Sara sat on her couch just starring into space, her mind full of everything that had happened at the mental hospital over a period of days. Her mind kept cycling through the five minutes that happened so fast but just as slow. She'd been the one held hostage and despite her attempts to fight, the moments seeing Grissom panicked made her want to just fight, fight, fight a thousand times over. She knew he loved her, the Debbie Marlin case let her know that fact, but he had no idea how much she loved him. Seeing him in distress hurt her more than the shard had, being held hostage had.
A knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts. Setting down the beer that had been in her hand, she stood up and walked to the door. A look in the spyglass made her open her door immediately. Grissom stood there looking like he'd gone five rounds with a sleepless night, something she understood. She'd been up for hours also, her clothes indictive of her inability to sleep. She wore pajamas, cotton shorts and a tank top.
"Hey. You okay?"
Grissom just watched her face. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah." She opened the door wider and let him in. Once he was inside, Sara closed the door and turned to him. "You want some coffee?"
"Sure." He watched as she went to the kitchen and started working on the coffee maker. "Did I wake you?"
Sara shook her head as she pressed brew on the coffee maker. "No, I've been awake for a while. My mind is just cycling through everything. I tried sleeping but it failed." Turning, she glanced at him. "It looks like you haven't either."
"No." He shook his head and leaned against the edge of her kitchen counter. "Everything happened so fast. It just brings back some bad memories."
"Debbie Marlin." Sara stated and saw his head jerk up faster than she expected. "I was there in the viewing room. I know it was hard on you then and I suspect this was hard on you now."
Grissom watched her face and all he saw was care in her expression. "Sara…"
"You don't have to say anything." She smiled at him gently. "We've perfected this dance and it's best nothing be said. Easier that way."
"Yeah." It was all he could say as she pulled two mugs from her drying rack and started pouring the brewed coffee. He watched her open the fridge and pull out creamer, dousing one mug quite thoroughly and just a splash in the other. Sugar followed and it was the same as with the creamer. Afterwards, the brunette handed him the mug that had only been slightly doused as was how he preferred his coffee. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." She left the kitchen with her own mug and sat down on the couch. Glancing at him, she nodded towards the chair and he took the hint to sit down in the vacant chair. "So, what brings you my way?"
He seemed unable to speak for a while so Sara just waited. She knew given enough time and he'd tell her what was on his mind. Watching him was something she could do without prompting as he'd always been interesting to her. From the day they met in 1998 to that very moment, she'd never not been fascinated by Gil Grissom. Even with all the pain of love being unrequited, she knew from both sides, she'd willingly sit silently with him. Her therapist had told her it was unhealthy and she should refocus her attention elsewhere but she couldn't. She'd told the woman that she'd rather love him silently as a friend and colleague than not love him. Leaving wasn't an option either, that would be easier but more painful.
"When I walked up to the glass and saw Adam holding you hostage, it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life." He spoke and Sara watched him focus on her. "I can only think of one or two times I felt that type of terror."
Sara nodded. "I saw it. Seeing you looking terrified made me want to fight ten times harder. If you had been in my position, I think it would have been equally terrified." It seemed strange to be talking about the giant elephant that existed in the room with them every day. Sometimes it was invisible and sometimes it was neon blue.
"I only had one thought during that whole situation." He met her eyes.
"Me too." She said, knowing what he was going to say. They both knew the thought of being too late was always present. The idea of never getting a chance, of not saying those three words, or even acknowledging the truth was the one thing they feared more than anything else.
Grissom nodded. "So where do we go from here?"
"We continue dancing like we always do." Sara told him sincerely. "Just because we know the truth doesn't mean we have to acknowledge it."
"And if I don't want to dance anymore?" That caught her attention and her eyes locked onto his face, examining his expression. "Am I too late?"
He was asking her genuinely, full of honesty and dare she say, love. Sara felt like she was five seconds from crying when she asked the most important question to date since she stepped off a plane in early 2000. "Are you being serious?"
"I've wasted too much time being scared. I can't do it anymore, not after I almost lost you in the span of two minutes." He met her eyes. "If I'm too late, let me know and I'll never bring it up again. If I'm not then tell me so."
Tears filled her eyes as they bore into his blue. "You'd never be too late. I'd have waited a lifetime. Loving you is the hardest thing I've ever done but also the easiest."
It was fast but one second he was on the chair with coffee in his hand and the next sat beside her on the couch, coffee on the table. Reaching up, he used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Don't cry. Please don't cry." His expression seemed tormented. "Seeing you cry breaks my heart."
Sara nodded after he pulled his hand away. "Sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who created the divide between us." She felt his hand take hers as he spoke. "Loving you has also been the easiest and the hardest thing I've ever done Sara."
