? He wrote her that sweet jam."
[Flashback to an episode where Karen is listening to Brock play the accordion.]
Edd: His talent with the accordion was neutral at best.
Varie: I play a good panflute.
Lucy: "I like Bram."
[Flashback to another episode; Bram comes out from behind a beach chair looking sneaky.]
Ed: Cool.
Lola: "Eww! He gives me the creeps!"
Lucy: "Exactly."
Me: I would pulverize that freak into next week because he looked like he would hurt Karen in any way, shape or form.
Laney: I like Barry. He made that beautiful painting for her.
[Flashback to another episode; Barry paints a picture of Karen in the beauty of the amber glow of an ocean sunset.]
Eddy: That painting was very beautiful. But not as beautiful as you Luan.
Luan: (Giggles) Oh Eddy. You know how to PAINT a picture of Love. [Laughs] Get it?
Eddy: [Laughs] Good one.
Me: [Laughs] Good one, Luan.
Leni: "I like Bryant!" [sniffs a rose] "He's so romantic..."
[Flashback to another episode; Karen is with Bryant on the ship's deck.]
Bryant: "Karen, I'll be your North Star." [sighs] "'Cause no matter where this journey takes you, I'll always be there to guide you home."
Lisa: "'North Star'? Ach, poppycock. Tree moss is a far more reliable means of navigation, given that it only grows on the north side of trees."
[The sisters grumble and toss their popcorn at her.]
Me: I agree with Lisa. The North Star Polaris hasn't always been extremely reliable over the centuries.
Varie: Plus. Bryant was making Karen feel a little uncomfortable.
Lily: I like Bruno. He caught a really big fish for her.
[Flashback to another episode; Bruno pulls in a huge Mahi Mahi as big as a car. Fast forwards to the two eating it]
Me: That was a really big fish, huh, Lily?
Lily: It sure was.
Lynn: "I like Blaine!" [Flashbacks to Blaine in another episode.] "I bet he can bench 300 pounds, maybe 320 with a spot!"
Me: Not to brag but that's nothing compared to what I'm capable of lifting.
Lincoln: "Blaine? But he wore flip flops to their first date! I mean, I can't even..."
[We all chatter]
Lori: "Lincoln, it's so much fun watching this show with you, you're like...literally one of the girls!"
Lincoln: [gasps in shock] "One of the girls?!"
[Flashback to Lincoln's time hanging with his sisters. First, he hangs out in the bathroom with Lori wearing their bathrobes.]
Lori: [applying mud to Lincoln's face.] "This mud mask is both cleansing and invigorating."
Lincoln: "Oh, my pores are tingling!"
[Now Lincoln is giving Lucy a manicure in her room while he has headlight over her painted nails.]
Lucy: "Thanks, Lincoln. I always mess up my right hand."
Lola: [suddenly in the room] "HEY! Someone put her funeral dress in the wash..." [shows her splattered dress] "...with all my pageant gowns!" [Growls and stomps over to Lucy, who pretends to die; she bonks her on the head.] "UGH! I can't rip you apart if you're already DEAD!"
[Now Lincoln is knitting something with Luna.]
Lincoln: "Back two over one."
Luna: "You got it, bro!" [tries on the headband she knitted.] "These accessories will make our outfits rockin'!
Lincoln: [having knitted fringes on the jacket he's wearing.] "Rocking!"
[Now Lincoln is working on a poncho Leni is wearing.]
Leni: "Lincoln, how's that hem coming?"
Lincoln: "Almost done!"
Leni: "Thanks! I can wear this poncho for all five seasons!"
[Lincoln rolls his eyes at this; end flashback.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Yikes! Is spending all my time around girls turning me into one? Nah, I'm sure It'll turn out fine."
Me: Me too Lincoln.
Lynn Sr.: [wearing a pink apron and holding pink muffins.] "What did I miss? Did Blaine finally put on some loafers?"
Lincoln: "This show's lame. Let's watch guy stuff." [changes the channel]
Sisters: "HEY!"
Male TV Announcer: "A lifetime in the extreme wilderness has made Rip Hardcore as tough as a two-dollar steak."
Lincoln: "Now this is my kind of show."
Lori: [scoffs] "Since when?"
Me: Now you're speaking my language, Lincoln.
Laney: This is more my kind of show.
Lily: Mine too.
Lynn Sr.: "Oh no, turn it back! We're gonna miss the anchor ceremony!"
[The sisters minus Laney and Lily start fighting Lincoln over the remote.]
