The attraction started way before the submission. If we are lucky, there is the moment when you know you've found your soulmate. There is a moment when you know the one is the one right in front of you. How do you accept it when it should be wrong but it's not. Instead, it's right. The only enemy is space and time….not even age. Because age is nothing but a number but how do you subdue passion when it controls you? How do you fight love when you are in love? How do you walk in truth when your feet won't let you take the first step? But what happens when you take the first step?
Kerry is sitting in her condo, looking over the Pilot episode. She can't believe she landed this show. She can't believe of all the amazing actresses in the world, she was Shonda Rhimes pick. Her heart is thumping in her chest. Of course, she's nervous about this journey she hasn't even started yet. She's asking all the right questions to herself. Am I good enough. Will I be good enough? What will the audience think? Will the audience buy into this political world filled with not just scandal, but adultery masked by true love?
She looks at all her new costars name again. The first table read happened and they clicked immediately. All of them, it was like hand in glove from the moment they turned the page. She fans her fingers across his name again, Tony Goldwyn, probably the fifth time tonight. Her best kept secret is that she had a hand in getting him. She knows she agreed to trouble but….the heart wants what it wants even if it's in a fake setting. God, how is she going to do this? She avoided him and entertained him for years, finally just letting it all go because she asked herself the same questions that she has to believe Olivia will be asking herself about Fitz as this story goes. She definitely said, those exact words Liv says to Fitz, Because you were married." And he always responded, "You know what's real and what's not." She's nursing her cup of tea and honey when her cell phone rings.
She looks at the phone and sees his name there. She takes a breath, answering, "Mr. Goldwyn."
"We are being so formal, Ms. Washington."
"I can see that crooked smile through the phone," she answers.
"I have a reason to smile," he answers.
"Don't do that."
He puts down his glass of Bourbon, "Don't do what."
"You know," she shakes her head.
"You can't expect me to hear your voice and not smile. You've always had that effect on me."
"She stays silent, searching for the words. She knows exactly what she wants to say but she knows once she opens that door, there's no closing it. "I don't think we did the right thing."
"What did we do exactly? We haven't done anything for quite some time," he responds.
"We haven't done anything in a few weeks," she reminds him.
"Okay," she smirks.
"We shouldn't wake these furies. We shouldn't have accepted these roles," she explains.
"You should have accepted it. You deserve this. This is the one. If I have to back out, I'll do it," Tony starts.
"She interrupts him, "You'll be backing out because of me. I don't want that."
"And I don't want you to miss your moment. The world has seen you, but they haven't seen your best. This is it. I can feel it and I know you feel it. I felt it in the audition."
"That's what's she's loves about and hates about him at the same time. He knew how to exploit her thoughts and raise her self-esteem at the same time, "I feel it but the problem is us."
"Is it a problem or is it our day of reckoning?" Tony asks.
"What do you mean?" She asks but she knows exactly what he means. And once again he exploits her thoughts.
"You know exactly what I mean."
"What are we going to do? The camera never lies."
"Maybe we've done that long enough. Four years' worth of lying and denying and something felt like we need to stop doing that."
"We are playing with fire Tony," she says assuredly.
"We already got burned. Maybe the universe is telling us to stop…"
"Stop playing with fire," she says.
"Stop lying. We knew it 4 years ago and nothing has changed since then," he answers.
"You had a commitment then and you still do. That hasn't changed either."
"I have an arrangement that worked for me and for her but I will give all that up for something worth reality, he answers.
"We have to be careful."
"I know that."
"Can we be careful?" She asks, she wants him to lead the quest to do what's right.
"He drinks down his bourbon, much faster than he should have. "I will do what I need to do for you. If that means being careful. If that means being the gentleman, I need to be for you, I will but just know my heart will always be in everything I do with you. If Fitz says I love you, I am going to mean it."
"I don't want what we are trying to hide and deny ruining this show. You are right. This could be something amazing. This could be a juggernaut. I don't want to ruin that. Shona and her team are defying odds here. They are hiring me, a black woman, to lead a primetime network show. People are already writing us off. I don't want to help them do that because there's something…there's this…"
"I told you, I'll do what I have to do to protect you. I respect you too much to do anything else and I don't want to ruin this either."
"Why did you say yes?" She asks.
"To what?" He asks, knowing exactly what the question is she is asking.
"You've been working on your own terms for years. You didn't need this show. Not really. You are away from New York. You have to be here for however long this last…so why?"
"You already know the answer to that. But I'll go along. Most of my family is here. I have a child here. I grew up here. It's like coming home," he satisfied her with the most logical answer. "Then, once I knew it was you. I asked myself a question."
"Tony," she tries to stop him.
"I asked myself if the only way to be with you would have to be this way, then I'd take what the universe was giving me." He knows her mind is running a thousand miles ahead of her.
"That's him. That's the guy she met in 2006 that immediately piqued her curiosity. Not just his looks and his voice. Just him, everything about him exuded confidence and intelligence. That's the first thing that caught her eye, he was so smart and the conversations they had always left her wanting to talk more and learn more about this unicorn. "I'm scared."
"Why are you so scared? You have nothing to fear."
"Yes, I do. I have a lot to be afraid of," she answers shakily.
"I'll be there, every step of the way," he says softly.
"She closes her eyes, letting his voice soothe and ignite her all at the same time, "That's what I'm afraid of."
"They sit in silence…..for a while. Their journey officially begins again tomorrow."
(So…..should I keep going?)