JENNIE
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"So, you're an ER nurse." Lisa stares out the window of my blue Ford Escape, her hands knotted in her lap.
"I am. For about a year now."
"You did it. In spite of everything I put you through, you did everything you said you were going to do. You got out. You made something of yourself." I can feel her eyes looking at the side of my face, but I keep my focus on the road.
"Well, not everything." I shrug, knowing there's a lot I wanted to do when I left Parkview. Places I wanted to go, things I wanted to experience. But finding out I was pregnant changed a lot of that. It was no longer about me.
"After the accident…" Her voice trails off.
"I don't want to talk about that right now," I interrupt.
"After the accident," she continues anyway, "I worried that maybe I had broken you."
"Broken me?" I briefly glance in her direction before my eyes shift back to the road.
"I just… I worried that maybe after everything I did, what I did to you, that maybe it had changed you. But I should have known better. You're so much stronger than me. You always were. And now look at you. You work as a nurse. You drive this nice car. You own your own home. It's incredible to see how much you've accomplished."
"Thank you," I murmur, not really sure what else to say.
"I mean it, Jen. I'm really proud of you." She pauses. "So, um, I know this is really none of my business, but… are you seeing anyone?" I don't miss the way her gaze goes to my left hand as if this is the first time she's thought to check for a ring.
"I am." I nod, feeling weird even talking about this. "His name is JK."
"JK. And what does JK do…for a living?"
"He works in insurance."
"How did you two meet?"
"Lisa." I throw her a hesitant look, not sure if this is the best thing for us to be discussing right now.
"What? I want to know."
"Fine." I sigh. "He works with my cousin, Jisoo. She introduced us."
"You been together long?"
"About eight months."
"Is it serious?"
"I don't know, what do you classify as serious?" I divert the question, because truthfully, I don't know how to answer. I feel like we're kind of serious, but at the same time we're not. If that makes any sense.
"Do you love him?"
"I care for him, yes."
"That's not what I asked."
"I guess I love him," I concede. I mean, I do. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him yet.
"You guess?"
"I love him," I confirm, my voice sure.
She nods, turning her gaze to look back out the window.
"So…" I clear my throat when there's a lull in conversation, the earlier tension filling the space between us. "How long have you been living in Briar?"
"Since I got out of rehab. Bobby's been here a little over a year. He thought getting out of Parkview would help us stay clean. You know, so we didn't fall back into old habits." She snorts. "A lot of good that's fucking done. Didn't help him any, did it?"
"Lisa, sometimes people slip. You can't outrun addiction. Though I do agree that getting away from the people and places you used to frequent is the best thing you can do. But no matter where you go, that urge will always be there."
"I just don't get it. He was doing so well."
"Unfortunately, that's how it happens. Getting clean is a lifelong commitment. One slip is all it takes."
"I can't believe he's gone." When I glance in her direction, her face is turned toward the window. I can see her reflection in the glass, the pain pulling at her features.
I reach for her hand, giving it a squeeze.
"I just got him back. After years of barely speaking, I finally had my brother back. And he was happy. Happier than I think I've ever seen him. He had a job, an apartment, friends. He was really building a life for himself here. And now it's just… over."
I wish I knew what to say, how to make this better. But I know I can't, so instead I sit silent, my hand wrapped around hers.
"If he couldn't do it. If he couldn't stay clean when he had so much going for him, how do I even stand a chance?"
"You aren't your brother, Lisa. Just because he slipped doesn't mean you will."
"Doesn't it though?" she tugs her hand away from mine before crossing her arms in front of herself. "I mean, look at me. Look at my family. We're all a bunch of fucked up addicts. Maybe I should just follow in Bobby's footsteps. Maybe I should remove myself from the equation with the one thing I could never get enough of swimming in my veins. Fuck! The world would be a hell of a lot better without me."
"Don't say that," I snip, a hard pit forming in my stomach. The thought of Lisa not being here – of her dying – it's too painful to even think about. Even after all this time, I don't know that I could bare losing her.
I've always known that one day that phone call might come, and as much as I pretended to be ready for it, the truth is I never was. And now to have her sitting next to me, I can't even stomach the idea.
"Let's face it, Jen. I'm a fucking mess. I've been a mess for years."
"But it's not too late to fix it. You're what, four months sober now? Four months, Lisa. That's huge."
