I

He only hesitated for half a second before he grabbed the half-empty bottle from the kitchen counter on his way to through the apartment. The box spring of the old-fashioned, brown leather couch made a jarring sound as it gave way for his weight as he sank onto it with a sigh. Jay drew a hand down his face and poured himself a glass of the amber liquid before leaning back with another sigh. His eyes fixated on the coffee stained, pale yellow manila folder lying on the coffee table. The folder contained the answers to what his future had in store for him.

Today had not gone according to plan. It started off like any other day, with him grabbing a coffee on the way into the district. But within minutes of him stepping into the bullpen he got stripped of his badge and gun after officially being declared a murder suspect of a murdering pedophile. The entire thing was surreal. The hits kept on coming one after another and left him walking around in a daze all day. He took a sip of the whiskey and relished in the burning sensation it left in its wake as it travelled down his throat.

Lonnie Rodiger was dead. Murdered. The brass at the Ivory Tower thought that he was the culprit. So did his own unit, at least to some extent. Jay was acutely aware of the fact that he had been toeing the line the last couple of weeks. Voight warned him on several occasions and ordered him to let his obsession with Lonnie go. But he never thought that they would believe that he was capable of crossing the line to murder. While they had only been working together for a couple of months, they had starred down enough barrels and faced plenty of hairy situations for them to know his character, what kind of man he was. Especially Erin who was his partner and the first on he turned to with any doubts or concerns he might have about a case or moral dilemma. She was the one person he expected to at least attempt to have his back, but she only slipped him a card of a lawyer and told him to keep his head down. Since then, every door he attempted to enter was slammed shut in his face. Jin wouldn't hand over any information, Antonio punched him in the face and the unit investigated some other case. He was left out in the cold.

It stung a little that no one stood in his corner and as he looked around the apartment that was secluded in darkness, he felt truly, truly alone. Six months ago, this would not have been an issue. He had his moments of being a lone wolf, but his nature was to be part of a team or a unit. Especially behind closed doors, in his private life. The comfort he normally felt walking into the apartment was no longer there. There were no humming or alluring aromas coming from the kitchen. One side of the bed remained undisturbed, and all his hoodies and t-shirts stayed in their designated drawer without going mysteriously missing. The ache in Jay's heart only grew at the thought of his true partner.

He longed to hear her soft voice of reason and melodious laughter, to hold her in his arms, to see her smile and fall asleep next to her, breathing in her scent. She was his partner. She was the one who grounded him. Ever since she came into his life like a blonde bombshell the night that they met in a regular blue bar, she has been a constant in his life and a happy refuge form the dark sides of humanity he faced every day in his line of work. She knew what he faced out on the streets, because she faced the same thing every day. Her bright smile never failed to cheer him up when a case got to him, and she always managed to pull him out of dark places. They were a team, it's what they did, and it worked.

After today, it was exactly what Jay needed. Unfortunately, it wasn't possible. Six months ago, she got pulled into a long undercover operation and he has not heard from her for a couple of weeks. Their home was currently cold and empty. Jay no longer looked forward to coming home because all it did was remind him of her and all the memories that were imbedded within the four walls. If he got caught up in the memories for too long, Jay could feel himself spiralling into a dark place with worry and concern. It was rather unsettling for him to not be able to control the situation and being kept completely in the dark while the most important person in his life were putting herself in dangerous situations without back up. She couldn't get back home soon enough.

A knock sounded at the door and startled Jay out of his musings. He certainly wasn't expecting anyone and after today he couldn't imagine that anyone would stop by for a visit. Not for anything good at anyway. It wouldn't surprise him if IA were on the other side of the door with their cuffs ready to arrest him for murder. Not after today. He sighed and placed his glass down next to the manila folder on the coffee table. A second knock sounded through the apartment as he made his way towards the front door.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." he muttered.

Jay swung the door open and immediately his breath caught in his throat. Familiar, cerulean eyes that sparkled in the bright hallway light looked back at him and he was met by a bright and beautiful smile that never failed to evoke a warm feeling inside of him or improve his mood, no matter what circumstances they found themselves in. It was difficult for Jay to phantom whether he was seeing things or if she was actually standing in front of him. After six months of short conversations over the phone and clandestine meetings in unfamiliar places every few weeks she was finally here. She was standing at the door of their apartment. She was home. Hailey Upton, his true partner and reason for breathing, was finally home.

