[Episode begins with a trailer of The Harvester opening up with a dismal farmer.]

Narrator: "He was a humble farmer until a drought ravaged his land." [the farmlands have dried out and a tumbleweed passes by.] "Now, he's found a new crop..." [the farmers eyes turn red with pure evil and he suddenly starts killing innocent victims by slashing them apart with his scythe, killing them and harvesting their organs in a cooler.] "...human organs! He is...

Me in a Diabolical Voice and the Narrator: "The Harvester!"

I laugh Diabolically.

Narrator: "Opens this Friday."

[The title of the movie is bloodstained on the blade of the scythe. Lincoln has shown his mother the trailer on his phone. I am sitting on the floor with Varie, Ed, Double D, Eddy and Woody.]

Rita: "Uh-uh, Lincoln, you are not seeing that movie. It is too scary for you. He pulls around a cooler full of organs!"

Lincoln: [disappointed and groaning] "Mom!"

Rita: "You know how you get. You'll have nightmares. You'll think something's out to get you. You're just like your father."

[As she walks away, Lynn Sr. comes out from behind the sofa with a teddy bear.]

Lynn Sr. "That is a total exaggeration! On a completely different note, that trailer is never to be played in this house again." [walks away fidgeting in fear.]

Me: [In my head] What a coward.

Ed: I love Slasher Horror Films.

Edd: Those kinds of movies can cause a very traumatic fear of certain aspects of the movie and make you think that.

Lincoln: "Come on, Mom. I'm not a baby. I can handle it."

Rita: "'No' is my final answer."

[Lincoln looks on disappointed.]

Rita: Great diabolical voice and laugh, J.D.

Me: Thanks Ms. Rita. I always add a Diabolical voice and Malevolent Laughter to add a horrific and scary effect to the movie. You know, to make it sound like the Devil himself made that movie.

Rita: That's really good.

Eddy: You have a great talent when it comes to Horror J.D.

[The Royal Woods Cinema. Me, Varie, Laney, Lily, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Woody, Lincoln and Clyde are inside.]

Clyde: "I'm fine not seeing The Harvester. It looks way too scary. And now, we get to see the new Blarney movie!"

Me: Slasher movies aren't really my cup of tea, Clyde.

Varie: Mine too. Those are sick people.

Ed: They are great.

Edd: I'm fine with J.D.'s decision.

Eddy: Halloween is usually when all the scary stuff comes out and we get some good candy.

Laney: Horror movies like that really scare me.

Lily: Me too.

[An usher is carrying around some Blarney hats.]

Usher: "Blarney beanies! Get your free Blarney beanies!"

Clyde: "Ooh, free Blarney hats? I'll take two!"

Lincoln: "One is fine."

[Clyde grabs and puts on a Blarney hat.]

Usher: "Get your free Blarney beanies!"

Lincoln: "It's not fair. My parents think I can't handle a scary movie."

[Rusty, Flat, and Papa all walk into the theater playing The Harvester.]

Lincoln: "Aw, man! Rusty gets to see The Harvester? That guy cried when a bird flew into the gym!" [gets an idea] "Maybe I should just go and not tell my parents. It's not like they'll find out."

Me: I don't think that's a good idea, Lincoln

Clyde: "You know, Blarney has a song about that, Lincoln. Every time you lie / A leprechaun will cry. "

[Two little girls join in]

Clyde and Little Girls: " A fib to Mom and Dad / Well that's just twice as bad! "

Lincoln: "Yeah, that decides it. I'm going to The Harvester."

Clyde: "Come on, fellow Blarnadoons!"

[He and the little girls go to the Blarney movie while Lincoln goes to The Harvester. The doors shut tight.]

Me: We'll wait out here until it's done.

Varie: Good idea.

Ed: Okay.

Edd: Good idea.

Laney: I brought some books.

Lily: Cool.

Woody: Neat.

Me: [I pull out my CD player] Here's some music for you to listen to Eddy.

Eddy: Thanks J.D. [Listens to the music]

97 MINUTES LATER

[All of the movie attendants except Lincoln come out talking about how much they enjoyed the movie.]