"Four months is nothing," she grumbles.
"Four months is everything. One day is everything. Every single day you stay clean is a day to be proud of."
"But really, what's the point?"
The way she's talking is making me incredibly nervous. I know she's hurting. Hell, I'm hurting and I haven't seen Bobby since I was fourteen. I can't even imagine how painful this must be for Lisa. Bobby was her brother. Her only sibling. I shudder to think how I would feel if it were one of the twins, and I'm not remotely close to either of them.
"Please don't talk like that." I turn onto my street, slowing the car as I pull into my driveway. I shift into park and kill the engine before turning toward Lisa. "I know the world seems really dark right now. I know that you're hurting. But please don't give up on yourself. You owe it to Bobby. Hell, you owe it to me. So when you start thinking like that, just remember, it's not only about you."
With that, I peel open the door and quickly exit the vehicle into the early morning sun. Lisa climbs out a few moments later, her shoulders slumped, her body absolutely drained.
"This is where you live?" She looks up at the remodeled ranch.
"It is." I nod, glad to have something to distract her with, even if it's just for a few seconds.
"Wow. This is really nice."
"Thank you." I tilt my head to the right. "Come on, I'll show you the apartment." I lead her toward the garage, veering off on the sidewalk that leads to the back half of the structure. Digging my keys out of my purse, I shove the right one into the door and click the lock before pushing the door open.
I flip on the lights as Lisa follows me inside.
I've only been inside here a handful of times. I really have no reason to come out here as I have no use for the space. Well, until now.
It still has the furniture that the previous owners left behind. A metal framed bed with an old, tattered nightstand along the back wall. A worn-down brown couch in the middle of the room facing the side wall, which houses an old box television fixed into the built-in shelving. There's a small kitchen area to the right and an even smaller bathroom tucked in the corner. It isn't much, but given the circumstances, I think it'll do.
"There's no cable out here," I tell her. "But you can get all the local channels. And there isn't any food or anything stocked in the kitchen, but I can pick you up a few things later today."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know. But you're going to need to eat… eventually."
"Honestly, the thought of eating makes me sick to my stomach right now."
"You might feel differently after you've gotten some rest." I turn to where she's standing behind me on my right. "I'll come check on you when I get up."
"You don't have to do that." She blows out a heavy breath, her eyes tired and bloodshot.
"Lisa, I want to. I know you're in a lot of pain right now. I want to help you. Please let me."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you want to help me?"
Because I care about you.
"Um, I have to go." I start to back away. "Will you be okay here?" I watch her set the bed linens onto the bed before turning toward me.
"I'll be fine. Go." She gestures toward the door.
I hesitate, honestly afraid to leave her. Because as much as I hope she'll stay put and get some sleep, deep down I know there's a very real chance that she won't. That when I wake up this afternoon she'll be gone. I shudder to think what the outcome might be if that's the path she chooses.
"Don't leave." It's a plea, one that sounds almost desperate on my lips.
"I'm not going anywhere," she promises, her expression softening. "I promise."
"I'll come out and check on you later after I get up."
"So you've already said." A trace of a smile tips at the corner of her mouth.
I can tell she's trying really hard to hold it together. I hate that I have to leave her like this. I hate that only hours after she lost her brother I'm abandoning her. And even though I know that's not entirely true, it still feels that way.
"Well," I hesitate in the doorway, "good night."
"Night." I feel her gaze on me as I turn and make my way back outside. I force myself not to look in her direction as I pull the door closed.
I round the garage and have just made it to the front porch when Jisoo's car pulls into the driveway behind mine. I immediately glance behind me to make sure Lisa didn't follow me out.
Thankfully, there's only one window in the apartment and it faces the backyard, so I know unless she comes outside, she won't spot Jisoo, or Ellie as her Aunt Jiji lifts her out of her car seat.
"Mama!" She runs toward me when she sees me.
"Hi, baby." I lean down and swoop her up, giving her a long hug. After the night I've had, all I want to do is hold onto my sweet daughter and never, ever let her go again. "How was she?" I ask my cousin who steps up in front of us and extends Ellie's bag to me.
"Perfect, as always." She smiles, running her hand down the back of Ellie's red curls.
"Thank you again for bringing her to me this morning. Last night was… rough."
