The first time Jasper sees her he's standing right behind the thrones, back straight and hands clasped tightly behind his back.
He finds her to be the most beautiful creature he's ever seen, with her pixie-like features, her short dark hair and those unnatural yet striking golden eyes. Her emotions are like a tsunami, and he can't quite understand the pit that surges in his stomach when Demetri grabs her, so ready to tear her head off.
It doesn't sit right with him.
As she leaves with the mind reader and the human she lingers for a moment, looking at the Volturi, their gazes meeting for a fraction of a second, he's not moved a muscle since their arrival, hasn't even spoken, so he isn't sure of the reason for her to linger longer at him.
His unusual appearance might be the reason he thinks, Aro doesn't like his scars and makes him hide them so as to not damage their "image" nor rise unwanted attention, so he wears a muzzle, gloves and the hood of the cloak he's never allowed to take off unlike the others. He guesses it's eye catching enough.
Her emotions tickle at his skin like fluttering butterflies during spring, it's… strange, like nothing he had ever felt, it makes his chest feel lighter which is quite alarming. Even more so because the way he feels it… it's like she knows about his gift.
Which shouldn't be possible, no one but María and the Volturi knew about him at this point in life, the Volturi did great at keeping his identity well hidden, leaving him usually as the ace under their sleeve.
Peter and Charlotte knew , if they were still alive. He never saw them again after their escape, at times he wondered what had become of Peter, did he find the freedom and happiness he so much craved? He wondered how that felt…
Freedom and peace.
But he also knew he could never have it, people like him weren't designed to have peace nor freedom.
He was meant to fight and kill, follow orders without question for that's what a good soldier did.
And a good soldier he was, before, now, and forever.
Chained to a life of nothing but death, violence and pain.
Submerged in a sea of darkness…
To never see the light.
~
The second time he sees her it's when he tags along with Jane and the others, the Cullens managed to fight and survive an army of newborns without casualties, but Jasper can smell the dogs in the air, their stench is nauseating and he's just glad he's wearing the muzzle to diminish some of the stench.
Part of him is curious as to how did a coven manage to get a pack of shapeshifters to team up with them.
He tunes out the conversation to stare at the little pixie; Alice was her name, a name as beautiful and magical as her. She looks so delicate, so frail, and still, she stands with the stance of someone who can fight. He mildly wonders if she was the reason a coven who's never fought in their lives survived an army of newborns.
And if so, who taught her?
She didn't had a single scar on her for her to be from the South, in fact, if Aro's words were something to go by, she had no recollection whatsoever of her human life, spent a long time on her own before finding the Cullens.
Maybe wandering around on her own forced her to learn how to survive.
But she didn't had any scars on her.
Her gaze is hard, but her emotions are anxious, and against his better judgement he finds himself caressing her emotions with calm, subtle, subtle enough to not be noticed.
And still.
She glances at him, her gaze softens for a moment, a hint of something flashes in her emotions, similar to the fluttering butterflies of before, but stronger, and still, it's so quick he can't quite catch it.
There's also… sadness? Why? He can't understand.
He curses Jane when sudden pain ripples across his skin from the little newborn that drops on the ground with a scream. Her pain slices through his skin like tiny razors, making him clench his jaw and close his eyes, fingers curling into fists.
This was the reason he hated having to tag along with Jane, but Caius had ordered it.
Aro didn't like the twins going out alone and he wouldn't be pleased to know Caius might have sent them out on their own, as if anything could seriously harm these creepy brats.
But he couldn't disobey.
The newborn screamed and he felt his stomach twist.
The fluttering butterflies tickling at his skin made his eyes snap open, the pixie was giving him such a strange look, her emotions… calm? Comfort? Sadness? He can't decipher them, but they make him feel lighter and breathe easier.
It makes the pain easier to bear.
He looks down at the little newborn on the ground, he doesn't understand why had she been spared, nor can he understand why are their emotions so… weird, hope, anxiety, anger, longing, for this little newborn?
