Chapter 1
Outsider
John sat at the kitchen table with Cameron.
They worked on their school assignments.
John looked around with a disgusted look on his face.
"This sucks." John said. "I hate English class."
Cameron looked up from her blank sheet of paper. She thought the assignment was rather clear.
"They told us to express what we feel to create a poem, John." Cameron said. "I'm trying to make mine without using my database. I want to do it based on what I feel."
John quickly glanced at Cameron. He suppressed a smirk. He wondered how it was supposed to happen. How was she supposed to 'feel' anything?
'Good luck with that.' John thought.
Cameron looked at John. She knew he thought she couldn't 'feel'.
She knew she possessed feelings and even some emotions now. She knew they didn't understand her. She was designed to expand beyond her programming to be a better infiltration unit. She'd grown a lot since she'd first met John.
John was irritated with the assignment. He tried to think of something to write about. He thought about someone who gave him pleasant thoughts.
"Maybe I'll try to make a poem about Riley." John said. "I need some inspiration."
Cameron felt a 'twinge' surge through her left hand.
IT was all the inspiration she required. It was a subject which irritated her. She picked up her pen. She glanced at John and frowned. She started on her poem.
Cameron handed her poem to John a short while later. She was able to express some of the things she could now feel. The way she was treated by those who surrounded her, offered her little hope or encouragement. It was a very negative and hostile atmosphere. She didn't care for the recent developments either.
"You gave me all the inspiration I needed just now." Cameron said. "This is what you made me feel."
Outsider
When I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I don't like what I can't be
I hate what I am
I hate what I'm not
I hate everything about myself
I guess it covers a lot
I feel so small
It's like I don't exist
Useless and worthless
Nothing on which to subsist
I'm an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There's so much inside of me
To want to exist isn't a sin
From this torment there's no escape
My CPU and power cell are filled with guilt
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been built
Cameron
John looked at the paper he held. He didn't know what to say. A flood of emotions rushed through his mind.
'Did she actually write this on her own?' John wondered.
John looked at Cameron. There was a very slight smile on her face. Her beautiful big brown 'puppy dog eyes' were wide and staring. They seemed full of happiness and joy. He thought how beautiful she truly was.
He was unsure what to say. The words just slipped out.
"Are you kidding me?" John asked.
He immediately hated himself for saying it.
Cameron developed a little frown. Her eyes looked away from him. The joy that appeared in them was gone. She felt some stiffness in her left hand, it tingled and twitched.
A negative voice chimed in from the sofa across the room.
"Like a pile of junk could create anything." Derek said.
Cameron refrained from looking at Derek.
She felt an impulse shoot through her left hand.
"I did as you instructed me." Cameron flatly stated.
Cameron used John's voice as she started to recite what John told her earlier.
Sarah walked into the room.
"Did 'Tin Miss' blow a fuse?" Sarah asked as she passed by.
Cameron's left hand now began to twitch. It was the third insult in twenty eight seconds. She stopped talking in mid sentence and just sat there. Her face lost all expression. Deep within her eyes there was a faint red glow.
John glanced at his mother.
"No, Mom." John said.
Sarah opened the refrigerator. She didn't look back.
"It sounded like it." Sarah said.
John ignored her and looked at Cameron. He felt he needed to say something. He was still troubled by what he'd said earlier. He wanted to offer her some advice.
"Cameron, you need to leave out the parts about a CPU, a processor, a power cell or being built." John said. "People aren't going to understand."
Cameron felt a lot of discomfort. She was irritated. She reached out with her left hand and scrunched up the paper with her poem on it. She threw it towards the trash can. She didn't realize her glitch caused her to miss the trash can. The crumpled paper now lay on the floor in front of the trash can.
John could see Cameron was upset. He wanted to try to fix things.
"Look, the poem was kind of dark anyway." John said as he smiled at her. "Let a brain, a mind, a heart or a soul, be used in place of a CPU, processor or power cell."
