Eames wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her head, pondering the situation between her and Goren.
And nothing like being in the bath, could help her think it through, and see it more clearly.
And yet...
She'd wanted to clear her head, but it didn't seem to be working.
And how could it.
Especially after what had happened between them.
At the very beginning, Eames had wanted to stick to her guns, refusing to sleep with Goren or share the same bed with him, even if nothing was going on.
She had to impose certain limits.
But at night, Goren was still having nightmares, and screaming.
So she gave up her positions, and stayed close to him at night, but in all honor, and without sharing the sheets, always staying on top.
Eames was always installed in a sitting position on the sheet, and Goren came to snuggle up to her, resting his head against her small chest.
To help him doze off, she would bring her hand to his half-ebony, half-ashen curls, caressing them with extreme gentleness, and whispering tender words to him.
And it always worked, eventually putting Goren to sleep.
In those moments, Eames felt as if she had a little boy in her arms.
And she didn't have the heart to leave him alone.
But in the morning, without knowing how, she would always find herself snuggled up in his arms, her head against his chest, Goren's strong arms holding her close, and their legs intertwined.
And each time, Eames was terribly embarrassed, and disturbed by this closeness between them.
But she had to admit, being in Goren's arms felt good.
And then one night, Goren woke up in her arms, and looked up at Eames.
- Alexa... Eames lowered her face to Goren, seeing two brown eyes staring intently at her. I don't know how to thank you.
How to thank her...
But for what reason did he want to thank her.
Eames knew very well that if it had been her in that situation, Goren would have done the same.
So he didn't have to thank her.
It was only natural.
And Eames did it from the heart.
In addition, Eames had to admit that she'd become enormously attached to the fragile, amnesiac Goren, who was falling asleep in her arms.
And she would never regret what she was doing.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Goren depended on her, relied on her.
He made her feel useful.
And the idea that sooner or later he wouldn't need her anymore broke her heart.
Eames loved taking care of him, looking after him.
Goren was so different from the man she knew at work.
But who at times was indeed the man she knew.
Maybe the real Goren, with just a little tenderness, just wanted to get out.
It was quite possible.
He was often defensive.
But not anymore.
Eames wondered what she'd do without him.
She'd find herself alone again, in that big, empty apartment, and she'd go back to a dull, boring life.
Eames didn't want that.
She wanted Goren to stay close to her.
- Alexa...
At Goren's soft, worried voice, his long, slender fingers just resting on her cheek, brushing against her, Eames snapped out of her thoughts, only to come face to face with brown eyes that stared at her intensely, shining with anxiety.
- Something's wrong... Little angel.
Little angel...
At her words, Eames's heart sank, tears welled up in her eyes, clouding her vision, her lips trembled, and an immense sadness overcame her.
Why did Goren keep calling her Little Angel.
For one thing, she was no angel.
And for two, she found it annoying.
But Eames knew she was kidding herself.
Because she loved the diminutive name Goren used.
And she really wanted to be an angel, just to please him.
It was so sweet when Goren said it, the timbre of his voice...
But as the days went by, Eames began to wonder about this nickname Goren always used with her.
That diminutive...
Little angel.
Were they really words of brotherly affection.
Or was it more.
Eames was seriously beginning to wonder.
In addition, how could such simple, innocent words upset her so much.
Goren couldn't take his eyes off Alexa, her expressions changing, and at this moment, one could read immense sadness.
Her big hazel eyes shone with sadness, or beaded with small tears.
Her heart sank at the sight.
No.
Goren didn't want to see this sadness on his little angel's pretty face.
She who took such good care of him, sacrificing her nights for him, never asking for anything in return.
Alexa was and would be his little angel.
The way she watched over him when he had nightmares, taking all her time trying to soothe him, stroking his half-beige, half-ash curls, and whispering tender words to him.
And the days too, to the point of putting his own life on hold for him.
Goren's biggest regret was that he had no memory of Alexa.