Why?
She isn't theirs, she came to kill them, why so desperated to spare her? He can't understand, she is their enemy, why are they protecting her?
-Jor.- Jane's sudden voice catches his attention, the command in her voice is absolute and with that single word he knows what she wants.
Kill the newborn.
And he wished he had tried harder to switch places with Felix, Felix should be here, not him. Felix was the one who didn't mind killing without hesitation, not even kids.
Not him.
And still.
He takes a step forward.
-She didn't know what she was doing.- The coven leader's mate's sudden voice got Jane lifting her arm to halt Jasper's approach, the woman's emotions are desperated, and he finds it surprising.
Why is she so adamant on speaking on behalf of the same newborn who came to take her life?
-We'll take responsibility for her.- She adds, hope sizzles across her emotions, a plead in her eyes.
It makes Jasper frown, take responsibility for a newborn who came to kill them? Were they mad? How could you trust to let an enemy into your home? It was bad enough they were sparing her.
-Give her a chance.
Even the coven leader was mad! Couldn't this man see that that newborn came to kill him, his mate, that human they all seem so attached to, his entire coven? Why the hell was he willing to have her under his roof? Show her such mercy and compassion when she wouldn't have done the same?
-The Volturi don't give second chances.- Jane sentences.- Keep that in mind, Caius will be interested to know she's still human.- Jane's words get Jasper throwing a look at the mind reader's human, her unusually sweet scent makes his throat ache, she smells amazing, even for a human.
-The date is set.- Is the human's answer, her emotions hold… calm? That's impressive considering she's surrounded by vampires, half of which aren't even friendly.
He can feel the annoyance in Jane's emotions over the human's words, he knows she hates her, because she's human but she doesn't react to vampire's gifts.
Jane hated people in general.
Yes.
But those who can withstand her gift or show her no fear… man, the burning hatred she held for those could melt Alaska itself.
Part of him does wonder if the human would react to his gift, after all, his isn't like Jane's nor Aro's, nor even the mind reader's.
His fell more on the offensive side, if he wanted to cause her pain he could do so for real unlike Jane's pain illusions, he could alter her brain's chemistry to the point where he might cause her to start sweating, her blood pressure might raise due accelerated heartbeat…
But he didn't test out his curiosity.
-Take care of that Jor, I'd like to go home.- Jane's order is absolute and Jasper is brought back to the present.
He glances at the newborn on the ground, her eyes… she painfully reminds him of Erik, the youngest and last newborn he ever killed for María, the boy had been 13 years old, had held a fascination for stars and card tricks.
He had been a victim in a war.
All he did, he did it to survive.
Much like this girl.
He could see it in her eyes, hell, he could feel it, she was terrified, desperated, her eyes screaming for mercy, he felt nauseous, he told Aro, he didn't want to kill children, it was his only condition to join them. No children, no one below the age of 18.
Jane knew this.
Why was she then asking this of him?
Because it was Jane and she loved making his life a living hell with the same passion Caius did.
She knew that if he spoke his refusal it could bring trouble to the Volturi's image, a member of the Volturi who refuses to follow orders of their higher up, people would see it as a flaw in their lines, if there's conflict among them how can the vampires trust them to do their job right?
And if he did that… Aro wouldn't be happy, but Caius would be a thousand times worse.
He could feel The Major crawling beneath his skin, eager as always, he pushes him down.
-Jor, today.- Jane's voice is neutral, but her emotions flare with such overwhelming warning he bites his tongue, resisting the urge to growl at her, she doesn't even need to look at him for him to know he has about two seconds to follow the order before she makes him.
And so he forces his legs to move, The Major pushes up, Jasper tightens his grip on his left arm as he walks past Jane, feeling the loss of control on said limb.
He knows that if he doesn't hold the hand back The Major will shove Jane, part of him wishes to let him, because he knows that while Jane has no regard for him and she would rather die than admit it, much like all the Volturi.
