(Rachel)

Andy Mastrantonio was one of the most popular jocks. His family owned a chain of bakeries in Lima and Dayton, and were clients of Russell Fabray's accounting firm. There were some stud boys in McKinley. Harry Morgan, Noah Puckerman, Andy Mastrantonio, Jonas Lance, just to name the main ones. Harry Morgan had been Frannie Fabray's boyfriend since they were sophomores, but fidelity wasn't the strong point between them, according to gossip. Noah Puckerman, who belonged to Lima's small, close-knit Jewish community, was the rebellious type who treated women well in bed, as the same gossip say. Jonas Lance was the only famous womanizer who wasn't an athlete. He had a poetry site (beautiful by the way) and defended polygamy: he had two girlfriends at school.

Andy Mastrantonio wasn't a poet, he didn't treat women well and he didn't even have the dream girlfriend by his side to ignite the greed of others. He was a handsome and wealthy young man, indeed, but of dubious talent and who thought he owned the city. I considered these to be a most dangerous combination.

William McKinley's school population was aware that Andy was a bad person. So I didn't understand why Santana could fall into his clutches. One day I saw them in the school's small courtyard, which was busy on rainy and snowy days. They were talking and laughing at each other. I found it plausible that they spoke to each other because the male company of cheerios used to be jocks. The next day, Santana and Andy went out to the movies. My parents allowed it and appreciated the fact that Santana returned home at the agreed time.

I warned my parents, I argued, I said this guy was no good. I said words that if Santana had been there, she would have lunged for my neck. My sister was just 15 years old and at the mercy of a vampire, a soul sucker with a reputation for depriving innocent girls of their virginity. Andy was far from being like those silly kids who ask us to dance with them back in middle school. Papi said he would always be vigilant, but dad asked me if I was jealous of Santana. Of course I wasn't! But I confess I was mortified to see her with her lips glued to that boy. And so it went for over a week.

"I hate this guy!" I growled at Brittany. She came to meet me to lend me an extra outfit after yet another attack commanded by Quinn Fabray. I was seriously starting to think about taking a change of clothes to school and leaving them in my locker.

"He's on the football team and Santana's a cheerio. They have to stick together. It's the rules, you know?"

"I don't understand. These rules are nothing more than an idiotic tradition based on pure self-indulgence and prejudice." I couldn't stand to see that stick anymore and I went towards the locker rooms to change clothes, Brittany continued to accompany me. "You could help me!"

"Help how? School stuff is up to San. I can help you with your dance... you're still pretty bad, if you ask me."

"Britt, focus on the problem here for two minutes. Don't you see the big picture? Santana is inexperienced and Andy is a jerk. He's going to hurt my sister, I can feel it. It's my sixth sense heightened by the fact that we're twins. I just know." I sighed. I found it exhausting having to explain the obvious to Brittany all the time. It was unbelievable how Santana had all the patience in the world with her.

I took off my ruined shirt and cleaned myself up as best I could before putting on the one Brittany lent me. I had taken so many slushies that I had developed good cleaning techniques inside a public restroom. I used a shower to wash my hair, face towels became part of my school supplies, as well as those free samples of conditioners. I just didn't have a hairdryer in my locker. I was thinking of buying a small one exclusively for school. I put on Brittany's sweater. It was a little big in my body and didn't match the rest of the outfit, but it was better than staying soaked and glued with sugar.

"Santana doesn't listen to me." I insisted on the subject when we left the locker room. "She barely talks to me in our home, let alone here at school. But she listens to you. I'm sure..."

"Hi Britt." Finn Hudson walked past us and I forgot to finish my reasoning. I swear he was the best looking boy at McKinley High. "Hey..."

"Rachel!" I responded quickly.

"Hi Rachel."

"Hi Finn!" I responded enthusiastically and he gave me a half smile that he found charming.

I looked back after he passed us. Finn was a very tall boy. He was 15 years old and over six feet tall. He was on the football team and was Harry Morgan's second backup. The immediate backup was Ethan Jones, but he was also a senior, so Finn would assume the top position on the school's football team for the next school year and become, by extension, the most popular boy in school.

I noticed Finn Hudson as early as the second week of school. He was away at first one because of a trip with his mother. I wasn't able to ascertain this very well due to the lack of close sources. The first time I saw him, he was walking with Noah. I believe they were friends before McKinley. Noah was no longer going to our Jewish community events, so I didn't expect him to start socializing with me at school. Santana could have been another source of information, but she simply dropped Finn from her friendship cycle. She said he was dull and exhausting.

I was happy when I realized that Finn was in two of my classes. He was unlikely to talk to me because I was the loser of McKinley High and because I was the target of Quinn Fabray's slushies. But I could always approach him using classes as an excuse.

