JENNIE

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—Five years ago…

"Where is she?" I storm inside the house, pushing past Jack who stumbles slightly when my shoulder hits his.

"What the fuck?" he hollers after me as I make my way further into the house.

"Lisa!" I scream down the hallway. "Lisa!" I holler again as I reach the back room.

I spot her on the far side of the couch, her head dropped back, an elastic band tied around her arm. My stomach tightens.

"Lisa." I nudge her leg with my knee when I reach her. Her eyes roll open, and even though they land on my face, it's like she doesn't see me at all. "Get up." I lean down, loosening the band around her arm before pulling it off.

I drop it onto the floor and then reach for her hand, tugging her upright.

"Lisa, I need you to stand up." Her head bobs side to side as if she has zero control over it.

"I'm up," she grumbles, tilting to the left.

"No, you're not. I need you to stand. I'll help you." I pivot in front of her and take both of her hands. "Ready." I get a half nod before I give her one hard pull.

She comes up with me but collapses back down on the couch a moment later.

"What the fuck?" she slurs, looking around the room. Her eyes bounce up to mine and finally I see the recognition, the realization that I'm here. "Jen?" she questions, confusion filling her expression.

"I need you to come with me," I tell her, squeezing her hands in mine.

She nods again, though I still don't think she's totally with it. I tug. Once again she stands and thankfully this time she's able to stay on her feet.

She sways slightly as she gathers her bearings.

"Come on." I slip beneath her arm and guide her through the living room.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Jack hollers after us just as I manage to get Lisa to the door.

"Home." I swivel my head around and give him the angriest glare I can muster.

I could kill him for this.

He's supposed to be Lisa's friend.

Some friend…

Tugging open the door without a word, I guide Lisa out onto the front porch and down the steps to the sidewalk. Her balance isn't good and she keeps pressing into me, making it hard for me to walk a straight line.

When I reach my mom's car, which I borrowed without permission to come find Lisa, I lean her against the back door and make sure she's not going to topple over before pulling open the front passenger side door and easing her inside.

I have to help her get her legs in and then, after making sure I'm not going to hit her with the door, I slam it shut and quickly cross around the front of the car.

Jumping into the driver's seat, I jam the keys into the ignition before turning my gaze to Lisa.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I yell, the anger I've managed to keep at bay finally boiling to the surface. "You're shooting up now? Is that what it's come to?"

"Jen…"

"Don't you Jen me, Lisa. You promised me that this was over."

"It is over." Her head falls back onto the headrest.

"Is it? Because from where I'm sitting it looks like it just took a turn for the worse."

"I needed a little something to take the edge off." She groans.

"A little something to take the edge off?" I stare back at her in disbelief. "A little something to take the edge off. Jesus Christ, Lisa. Do you hear yourself?" I blow out a hard breath through my nose. "What was it?"

"Huh?" Her eyes close for a long moment before fluttering back open.

"That you shot up with? What was it?"

"I don't know." She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Bullshit you don't know. Tell me what it was!" I demand, even though I already have a pretty good idea.

"H," she confirms after a long moment.

"Heroin? Are you kidding me right now? You're using heroin now?"

"Just this once." It seems like she's having a hard time following the conversation, or even keeping her eyes open for that matter.

"Do not lie to me, Lisa Pranpriya Manoban. You forget who you're talking to." My hands shake and tears build behind my eyes.

Heroin… I knew it had gotten bad, but I thought it was just drinking and pills I was dealing with. But heroin? I'm in so over my head right now.

"It was just a couple of times."

"How long?" I demand. "How long have you been using?"

"Jennie…"

"Tell the fucking truth, Lisa!" My voice explodes through the confines of the car.

"I don't know. A couple of months."

"A couple of months!" My words are riddled with disbelief.

"But I'm done now." Her words are slurred and this time when she closes her eyes, she doesn't reopen them. "I promise, Jen. I'm done." Her head lulls to the side.