She also fears The Major.
Because The Major unlike him has no qualms whatsoever over showing hell to people regardless of their age or gender. He's not understanding nor is he forgiving, but most of all.
He hates being told what to do.
Even more so if Jasper is also against it.
With each step he takes towards the little newborn the more he can feel The Major breaking through the surface, he keeps his eyes on the ground, as he makes his way between the coven leader and his mate, he ignores the hints of surprise in the air, he knows the muzzle can be seen when up close, hiding behind the hood isn't as easier.
He can also feel the anger, hatred, pain, frustration, all of them from all the golden eyed vampires.
But the pixie's.
It takes his whole training to not halt in shock as he feels her obliterating anger.
Not at him.
But at someone else.
Why? Who? What?
There's also comfort? It makes a knot stick at the back of his throat, it's been ages since someone has sent him such warmness. And he wants nothing more but to bask in it.
But he can't.
He grabs the newborn and he feels sick as her terror slices through his skin, her cry twisting something in his chest.
"This one's mine." - The Major's voice is the last thing he hears before he's being shoved under the bubbles of darkness.
No pain.
No emotions.
No voices.
Just quiet.
And still, he can't feel at ease when he knows The Major's just killed a little girl who didn't deserve to have her life cut short because of other people's selfishness.
She might have been a ruthless newborn.
But she was once someone's little girl.
A little girl who died by the hand of a demon, surrounded by strangers, far away from home, and who's body would be burnt to ashes, forgotten as if she never existed.
~
The third time Jasper sees her it's during the near fight between the Volturi and the Olympic coven's army. Her fearless nature as she approaches Aro without protection, the emotions that flare from Aro during what feels like an eternal moment as he held the pixie's hand; shock, disbelief, amazement, surprise, amusement, horror, fear.
The looks and emotions Aro gives to each one of them is indecipherable, but there's a hint of wariness when their gazes meet, and Jasper doesn't know the why. He isn't done anything wrong lately, at least not that he knows of.
As the Volturi disappear he lingers back.
The pixie's gaze meet his, the fluttering butterflies make his shoulders relax and he can't help but allow himself a moment to imagine how it would feel like to touch her skin, to feel those fluttering butterflies closer, more intense, would it be able to make him feel much more lighter? Like there's more than darkness in this putrid and monotonous world?
She also fills him with uneasiness, because he's never felt this enticed by anyone, he didn't trust anyone, vampires were dangerous, they wouldn't hesitate to stab you in the back a thousand times more faster than a human could, as a human, not knowing who to trust is hard.
But as a vampire… it was as if the difficulty level had been sent to space.
Vampires were creatures who preyed on the weak, be it humans or other vampires, they wouldn't hesitate to attack at the slightest sign of weakness.
And still.
That little pixie he's only seen three times by now, never spoken to, is capable of making him want to be closer to her, if he didn't knew her gift to be clairvoyance he would say she had some kind of hypnosis-related gift.
Suddenly, the biggest of the male Cullens came to stand before her, giving him a dangerous look, his emotions blistering with wariness, alarm, warning, determination, anger.
Why? She wasn't his mate, nor was he the coven leader, why care for her without being told to?
Still.
Jasper takes a step back, he shouldn't linger, Aro won't be happy if people take too much notice of him.
Thus.
He leaves.
~
Jasper sits on the roof of the Volturi's "palace", his favorite place when he wanted to be alone, which was most of the time considering he didn't had much to do in his free time, he laid on the ground, arms cushioning his head, the cold breeze of the night never failed to make him breathe easier.
He stared at the stars above.
It's been over a week since their confrontation with the Olympic coven.
All over an hybrid child.
The Volturi's reputation had suffered quite the blow with that of them mobilizing an army and witnesses to spread the word about the imparted justice upon the Cullens for creating a supposed immortal child.
