23 Days after The Snap

Harper Montgomery wondered if there would come a point when she would stop being surprised by the fantastical things she learned and witnessed at the Avengers Headquarters. She followed at Steve's heels as they hastened outside with Rhodes, Bruce, and Natasha. Her bright brown eyes were wide, staring up at a massive spaceship making its descent.

And more surprising still, it seemed that the ship was not descending on its own but rather was being carried down by a glowing blonde woman. Steve looked down at her and directed, "Stay back with Natasha."

She nodded once and halted astride the Black Widow. They shared a glance and Harper managed, "Holy shit."

"Holy shit," the blonde repeated with a nod of agreement.

From within the ship appeared Tony Stark draped on the shoulder of a woman who appeared to be an android or something similar. Harper wondered if she could get away with pinching herself in a covert reality check.

Steve rushed forward to support Tony and they shared a brief exchange over the losses to Thanos. Pepper strode forward and embraced her partner. Harper couldn't help the hot sting of envy that cut through her chest.

Their small group went back inside and Bruce began tending to Tony who appeared rather worse for wear. His face was gaunt and pallid and there was still visible evidence of his battle against the Titan in the form of cuts and contusions. As he was being tended to, the entire group settled around the open living and dining space. The brunette made her way over to Thor, whose expression was as angry as ever. She sat beside him with a subtle up and down scan of his features.

"Hey."

He glanced her way and offered a stiff nod in response. Undeterred, Harper asked, "How are you doing?"

His blond brows knit and his lips curled into a scowl. "How do you think?"

"I can't presume to know what you're feeling. Hence the question. So all things considered, how are you doing?"

The God of Thunder scoffed and looked away, shaking his head in disbelief. Slowly, he stilled and Harper let the silence envelope them. Slowly, he supplied, "I've lost my entire family and half of my people and could do nothing to stop any of it. I am as well as a crown disgrace can be."

Harper hummed and gave a single, thoughtful nod. Then she asked, "I wonder, are the other people in this room disgraceful as well?"

"No," he replied automatically.

"None of them could defeat Thanos either," she pointed out evenly.

"None of them are demi-gods."

"Nor did any of them face off against Thanos on the heels of a different massive battle or after being fried by a star."

Thor scoffed. "Circumstantial excuses."

"Context matters," Harper replied. "It shapes our resources, our thoughts, our feelings, our goals, our abilities. Your anger makes a lot of sense, for example, given everything that has happened."

His blue eyes cut toward her, his glare only slightly weakened. "Anything else would be mad."

The brunette shrugged. "It's crazy then that I feel pain for everyone I lost? Perhaps I should drown that pain in anger. Tell me, is that making you feel any better?"

His eyes dropped to his lap, ire fizzling out. The mourning Asgardian said nothing, but they both knew the answer. Harper lifted a hand to his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. She said nothing else, feeling she had pushed him enough.

"Harper," Steve called, finishing the conversation he'd been having with Natasha. She stood and moved to where he stood. His blue eyes roamed to the mysterious blonde woman then back to her meaningfully. With a neutral tone, he said, "You'll take notes of what happened on Tony's end, right?"

She nodded. Her role since arriving to Avengers headquarters with Steve was to document, organize, and synthesize information. They had so much technology at their disposal, but her skill for parsing out details from conversations and fitting the puzzle pieces together from multiple sources was an asset for their non-digital information.

Picking up on the super soldier's secondary request, Harper went to collect her newly gifted tablet which happened to be on an end table near the blonde woman who had delivered Tony and Nebula from deep space. She picked up the item, thumbing through her notifications systematically before locking the screen again.

Looking toward the newcomer, she spoke, "I don't think we met properly with everything that was going on before. My name is Harper Montgomery."

"Carol Danvers," she replied stoically.

"You're from… space?"

"Not originally."

Harper nodded once. The other woman was clearly not especially talkative, at least with strangers. "That's comforting. I'm a rather average woman from Boston and am not quite sure I could meet any more people from other planets just yet. A little overwhelming, ya know?"

The woman appraised her for a moment. Harper offered a shrug and continued, "Or perhaps not. I also seem to be the only one in this building capable of being surprised by all this weird shit."

Carol's lips twitched just slightly, hinting at her bemusement. She said nothing, but Harper considered the job of beginning to develop a connection with their new arrival accomplished. She glanced at Steve, who nodded his matching satisfaction. While he had admitted that their relationship had a rocky start because of his skepticism, he had come to learn in the last few weeks that Harper actually could connect with most people and could do so skillfully.