[The next day, Me, Varie, Lincoln, Laney, Lily and Clyde are walking into the woods with our backpacks.]
Clyde: "Let me get this straight. You think living with the girls has made you unmanly so we're spending a weekend in the extreme wilderness so we can turn into steaks?"
Me: Something like that, Clyde.
Lincoln: "Eh, close enough. Now are you ready to get extreme?"
Clyde: "You know it!"
Me: Yeah!
[Me, Lincoln and Clyde chest bump each other]
Laney: I don't know guys. This looks dangerous.
Lily: Come on Laney. Where's your sense of adventure?
[Lincoln starts to continue his descent into the woods.]
Clyde: "Wait! I promised my dads I'd stay in their sight line."
[Camera pans out to reveal Howard and Harold at a nearby B&B.]
Clyde: "It's supposed to be a really nice B&B."
Me: It is a nice Bed & Breakfast.
Lincoln: [facepalms] "Clyde! How are we supposed to toughen up with your dads watching over us?" [drags Clyde into the woods]
Clyde: "But they were willing to bring us some of their complementary welcome scones."
[Me, Varie, Lincoln, Laney, Lily and Clyde approach a wooded area by a stream.]
Lincoln: "Now this spot looks perfect.
Me: Oh yeah.
Clyde: [reads the sign] "But the sign says 'No Camping here! Extreme Danger!'"
Lincoln: "Exactly. Extreme! Our first order of business: securing shelter."
Varie: Right.
Clyde: [gets out a tent] "My dads used this tent on a safari last year. It has it own veranda."
Laney: Neat.
Lincoln: "Tough guys don't sleep on verandas, Clyde." [picks up some twigs] "They build their own shelter."
[The next scene, Lincoln and Clyde's shelter simply consists of the twigs propped up against a tree.]
Clyde: "What a beaut."
Lincoln: "All in a manly day's work.
Me, Varie, Laney and Lily make a fort out of trees and leaves
Lincoln: Now that is better.
Laney: Thanks guys. My plant powers sure are useful.
Lincoln: Now, how about we rustle up some grub."
Clyde: "Great." [picks up a picnic hamper] "My dad made my favorite: Swiss Chard Frittata."
Lincoln: "Forget the frittata, Clyde. Tough guys eat beans." [holds out a can of beans]
[Clyde has prepared a stove and is now putting on an apron.]
Clyde: "Were you thinking chili or more of a cassoulet?"
[Cut to Me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Clyde and Lincoln eating the beans raw but they're clearly not enjoying it.]
Lincoln: [feigning delight] "Mmm-mmm-mmm! Good stuff, right?"
Clyde: "Very...tasty."
I form a flame in my hands and cook the can over it and the beans boil.
Laney: Very clever J.D.
Lily: Using your fire powers for that is genius.
Me: Thanks guys.
I do the same thing with Lincoln and Clyde's beans and they ate them.
Lincoln: "Well, we're burning daylight here. Better get started on our campfire."
Clyde: "Way ahead of you." [gets out an artificial campfire] "This baby's got LED lights, sick flames and realistic crackling sounds."
[Clyde turns on the artificial campfire but Lincoln turns it off.]
Lincoln: "Clyde, tough guys make real fires."
Me: I got this. [I make a ring of rocks and Laney gathers some sticks and I light them on fire]
Clyde: Perfect J.D.
[Clyde makes a farting sound.]
Me: [Laughs] Clyde.
Clyde: "Sorry! Must have been the beans."
Lincoln: "No need to apologize, Clyde. Tough guys let it all out." [lets out a fart.]
Varie: [Laughs] Lincoln.
Clyde: "Well, in that case..."
[Lincoln and Clyde have so much fun belching and farting. I join them until a bird drops from the sky.]
[The scene changes to nighttime as me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Lincoln and Clyde are laying their sleeping bags on the ground.]
Clyde: [yawns] "All this extreme ruggedness has worn me out." [set up an inflatable mattress.] "What level of firmness do you want?"
Lincoln: "We don't need that. The ground will be our mattress."
Clyde: "Oh, so extra firm."
Me: This is how I sleep when I go camping.
[Lincoln and Clyde proceed to get into their sleeping bags, start shifting around in them and ultimately end up lying down on top of the inflatable bed inside them.]
Lincoln: "We're tough guys, not animals." [Clyde nods] "I'm really glad we did this, Clyde. Out here in the woods, away from all the girls. I'm starting to feel like a real man."