I don't want to move this car. I don't want to go anywhere until we've settled this, but it's becoming pretty apparent that nothing is getting resolved right now. Not with her in this condition.

So, begrudgingly, I latch my seatbelt and start the car, pulling out onto the street moments later.

Lisa sleeps on the drive to my house. I keep the radio off so I can listen to her breathing, terrified that at any moment she might stop. I don't know anything about heroin, other than it's really easy to overdose on, especially if it's laced with something else. I have no way of knowing if this is the case, so I play it safe and keep a very close watch on her.

When I pull into the driveway, all the house lights are off. I blow out a sigh of relief. At least I don't have to deal with my mother on top of everything else right now.

Killing the engine, I unlatch my seatbelt and lay my head back against the headrest, my eyes trained on Lisa.

She looks so peaceful sleeping. Her features relaxed, her lips slightly parted. I'm tempted to reach out and sweep her hair away from her forehead the way I've done a million times before but I refrain.

I'm so angry with her. And with myself.

I should have seen the signs. I should have known what she was up to. But it's hard not to believe her when she looks me in the eye and swears she's telling me the truth.

We've never lied to each other before. Of course I'd believed her when she told me she was done with the pills. And I'd believed her when she told me she'd cut back on the drinking. And I naïvely trusted her when she told me she wasn't doing anything else.

How foolish could I be?

Yet still, knowing everything that I know, all I want to do is help her. I can feel her slipping away. Further and further with every day that passes. I'm so desperate to keep her close. To heal her. To save her from the demons that have driven her to drugs.

I have to. Because she's everything to me. She's my entire world. She's the only thing that's ever felt right to me. The only thing that's ever made me feel even a semblance of worth. She is my person. And I will not, I cannot, give up on her.

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I don't know at what point I doze off, but only that when my eyes open again they're immediately met with Lisa's blue ones.

"Morning." She gives me a hesitant smile, reaching out to trail the back of her hand down the side of my face.

Memories of last night hit me like a sledgehammer and I shoot upright, my anger relighting like someone threw gasoline all over it.

"Jen." Lisa senses the abrupt shift and reaches for my hand. I don't want to let her take it, but when her warm fingers wrap around mine, I don't have the strength to pull away. "I'm so sorry." She shifts in her seat, tucking her left leg under herself so that she's angled toward me.

"Heroin, Lisa?" I croak, turning my face back toward hers.

"I know." I can tell she's angry with herself. "I'm so sorry I lied to you. But I wasn't lying when I said I was going to stop. The drinking. The drugs. All of it. I just… I had a really shitty day and I slipped."

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"I don't know." She reaches around, rubbing the back of her neck. "I just… I didn't want you to look at me the way you're looking at me now. Like I'm a piece of shit. Like I'm no better than my father."

"Lisa," I stop her, my expression softening. "You are nothing like your father."

"Please don't leave me over this. I can't… I can't lose you, Jen. I don't think I'd survive it." There's so much desperation in her voice that all my anger melts away.

"I'm not going to leave you." I reach out, taking her face into my hands. "I love you, Lisa. I love you so much that it hurts. But I won't be made a fool of. No more lying. And no more drugs. Promise me now."

"I promise." She reaches up, settling her hands over mine which are still resting on her cheeks. "Last night was the last time. You have my word."

"You scared the shit out of me last night. I was so terrified."

"I never meant to scare you. I'm so, so sorry, Jennie," she repeats for what feels like the hundredth time.

"Whatever is going on with you, whatever happens, I'm here. If you feel tempted to drink or to use, come to me. Let me help you."

"I will." She blows out a breath. "I love you." She waits until my hands fall away before leaning in, resting her forehead against mine.

"I love you, too." It's a whisper on my lips. And I do. I love her more than anything.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. Scared that she won't be able to keep her promise. Terrified that this situation is already too big for me to control. And I'm downright petrified of what will happen next if I can't keep her clean.

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