Me: Movie must be done.

Varie: Thank goodness.

[We see Lincoln slink out of the theater scared totally out of his mind and Clyde touches his shoulder.]

Lincoln: [screaming with fear] "PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY GALLBLADDER!"

Varie: Lincoln it's only us.

Clyde: "Guess I don't have to ask how the movie was."

Laney: Are you okay Lincoln?

Lincoln: "I had no idea a man in overalls could be that scary."

Edd: Lincoln is now in a total state of terror.

Eddy: I'm glad I didn't see the movie.

Lily: That movie must've scared you bad.

Lincoln: It did.

Clyde: "I'd say "I told you so", but Blarney has a song about that. When someone is wrong, don't make a note / The truest friends should never ever gloat "

[The little girls join in again.]

Clyde and Little Girls: " Just cause you're the wiser- "

Lincoln: "DUDE! I get it."

[Me, Varie, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Woody, Lincoln, Laney, and Lily have just gotten home and Lincoln is still shaken up from the movie.]

Clyde: "You gonna be alright?"

Lincoln: "My parents cannot find out that I went to see The Har...Har...Har...you know, that movie."

Laney: We're here for you Lincoln.

Eddy: You're safe with us bud.

Clyde: "Good luck, buddy. If you need me, I'm here 24/7. But not on Channel 2. That's for Blarnadoons only. Later." [goes home]

[Me, Varie, The Eds, Woody, Lincoln, Laney and Lily step in]

Rita: "Hey guys, how was the movie?"

Lincoln: [frantic] "What? I didn't see the movie!" [calmly] "Oh, you mean the Blarney movie. Which I did see."

Lynn Sr. "Oh, terrific! Hey, can you go get the ceramic pumpkins? We're putting up the Fall decorations."

Lincoln: "Sure, Dad. Where are they?"

Lynn Sr. "In the basement."

Lincoln: [struck with panic] "The basement?"

Lynn Sr.: "Yeah, in the far back corner by the light that burned out. You know, where Lana's snake went to die."

Me: Oh, boy.

[Lincoln nervously gulps and opens the door to the basement. He tries to turn the light on, but it doesn't shine.]

Lincoln: "Seriously?"

[Me, Varie, the Eds, Woody, Lincoln, Laney and Lily go down the steps and we hear a voice.]

Voice: "I will get you..."

Lincoln: [screams] "Who said that?" [notices he's stepping on a talking doll.]

Doll: [in a deep voice] "I will get you..." [in a happy tone] "...another cup of tea."

Varie: Oh, that must be one of Lola's dolls.

Lincoln: [sighs] "Get a grip, Lincoln. It's just a doll."

Lily takes the doll and I ignite my lightsaber to provide some light.

Lincoln: Thanks J.D.

Me: No problem.

[We get to the bottom, and we see a giant cobweb]

Me: That's a big cobweb.

I strum it and it makes music like a harp.

Me: Wow. It's so tight that you can play music on it like a harp.

I play a melodic tune on it and when I stop everyone claps.

Varie: Great playing J.D.

Edd: You have quite the talent J.D.

Me: Not bad for someone whose never had a lesson, huh?

[Lincoln falls into a few things that sets a Hockey stick to come at him, screams and gets out of the way] "THE HARVESTER!"

Me: Calm down, Lincoln. It's just Lynn's hockey stick.

Lincoln sees me holding Lynn's Hockey stick.

Lincoln: Oh.

Lynn Sr.: [from upstairs] "Guys, come back up! I just remembered the pumpkins aren't in the basement." [Lincoln rushes back upstairs] "They're in the attic."

Lincoln: [frightened] "The...attic?"

Lynn Sr.: "You know, that far, far back corner where there's no windows or light?"

Me: Oh boy.

Varie: It's gonna be one of those nights.

[Lincoln gulps again. As we prepare to enter the attic, we notice one of the sisters.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lola! Wanna go look for decorations in the attic with me?"

Lola: "No way. It's creepy up there."

Lily: Oh Lola, I think this is yours.

Lily handed Lola the doll.

Lola: (Gasp) Raggedy! I've been looking everywhere for you. Thanks Lily.

