Author's Note: And so… we come to it at last.
The Big Showdown is the entire reason "What If They Were Competent?" was created.
Watching that episode Didi so ENRAGED me by her repeated horrible bad parenting that it made me want to create a world where she was a good parent. Because how she acted DISGUSTED me. Her rude, ignorant, vile behavior that tormented Tommy… and her 'solution' at the end was to not even APOLOGIZE to Tommy but be clueless why he was upset and then want a suit actor to give her child-rearing tips?
Well… this fanfic was born of that rage.
And as such, to "celebrate" this episode and how Didi became the worst mother ever for just this episode… we have something special.
I will be doing sections for EVERY mistake Didi made. Sometimes it will be her stopping herself. Other times other people. And sometimes we may even go full "A Mother's Love" on her. These aren't connected but rather show EACH TIME she could have stopped and gone "I am not competent".
Ladies and Gentlemen… enjoy.
The Big Showdown Part 1
Didi frowned as she walked into her house only to find Stu sitting on the couch with the boys. "Stu, what are the babies-"
"SHHHH!" he hissed at her, pressing a finger to his lips. Didi came over and saw that Tommy was dressed in his pajamas, clutching at his Reptar doll as he slept. Dil, while awake, was cradled in Stu's lap, eyelids heavy as he sucked on his bottle. The TV was on but was so quiet she could barely hear it. "They both woke up at the same time so I brought them down here so I could manage their bottles. Tommy conked out though before he even got his and Dil is almost done…"
"Oh," Didi said, feeling embarrassed that she'd assumed Stu would let the babies stay up past 8pm. She reached down and gathered up Tommy, the baby murmuring but not waking up. She gently made sure he was settled before she glanced at the TV. "Honestly Stu, that is not good for the babies! Reptar is too scary for the babies!"
"Reptar is marketed for ages 1 and up," Stu pointed out. "And Tommy loves Reptar."
"Well… maybe but Dil-"
"Didi, you know at Dil's age he can't even grasp what he's seeing on the tv. All he knows is there are colors and sounds. Its fine."
She let out a sigh. "I suppose you're right. I just worry about them, you know?"
"You want to protect them. I get that. But you can't wrap them up in bubble wrap… they have to experience things."
"You're right…"
The Big Showdown Part 2
Dil's whimpering and crying brought Didi and Stu in (wearing pajamas and not regular clothing since it was MIDNIGHT) to the nursery. They had just recently moved Dil in there, as Tommy had proven able to sleep through Dil's crying for the most part.
"There there, mommy's here now," Didi said, gathering Dil up. "He's frightened Stu."
"Or he's gassy, or he's hungry," Stu pointed out. "Dil usually cries around this time anyway!"
Didi frowned at that. "I think he's scared."
"There is also a thunderstorm," Stu pointed out and the house shook at that moment, Dil letting out a scream. "He got scared of that."
"Well… I guess you are right…"
The Big Showdown Part 3
"He's frightened, Stu!" Didi complained. "Probably by that scary Reptar video."
"Again with Reptar?" Stu complained. "Tommy isn't bothered by it at all. Dil was probably scared by something else."
"Like these?" Didi said, pointing out all the Reptar stuff.
"Did, Dil has NEVER had a problem with Reptar before. In fact the only one that has a problem with Reptar is you."
"Me?" Didi said, annoyed.
"Yes, you. Every day you go on about how you don't like Reptar. He's too violent, too scary. But it isn't about Dil or Tommy… its about you."
"I am worried about my children, unlike you!" Didi declared. "I want all of this stuff out so it doesn't scare Dil."
"This is Tommy's room and he loves Reptar. So you want to punish him because "Dil"," he made mocking air quotes, "is scared?" He huffed. "Fine." With that he moved past her over to Tommy's bed.
"Where are you going?"
"Well, since you need to hover over Dil you can sleep in here. I'm going to bed." With that he lifted Tommy up, careful not to wake him. Tommy, in response, cuddled Reptar closer. "And you can forget about me helping you redecorate Tommy's room. You want to break his heart… do it yourself."