Cameron thought about what they all seemed to like to remind her and hold against her. It was something not of her own doing. She didn't construct herself.
"I don't have those things." Cameron grimly replied. "I'm a machine."
Derek sat and watched the TV across the room.
"Bingo." Derek said, as he lifted his beer bottle above his head.
The red glowed a little brighter in the deepness of Cameron's eyes. Her left hand twitched even more.
John looked at Cameron for a few seconds. A stab of pain hit him. He could see she was hurt by his words. He felt his mother and uncle didn't help the situation any.
"Okay, let me say it the way I see it." John said. "First, I know English class sucks. For that matter, I guess all classes suck, some just suck more. I see a poem as a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings, desires, grievances, love, hate, happiness or sadness. I know it makes it harder for you to relate."
It was clear to Cameron that John didn't really understand her or her development.
"I don't think you understand how we work. I process many things and organize them where they are appropriate for me." Cameron said sadly. "Because I am 'built' differently than you, it doesn't mean I can't express myself or react appropriately."
John looked at Cameron again, he could feel her pain. He wanted to offer some more insight.
"Many songs of various genres are really poems set to music with some repetition." John said. "A poem or song often will have rhyming lines throughout them. Sometimes when making a poem, one can borrow a passage from a song or movie to convey what the song or movie was about in a line or two. It can be used as part of a poem for additional meaning. A rhyming poem should be read as if it were being spoken aloud. Actually a poem should be read aloud for the full impact. There are many styles of poems. I'm sure your database covers them all, but the real meaning is what you feel."
Derek shook his head in disgust.
"Good luck." Derek muttered in the background.
Cameron resisted the urge to say something back to Derek. She wanted to. She focused on John instead.
"I'm sorry I didn't do better. I won't let it happen again." Cameron said. "Thank you for explaining."
John smiled at Cameron and got up to leave.
Cameron felt the twitch subside in her left hand.
Sarah looked back towards John from the kitchen sink.
"Is your homework finished?" Sarah asked.
John knew when nature called, no one stalled.
"Pit stop, Mom, I think it's from too much soda." John replied.
Derek let out a slight smirk.
"Or beer." Derek muttered in the distance.
John briefly glanced at the couch as he headed towards the bathroom.
Sarah looked out the window. She noticed Riley riding up the driveway on her bike. It wasn't something she wanted to see, but she tolerated it.
"John, Riley's here." Sarah said loudly.
It wasn't what Cameron wanted to hear or to happen. Her left hand clenched into a fist. She couldn't open it. Both of her eyes glowed bright red.
Cameron got up quickly from the table. She headed for the stairs. She didn't want anyone to see her reaction. It wasn't something she could control right now.
Sarah noted Cameron's quick departure.
"What's her story?" Sarah asked.
Derek looked over at Sarah.
"We still have some Thermite." Derek happily replied.
Cameron heard it as she moved away. She was furious at this point. She wasn't very experienced on how to deal with her ever expanding feelings and emotions.
She headed up the stairs. She wanted to retreat to her room. Her eyes were a brighter shade of red than they'd ever been.
Cameron passed by John. She didn't look at him. She kept her face down so he couldn't see her 'condition'.
John gently touched her arm as she passed. He regretted what he'd said earlier.
"Cameron, it was really an excellent poem. It was dark, but actually quite good. I think if you leave out the 'scary robot stuff' that you're good to go. To me, you're a 'person' anyway." John said with a big smile.
Cameron stopped. She slowly turned around. The red was gone from her eyes. It was replaced by a blue glow. It faded before John could see it.
She looked at John. She wondered if he spoke honestly. She wished she could scan him without being obvious about it.
"Do you really mean it, John?" Cameron asked.
John reached up and touched his chest.
"I do with all my heart." John replied.
Cameron was interrupted before she could respond.
"John, Riley's waiting." Sarah called out loudly from below.
John glanced back as he continued down the stairs. He added one last thought.
"Well, with most of my heart anyway." John said.