Lily: Anytime sis.

Lincoln: "How about you, Lucy? You might find a bat."

Lucy: "I know we will, but none of them are vampires. So what's the point?"

Me: Well. Here we go.

[We all go up and Lincoln reluctantly follows us into the attic and gets his shirt caught on a loose nail.]

Lincoln: "AH! THE HARVESTER'S GOT ME!"

[I ignite my lightsaber and see that he got his shirt caught in a loose nail and his shirt came off and he gets hit by a bunch of whoopee cushions.]

Lincoln: "AH! HE'S GOT MY SISTER'S COLONS AND THEY'RE STILL FARTING!"

Luan: [off-screen] "LINCOLN, STOP MESSING AROUND WITH MY WHOOPEE CUSHIONS! I MEAN, I KNOW THEY'RE A GAS!" [laughs]

Me, Varie, The Eds, and Woody laugh.

Me: [Laughs] GOOD ONE, LUAN!

Eddy: [Laughs] That was really good, Luan!

Luan: [off-screen] Thanks Eddy!

Woody: Luan always cracks us up.

Ed: She sure does.

Rita: [from downstairs] "Guys, I just remembered! Those pumpkins aren't in the attic! They're in the garage!"

[Lincoln gulps again and we sneak toward the garage.]

?: "I got hearts, kidneys, and ears!"

I ignite my lightsaber again we see Mr. Grouse tending to his garden.

Me: Oh hello, Mr. Grouse. Tending to your garden I see?

Mr. Grouse: "Yep. Hearts of romaine, kidney beans and ears of corn."

Varie: You grew lots of good vegetables.

Mr. Grouse: Thank you Varie.

We open the garage door and we find no decorations.

Me: No decorations.

We head back inside the house.

Lincoln: "They're not in the garage."

Lynn Sr.: "Oh, that's right. They're under the porch, in that dark claustrophobic crawl space where the walls feel like they're closing in on you the deeper you get." [Lincoln gulps once more.] "I'll just get them tomorrow. Sorry to make you run around, guys."

Me: That's alright Mr. Lynn.

Lincoln: "Phew."

[Later, everyone is going to bed and turning off the lights. Lincoln is making his way from the bathroom to his room.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Well, better get to bed before Mom and Dad think of anymore infested places to send me." [gets to his room and turns off the light.] "You know, I think I'm doing better. It's been a full 10 minutes since I thought about the Har...Har...you know who I mean."

Me: Here Lincoln.

I hand Lincoln something

Me: This used to be my nightlight. Whenever I got scared I would turn it on to help me not be scared anymore.

Lincoln: Thanks J.D. [He plugs it in and turns it on] That's... [It flashes and it burns out] better.

Me: The light bulb burned out and all my replacement bulbs are at home.

Varie: Oh man.

[As soon as he's nice and safe in his bed with the door open and the hallway light on, the hallway light turns off.]

Me: Lincoln, don't turn on the hall lights.

Varie: Lets go see if one of your sisters will let you stay with them.

Lincoln: Good idea.

[Me, Varie and Lincoln go into Lola and Lana's room. On Lola's pink side Lincoln taps on Lola's sleeping mask and then stretches it and makes it snap on her eyes, making her growl and open her eyes.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lola, wanna watch some of your pageant videos?"

Lola: [delighted] "Ah!" [suspicious] "Okay, weird. Why would you want to do that?"

Lincoln: "Because I'm a huge fan of youth-oriented, glamor-based competitions."

Lola: "Oh, cut the crud, Lincoln. What is up?"

Lincoln: "Okay, I saw a scary movie today and I'm afraid to be alone."

Me: He saw "THE HARVESTER"

Lola: That movie? Lincoln, why would you go see that?

Varie: He wanted to see if he could handle it. But it scared him badly.

Lola: "Oh that's a shame. Well, just go sleep with Mom and Dad. That's what I always do."

Lincoln: "Uh...that's not an option."

Lola: "Well, neither is losing my beauty sleep. Goodnight to you, sir!" [goes back to sleep snoring.]

[We go to Lana's jungle side and we see that Lana's bed is filled with different animals.]