Clyde: "Me toot." [Proceeds to pass gas as he makes the pun and starts laughing.] "Oh, I think I just found a way to stay warm." [Passes gas one more time as Lincoln gives him a disapproving look and turns away from him.]
[Scene switches to morning.]
Lincoln: [Yawns] "Nothing like waking up in-"
Clyde: "WATER! We're in the water!" [Both of them scream.]
Me: We're on a raging river!
Laney: Oh no!
Lily: Holy mackerel!
Lincoln: "How did this happen?"
[Flashback to our bed being taken away by rising water levels, then back to Lincoln and Clyde's un-amused faces. We notice a waterfall up ahead and scream in terror.]
Varie: WATERFALL!
Lincoln and Clyde: "Paddle!"
[As we frantically try to paddle, some familiar debris flows down the river.]
Clyde: "Hey, isn't that our shelter?"
Lincoln: "It's making a dam!"
[We celebrate]
Lincoln: "We're saved, and all because we built our own shelter like the-"
[Inflatable bed blows up and sends Clyde into a thorn bush]
Me, Varie, Laney and Lily are flying.
Clyde: "Lincoln! Are you okay?"
Lincoln: "I'm fine, I landed on a really soft rock." [Moose gets up in anger.] "Not a rock, moose!"
Me: Moose are very territorial! RUN!
[We proceed to scream in panic and run away from the charging moose, climbing a tree for safety in the process.]
Lincoln: "Ha, nothing two tough guys like us can't handle. Right Clyde?" [Moose starts ramming the tree, sending us flying.] "Clyde, are you okay?"
Clyde: "I'm fine, I landed on a really soft rock." [Bees come out of the hive.] "Not a rock, a bee hive!"
Laney: RUN!
[We proceed to running away screaming from the bees as Lincoln and Clyde get stung.]
Lincoln: "This is still nothing tough guys like us can't handle. [They stop running] At least it's not raining." [Rain starts coming down] "Is that all you got!?"
[Mud slide drags us down the mountain as we continue screaming. We then start panting.]
Clyde: "Lincoln, I know this probably sounds lame to a tough guy like you but I'm hungry and wet and cold and I kinda wish I were with my dads at the BMV eating welcome scones."
Me: Yeah.
Laney: This is really tough.
Lily: I'm no toughie like Rip Hardcore.
Lincoln: [Sighs] "I was kidding myself, Clyde. I'm no tough guy. After all those years around all those women, it's too late for me. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna lie down on this nice, soft rock." [Rock turns out to be a bear.] "Not a rock! Bear!"
[We scream as the bear roars.]
Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "Guys, quick, play dead!"
[We pretend to be dead as the bear checks for signs of life, then leaves when he thinks we're dead. We proceed to run away as soon as the bear leaves.]
Me: Lincoln, that was genius buddy!
Laney: Way to go big bro!
Lily: Thanks big brother!
Clyde: "Lincoln, that was amazing! How did you know to play dead?"
[Flashback to the Lucy and Lola moment.]
Lola: "I can't rip you apart if you're already dead."
[Back to the present; Me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Lincoln and Clyde panting.]
Me: That was a close one.
Lincoln: "It's something I learned from Lucy."
Me: That's our little Vampiress.
Varie: We owe you one, Lucy.
Laney: Thank you Lucy.
Lily: Even though she's not here.
Clyde: [shivering] "Does she know anything about keeping warm?"
Lincoln: "No, but Leni does."
[Flashback to the Leni and Lincoln moment.]
Leni: "I can wear this poncho for all 5 seasons. The key is the faux fur lining."
[Back to the present; we are wearing ponchos made out of leaves.]
Me: Ooh. This is really comfy.
Clyde: "Wow, it is so toasty."
Laney: Yeah. This is perfect for fall weather.
Lincoln: "The key is the birch bark lining. Now come on, Clyde, we're going home."
Clyde: [Looks around] "Which way?"
Lincoln: "Why it's just..." [Look around lost] "...this way!"
[We start running]
Lincoln: [looks at the moss] "Lisa said that moss only grows on the north side of trees."
Varie: So it is far more reliable than the North Star.
Lily: Lisa was right.
Clyde: "My dads are staying at the North Valley B&B. Follow that moss!" [As we take off running, we later stop in front of a hill.] "How do we get up there?"
Me: Boy that's a long way up.
[Flashback to the Luna and Lincoln moment.]
Luna: "You got it, bro! These accessories will make our outfits rocking!
Lincoln: "Rocking!"
Luna: "And if you braid the strands real tight, they're strong enough to use as ropes. Right, Chunk?"