"What did you say?" Britt brought me back to reality.

"Well…" Were we talking about Santana and Andy? Right. "That if you warned my sister against Andy, I'm sure she would listen to you."

"They look good together. Just look!" And the it couple showed up walking together. I wanted to throw up.

They said goodbye to each other with one of those very vulgar kisses and Santana walked towards us. She completely ignored me and handed her pinkie to Brittany. They walked off to the other side while I stood there like a fool. Since Santana made it clear that she would ignore me at school, I started doing intensive mental training not to get hurt. Things got better over time: her nonchalant attitudes were less and less painful for me.

"Excuse me? I need to use my locker!" It was Artie Abrams, the boy in the wheelchair.

"Oh, sure. Sorry." I walked away.

I saw Santana and Brittany round the corner of the hall. I had a bad feeling in my stomach. My sixth sense was on high alert.

...

January 23, 2010

(Santana)

Dark blue and gray bodycon print dress. It was cold, so it was three-quarters mango. To add a little charm, a light furry coat. Boots on feet. Santana Lopez, you look sexy. I blinked at my reflection in the mirror and applied lipstick. It needed to be perfect. This was the first party where I would go as Andy Mastrantonio's girlfriend. We'd only been together for a little over a week, and while the entire school was aware of it, showing up to a party like that meant the game was for real.

It was Andy who approached me at school at a time when I wasn't thinking about anyone specifically. Brittany was doing well at McKinley and it was nice that we could still go over to my place and share a few lady kisses, as Britt Britt liked to say. It's not that I was gay, and I didn't think it was wrong either, after all, I had a father who declared himself bisexual and another one that is gay. I was attracted to boys too. Even with a boyfriend at my side, I wouldn't give up Britt's company. It was comfortable having my best friend at school and at home still being able to get some soft, warm kisses that made my legs go weak. I know that didn't make me a straight girl, so I was pretty comfortable as a bisexual…for now, in the closet.

When Andy wanted to go out with me, I was skeptical, not least because he was in Frannie Fabray's crowd. But the analysis of McKinley High's social dynamics wasn't complex. Andy was a popular boy with a reputation for picking up virgin girls. Seriously... I could bet he had a pedophile vibe, after all, if he preferred virgins, what would his love life be like at 30? The thing is, I couldn't care less about Andy's kinks ten years from now. What interested me was that the girls who hooked up with him rose through the ranks.

One day, he suggested going to the cinema followed by a nice dinner at Breadstix with his friends. I was treated so well that I thought: why not? He was popular, handsome, and smelled good. I knew about the bad reputation with girls and I thought maybe he could be the right guy to take my tag off. It could be worth it. When people found out I was with him, my popularity instantly increased. I was Andy's new girl and I had access to people I hadn't even dreamed of being on. Even Frannie Fabray stopped bothering me.

"You shouldn't go. I have a bad feeling." Rachel appeared in my bedroom doorway. How I would like to throttle her these days.

"I also have a bad feeling." I looked at her through the mirror. "That someone will be killed if they don't disappear in five seconds from my room."

"Andy coming to pick you up?"

"Yes!" I looked back at the mirror to put on my earrings and some jewelry. "I already told Dad and Papi that I'm sleeping over at Britt's."

"As if!" Her tone was insolent, as usual.

"It's none of your business!"

"Do not say that I didn't warned you."

I was pretty sure Rachel had done the terror about Andy to our dads. Rachel was capable of keeping a lot of secrets if need be, but the moment she became interested and obsessed about something, she opened that big mouth. Otherwise, I wouldn't have received so many cautions from my parents when Andy came to pick me up.

Andy lived in the country club neighborhood and was one of those very wealthy students who mysteriously ended up in McKinley instead of Carmel. In certain cases, the reason was sheer lack of academic ability. Many of these people just wanted to get through high school since they wouldn't have to work very hard for the rest of their lives. It was Andy's case.

His parents' big house was full of expensive cars around. It wasn't just the kids from school who were there. I came across older people, maybe people who studied at the college where my abuelo was a professor. There was also the whole popular senior group: Frannie, Harry, Ethan... And also the people closest to what I could call my group: Puck, Britt, Mike, Amy and Matt. Even Quinn Fabray and Finn Hudson were there. It seemed that those two were starting to rehearse an approach that would make them, in the next school year, the new it couple.

Brittany was having fun on the dance floor, which was her natural place. She could dance any style always with precise and original movements. She was dancing with Mike and Matt who, to my pleasant surprise, also knew how to move their bodies. Puck was on a mission to fuck Amy, and I could see Finn Hudson talking to Fabray Jr, but she didn't seem too interested. She never seemed to be very interested in anything other than tormenting my sister.