It was impossible for Jay to stop starring. His eyes traced every inch of her and took in every single detail that he could. Her blonde hair was void of her normal, soft curls and she was dressed slightly more casual than usual in tattered jeans and a dull, thin parkas with a tear in its right sleeve. He probably made an hilarious picture, the only thing missing from him looking like an idiot was his chin on the floor.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" Hailey teased.

Filled with an immediate sense of relief Jay pulled her into the apartment by the arm and slammed the front door closed, shutting out the rest of the world. Her arms came to rest against his chest, and he immediately crashed his lips to hers without any hesitation. In that one kiss he tried to pour out every emotion that was coursing through his body but that he had difficulty putting into words. Their lips fell into a familiar rhythm they had danced to many times before. Hailey's hands clenched the material of his shirt as she attempted to draw in closer. His hands ran up and down her back before they tangled in the strands of her hair. The kiss was intense, desperate, and left them both breathless. When his lungs started to burn and the need for air became too strong, they broke apart and leaned their foreheads against each other's.

"What are you doing here?" he followed it up with another quick kiss.

"Someone seems unable to keep himself out of trouble." she gave him a pointed look, that would have scared him if it weren't for the smile on her lips.

"If I knew that becoming a murder suspect was the key to get you to come home, I would have done it sooner." Her melodious laughter was exactly what he needed to hear right now.

Jay gladly let himself be led through the apartment towards their bedroom. The look in Hailey's eyes held many tempting promises of what she had in mind, and he had no complaints whatsoever. Six months without her touch or being able to feel the smoothness of her skin and see her reactions to his touch was way too long in his opinion.

As Hailey reached for the buttons of his jeans, he slipped her jacket of her shoulders. Before the jacket had even hit the floor, he was reaching for the bottom of her black polo shirt. For every layer he peeled off, he revealed more of the soft, milky skin he had longed for.

Their hands kept busy by tracing every inch of the other's skin they could reach as their bodies familiarized themselves with one another. It wasn't rushed nor frantic. They took their time. But it did not lack passion or emotion. The air was electric around them, and the emotions were enough to overwhelm Jay at times. The desperation. The longing. The love. It was all there.

His eyes locked with her ocean blue orbs as he guided her to lay back on the bed. Jay followed her onto the bed without breaking their eye contact. They shared an entire conversation without breaking the silence. This is where he feels safe, but it is also where he finds himself the most vulnerable.

Today's events along with Hailey's arrival had been nothing short of tumultuous and he needed the reassurance of the woman he loved. He needed her to remind him of the kind of man he was.

"I didn't do it." he said softly as he hovered over Hailey.

He didn't know why, but he felt the need to clarify himself. Maybe because he had been forced to do so since this morning to people that he knew and felt slightly frustrated from today's events. Hailey grabbed a hold of both sides of his face and tenderly stroked her thumb over his cheekbone.

"I know you didn't!" her wide blue eyes held nothing but compassion and understanding. When he tried to look away, Hailey simply moved her head so she could lock eyes with him again. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Jay. I don't believe for a second that you had anything to do with this! Okay?"

"I've really missed you!" he whispered. To just hear her say those words made it so much easier for him to breathe.

"I've missed you too!"

"Really? How much?" he grinned, happy for the turn in conversation. Hailey matched his grin with one of her own and leaned up to press her lips to his, quickly shutting him up.

An hour later Jay found himself back on the old leather sofa with a glass of whiskey. This time around though, he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants and held Hailey in his lap, dressed in his shirt only. The TV was flashing in the background with the sound on low. The game was currently in halftime intermission. Hailey was reading through the file Antonio gave him earlier out loud to him. She went through phone records, bank records, victim- and witness statements. Occasionally, he would interrupt her and bounce a theory off on her or Hailey would ask for clarifications and complimentary information.

Jay shifted slightly in his seat and as he did, the sofa made a creaking sound. The sound didn't hold much hope for his trustworthy companion that had followed him around since he moved out of his childhood home almost ten years ago. It had been old even then, but it had fulfilled its purpose well and had made for many comfortable naps over the years.