Chunk: [pulling on a rope] "Right as rain, love." [Notices the Piano is too big for the window.] "We're gonna need a bigger window, though."
[Back to the present]
Lincoln: "Back two, over one." [Pulls rope to test it.] "That'll hold."
Me: Brilliant idea, Lincoln.
[We start climbing up]
Laney: These ropes are really strong.
Clyde: "This is great, Lincoln. What did you make this rope out of?"
[Lincoln realizes what the rope is made out of and scene switches to us next to a mud pit.]
Lincoln: "This should help the poison ivy."
Me: This is very soothing.
[Flashback to the Lori and Lincoln moment.]
Lincoln: [With mud on his face.] "Oooh, my pores are tingling."
Lori: "It also soothes sunburn, poison ivy, and mild to moderate acne."
As we were running, I hear someone screaming somewhere in the forest.
Me: Guys, wait!
We stop and I put my hand to my ear.
Lincoln: What is it?
?: HELP ME!
Laney: It sounds like someone's in trouble.
Varie: [Points to a clearing] It's coming from over there!
Me: HELLO?! ARE YOU OKAY?!
?: HURRY! I'M SINKING!
Me: [Gasp] COME ON! LETS GO!
Me, Varie, Lincoln, Clyde, Laney and Lily run to the clearing and we saw a girl waist deep in quicksand.
The girl was Jessie Bannon from "The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest"
Me: [Gasp] Jessie Bannon! Hang on! Stay calm. Don't move.
Jessie: Help me.
Me: Laney, form a vine rope. Quickly.
Laney formed a vine rope and I tied it into a lasso and I swung it around and threw it at Jessie. It landed by her.
Me: Tie that around your waist.
Jessie did so.
Me: Everyone grab on. Pull!
We all pull on the vine rope and we pull her to the land.
We pull her out safely.
Me: Are you alright?
Jessie: Yes. Thanks to all of you.
Lincoln: You're welcome.
Me: We should introduce ourselves. My name is James Knudson. But everyone calls me J.D.
Varie: My name is Varie, J.D.'s fiancé.
Lincoln: My name's Lincoln Loud and these are my sisters Laney and Lily.
Laney: Pleasure to meet you,
Lily: Same here.
Clyde: My name is Clyde McBride.
Jessie: It's a pleasure to meet you all.
Me: How did you wind up here in Michigan?
Jessie: I'm in Michigan? I'm supposed to be with my dad, Dr. Quest and my friends in Colombia.
Me: Dr. Benton Quest, the world famous inventor?
Jessie: That's him.
Varie: I've heard a lot about his scientific achievements.
Me: Me too.
Laney: What's that medallion you have there Jessie?
Jessie: Oh this? I found it on a dig in some ruins in Colombia.
Me: I recognize the symbol on it. It's Quetzalcoatl the Feathered Serpent in Mayan Mythology.
Jessie: Yes. 2 men were after it and they chased me and I lost them and I met you guys.
Me: We're just lucky we heard you call out.
Jessie: Yes. I owe you all my life.
Me: A life is never owed when saved out of friendship.
Jessie: Thank you all. Laney, how did you form that vine rope?
Laney: Oh, I have plant powers because of a special circumstance.
Clyde: Laney got her powers from the Diamond of Gaia.
Me: It's a special mystical diamond that can bestow plant powers, the ability to talk to animals and flight to a person who is pure of heart.
Jessie: Wow. That's amazing.
Me: I don't know how you got here, but we got to find out and call Dr. Quest. But first we got to get out of this forest. Lets go.
[Me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Jessie and the boys come across a rock they can't move.]
Clyde: "How are we gonna move this bad boy?"
[Lincoln starts thinking of a solution.]
[Flashback to a Lynn and Lincoln moment, as the latter struggles to move a trash can and makes struggling noises as Lynn comes into the scene.]
Lynn: "Step aside, I got this." [spits on her hands and rubs them together, proceeding to grab the trash can.] "You gotta lift with your legs, not your back. you see?" [Throws the trash can out and hits her dad in the process.]
Lynn Sr.: "OW!"
[Flashback to the present as Lincoln and Clyde move the rock out of the way.]
Me: Lift with your legs. Never your back.
We keep running and we come across a log going across a cliff and Me, Varie, Laney and Lily fly over to the other side of the cliff.
Clyde: [Comes across a log over a cliff and tries to cross it.] "Whoa!" [Loses his balance and hugs the log to prevent himself from falling off while Lincoln tries to think of another plan.]
