That Odd Classroom - or 'Yes, I am part of this nest of idiots' (Lord El-Melloi II's Classroom, SI)

Zelretch is a bastard.

Yes, I get it. He is a bit of a Schroedinger bastard, either the jester or the serious dickhead that likes to mess with people's lives. Despite what personality he had, he was still a bastard.

Why? Well, my current predicament was shitty to begin with and I was told by the bastard himself that I needed to be his 'little assistant' for the time being. And by little, he didn't mean someone that had to do little to do, but as someone that was literally little.

I am fifteen again and I despised it from the bottom of my heart.

Not only that. Oh no, it wasn't like I was some sort of 'interdimensional assistant' or something like that. I wasn't sent to save people or shit of that sort- I was…

A student. In the Clock Tower. Zelretch had literally set me for a bad experience. Worst of all? He set me in one of the 'worst' classrooms in the whole place. Not because of who was teaching, nor the assistant, nor the homework as that was surprisingly easy to manage.

No, I was stuck in that classroom with a group of-

"Professor, Flat was sniffing me."

"T-That's not what I did! I just said that-"

"Both of you, quiet!" Professor El-Melloi II exclaimed loudly and the rest of the classroom just… conceded to pure chaos.

Cretins. Idiots. Mentally-delayed fiends. I could go on with the insults, but then I would run out of mental capacity to also handle the chores of being a Student of a Magecraft Classroom without being a Magus myself.

How does it work? I don't know. I just know that Zelretch produced papers that lied on how I got taken in and I was, by rule of the world, a potential issue for further magical decline by… being there.

That should have been the case, but there was a bit of a special circumstance about me like it should be for any Self Insert as Zelretch pointed out- I knew the truth already.

I didn't discover the mystery, but I was 'recognized as part of the world with that knowledge already in me'. It's confusing, I know, I don't get it at times myself- but it works. Somehow.

Right as I finished taking a few lines of notes from what was being said during the lesson, I felt someone tug at one of my sleeves.

"Can I copy from your notes?" Radia Pentel inquired, drawing a forward frown out of me.

Soon another tug, this from the other sleeve and I knew it was Radia's twin sister, Nazica.

"Yes, but I would like some peace."

My request for mercy was met with more tugging.

"Are you upset?" Nazica inquired, sounding slightly hurt. "I can assure you that it's Radia's fault."

"Sister, cease with the falsehoods. I am clearly liked more by our friend as the superior twin that I am."

The tugging worsened and my capacity to keep up with the current situation escalated a bit too much for my likings. I was about to pull away from both when we all paused to hear a loud noise from the teacher's desk, Lord El-Melloi II looking irritated beyond common sanity.

"Bukharin!"

Well shit.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Care to explain why you have the heiresses of the Pentel Family distracted from the lesson?!"

I frowned. "Sir, I am not doing anything!"

"You are enabling them! One more issue and you're out of the classroom. Same for you two."

I turned to look in another direction, grimacing at this bullshit situation as if I was somehow stuck in The Office but in school. What's with the fucking abuse? Yes, I get it, my arrival gave Waver a lot of paperwork to process- but holy shit, that's just insanely upsetting I am getting the short end of the stick when it was all the fucking vampire-non-vampire bastard's fault!

At least the twins ceased with their hogging and Nazica apologized for the fuck-up. Small victories, and yet it wasn't enough to bring peace in this little hamlet of a classroom.

"Actually, Bukharin! Come here as I need someone for a practical test."

Double shit!

I stood up, face showing immense pain as I made the slow descent through the staircase that led from the upper desks to the front one. I heard a certain bitch snickering at my defeat, the eye-patched harpy still not expecting me just slapping the bag she tended to leave on the desk down to the ground.

A gasp, then an accusation. "Professor, John threw my bag on the ground!"

"Professor," I replied flatly, "There's a renowned ghostly phenomenon surrounding Lady Lehrman. I suggest summoning a squad of specialists to analyze her plight while quarantined."