"You really want to try and make this work?" She asked hesitantly.
"Not try, I want to make this work." His expression was so sincere that she felt like she might cry again.
She didn't know how it happened but words just escaped her. "Kiss me." It was a near whisper but he heard her no doubt.
Sara watched his hesitancy but seconds later he cupped her cheek and pulled her closer. As his lips met hers, she found herself engulfed and so she reached up to cup the back of his head. As her fingernails ran through the small curls at the nape of his neck, she felt his lips dance against hers. One hand cupped her face and the other rested on her bare thigh as she sat half facing him. It was only the threat of hypoxia that made them pull apart and even then his eyes caressed her face.
"We should talk." He suggested. "Before anything else."
She nodded. "I think so too. We've both thrown knives and to make this work, I think our foundation needs to be solid. Bury the past, at least the painful actions we've both inflicted on each other."
His eyes never strayed from her face, a surprise for her since his hand rested on her bare thigh. The whole time since he arrived his gaze hadn't moved any lower than her neck. Reaching out, he used a finger to brush her hair away from her throat, glancing at the reddened area that existed even a day and half later. "Is it tender?"
"No, and trust me, I've had worse."
"I hate that you have." He knew her secret, knew her early years and the end result.
Sara shrugged. "I can't change the past but I'm changing my future."
How long they sat on the couch just talking, Sara didn't know. When he'd arrived, she hadn't been looking at a clock, but it had to be hours. The sun was starting to rise, they'd both taken off the night before due to various reasons. Her due to overtime being maxed out, so she was effectively grounded, and him she didn't know why. Either way, even as the sun rose, they were still sitting in the same position talking.
"…just jumps back yelling for me." Grissom spoke about Catherine's first foray into a massive nest of insects on a case while being a CSI alongside him. Brass had been their supervisor at the time so they'd worked side by side. "She told me I was on my own before being sent back out to help by Brass. I'm still hearing about it even now."
Sara laughed and shook her head. "So, I surpass Catherine in at least one aspect. Good to know I had the stomach."
"Well, you've always been a little stronger than Catherine." He put up a finger from where his hand rested on the back of her couch. "She doesn't need to know I said that."
"She'll never hear it from me." Sara smiled at him before suddenly being taken over by a yawn.
He watched her cover her mouth until it was gone. "We both need sleep. You especially."
"I'm fine."
"Honey, your body is saying otherwise." He squeezed her hand. "I should go."
She didn't want him to go but she knew he was right. They needed to talk and talk and talk about anything and everything before any steps were taken. "I wish you didn't have to."
"If you'd like, we could meet for dinner and talk more."
"No. You're right that we need to talk before anything happens. That includes dates." Watching his face, she saw understanding instead of hurt. "How about you come by tomorrow after work if we don't end up working a double."
Grissom seemed to think for a moment before speaking. "How about you come to my place. I can make us breakfast and you can meet my dog."
"You have a dog?" Disbelief fell over her face.
"Hank was a rescue. From a case last year that I worked with Catherine; elderly victim had him and when I went to meet with the humane society over a different case six months later, he was still there. Six months is a long time for a dog to stay up for adoption and so I took him."
She nodded. "Okay, deal."
"I'll text you the address." He stood up and she followed the action, waiting to see what he'd do.
Grissom glanced at her face for a moment before reaching out and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Sara grinned into the kiss, her hand resting at his waist as he kissed her. It was much less amorous than the previous one they shared but no less meaningful. When they pulled away, she smiled. "You should leave before I beg you to kiss me all day."
"I'd gladly do so but you need sleep." He cupped her cheek and pulled her head down a fraction to kiss her forehead. "Sleep well my Dear."
She followed him to the door and smiled as she opened it for him. "Try to get some sleep also."
"I shall try." He told her and she knew both of them would be sleeping well. The elephant that haunted them had disappeared, evaporated as if it had never been there. They could breathe finally and the smiles that filled their faces were sincere to a degree they hadn't been before.
Sara closed the door behind him and locked it before collecting their mostly undrunk coffee from the coffee table. Pouring it out and making quick work of washing the mugs, Sara closed off the lights and headed to her bedroom. The blackout curtains weren't closed so she closed those first and then went about her normal routine before crawling into bed. Her phone beeped right as she pulled the covers over herself. A reach towards the phone had Sara opening the device to see an address texted to her but also a goodnight. She returned the text with a goodnight of her own.
That was the best 'how they got together' story I felt I could write. Let me know what you think about it if you so wish. I think I watched 5x21 Committed so many times. I did notice a small thing that Sara fought against Adam Trent's hold but when Grissom got there, she seemed to double her fight even if it was only until she was told to look at the floor. It was a small detail that I saw and felt like I could run some of her emotions off of that.