But his heart told him, made him understand, that she was a precious person to him.
- Alexa... Why so much sadness.
Why so much sadness...
At Goren's words, a tear fell from his eyes, spreading down his cheek.
My God...
No.
Alexa wasn't going to cry.
Anything but this.
Goren didn't want the sad Alexa.
He wanted the smiling little woman, and even the one he'd seen leaving the hospital, the angry little woman.
But especially not the sad Alexa.
Was there anything he could do...
At the very least, try to soothe some of this sadness, which was taking its toll.
If it would bring a smile back to her face, Goren would do anything.
So he gently raised his hand to her face, brought his fingers to her tear and wiped it away with extreme gentleness.
- My little angel...
My little angel...
Name of God...
Could Goren stop calling her that.
She was torn between annoyance and emotion.
In addition, by continuing to call her that, Eames knew she wouldn't be able to contain her sadness much longer, and she'd end up bursting into tears, letting her grief out.
But she couldn't do that.
She wanted to be strong, and not show him that underneath her looks, she'd been very fragile ever since their accident, and what had happened to Goren.
Eames could never forgive herself for Goren's condition.
What he'd been through.
For her, it would always be his fault.
And nothing could change her mind.
While he worried about her...
Besides, if she had the misfortune to cry in front of him, Goren would ask her questions.
And how could she tell him what had happened.
And why, he couldn't remember.
No.
It was too hard.
Goren had only one thought at the moment, seeing Alexa in this state of deep distress, he wanted to take all her grief, or at least some of it.
But the idea he had in mind...
Goren wasn't sure if Alexa would really appreciate the initiative.
But after all, what was he really risking...
Alexa's anger.
Or who knows worse.
Oh, what the hell.
Goren dropped his reflections, and brought his hand to the back of Alexa's neck, gently forcing her face down to his.
- What are you...
Eames couldn't finish his sentence, as Goren's lips were already resting on hers, brushing against them with extreme gentleness.
At the softness of his lips on hers, Eames felt all his sadness evaporate, to be replaced by something warmer, warmer, deep in his heart.
My God...
But it was really quite pleasant.
His heart began to beat violently, ready to break.
Gently, Goren pulled away from her lips, plunged his brown eyes into her hazel gaze, staring at her intensely.
- With this kiss... I take some of your grief.
With this kiss…
Goren was taking some of his grief.
Was it true.
Had Goren just done this to recoup some of his grief.
Or was it for another reason.
Didn't Goren have other ideas in the back of his mind, kissing her.
- Said Alexa...
At Goren's soft voice, which had just taken on a slightly huskier, more troubled tone, Eames looked at him warily.
Could it be that he was as confused by this kiss as she had been?
For yes, Eames couldn't hide the fact that the kiss had touched her to the very core of her being.
But those darkened brown eyes staring back at her, that expression on his face, was the same one Goren had every time he wanted to ask her something during their partnership.
Eames knew that expression all too well.
But she wasn't sure she liked what he was about to ask her.
- What do you want to ask me Bobby...
At Alexa's suspicious voice, Goren wasn't so sure he wanted to ask Alexa what he wanted.
Besides, would she accept.
The first time, he'd taken her by surprise, and also to appease her.
But this time, it was different.
He wanted to kiss her for another reason.
He'd loved the taste and softness of her lips, and something deep inside him had ignited.
What do you want to ask me Bobby...
Name of God...
How had she guessed he was going to ask her something.
Was he that expressive.
Or maybe Alexa knew him too well.
Or, maybe she was very perceptive.
But still...
And even if he got a flat refusal, Goren still had to try and ask her.
It wouldn't cost anything.
Just maybe he'd be disappointed.
But hey...
If Alexa ever said yes.
- Can I kiss you again...
What.
Kiss her again.
Eames opened his mouth only to close it again, stunned by her request.
Goren couldn't have asked her that.
She must have been hard of hearing.
He wouldn't dare.
He would never ask her such a thing.
And yet...