She had made fast friends with Bruce, her intellectual nature a good match to his. With Natasha, she had quickly earned respect with the agent by being demonstrably self-sufficient and self-advocating. Harper had been the only one to have any success checking up on Thor by reading him well enough to toe the line of pushing him and pulling back. Rhodes liked her quiet practicality and Pepper found the company of another mourning woman comforting. Although, only one of them was mourning now.

After some time, Tony Stark wheeled himself into the room, Pepper following behind with the IV drip attached to him. He settled in a clear spot at the table, and Steve took a nearby seat. Harper stood at the kitchen island, tablet and keyboard set up to record the details of the conversation.

With sarcasm and anger dripping from his voice, Tony explained what had happened after hiding away on The Maw's ship and travelling into space. Harper's fingers danced across the keys, noting Steven Strange's claim of finding only one winning course of action of many possible ones. Then the fight against Thanos and the ruin brought on by an unknown fighter called Peter Quill. Rocket and Nebula knew him, as well as some of the other fighters Tony listed. Harper thought vaguely that she should chart out all of the alliances within this increasingly vast group.

Once he finished, Rhodes pulled up their holographic screens depicting those lost, worldwide census stats, and reports on the Snap. He began telling their side of the story. "It's been 23 days since Thanos came to earth."

Harper's eyes were locked on the image of James that hovered in front of her. It was from the time when they were together back in Bucharest. His hair only reached his chin and there was merely a dusting of scruff across his face. His eyes were bright blue even in the simple image.

Natasha continued, "World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it looks like he did… He did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living creatures."

Harper took note of the spark of recognition in Carol's eyes when an image of Nick Fury flashed by as one of those lost to the Snap. The frown on her lips confirmed some familiarity with the man.

"Where is he now? Where?" Tony asked, wrenching his eyes from the still scrolling images of those lost.

"We don't know," Steve admitted. With an uncomfortable fidget in his perch, he added, "He just opened a portal and walked through."

Harper ignored the exchange between Tony and Rocket about Thor, only vaguely thinking that the Build-a-Bear comment was perfectly reasonable. Steve continued, "We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep space scans and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him-"

"Who told you that?" the dark haired man demanded. "I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleeker Street magician gave away the store. That's what happened. There was no fight, because he's unbeatable."

With some impatience in his tone, Steve responded, "Did he give you any clues? Any coordinates? Anything?"

Tony scoffed incredulously before making a spluttering noise that was clearly an answer in the negative. Irritation that was dangerously calm in his voice, he said, "I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't want to believe it. Thought I was dreaming."

"Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus," Steve said, leaning forward toward the other man.

"And I needed you." Harper's eyes scanned the billionaire's face and posturing, tablet forgotten for the moment. Tony continued, "As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. You know what I need?"

He stood up, swiping at the dishes sitting in front of him on the table. He next set his efforts on removing the IV from his arm. "I need a shave. And I remember telling all of youse, alive and otherwise, that what we needed was a suit of armor around the world." His voice rose in volume and distress with each word. There was a growing breathlessness to his voice and Harper watched as his pupils began to dilate. "Remember that? Whether it affected our precious freedom or not. That's what we needed."

"Well, that didn't work out, did it?" the super soldier questioned.

Voice growing breathier, Tony continued, "I said we'd lose. You said 'We'll do that together, too.' And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? We're the 'Avengers,' not the 'Pre-vengers.'"

"Okay," Rhodes stepped in, grasping Tony by the arms. "You made your point. Sit down, alright?"

"Rhodes, hands off him," Harper directed, eyes keenly watching the billionaire.

Her comment drew his attention and he demanded, "And who are you? Cap's secretary?"

"No," she replied evenly. "A friend. Tony, I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through or how you're feeling right now. But you need to take a moment and focus on breathing. Your breathing is too fast and shallow, your pupils are dilating, and your hands are shaking – your body is experiencing a stress response."

"Stress? Who's stressed?" he asked sardonically.

With an even, kind tone, she continued, "It's rather reasonable. But you're a man of science. Please consider the adverse effects that stressing your nervous system will have on your body in its current condition."

He huffed, decided to ignore her words, and whirled back on Steve. "I got nothing, for you, Cap. No coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust, liar." He pulled the glowing metal apparatus from his chest, thrusting it at the blond. "Here, you take this. You find him, you put that on, you hide."