Me: Wow. It's like Lana is one with the Jungle.

Lincoln: "Hey, Lana-" [the animals wake up growling at him.] "Never mind."

I roar like a lion and it scares the animals and wakes Lana.

Lana: J.D.?

Me: Sorry to wake you Lana but Lincoln has something to ask you.

Lana: Oh. Cool Lion roar by the way J.D.

Me: Thank you. Like I said with Lori, Predatory Animals are my specialty.

Lincoln: Lana, I saw a scary movie and I'm afraid to be alone.

Varie: He saw "The Harvester."

Lana: Oh man. That movie is scary. I'd let you sleep next to me but Ed is with me.

We see Ed by Lana's bed and he is awake.

Me: Oh, sorry Ed. We didn't see you there.

Ed: That's okay guys. Nighty Night.

[Next we goes over to Lori room and we find Lori texting in her bed.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lori."

Lori: "Whatever it is, I'm busy."

Lincoln: "Too busy to give girl advice?"

[Lori gasps and eagerly pulls Lincoln right under her covers and we sit on the floor.]

36 MINUTES LATER

Lincoln: "Okay, question 63: What does "going dutch" mean? And does it have anything to do with Dutch ovens?"

Lori: "Hmm..." [hears her phone beeping and gasps] "Session's over, Lincoln. I have to talk to Bobby. He started his new pizza delivery job tonight."

Me: Cool. Tell Bobby we wish him the best.

Lori: I will J.D. Let me guess. Lincoln saw "The Harvester"

Me: You hit the nail right on the head, Lori.

Lincoln: How did you?

Lori: Intuition. I know you're scared but movies like that are not real. Now I have to talk to Bobby.

[shoves Lincoln out of her covers.]

Bobby: "Check it, babe. I spelled your name with pepperonis."

[The pepperoni says "LORY" which is incorrect, and the pizza slides right out of the box.]

Bobby: "That's coming out of my paycheck."

[Lincoln now has a groggy Lynn shooting hoops with him in his room. Lynn shoots a hoop.]

Lincoln: "That's 52-0, you." [notices Lynn is standing asleep] "Dang it."

Me: I'll take her back to her room.

I pick her up and use my super speed to take her back to her room.

[Now Lincoln is escorting Leni to the kitchen.]

Leni: "I don't get it. If it's morning, why is it still dark?" [yawns]

Lincoln: "It's, um...Daylight Savings Time."

Leni: [yawns] "Well, I love savings."

Lincoln: "So, what do you want for breakfast?" [looks in the fridge]

[Suddenly, he hears Leni going out the door with her backpack.]

Lincoln: "LENI!"

Leni: "I'm late for school. Bye, Linky."

Lincoln: "Leni, stop!" [immediately notices a cooler and a silhouette dragging him, making him believe it's you-know-who.] "IT'S HIM! WITH HIS COOLER FULL OF HARVESTED ORGANS!" [closes the door] [It's just Mr. Grouse with his fishing gear.]

Mr. Grouse: "What's the matter, Loud? Never heard of night fishing?" [leaves]

[Lincoln retreats back to his room and picks up his radio.]

Lincoln: "Clyde! Come in! I really need somebody to talk to!"

[Clyde is sleep singing.]

Clyde: " Close your eyes, go to sleep / Blarney helps you count the sheep "

Lincoln: "What happened to 24/7? Who else could be awake right now?"

[A little while later, there's a knock at the door and Me and Varie go see who it is.]

Lincoln: [answers door] "Bobby! Congrats on the new gig! What do you say we celebrate by splitting this pie?"

Bobby: "I wish, bro. I still got six more houses to hit." [gives Lincoln his pizza and drops another on the floor.] "Make that five."

[Back in his room, Lincoln's eyes are wide open from lack of sleep and he's now talking to his pillows that he drew faces on. Me and Varie have earmuffs on and we're asleep]

Lincoln: [hysterical] "Thanks for staying up with me, guys. Hey, you cool with onions, Todd? No? How are you going to grow into a real man if you won't eat your onions, Todd? It'll put hair on your chest!" [whistles and hears a muffled banging.] "You guys hear that? Any volunteers to go check it out?" [the pillows obviously can't volunteer because they're pillows.] "Oh, sure. You'll eat my pizza, but when I need something, you sit there like a bunch of stuffed-" [hears the banging again and gasps.] J.D. Wake up.