I danced, drank beers and kissed Andy a lot. Things at the party started to evolve with the presence of marijuana. Andy didn't smoke, but he said he wouldn't mind if I try it. I didn't want to. It was better to stick with the beer.

The party progressed a little further. I could see some kids experimenting with other types of drugs, like ecstasy. There was a girl in minimal clothing who passed by with a cup handing out some cards. Then you put one under your tongue and wait for the effect. Andy took one and offered it to me. I was tempted, but I refused, despite the fact that I had already drunk a little more than I should have. My parents had this unsubtle way of getting Rachel and me to stay off drugs. Dad even appealed to personal experience: he smoked pot as a teen and experimented with cocaine and LSD in college. He told us not to follow in his footsteps. That night, I wouldn't follow him no matter how inviting things got.

"Let's go home?" Britt called me. "Puck is taking us home. He has room for one more." If Puck was going to take someone home, it was a sign that his seduction game didn't work out. I looked at the clock and it wasn't midnight yet.

"Stay a little longer. The party has not yet reached its peak. It's going to be cool, Santana." Andy practically begged me to stay. I could see he was already high on the drink as much as I was.

I agreed. Andy was with me and that was his parents' house. I knew this would involve some risks given the fame Andy had, but the thing is, I'd had enough to drink to face them.

"If I were you, I wouldn't miss the ride." Quinn came to me. That was bizarre because she's never shown any concern for me before. We weren't friends, and our relationship was limited by the fact that we were cheerleaders at the same school. Quinn was torturing my sister and I landed a left punch to her face: that was our dynamic.

"Don't worry, Fabray, I'll mind my own business."

"San...Quinn is just trying to help..." Brittany pouted.

"Nothing that comes out of that can be any help, Britt. I will stay."

"Anything call me, San. I'll keep my cell phone on!" Britt kissed me on the cheek and left with the gang.

Andy grabbed me around the waist and we continued to dance. Two songs later he pulled me out of the dance floor towards the stairs. My heart raced. I knew what that moment meant: up the stairs during a party: it was obvious that he wanted to have sex with the next virgin.

I had never done this in my life, but I had already touched myself several times to know that it could be good. I sometimes watched porn on my computer and it turned me on, even the blowjob scenes, although I had my doubts if I wanted to do that. I had seen what the mechanics of sex were like and I didn't think I would be surprised. I also had no illusions about having a perfect first time. I thought it would be better to lose my virginity soon and go on with life without these issues. That was clear in my head, but it didn't make me any less nervous. The theory I knew. How to stimulate my clitoris I knew. I thought I knew what it was like to have an orgasm. Maybe it was nice to be with a man for the first time.

We walked into a bedroom and Andy immediately kissed and groped me in all the places that interested him.

"I'm so horny…" Unceremoniously, he undid his belt and unzipped it. "Could you? I need so much..."

Watching porn was one thing. Seeing an erect penis for the first time before my eyes was completely different. At that moment I froze and didn't get down on my knees like Andy wanted.

"Strip your panties..."

Unceremoniously, he lifted my dress up past my waist and pulled off my panties when he saw that I hesitated. I started to shake. Wouldn't he have to give me a little affection first? But all he did was get down to business and rubbed my breasts and sex. I was a little drunk, even so I understood that he didn't touch me to turn me on, but to turn him on even more.

"Andy, do you have a condom?" I was still able to ask.

He looked at me funny and definitely got pissed off.

"Are you not on the pill?"

"I am not..."

He cursed at me for something I couldn't understand. He went to the bedside table and got a packet of condoms. Then he ordered me to lie down on the bed, kissed me, felt me as he liked. Until he was on his knees in front of me, he ripped open the packet and put the condom on. He opened my legs not very gently, and it happened. The girls who had already done it said that the first time wasn't a big deal and it could hurt. Yes, it hurt. Andy looked like he was going to snap me in half. I wasn't going to cry, and I wanted this to be over quickly, so I had to take my mind elsewhere.

"You're so hot, Santana..." Andy said almost roaring. "How tight!"

Until he shook and groaned loudly. He came. I was relieved that it was over.

"That was great." He gave me a kiss on my neck and put it off. He rolled onto his side and stared into space for some time. I just wanted to die. How stupid I was. How could I give myself to him just because of the popularity? "Are we going back to the party? I bet our friends will be delighted to hear that you've become a woman. We need to celebrate and have another beer."

"I need some time alone." My voice came out weak, shaky. I didn't even recognize myself.

"Fine. It's your problem."

As soon as Andy left the bedroom, I tried not to cry. I held back my emotions, I was tough. I took the cell phone out of my dress pocket and called Britt. She always kept what she promised: her cell phone was on and she didn't take long to answer.

"Hello?" Brittany looked sleepy.