"We have to get a new couch!"

"What?! No! There is nothing wrong with my couch." he protested to which Hailey simply laughed at in response.

"It's falling apart Jay! I don't know which will break first, the couch or your back."

He didn't want to admit it, but she had a point. The last time he fell asleep on it while waiting on Hailey to come home was still fresh in his mind. He had not been able to walk straight or move properly for days without feeling the painful twinge in his lower back. She was right, like she always was. It was time to admit defeat.

"Fiiiiinee!" he whined. "You win! We'll look for a new one first thing when you get back."

Jay buried his face in the crook of Hailey's neck so he wouldn't see the satisfied little smirk he was sure would grace her face. He lost himself in the familiarity of her scent and relished in the soothing motion of Hailey's hand running through the hair at the back of his head.

This is what he longed for during the sleepless night when he lay awake and looked over at her empty side of the bed. To have her close. To feel the heat that radiated of her body as she pressed up against him under the covers. To hear her potter around in the kitchen as he stretched out on the couch after a day at work. He longed to feel her and have her close.

Hailey continued to read out loud from the file that Antonio smuggled out to him. The content of the autopsy report barely registered with him. They already knew how Lonnie Rodiger died and had no reason to doubt that. Hailey moved onto the witness' statements, and he tried his best to concentrate and not lose himself in Hailey.

"What was that you said?" he interrupted her as she read through Lonnie's father's statement. "When was the last time he saw Lonnie?"

"Some time that afternoon before he left the house."

"Hm." Hailey watched him as the gears moved around in his head to process the information.

"What are you thinking?"

"I´m not sure yet, but something is not adding up."

Jay thought back to the night before and compared it to the words from Lonnie's father. He had followed Lonnie around plenty of times after work. It was at times difficult to distinguish one from the other since they were so alike. But something in the back of his mind kept eating at him. Could the father be lying? Or was Jay simply fishing for any explanation possible?

Eventually the two of them had gone through the entire file from front to back. Hailey placed the folder back on the coffee table and rearranged herself in his lap so she could comfortably watch the game on the TV. His hands came to rest in her lap and on her hip, securing her to his person. Her head came to rest at the nape of his neck. Every breath she took caused his skin to tingle in the same spot. They stayed like that for the entire second period of the Blackhawks' game without breaking their connection. Occasionally, one of them would take sip of whiskey from the glass in Jay's hand.

The normalcy of the situation brought Jay a sense of comfort. He felt as the last bit of tension ran off his shoulders and he sank deeper into the couch. In no time at all they had fallen back into their old routine from before Hailey left for her assignment. He turned his head and rested his lips against her hairline.

"Thank you for coming home when I needed you!" he spoke against the soft surface of her skin.

"Always!" the fierce determination in her voice caused the guarded detective to smile. He had truly gotten lucky. The never wavering loyalty Hailey had shown him from day one of them meeting one and other was something he promised himself to never take for granted. As long as he had her support, everything else would work itself out.

Jay had always had a strong moral compass, even as a young boy he had a clear definition of right and wrong. He fought for what he thought was right and he has never been able to stand injustice. Even when they waters had gotten murky at times, he managed to navigate his way through it and come out on the other side. It often didn't matter what other's thought or tried to convince him off. If it did not sit right with him, it would eat away at him until he could no longer stand the guilt.

To do the right thing had not always been easy. Going against people he respected or cared about meant breaking promises. Sometimes he had to break hearts, at times even his own. But knowing that Hailey believed in him and the kind of man he was, made it so much easier to do. The soul-searching wasn't as confronting nor gut-wrenching with his grounding force.

"Are you guys getting close?"

"Nooo!" Hailey groaned and buried her face deeper in his neck. "The man's good. Paranoid. Every time we think we are getting somewhere we hit a dead-end. He's always three moves ahead."

"So I'm not very likely to get you home anytime soon then?"

Hailey didn't answer his question, and he hadn't really expected her to either. The situation was frustrating to them both. Jay knew that Hailey wanted to come home as much as he wanted her home. It was the life they chose after all.