Chapter 10: Question

Cause I don't remember who I was before you

Santana was doing okay after Quinn left, but she wasn't happy by any means. Brittany was still constantly on her mind and her future wasn't here in Louisville. That much was becoming certain. Sure, she was on a killer cheerleading team and she was doing well in her classes, but it wasn't fulfilling. Everything felt empty ever since her and Brittany's text had become nearly non-existent. It was all Sam's fault. He couldn't keep his guppy lips to himself and now Santana was trying to stay afloat in quicksand. It was really becoming too much. Brittany posts couples pictures of them all the time, and it makes Santana sick. She tries to be happy for Brittany, she really does, but she's too sad for herself. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The further she feels from Brittany, the more she wants to leave Louisville. This wasn't her dream. When it meant she could stay with Brittany, it had been worth it, but now it was just holding her back. She couldn't move on while she was still in Louisville. Something had to change. There was nothing left for her here. Now all she had to do was figure out what was next. She supposed that would be the hard part. It was only by luck that someone else had a more urgent matter that allowed her to take a reprieve from her thoughts. Maybe visiting New York was just what she needed.

Lost in situations, circumstances

Quinn could tell Santana wasn't doing well, even after her stint in Louisville the Latina was a mess. She couldn't focus on her though, because they weren't in New York for her. Not yet anyway. They needed to advise Rachel who was still blinded by the spotlight like she'd always been. So blinded that she didn't recognize how badly this was going to go for her. Santana was no stranger to your privacy being invaded by the internet- Two Girls One Cat was still floating around on the dark web- and Rachel wouldn't be able to survive having her boobs out there for eternity. It was important that they taught their friend that star power doesn't have to cost you your dignity. Or so Santana assumed. To be fair, she hadn't exactly been chasing her dream. Her life was a disaster. Rachel was at NYADA, living in New York, still in the spotlight. All she knew was Rachel would regret this, so she agreed to help Quinn talk her out of it. What she didn't expect was Quinn to help her too.

"You belong here" Quinn said as they walked through New York after successfully avoiding Rachel's massive mistake "this city is the place for you. Why don't you come here? Your mom said you could."

"Well, originally, I stayed for Brittany. I guess moving forces me to admit it's really over, and I'm not sure I can." Santana shrugged. "Stupid Sam."

"He didn't do anything wrong." Quinn says softly, earning a glare from Santana "As much as you wish he was in the wrong, you know he's not. He's not doing this to hurt you, he's doing this to help Britt. You broke her heart. He just wants to see her happy. Isn't that what you want too?"

"I never expected it to be at my expense." Santana sighs "am I seriously meant to just take a train to New York? Drop out of college for a pipe dream?"

"Honestly?" Quinn asks, and Santana nods "I think that's exactly what you should do. I'm sure Rachel and Kurt could make room for you until you find your footing. You know you want to be here. You know you can't stay in Louisville."

"It really shouldn't have shocked anyone that you got into Yale. You always had ambition and tenacity and were wicked smart." Santana chuckles, "I guess I need to go home and say goodbye."

"It's time Santana. I think this will truly heal you." Quinn smiles. Santana nods. She hopes Quinn is right. This has to be the right choice, or Santana's never going to recover.

Do you wish you'd put up more of a fight?

Before Santana could finalize her decision, she had to make one last attempt to win Brittany back. She couldn't move on unless she knew she'd done everything she could to reconcile her relationship with her soulmate. If it didn't happen now, she could live with that. Deep down she knew that one day the stars would align again, and that would be their time. She just had to be sure it wasn't now. It was time for one last performance as a Cardinal, a bid for Brittany's heart in the form of a song. However, she couldn't look too desperate. And that meant pretending that one of her teammates, Elaine, was her girlfriend. A little white lie to make Brittany realize that she'd moved on too. That would do the trick.

Brittany was practically drooling, along with all the guys in the room, after Nutbush City Limits. She had the audacity to ask why Santana hadn't told her she was coming. Maybe because Brittany had let Tina deliver the news of Bram? That seemed pretty reasonable. Santana was back and she was going to put on a string and confident front. She was here to win back her girl. With it confirmed that Brittany was definitely still into her, it was time to deal with Sam. She knew that leaving it up to Brittany wouldn't work. It would just be a repeat of what happened with Brittany.

So what if song battles didn't really settle anything? This song would prove to Sam that she was the only one for Brittany. She sang it with way more passion than he ever could, at least when it came to Brittany. Why couldn't he just chase after Mercedes again? What she didn't expect was him to be so insightful. He could tell she was still in love with Brittany. But he also insisted he was what was best for her. Santana wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing she agreed. She still had a fight left in her.

The next thing on her agenda was to have a backup plan for if she got Brittany. She'd already dropped out of Louisville, so she needed a feasible way to stay in Lima. Sam was definitely right about long distance not working, but if she was staying in Lima, then Brittany would have to choose her. It was all set in stone. Except she forgot one small detail. Brittany was a genius.

Did you realize, out of time

Yeah, a job coaching Cheerios was a great opportunity. And being with Brittany was all Santana had ever wanted. But Brittany wanted more for her. Sam had been right when he talked to her. Dating him wasn't about revenge on Santana. It was about love. Brittany liked him, and he treated her the same way Santana always had. It was a bit of a consolation to know he was being a good boyfriend to her. Still, hearing Brittany say she wouldn't break up with him was hard.

But then it was followed by her always genius advice. Incredibly sincere, Brittany told her to go to New York. Those weren't her exact words, but Santana knew that's what she meant. Staying in Lima wasn't good for her. She needed to follow her dreams. If those dreams brought her back to Brittany later, when Sam wasn't in the way and neither was Brittany's yet-to-be-earned diploma, then it was meant to be. But Santana needed to date someone else for a while. Brittany was really her only real relationship. Matt and Puck and Sam and Finn and Karofsky weren't relationships, they were farces. It was time to break free from Ohio. It was time to leave Brittany behind, and this time, it wouldn't hurt her. It was what the dancer wanted.

She declined Sue's job offer and she headed to New York on the next train out of Lima. It was time for her to chase her dreams, and once she'd done that, then she'd get her girl back. In the meantime, she'd date a girl or two, make some money, and take on the world on her own. It was scary. Santana hadn't done anything on her own before, but this was the real start of the next chapter of her life. Hopefully Rachel and Kurt wanted a new roommate. It really didn't matter. She was moving in. Time for a new adventure.

Big city, wrong choices