Normally, I pick Ellie up from Jisoo on the way home, feed her breakfast, get her dressed for the day, and spend about an hour with her before dropping her off at Irene's before I get a few hours of sleep. But obviously I couldn't do that this morning.
"No problem." Jisoo smiles when Ellie turns and grins at her. "We had fun singing Frozen songs on the way."
"Did you sing Frozen with Aunt Jiji?" I ask Ellie who nods excitedly.
"Can I go inside?" Ellie asks, squirming in my arms the way she always does when she's ready to be put down.
"Yes." I lower her to her feet. "Take your bag to your room and play for a minute. I'll be in soon to get breakfast ready," I tell her, watching her disappear inside the front door moments later.
"So." Jisoo waits until I turn my focus back to her before continuing. "Everything okay? You sounded kind of weird on the phone earlier."
I've been going back and forth with what, if anything, I should tell Jisoo but I finally decide that I don't want to hide this from her.
"Lisa is here," I blurt, watching her eyes go wide.
"Wait? As in here, here." She points to the ground.
I nod. "In the garage apartment."
"Jennie." Her features turn hard.
"It's not what you're thinking. I'm just giving her a place to sleep for a couple nights."
"Why on earth would you ever think that was a good idea? Bringing her here, where Ellie is. Why would you do that? Why would you…"
"Her brother died," I interrupt her rant, watching her features pale. "Last night, at the hospital. They brought him in unresponsive. Drug overdose. He died on the table."
"Oh god." Her hand flattens over her chest.
"Yeah. Lisa was staying with him. Found him in the parking lot in his car. He's in rough shape."
"I thought her brother was clean?"
"He was. Had been for over a year. Not sure what happened."
"How awful."
"I was the one to tell her." Tears fill my eyes as the memory washes to the surface. The way she collapsed in my arms, the pure agony that pulled at her features. I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to erase that look from my memory for as long as I live.
"I can't imagine how hard that was for you."
Even though Jisoo has never actually met Lisa, she knows everything about Lisa. Her family. Her past. Her addiction. Our relationship. Everything. In a lot of ways, she probably feels like she does know her.
"That's why she's here. She didn't want to go back to Bobby's apartment and she had nowhere else to go."
"So she asked if she could stay with you?"
"No," I shake my head, "I offered. I didn't know what else to do."
"Jennie, I get that you're trying to help. But you have more to think about than Lisa right now." She points toward the house.
"I know. Trust me, I know. I made her take a drug test before we left the hospital, and I made it very clear she's not allowed to come to the house."
"That's all well and good, but what if she sees Ellie? She may be an addict, but that doesn't mean she's stupid. If she does the math…"
"She won't see Ellie," I cut her off. "Besides, it's just for a couple of days."
"You say that now."
"Chu, please. I know this probably seems crazy to you, but I could really use your support on this."
"And you have it. You know I trust you and I'll always stand by you. But Jen, I really hope you know what you're doing. And not just for your sake, but for Ellie's as well."
"I know it was risky, bringing her here. But I couldn't leave her alone. Not after she lost the only family she has left."
"You need to be careful. You've never seen clearly when it comes to her."
"I'm not the same naïve girl I used to be," I remind her. "I know what I'm doing."
"Well let's hope for everyone's sake you do." She glances back up at the house. "You're being summoned." She gestures behind me.
I turn to see Ellie in the doorway, her face pressed against the glass of the storm door.
"Remind me again why I bother cleaning glass." I chuckle.
"Beats me." Jisoo smiles and waves at Ellie.
"Well I guess I should get inside and feed that girl. We'll talk later?"
"Yeah." Jisoo nods, turning toward her car. She pulls open the door before she looks back in my direction. "Are you going to tell JK?" she asks. "About Lisa being here?"
"Honestly, I hadn't really thought that far ahead," I admit, realizing that throughout this entire ordeal, I hadn't considered how JK would feel about this even once.
"Well, I think you should. Given everything, I feel like he has a right to know." Without another word, she slides into the driver's seat and closes the door.
I consider her words. Sure, maybe telling JK is the right thing to do under normal circumstances. But this is far from normal. I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing before I get anyone else involved.
Blowing out a hard breath, I turn, climbing up onto the front porch before turning back to throw Jisoo a small wave as she backs out of the driveway.
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