JENNIE
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It's been hours. Hours since I watched Lisa walk away having no clue where she was going. Hours since I was forced to get into my car and leave, not knowing when, or if, she was coming back.
I'm thankful that Jisoo is keeping Ellie tonight. I'm so on edge that I've drank my way through an entire bottle of wine and am on my first glass of the second bottle. It hasn't relaxed me like I had hoped it would. Instead, I think it's made the anxiousness I feel even more intense.
How many times did I swear I wouldn't do this to myself again? How many times did I promise myself that my days of worrying about Lisa Manoban were behind me? How many times? A hundred? A thousand? And yet here I am, doing everything I swore to myself I was done with.
It took one horrible turn of events to bring me full circle, and now I feel like I'm standing exactly where I was four years ago. Determined to help a girl I couldn't help. Putting my life as second priority to save her.
What am I doing?
Better question. Why am I doing it?
Deep down I already know the answer to that question, even if I don't want to admit it to myself. And I can say it's for Ellie until I'm blue in the face, and in part it is, but even I know that's not all there is to it.
I lift the wine glass to my lips and take another long pull, my gaze drifting to the back door where I have the perfect view of the only window in the garage apartment.
My stomach twists when I realize the light is finally on inside. Drinking down the remainder of the wine in my glass, I set it on the island and quickly slip on my flip flops before slipping out of the back door.
My heart is beating a million miles a minute as I cross the small patch of grass to the garage. The alcohol swimming in my veins fuels my determination.
If she's drunk, or worse high, I'm going to find out right now. I meant what I said earlier, one slip and she's gone. Even though it would kill me to turn her away, I won't hesitate to do it if she gives me no other choice.
I lift my fist, preparing to knock, when the door opens in front of me.
I sway to the left, not sure if it's the wine or the sight of Lisa that has me feeling uneasy on my feet.
She looks tired, unsettled, yet so incredibly handsome. Just looking at her makes it difficult to breathe without putting forth great effort.
She doesn't seem high or drunk, though I think I've proven in the past that I'm not the best judge of those kinds of things. Or at least I wasn't in the beginning. After a while I started to learn her telltales. And I don't see any of those indicators at this moment. At least none that are obvious.
She looks like she's had a day from hell, which in all honesty she kind of has. And the fact that she's wearing it as such, makes me almost certain that she's sober.
Her hair is messy, her black dress shirt unbuttoned, revealing the white tee she's wearing underneath. Dark circles line both of her eyes and there's a small bruise on her left cheek where Preston got a hit on her earlier.
It reminds me of all the other bruises I've seen on her over the course of our relationship. The thought only further deepens the anger I have toward the man that hurt her over and over again, for nothing more than sport.
Maybe I shouldn't have intervened earlier. Maybe I should have stopped Mike and Devin from pulling the two of them apart. Maybe we should have let Lisa rip Preston apart. It's not like he's undeserving. But if I put my vengeful anger away, I know stopping her from doing more damage than she did was the right thing.
If she had been given free reign, she likely would have killed her father. And what good would that have done other than land her in jail for the rest of her life.
At least then I'd know for sure she'd be clean…
I hate that the thought even crosses my mind.
When we were younger, before I left, I used to wish she'd get arrested. That they'd throw her in jail and force her to dry out. And she did end up behind bars a couple of times, but it never amounted to more than a day or two of time served before she was back on the streets.
I try to push beyond my thoughts of the past and try to focus on the here and now. After all these years, the two of us find ourselves together again. Not together, together, but in the presence of one another. She's different, that much is clear. And I know how much I've changed. It's so strange, feeling like the same kids we used to be, yet knowing that we haven't actually been those people for a very long time.
I open my mouth to say something, feeling like too much time has passed, but for some reason the words get caught in my throat and nothing comes out.
Lisa's gaze dips down, her nostrils flaring slightly as she takes in my thin nightgown. The one I had forgotten I was wearing until this very moment.
I was in such a rush to get out here and check on her that I didn't think about the fact that I had changed into my pajamas earlier.
My skin heats as if the sun were blaring down on my back, despite the fact that it set some time ago.
God, what time is it? I'm not sure that I even know.