There was a collective move toward Tony as he fell to his knees. Steve grabbed him, holding him up. A moment later, however, he fell completely to the floor. Steve and Rhodes quickly hoisted him up, bringing him to Bruce.

"Nice try," Natasha sighed, taking a seat opposite Harper.

The brunette shrugged. "I didn't have much hope of talking him down, but it was clear he was having a traumatic reaction or was erring on panic. Had to try something."

The blonde woman offered a wry smile. "Don't go around analyzing and diagnosing all of us, alright?"

Harper chuckled and shook her head. "I wouldn't do that. Some things are impossible not to notice, though."

"True enough," the agent agreed, a darkness to her tone that hinted at something Harper didn't necessarily want to consider.

In short order, it was decided that a team would travel to the planet Thanos appeared to be residing on. Steve, Natasha, Thor, Rhodes, Carol, Nebula, and Rocket would all head out in Rocket's ship. Pepper, Bruce, and Harper would stay behind with Tony and to cover the work they had been doing over the past several weeks, keeping up with ongoing census reports and government responses. Harper followed Steve to his room once the group had dispersed to prepare for the journey. She watched as he rooted around his closet for his tactical gear.

"Is it even worth asking that you be careful?" she asked, taking a seat on his bed.

He glanced over his shoulder at her and said, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to get everyone back."

She simply nodded, understanding the futility in any plea she could make. The young woman merely watched the man out of time pull gear, belts, and weapons out of various compartments within the closet. She averted her eyes when he began shedding his clothes.

"Just a friendly reminder then that it would destroy James if you died up there in space."

"He'd have you to lean on," Steve replied firmly. Harper breathed a sigh through her nose. The soldier announced, "Safe to look."

She refused to do so, causing him to parrot her sigh. "Harper, I have to do this."

"I understand that."

"Then what?"

"Is it so hard to imagine that maybe I'm scared that I'll soon be mourning more people?"

Steve sat beside her on the bed, placing himself in her line of sight. His brows were knit with concern. "This is so much bigger than either of us."

"Should that change my feelings?" she challenged with a raised brow.

The blond looked away uncomfortably. "When I agreed to the super soldier experiment and enlisted in the Army, I had nobody to worry about me. My parents were both dead and Buck, my only friend, was already an ocean away fighting in the War. But I remember the families of the guys who left them behind. I do remember their fear."

Brown eyes roamed his profile before deciding that was as much of an acknowledgement as she would get from him. With another soft sigh, she leaned toward him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I thought we agreed to stick together, lean on each other. But if you'd rather I didn't burden you like this, I can toughen up."

"No," he muttered with a shake of his head.

"I do have faith in you and the others," Harper mentioned. "I just… have to consider the worst. To prepare myself."

"Makes sense."

The brunette continued, "I've lost James twice now with essentially no warning."

Steve lifted an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. "I understand."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm about to venture into space and face Thanos and the Infinity Stones again. What can go wrong?" he asked sardonically.

Harper frowned and said nothing for a moment. Finally, she cautioned, "You're all contending with deep grief. Try to remember that impulsivity and brashness will create more grief for the rest of us."

"Point well taken," Steve nodded.

The dark haired woman closed her eyes, suddenly fatigued. She asked, "How many times did you try to enlist? James made it sound like it was an unthinkably high number."

The soldier laughed and said, "Suffice to say I was very lucky not to be arrested for my many falsified attempts. I drove Bucky crazy."

"He loved you, you know," Harper said softly. "I may not have known much about who he really was or what his life had been like before the Accords, but I knew from early on that he loved you."

"I loved him too," Steve muttered. "He was my best friend – closer than brothers. I had nothing after my mom died, but he was still there for me."

"He was good at that. Loyalty and unconditional love."

They sat in silence for a stretch before the soldier announced, "I need to meet the others."

Harper sat up straight, turning to look at the blond. "Take care of yourself and kill that motherfucker."

A/N: Hello, everyone! Firstly, apologies for the long hiatus I've been on. Truthfully, this story has been written for nearly a year. However, life hit me hard and sometimes in ways that were uncomfortably similar to what I put some characters through in this final installment of the Deserving series. It made editing pretty impossible for a while. I'm back now, however, and intend to update twice per week until the rest of Bucky and Harper's story is told. I really hope at least some of you are still along for the ride. I'll note the content warnings below for those who would like them. Obviously, they will contain spoilers to some degree. Thank you so much for the continued support. I look forward to the rest of this journey together.

CWs: Language, mentions of violence, adult situations, mental health, substance use/addiction, SA, death/grief.