[He shakes me awake]

Me: Huh. What is it?

[We sneak downstairs with the steps creaking, grab a fireplace brush, and look in the kitchen to find someone.]

?: "I'm gonna slice you right down the middle." [laughs evilly]

[Lincoln gasps and runs away and it turns out to be Lynn Sr. holding a snack. I pull out a flashlight and shine it on him and he was holding a Carrot Cake]

Me: AHA! I caught you red handed Mr. Lynn. That cake is for the school fundraiser.

Lynn Sr.: "I got a case of the munchies"

Me: [sternly] Mr. Lynn. Don't make me get Ms. Rita.

He panics and puts it back and runs back to his bedroom.

I smile proudly and head back to Lincoln's room

[Lincoln, with nowhere else to turn, goes up to his room, blocks the door with his chair, and hides under the covers.]

Lincoln: [trembling with immense fear] "There's no such thing as the Har...Har...Har..." [keeps trembling "Har" all the way to sunrise.] "...Har...Har...Har..."

I arrive at the door and discover that it's blocked.

Me: Boy he's really scared.

I turn into a puddle of water and slip under the door and reappear.

Lincoln screams.

Me: Shh! Lincoln it's me.

Lincoln: Oh sorry. Was that the Har... Har...

Me: No Lincoln, it wasn't the Harvester. It was your dad trying to sneak off with your moms carrot cake for the School Fundraiser.

Lincoln: Oh. Well that's a relief. [notices the sun is up and sighs with relief.] "Well, that was the worst night ever. But at least it's over."

[In the kitchen, Lynn Sr. is working on the ceramic pumpkins and Rita is checking the fridge.]

Rita: There's the carrot cake.

Me, Varie, Lincoln, Laney and Lily come in.

Me: Morning Mr. Lynn, Ms. Rita.

Rita: Morning guys.

Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln! There you are."

Rita: "Sweetie, your father and I have been talking and we think you're right. You're not a baby anymore, and it's time we stopped treating you like one."

Lynn Sr.: "Hey, look. If you say you're ready to see to see that horror movie, we believe ya."

Rita: "In fact, we bought three tickets. We're going with you."

Varie: Oh no.

Lincoln: [extremely afraid] "The Har...Har...Har..."

Rita: "Lincoln, what's the matter?"

Lincoln: "I can't do it!

Me: Ms. Rita, Lincoln has something to tell you

Lincoln: "Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I saw the movie yesterday, even though you told me not to. And you were right. I'm not ready. I was so terrified I didn't sleep all night. Please don't make me watch it again."

Me: I tried everything I could to help him but he was just absolutely terrified.

Laney: I was against this idea.

Lily: Me too.

Rita: "Well, I'm not happy you saw the movie without our permission. But it sounds like you've been punished enough."

Lincoln: "I won't do it again."

Lynn Sr.: J.D. how come you didn't see The Harvester?

Me: Slasher films aren't really my cup of tea. Science Fiction Horror Movies are more my thing. Plus Me, Varie, the Eds, Woody, Laney and Lily waited outside the theater for Lincoln. By the way Lincoln, how did The Harvester end?

Lincoln: There was this brutal fight in the movie between a teenage kid and the farmer and it was extremely savage. In the end, he took the farmers scythe and cut the farmers head off. The police arrived and the credits rolled.

Varie: That's a gruesome way to die.

Me: No kidding. But at least the Harvester died in the end. [To Lynn Sr. and Rita] I'm sorry if we revealed any spoilers.

Lynn Sr.: No that's alright.

Laney: I'm glad I didn't watch that movie.

Lily: Me too.

THE END.

Another fanfiction done.

I wanted to do my own ending of the movie in the show The Harvester. It was a little gory but I hope it works out. This takes place before the events of Roughin' It. Sorry if I got a little ahead of myself.

See you next time.