Chapter 6: Goodbye Can Be the Hardest Word
I ended up having to sleep in Rusty's yard for the night. I did not want Adi to see me return. I slept on an unfamiliar empty stomach. As the night drew out, I sighed to myself. This hunger I was feeling would have to be something I'd have to get used to. As Bluestar said, there are times where the clan needs every piece of prey they can get. That means times of famine. I forced myself into an uneasy sleep, ignoring the gnawing I felt from my stomach. I never expected hunger to be my first hurdle.
When the sun breached the horizon, I heard the familiar click of the neighbor's door indicating Rusty had been freed. He noticed me right away and came padding over.
"Smudge! Are you ready for today?!" He mewed in excitement.
"If you mean excited to see the clan then yes, if ready to leave then no," I replied.
"What! Are you telling me you aren't going?" He near yowled.
I giggled at his response before giving him a proper reply. "That's not what I'm saying. I mean I have to give some goodbyes, maybe cash out some favors before we go."
He tilted his head confused before he started laughing. "That's so you! Let's get to it. We can't keep them waiting."
We set off into the town looking for Henry. He'd be the best cat to spread the news of our departure. As always, he was in his yard, but he was flirting with a molly at the moment. The look on Rusty's face when he heard Henry talking about putting some kits into her was both adorable and hilarious. I decided to interrupt before Rusty could get a firsthand experience of what putting kits into a molly would look like.
"Henry!"
The old tom instantly froze. His eyes slid slowly over to me with blatant fear.
"Smudge. You don't mind looking the other way, right?"
I shook my head chuckling to myself. "You're lucky today is my last one here. I need you to let the others know I'm not going to be here anymore. Rusty and I have been invited to join the forest cats."
Henry let out a hiss at the mention. "Forest cats! You can't trust that lot. You should really reconsider," he spat.
Classic Henry reaction. "No can do. We've already made up our minds. Spread the word. Just be careful now. I think a few cats here only behaved because I kept them in line."
Henry looked wistful for a second before giving his final words on the matter. "Despite all you put me through, all the times you came tramping into my garden, no matter how many times you held my secrets over my head, I think I'm going to miss you two. Don't get me wrong. You two are nightmares who've made me sleep with one eye open and always double check I'm not being followed, but things were boring and stagnant before you stirred things up. It's going to be weird when things settle down."
It felt strange to realize how much he cared about us. I wouldn't call Henry a friend, more like the distant uncle who has the occasional wacky story but ultimately keeps his distance. Even with this distance, I realized I'd miss him and all the cats I knew as well.
I exited my thoughts to give a meaningful response, but instead I gave a half sarcastic one. God, I felt rude for doing it, but Henry seemed to actually give it some thought.
"Well, if things get boring, you can always stir it up yourself. I mean you are the cat every cat comes to for the latest bit of gossip."
After we left for a second, I stopped us for a second to vent.
"I did not want to finish our conversation like that. Seriously? 'Why don't you stir it up yourself?' I feel like such a dick."
I felt Rusty touch his paw to my chest. "Smudge. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just you. You're a problem-oriented cat. Giving a kind answer just isn't in you. You like to solve problems, so you responded as such. It's why you're my best friend. I'm the friendly face, and you are the fixer."
"Please don't call me a fixer again," I mewed in a somewhat pleading tone.
"Why? What's wrong with fixer?" Rusty asked with his famous 'I'm curious' face.
"It's just… Never mind. Forget it."
How could I explain to Rusty that a fixer or getting a fix involved drug dealing. Would the other cats even understand what that was? Another peculiarity of knowledge that was distinctly me or something Smudgy as Rusty would put it.
After making a few rounds, giving our goodbyes, and transferring some favors around, I was finally ready to go. It felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind as I sat on Rusty's fence overlooking the woods. Not only was I fully committing to leaving Adi behind, I was leaving behind all the cats I came to know over the time since I came here. I certainly would never forget them, but it felt like I was closing a door forever.
I'd never get to hear Henry's gossip, which was my go to source on where to look for some blackmail. I'd never stalk a cat through the alleys to find their secret mate again. I'd never help a half blind cat sneak past her friends to get her eye put back in by giving an amusing anecdote. I'd never be able to rest on the fence, content in the sunlight, as my best friend made friends with a cat I preapproved.
Our days running laps, practicing distance jumping and vertical jumping, practicing basic combat moves, and stalking, lessons we learned at our own leisure and pace, would be coming to an end. Even if we remained best friends, the clan would change us. We'd have time we were apart, things we'd learn separately, problems to have alone. I wouldn't be able to vet Rusty's interactions beforehand like I usually did. Rusty would have to get used to the controversy and hate which I'd been sheltering him from. Honestly, I was terrified, of being alone, of Rusty breaking, of change. It was the correct path forward, but it felt like I was walking blind. The muddy uncertainty of what was to come and the uneven feeling of knowing I'd have to immediate power made me feel like I'd fall into an abyss of fear and despair. The only saving grace was Rusty. He had this bravery I'd never have, and I felt no fear following his paw steps. I just hoped Rusty didn't lead me somewhere I couldn't bail us out of.