Immortal child that turned out to be an hybrid child, quite the unusual thing, but not dangerous.
The witnesses had found the Volturi's actions brash, mobilizing soldiers to take down a coven that hadn't broken any laws, all without confirming the information bestowed upon them to be true beforehand.
Hadn't it been for the clairvoyant the Volturi would have destroyed a coven who had done no wrong, how could people trust them to carry on justice fair and square when they didn't held the knowledge to do so?
The witnesses who were supposed to spread the word of the Volturi's justice had ended up spreading their impulsive and ignorant actions that almost took the life of innocents due lack of information.
Some said it wasn't something to make a big deal out of, the Volturi were doing what was best to preserve their secret, it was better to be safe than sorry.
But the bigger number no longer felt like putting their trust on the Volturi's actions, had begun having doubts about their "justice acts".
Jasper could care less about the whole mess, he didn't care about the Volturi's reputation, he did like Volterra more than the South in the aspect where he didn't have to fight as much nor did he had to fight for food.
But the place was still terrible if not worse.
The emotional input could be just as insane if not worse, with that of entire groups of tourists being slaughtered at once.
Having to train vampires and newborns at all hours was also a pain in the ass, mostly because half of them were gifted and by extension made it all the while tricky.
A 18 year old boy by the name of Sam had once held the gift to breathe fire, Jasper can still feel the aching on his ribs where he had burnt him the first time his gift made itself known. Hadn't it been for Alec shoving him into the pond Jasper was pretty sure he would have died.
Caius had ended up ordering him to kill him because even after months of training Sam kept killing sparing partners and burning stuff due his terrible control over his gift, his gift was strong, but someone who couldn't control such power was both a threat and a liability.
So he had to go.
Jasper didn't like this place.
When he first agreed to join the Volturi it was so as to escape from María, he could tell she was planning to kill him, so, he stabbed her on the back before she could do the same.
He let the Volturi slaughter the new batch of newborns and left with them, in a world where the strong is the only one who survives it was best to have other strong people as allies.
The Volturi were strong.
Didn't mean he liked or trusted them, but he had nowhere else to go, he belonged nowhere, had no idea what to do aside from fighting, he wouldn't know how to survive in the outside world, he no longer knew if he even belonged anywhere but in a battlefield, this place was his safest bet.
Even if it was filled with putrid emotions and screams.
And the loneliness… it was like a hollow feeling that sat in his chest, it festered up, expanding, spreading like a sea of darkness and emptiness. It hovered over him.
Never leaving.
It made itself even more known when he was punished, no one tried to step up, no one cared to.
At times like those he craved to leave.
But he was also afraid of being alone.
So he didn't.
And thus.
His heart, dead or not, feels like it's in a constant state of falling apart, his mind is falling apart, like a decaying ship that's spent way too long underwater.
He knew it was stupid, that living like this… where was The God Off War he once was? Now fear was what controlled him.
Fear of being alone.
Of having nowhere else to go.
Of being left alone in a world where he no longer belongs at.
Part of him knew this wasn't life, that he wasn't living. Just existing. Frankly? It was pathetic.
But what else could he do? He didn't fit in the outside world, he had better chances fitting among those who were like him.
Monsters.
Then why? Why was he the only one in chains? In muzzles?
He worked endlessly, day and night, trying to prove the Volturi, himself even, that he was still good at something, useful , enough.
But not even that made him feel alive, he doesn't even remember when was the last time he felt alive, or even like life was worth living, at this point, what was holding him back?
He had nothing to lose, nothing to live for, life was miserable, monotonous, dark, bitter.
He was tired of fighting, of training, of being seen by hundreds of eyes, praised like some kind of overglorified prize, feared, ordered around, treated like an attack dog.
But what was outside these walls for him? The modern world terrified him, and he had grown so used to violence and death and pain he no longer remembers a life where that wasn't present.
He wouldn't know what to do.