When her gaze comes back to mine, there's something there. Something that makes it feel like a thousand tiny fireworks are erupting right beneath my skin.
"You've been drinking." Her voice is low.
"How do you know?" The words come out airy.
"Because your skin." She reaches out and traces the back of her hand along my cheek. "It always flushes when you drink."
I visibly shudder against her touch.
"I wasn't thinking," I start, realizing that running over here, half crocked, to confront Lisa to make sure she wasn't drinking might have been an insensitive move.
"Relax, Jen. It's okay." She drops her hand and I instantly want to pick it back up and put it back where it was. "I'm not going to see the flush of your cheeks or smell the sweet wine on your breath and go running for the nearest bar." I hadn't even considered she could smell it on me… "I'm stronger than that." She steps closer, leaving only the slim frame of the door as separation.
"I just… I just needed to make sure you were okay. Are you?"
"No." She blows out a hard breath. "But I will be." With that, she grabs my hand and tugs me into the apartment.
I haven't even reacted before the door slams shut. Moments later, she backs me against it, caging me in with her arms.
"Lisa." My breathy plea barely reaches the surface.
"If you don't want this, say it now and you can leave." She dips her face down so that her eyes are level with mine. "Tell me you don't want this." It's almost like she's begging me to stop her, yet I'm not sure I have the power to.
I'm intoxicated. On wine, on Lisa, on the way it feels to have her so close after all these years.
"Tell me not to kiss you." She slides her nose against mine. "Tell me not to touch you." I jump when her fingers graze my bare thigh. "Stop me, Jennie," she breathes, her lips just a whisper from mine.
I should stop her. I need to stop her. Yet in this moment it's the last thing I have the strength to do.
"I can't." The words tremble from my throat.
"You can't what?" She presses against me, the evidence of her arousal digging into my lower belly.
"I can't stop you."
And just like that, what little restraint she was holding onto seems to snap.
Her lips crash down on mine, so hard and full of need that I'm instantly caught up in the whirlwind that is Lisa Manoban.
My body acts on its own accord. My hands dive into her hair. My tongue slides against hers. My hips buck upward in an effort to tame the sudden heat burning through my core.
I don't think I've ever wanted someone as badly as I do Lisa in this moment. Years of pent up frustration, anger, and regret bleed out as I tear at her shirt and fumble with the buckle of her pants.
I don't want to make love. I don't want my heart to have anything to do with this. Right now I just want her. All of her.
I get her down to her boxers before my nightgown is discarded somewhere on the floor. My panties are ripped from my body as Lisa desperately strips me bare. Then I'm in her arms, my legs around her waist, my back pressing into the rough wood of the door, flesh to flesh for the first time in over four years.
The heat of her body. The strength of her hands. The taste of her lips. It's almost more than I can bear. And when she slides into me seconds later, I damn near come apart right on the spot.
This is what I've been missing. This is what I've been craving. The passion. The pure carnal need. The pleasure. I had thought maybe I had imagined what we used to have. Mis-remembering things the way I wanted to and that was why no one else would ever come close to making me feel what Lisa does. But that simply isn't true. Because here I am, feeling everything even more intensely than I'd remembered it.
Lisa pounds into me, relentless, unforgiving. Neither of us trying to be gentle. I bite her shoulder. She pulls my hair. The wood friction burns my back, yet I only buck harder. Like a wild animal that's been kept in captivity for far too long and is finally free again.
I don't think. I block it all out. All thoughts. All emotions. I rid myself of everything and focus on the physical feeling.
Her strong arms holding me in place. Her incredible lips as they trace down my neck. Her hard chest as it presses into mine. Her thick erection as it fills me to the brink, hitting me in the exact spot to send my already building orgasm over the edge.
I cry out, my voice echoing off the four walls around us as pleasure tears through me, burning a path from my head down to the very tips of my toes. I feel it everywhere.
Only it doesn't stop there. Just as the first wave passes, another begins to build. I once again tangle my fingers in Lisa's hair and hold on as tight as I can as another earth bending orgasm erupts inside of me, and this one is enough to take Lisa right over the edge with me.
And together we fall.
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