"Britt…can you pick me up at Andy's house party?"

"San?"

"Please! I can't call my parents."

"In ten minutes we'll be there."

I grabbed my panties off the floor and put them on. I wanted to have a little of dignity when I left that damned bedroom. I straightened my dress, ran my hand through my hair, and left. I was amazed at how I could still walk despite the pain in my vagina and my wobbly legs. I passed Frannie and Harry on the stairs. She was so drunk that she didn't even recognize me, or just didn't see me. For Frannie, having sex in someone else's room was nothing new, but I had nothing to do with her life. I arrived at the hall and the party was still going on, but many people had already left. The ones that were still around were practically having sex in public or too high to process any reasoning. I saw Andy being greeted by friends, probably bragging about having another V Card in hand. Fuck Andy. Fuck the world.

I waited for Brittany and her father outside the house. I spent ten good minutes freezing, but I didn't care, it was good for numbing. When they arrived, they didn't ask any questions, which I was grateful for with all my soul. Brittany's dad was a cartoonist, and a nonjudgmental guy. I went up the stairs again, this time they were at the Pierces' house, and the symbolism was one of salvation. Brittany lent me clean pajamas and let me take a shower. I ended up throwing up when I walked into the bathroom, partly from the beers, partly from disgust at myself. My nausea caught Britt's attention, who came to my rescue.

"San... are you on your period?" Brittany asked when she saw some blood trickling down my leg.

"I'm not..."

"So what happened?"

"We did…" I took a deep breath. "Andy and I did that thing cheerios and jocks do." I tried to be thoughtful with her even in bad times. It wasn't always easy and god knows how much I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

"Did you have sex?" Sometimes Brittany surprised me when she got right to the point I tried to put it mildly, as if I were talking to a child. Sometimes I forgot that my best friend just had an academic learning disability, and that this had nothing to do with her understanding of the world, of these things in life.

"Yeah…we had sex…"

"And wasn't it good?"

"No!" Cry out. Britt picked me up and hugged me.

...

January 28, 2010

(Rachel)

Something happened to Santana. She wouldn't spend three days silent and withdrawn like that if something serious hadn't happened. By Monday, she and Andy Mastrantonio were no longer an item. That meant one thing: he got what he wanted. I knew it was devastating to see my sister broken like that. My parents thought it was just a breakup, but the fact is, they didn't want to see the reality.

As much as Santana rejected me, she was my sister and I needed to help her. I went into the kitchen, made myself a hot sandwich with cheese and turkey breast. I poured the juice into Santana's favorite mug, put everything on a tray, and headed upstairs.

"I can get in?" I yelled at her bedroom door. "Brought a snack".

"I'm not hungry!" Santana replied irritably.

"What if I start singing all of Rent's songs outside your bedroom door?" I waited a few seconds for the answer. When it didn't come, I started. "Take me for what I am/ Who I was meant to be/ And if you give a damn/ Take me baby or leave me."

"Okay! Get in!" Santana screamed. "Anything but this torture..."

First part of the mission completed. I walked into the bedroom and found her lying on her bed hugging a pillow. It wasn't the image I was used to seeing of my sister.

"I made your favorite sandwich with turkey breast." I forced a smile.

"Leave it on my dresser. I'll eat later."

"I'll wait here until you eat some."

"Ray…" Santana looked like she was going to fight. But she changed her mind and slapped the mattress twice. Signal for me to lie down with her. I placed the tray on the dresser and joined my sister. She gave me the pillow she was hugging and tried to snuggle against my body as soon as I lay down. I've never seen her so fragile before.

"I spent all these days wanting to kill Andy." I confessed.

"I don't want to hear a lecture."

"I didn't come here to lecture you, Santy. I came here to stay with you."

She stared into my eyes as if she'd been taken aback. I couldn't imagine why my sister would feel that way, when she knew I cared and would always be there whenever she needed me. Because, the truth is, I loved her unconditionally, and I know she felt the same way about me, no matter how much she pretended she didn't care.

"You know those silly glimpses you get about your first time?" Santana said with tears in her eyes. "What will happen after a romantic night when you celebrate your first Tony?"

"Yes..."

"Well... these dreams aren't idiots! I'll be very happy if your first time is with someone you really like, and who is worthy of such an honor. Be patient, Rachel, wait for the right moment and don't repeat my mistake."

"Do you think it was really a mistake?"

"Yes I do. And I can't go back and fix it. I wanted to be pragmatic, I wanted to be popular, and I regretted it in the end. I don't want you to regret it, Ray. Not about it. Choose well."

Santana pulled my body closer to her. We exchanged a peck on the lips and she closed her eyes. She didn't take long to sleep. I stayed by her side. It was one of the ways I had to take care of my sister.