Of all the Volturi… he guessed Marcus and Alec were somewhat alright.
Both of them were quiet and their emotions were less suffocating, Marcus' depression could put a dent in his chest and make his head spin, but it was better than the burning hatred, greed and anger from the others.
Alec… the kid had a lot of pented up emotions, Jasper would spare with him until he was able to punch through the thick sea of resentment and rage, when the kid was exhausted he would be more tolerable to be around, which made it easier to sit with him and play videogames for hours.
At times he couldn't help but wonder what had led Aro to turn two 12 year olds, they might have twice the age of Jasper as vampires, but they were still 12 year olds, very traumatized 12 year olds.
Jasper knew this when he had been sent with no one but the twins to check on the potential fact that a group of humans were coexisting with vampires in a small town in Carthage around 1977.
He had committed the fatidical mistake of leaving them alone.
The brats were strong and skilled, but Jasper had forgotten that they still had the size of children, if caught off guard they could be easily subdued, just like it had happened, two vampires bigger than Jasper himself and with an apparent gift to lock other gifts down on their side had caught them.
Had had all the intent of throwing them into the pit of fire.
Alec and Jane's emotions had been pissed off if not a bit frustrated and humiliated for having been caught with such ease.
But when both of them saw the fire so close to their faces with no possibility of breaking free…
Even now Jasper can still feel the enveloping flames of their obliterating terror, can still hear their senseless screams, that night had been the first and last time he ever saw them look so terrified, crudely reminding him that it didn't matter how mature or creepy they acted all the time.
Their brains would forever be that of children.
He had obliterated the entire village with his gift after finding the one with the nullification gift and disposing of him.
Had taken him over an hour to get them back to their senses, mostly because Alec kept throwing rocks at him and screaming his lungs out at him while Jasper wrestled a very aggressive Jane who was hell bent on taking him down through bites and scratches after she realized he didn't react to her gift.
But he had managed to subdue them with his gift.
Jane had spent the whole way back to Volterra throwing insults at him and burning him with her emotions, flickers of her gift intensifying the burn whenever he so much as spoke to her. Jasper guessed as a way to release her rage over her hurt pride.
Alec on the other hand had been as quiet as death, clinging to his sister more than usual and hissing at the humans who so much as walked too close to them in the streets. He had even bitten a man who had bumped into them.
Had torn him apart to be more precise.
Neither of the twins ever told a soul about what happened in that town, Jasper guessed their pride had been extremely wounded, enough to not want even Aro to know that Jasper had almost let his most prized possessions get killed.
Still.
Neither Marcus nor Alec were enough to make this place feel like more than just another prison.
Marcus lived in depression over the loss of his mate which made him a sour talker, plus, he was so loyal to the Volturi he had gotten him in trouble more than once, and Alec… he only played videogames with him because Jasper was the only one willing to do so.
That didn't mean their relationship was as close as people might think, mostly because Jasper didn't got along well with Jane, but to be fair no one but Alec and Aro got along with that brat, she seemed to hate everyone that wasn't her brother or Aro.
He didn't knew what could make a child harbor such glee over killing and causing pain to others, such hatred and resentment towards the world, but he had a feeling that that girl had long ago forgotten what it meant to be a person instead of a monster.
She had been hurt so much that that's what she now gave to the world.
He sighed and closed his eyes, chasing away all thoughts and bringing forward one in particular.
The pixie.
She was so beautiful and something about her made it unable to not think about her, he wanted to feel the fluttering butterflies again, to feel light and breathe easier, it killed him with curiosity on who that woman was, why could she affect him so much?
He knew Aro wanted her alongside the mind reader and the shield, possibly the hybrid too.
And while her joining the Volturi would mean he got to see her more part of him didn't like the idea, she looked so full of life, her eyes so bright, he didn't want her to lose that light by joining a place where nothing but darkness reigned.