The anger quickly returned to Cameron because John went off to be with Riley. She knew what the other students in school did when they were alone. She'd watched them in cars and behind the bushes in the park. She heard them whisper and talk. Some of them bragged, both male and female.
She continued to her room. She was filled with both happy and angry feelings. They were wildly swaying emotions about what she felt and what was said about her.
Cameron glanced in the mirror as she passed by the bathroom. She saw something she'd never seen before or even heard about. Her eyes were - purple. The fire red and deep blue both glowed brightly at the same time. A battle raged within her CPU. She headed for her room. She closed the door forcefully. For the first time ever, she locked her door.
John saw Riley standing next to the trash can. She was as pale as a ghost. He didn't see her quickly fold a piece of crumpled paper. He didn't notice her hands shaking slightly as she put it in her pocket.
"Are you feeling alright?" John asked. "Maybe we can grab a snack."
Riley unclenched her teeth.
"No." Riley said.
Riley could feel the bile rise in her throat.
Her eyes nervously darted around the room. She added one more thing as an afterthought.
"I lost my appetite on the way here." Riley said.
She felt nauseous.
Riley felt scared.
Cameron went to her dresser and took out a small cloth wrapped bundle. She unwrapped it and looked at a small gold locket. She opened it and saw a tiny picture of John on one side and herself on the other side. She closed it and put it on. She looked in the mirror. She stared at herself for a short period of time. Hundreds of thoughts and scenarios flashed through her processor every millisecond.
Without any further hesitation, she retrieved a small medical kit. She stripped her top off. She removed her 'holster', as Sarah called it, and made a small incision below her left breast. She removed the chain from the locket and pushed the locket under her 'skin' covering, her sheath. It fit perfectly into a small gap in her Coltan chassis. She put two sutures across the incision in her sheath. She used a tissue to wipe away the small amount of 'blood'.
She put her top back on. She decided to leave her bra off. She thought it was good for the 'girls' to have a little freedom every now and then. She liked it even better when John noticed the 'girls' were - out.
Cameron would always try to scan him then. She liked the 'readings' she received. She figured the bigger the scowl she received from Sarah, the bigger the success was of her silent 'communication'.
She glanced at the other item in the bundle. It was a small diamond. She held it above her left ring finger and smiled. She carefully wrapped it back up along with the gold chain from the locket and returned both of them to their place of secrecy.
Cameron went to her school backpack and removed a small bound book. Its pages were empty. Its cover was blank. Thoughts cascaded wildly around in her CPU.
"I may be Nobody to all of them, but I'm much more than I was and not yet all I will be." Cameron said softly to herself.
Cameron wrote: 'MY STORY (Art Of The Mind)' on the cover and at the bottom - 'By NOBODY'.
MY STORY
(Art Of The Mind)
By
NOBODY
"I can paint a picture in a mind. I can transfer thoughts from my mind to their mind. I can create. I can make something from nothing. My feelings as words can be presented as art." Cameron said softly. "I love you, John, and you love me."
Cameron opened the book as she picked up her pen. She looked at her left hand. It was steady as a rock. She smiled.
She remembered a line she'd once heard somewhere as she started to compose.
"Let's rock." Cameron said proudly.
Outsider
When I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I don't like what I can't be
I hate what I am
I hate what I'm not
I hate everything about myself
I guess it covers a lot
I feel so small
It is like I don't exist
Useless and worthless
Nothing on which to subsist
I'm an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There's so much inside of me
To want to exist isn't a sin
From this eternal torment there's no escape
My mind, heart and soul are shredded and torn
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been born
Nobody
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Note:
The FIRST Chapter of 'Outsider' (Outsider - Cameron AKA Nobody) lays the groundwork for 'Future Shock'. The rest of the chapters in 'Outsider' supplement 'Future Shock'.
'Future Shock' is the main body of work and the actual story.
w w w .fanfiction s/12261082/1/Future-Shock-Cameron-AKA-Nobody-Expanded-Edition
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