[Flashback to Lola and Lincoln moment as the former practices her catwalk as she curtsies her dress in her high heels while having three books on her head.]
Lincoln: "How do you balance in those?"
Lola: "Eyes forward! Chin up! Tushie clenched!" [Grunts after showing a balance method.]
[Back to present where the boys are walking across the log safely.]
Clyde: "Good tip, Lincoln. It really works!" [As he walks along the log smiling and waving.]
Jessie runs across the log with very little problems
Me: You're fast Jessie.
Jessie: I know.
Lincoln: "I don't think you have to do the wave, Clyde."
[Clyde shrugs, air kisses and takes off behind Lincoln. We run through the woods until they arrive safely at the B&B.]
Me: We made it.
Lincoln: "Clyde, we did it! We made it back!" [falls to the grass and sighs in relief.]
Laney: Thank goodness.
Clyde: "I'm pooped. I'm just gonna sit down, and wait for my dads on this nice soft rock."
[Lincoln and Clyde remember their experiences with "soft rocks" and panic as Clyde jumps into Lincoln's arms as they realize...]
Clyde: "Oh, this one's really just a rock."
Me: [to Jessie] We had some run ins with a moose, a beehive and a bear and we thought they were rocks.
Jessie: That's rough. How did you guys know what to do?
Varie: We had to retrace our steps and overcome the obstacles with the help of everything Lincoln learned from his sisters.
Jessie: Good thinking.
Me, Varie, Lincoln, Laney, Lily and Jessie were over in Lisa's room and we explained what went down
Lisa: It was a portal from another dimension that teleported you here, Jessie.
Jessie: I'm in another dimension?
Lisa: Exactly.
Me: A Transdimensional Portal took her here?
Lisa: Precisely. Jessie was teleported here from another dimension through a Transdimensional Portal from Colombia in her dimension to ours.
Lincoln: That is very strange.
Me: I've read a lot about parallel universes, dimensions beyond all of time and space and all that.
Varie: How are we gonna get her back to her own dimension?
Lisa: That's the problem. It could be any one of them. There's an infinite number of dimensions across the fabric of time and space and she could've come from any one of them.
Me: That's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. A haystack that's as big as an infinite number of Universe's put together.
Lisa: Precisely.
Lily: That is really complex for me.
Laney: So Jessie is gonna be stuck here?
Lisa: Unfortuneately yes.
Jessie: [Voice breaking] I'll never see my family again.
She starts crying and Lincoln comforts her.
Lincoln: It's not the end of the world Jessie. You already have friends here in this dimension.
Me: Yeah.
Varie: We're your friends and we will do everything we can in our power to help you.
Jessie: [Calms Down] You will?
Lily: Sure.
Laney: That's what friends do.
Me: We will be there to help.
Laney takes Jessie's hands.
Laney: We will never give up on you and we will help you in any way we can.
Jessie: Thank you all. Thank you.
[Scene changes to the Loud House at night.]
Jessie was taken in by the Loud Family.
Lincoln: [Working on muffins; to the viewers] "I thought spending so much time around my sisters was a problem, when actually it's just the opposite. If it wasn't for them we'd probably be moose meal by now." [Walking in the living room towards me, Varie, Woody, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Jessie and his sisters.] "And now that I don't have to worry about what's manly or girly or any of that junk I can go back to enjoying this." [offers muffins to his sisters and dad, me, Varie, Jessie, Woody, Ed, Double D and Eddy.] "Who wants strawberry muffins?"
[Me, Varie, Woody, Jessie, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Loud Sisters and their dad all say "I do" multiple times as we completely clean up the tray. They proceed to start eating the muffins as Lincoln sits in between them to watch Dream Boat, he embraces Leni's legs, Lola hugs him and his dad rubs his hair.]
Me: You make really good muffins, Buddy.
Varie: Delicious.
Woody: Mmm. You make delicious muffins, pal.
Ed: Yum!
Edd: I concur. These muffins are sure tasty.
Eddy: These are delicious, Lincoln.
Jessie: Very tasty.
Lincoln: "Thanks guys. Oh Blaine, please tell me you're not wearing clogs."
Woody does his trademark laugh.
THE END!
Another Fanfiction completed.
I wanted to add a scenario from one of my books and from one of my favorite TV shows from the past. It was Hanna Barbera's The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest, Episode: "The Mummies of Malenque". One of my favorite episodes of that show. I've known it ever since I was a kid.
Until next time. J.D. signing off.
The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest and Jessie Bannon are owned by Hanna Barbera and Cartoon Network.