"Both cease with your senseless flirting. And get here now, Bukharin," Waver bastardly said, which caused Yvette to whine and complain that her 'bond towards her teacher was still the same, without anyone damaging it'.

In layman's terms, she was still a gold digger in training for the shits and the giggles.

I finally got to the front and I greeted a most-quiet but curious Gray with a nod. The silver-haired girl offered a sympathetic smile, but there was no mercy in Waver's face as he gave me my task.

"Tell me, Bukharin, what's on the desk?"

I gave it a look and frowned. "Papers?"

"Be a bit more open with your mind."

"...Is this a trick to kick me out of the classroom?"

He groaned and facepalmed. "Perhaps, but I will give you the chance to further think of what this may be while I let your peers produce answers to what I am indicating."

From the looks I saw on my 'peers' faces, I had a feeling we were all in the same boat for once.

"It's the green cover!" Svin Glascheit jumped, but was met with a no.

"It's the desk!" Flat Escardos followed, another negative.

The air, the light, the shadow- all was hurled as a potential guess and nothing stuck. And it was while I was pondering on this quietly, I realized what we were all missing.

Nothing.

We were missing nothing.

I picked some chalk and started to write on the blackboard. It took Waver some time to pick up what was going on, but soon he noticed I was done with my answer and… frowned heavily at what I wrote.

What made me deserve this punishment.

"Clever and cheeky. I will give you a decent mark because it is indeed correct. 'Nothing' as a concept is the answer. Now get back to your seat and lessen any disturbance from now on."

I merely nodded, glad that this little comedy was over and I could be back to my little hellhole. No interruptions this time, I survived the classroom and… I also got a bit of a surprise while I was making a run for my dorm room.

"Well, well, well…" A familiar cause of pain and despair muttered as she approached from one of the side halls to my path, causing me to stop and give her… 'attention'. "If it isn't the recently-titled womanizer of the El-Melloi Classroom."

"Lady Archisorte, rumors hardly benefit someone that has to rule by factual matters," I rebuked harshly, unwilling to back off to that slanderous comment. "Alas, how are you?"

Reines El-Melloi Archisorte. Waver's 'sister' and unofficial pain in the butt of anyone unfortunate

"Brilliant, and yet wondering as to why I heard how this is a mere rumor when I have been told by so many witnesses that you were entertaining the attention of the young Pentel twins. Also, that you have been recalled by my dear brother for 'flirting' with that shallow woman that is Lehrman."

"First, they were just hogging for notes and trying to annoy me by being jealous of each other for being my friend," I replied harshly, drawing a brief flinch from the blonde. "Second, your brother hates my guts and turned a normal case of paranormal activity which involved an unexpected wind force throwing Yvette's bag on the ground as flirting on my part. The shame, really."

"Truly shameful, but I have to wonder now if this is something I should be worried about. Perhaps… could I entice you with some solace in the form of potential companionship?"

I frowned. "Reines, let's be blunt here for a moment. You are of a big family and you have big expectations. Just because I amuse you, you really shouldn't go around teasing people with that sort of stuff."

She raised a curious brow. "Shouldn't I? But perhaps the question is different. Who said I was just 'teasing' you now, Bukharin?"

"Once again, I am not relevant-"

"By blood, definitely. But no one in Clock Tower seek potential fiances and life partners through that factor alone- I seek connection, which you share through Zelretch."

…Hold up.

"You actually want me to-"

"Consider a potential alliance of sorts and I am willing to add a sugarcube to it," She interrupted giddily. "So please, do consider this maiden's fragile heart~."

And soon she walked away, tagging up with Trimmau, her 'peculiar' maid, before leaving from sight.

What I knew, however, was that we had been in public when she made that clarification and people had stopped to listen and gossip about it. I retreated to my room, ready to accept the fact this shit was just going to get more insane now more than before.

If Waver wasn't already hating me, he was going to wage war on me out of commitment to his 'sister' than anything else.