The way she looked at him, her brown eyes shining with determination, and her scarlet face, Eames knew she hadn't dreamt his request.
At the thought, his heart beat violently in his chest, ready to explode, his face turned scarlet.
Goren hadn't taken the initiative to kiss her without asking her opinion.
So why was he asking her now.
- If you don't want to...
Don't want to...
But that had nothing to do with it.
And in addition, she hadn't said no to him.
But still, if Eames allowed Goren this kind of privacy, where would be the limits afterwards.
And there would be no turning back.
- It's only a kiss... And it doesn't commit us to anything.
But he was insisting in his own way.
Just a kiss...
It didn't commit them to anything.
Could Eames believe his words.
Was it even true.
If they were both to continue in this vein.
Was it true that this was as far as they would go.
Could she really trust him.
From Eames's silence, Goren realized he'd better not insist.
He'd end up putting her off.
And he didn't want that.
After all, for Alexa, the kiss might not have been something important.
Maybe she hadn't felt what he'd felt when their lips touched.
Something strong.
- Let it fall... He moved his hand away from her neck, let it fall again. It's okay if you don't want to.
- No.
At Eames's no, Goren gasped, with the ardor she'd just shouted at him.
Could it be that Alexa wanted another kiss.
A little hope rose in him.
But he had to be sure.
- No...
Eames, her cheeks pink, lowered her gaze to her hands, not daring to look at him.
- I... I don't mind another kiss.
Kiss...
At this word, Goren smiled, touched.
Alexa really was a very simple woman.
She used the word kiss, rather than kiss.
It was just too cute.
The scarlet face she was wearing right now told him she'd had to take it upon herself to admit she wanted another kiss.
So he was going to please her, and above all, reward her.
- Very well...
Gently, he took her chin between his fingers and raised his face to hers, bringing his lips close to hers, brushing against them.
But this time, the tender kiss turned into something more passionate.
Goren crushed his lips to hers, and forced his way through with his teeth, battling and wrapping his tongue around hers in a frenzied dance.
At the ardor of the kiss, Eames swallowed herself whole, taking Goren's face in her hands and deepening their kiss.
At the memory of that night, of that fiery kiss, when she had let herself go completely.
Eames splashed her face with bath water, brought her hands to her face, completely scarlet, hiding it, and shook her head in all directions, still shaken by what she had felt in that kiss.
Something strong, something violent.
How could she have forgotten the softness of his lips on hers, kissing her hungrily, rolling her tongue over his, mixing their saliva.
The kiss had been so sweet, so erotic.
Eames burst into flames, her blood boiling in her veins.
Name of God...
Eames no longer understood herself.
Didn't understand the changes going on inside her heart.
And above all, what was happening between her and Goren.
Why did a simple kiss upset her so much.
What's more, did Goren feel the same way she did.
Something strong.
Just because he'd kissed her fiercely didn't mean he had.
Eames could no longer deny it.
She loved Goren's kisses.
And she'd come back for more.
That she wouldn't refuse him in the future if he asked.
But no, it wasn't to be.
Because Eames was afraid he'd try to go further, and she was afraid she wouldn't refuse him.
She knew even before it happened, that her body would demand Goren's caresses, and kisses.
And that from his darkened brown eyes alone, she would be doomed.
Eames was so afraid.
Afraid of what she was beginning to feel, of her feelings.
If Goren had the misfortune to lay so much as a finger on her, she'd explode, and Goren would be the only one who could put out the fuse.
Name of God...
Eames never thought she'd feel this strongly about Goren.
She'd always thought their relationship would remain platonic.
But perhaps she'd wanted to convince herself of that.
When in fact her heart was telling her otherwise.
But it wasn't.
It couldn't be.
She wouldn't have been so blind, not all her years.
But strangely enough...
Eames wondered if it wasn't fate that had played a trick on them.
For their relationship was no longer so platonic, just by kissing.
And that they were on a different path.
But was Goren feeling it too.