She would be corrupted, poisoned, her soul would be shattered to never be mended again, she shouldn't cross that line, that of killing humans without restraint, be it for food or amusement, she shouldn't hurt others unless she was protecting herself or those she cared about.
Because once that line was crossed… there was no going back.
She was better off staying with those strange vampires, that coven was so awfully weird… feeding off of animals.
It did nudge his interest if he was being honest.
Did animal blood taste good? Nauseating? How did it even occur to them to drink from animals? Did it make them weak or did their bodies didn't suffer side effects from it? Did some animals taste better than others?
Was there a difference in the blood between omnivores, herbivores and carnivores? Could sea animals' blood be drank? Did it taste different? Did the age, gender, specie and lifestyle of the animal change the taste in the blood much like it was for humans?
He sighed before sitting up, the muzzle that had been resting on his stomach dropped on his lap, he stared down at it, at times, he wondered when did he fell low enough to wear a muzzle, a muzzle, but he also knew it was for the best.
His scars made people nervous, disgusted, he messed with the Volturi's image, he wasn't meant to be alive, nor here, if people knew the Volturi kept The Major with them it would be an uproar, he broke the law more than once, the Volturi didn't give second chances.
He wasn't suppose to be alive.
He knew Aro treasured him with the same sickening obsession he did with the twins.
But the man had also warned him to be careful, to not step out of line.
Which he had done.
More than once.
Most of the time whenever there was a child or a pregnant woman in the groups of tourists the Volturi fed off.
All those times had ended up with him on the ground feeling like he was in a bubble, underwater, emotions like a far away echo, couldn't smell, couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't feel a thing. It was like hanging in the middle of nowhere.
Jane's gift didn't affect him much, pain was an old friend, he could stand his ground against the worst of her gift for hours if he had to. It was one of the reasons she hated him so much.
The same couldn't be said from Alec's gift.
Jasper couldn't do a thing against him.
His gift was the reason he even started ripping his own skin apart, a desperated attempt to remind himself that he was real, that he could feel , the longer Aro made Alec use his gift on him the more he felt like his sanity was slipping through his fingers.
He didn't remember 90% of those situations because of The Major, but he still remembered snippets, enough to mess with his head.
He bit his tongue and his shoulders drew closer as he remembered with a nauseating feeling the incident from last week.
Caius hadn't been happy about his performance at Forks, he had been supposed to force the shapeshifters into dropping the transformation by manipulating their brains' chemistry after the brown wolf that accompanied the little hybrid growled at the Volturi.
A statement of power to make them realize the Volturi were above the "stupid mutts".
But Jasper had found it stupid, why reveal their advantage? Because of some hurt pride? Offense? Wanting to prove something?
Caius hadn't liked his reasoning.
More like he hadn't liked to be in the wrong.
And so Alec had spent hours making him feel like he was tethering over the edge of what was real and what was not, all under Caius' orders, Aro hadn't stopped it, no one had.
Once again a crude reminder of how alone he was in the world, no one would ever be on his side, no one would ever step up for him.
He was alone.
And it hurt.
It hurt more than he was willing to admit.
He pulled one of his gloves off before pulling his sleeve up, tracing the scar across his wrist, a fresh bite, not even a week old, he could still feel his own venom stinging beneath the flesh, pain helped him keep himself grounded, reminding him that he was alive, real .
He dug his fingernails into the skin, tearing it and squeezing his eyes shut tightly, the explosion of pain made the knot loosen in his chest, but it made his throat burn. The breeze felt hot and he curled into himself, willing himself to take deep breaths.
When that didn't work he dug his fingernails even deeper into his skin, the stench of venom filling his senses.
It was real.
He was real.
Alive.
A/N: The Volturi's ages here will be that of the books, as in the twins are 12, Marcus and Aro in their 19-20, and the twins' backstory will be that of the Storytellers bc I seriously love those short backstories for the Twilight characters.
PS: This fic was partially inspired by the songs:
Lonely - Nathan Wagner
I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young