Didi pressed her lips together as Stu left. She set up a place to sleep on the floor, near Dil's crib in case he got scared. And she took the time to yank down the Reptar mobile and posters and get Dil a non-Reptar blankie. There was NOTHING Reptar that Dil could see.
…and he still woke up several times that night, crying and whimpering as the storm rattled the house.
And when she came down in the morning, tired and sore, only to find Stu giving her the silent treatment and Tommy playing with Reptar… and then saw Dil instantly latch onto his own Reptar plushie and happily suck on it… Didi felt like the biggest heel on the planet.
The Big Showdown Part 4
"…no."
Didi looked at Stu. He had taken the babies for a walk around the mall while she had done some shopping but now that they were back together he was giving her the stink eye. "What's the problem?"
Stu raised an eyebrow as he gestured at her cart loaded with Goober merchandise. "Deed, we are not spending 500 dollars just to bathe every inch of Tommy's room with Goober. We don't even know if he likes it!"
"Of course he'll love it! Goober is perfect for babies."
"I thought you had a problem with over saturating the kids. So it was just Reptar then because you are anti-green dinosaur."
"I… well…" Didi sighed. "I went overboard, didn't I?"
"A touch." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Let's just get a single Goober toy. And we can put up some other decorations in Tommy's room if you're worried there is too much Reptar. He does have his Dummi Bears bed… we have other toys and stuff we can decorate with."
"I suppose so."
And later one when Tommy showed absolutely NO interest in Goober Didi was thankful she hadn't gone overboard. It would have been a massive waste of money. Dil liked Goober but he also liked Reptar so Didi got him some stuff for his crib but kept Tommy's side of the room the same.
And the babies were both happy.
The Big Showdown Part 5
Didi smiled as she watched Chuckie and Dil playing with Goober. She'd know that was the better toy for the babies… Goober was friendly and kind and wonderful!
Tommy let out a giggle and Didi turned only to frown when she saw he had opened up the closet and he, along with Phil and Lil, were playing with the hidden Reptar toys.
"No no no," Didi said, hurrying over. "We aren't going to play with Reptar anymore-"
The moment she took the Reptar doll away Tommy SCREAMED.
Didi leaned back in shock. Tommy hadn't wailed like that in… in ages! She'd never heard him so upset.
"Deed, that is enough!" Stu said, walking over.
"He just needs some time with Goober-"
"He wants to play with Reptar," Stu said firmly. Now Phil and Lil were screaming and crying too, all three babies moving to the closet and burying themselves in the Reptar merchandise. Dil and Chuckie, seeing their friends crying, became upset and began to sob too. "I put up with you buying all this useless garbage but now you are ripping toys away from your own son?"
"Stu… I…" Didi walked over to Tommy. "It's okay… mommy-"
Tommy though cringed, turning his head away from her.
Didi's heart broke.
"Oh… I am-"
"Why don't you go downstairs and I'll comfort the kids," Stu said sternly. "I think you've scared them enough."
Scared. Her own kids. She'd scared her own son.
Didi hurried downstairs, tears in her eyes.
The Big Showdown Part 6
Didi held onto the phone, watching as Tommy refused to play with Dil and Chuckie because they liked Goober. She had decided to call a child helpline to see if that had any advice.
"Hello, I'm calling because one of my children isn't enjoying Goober the Gopher. Maybe I need to remove every piece of Reptar merchandise from my house?"
"What does that have to do with Goober?"
"Well, my son loves Reptar but I want him to love Goober."
"So your idea is to take something your son loves away and force him to do what YOU want?"
"exactly!" Didi said.
The advice line operator was silent.
"Hello?"
"Wow, you are a horrible mother."
"What?!" Didi exclaimed.
"You are a horrible mother. Your child loves something, it is causing them no harm, but because you have a problem you want to rip it away. What next… they date someone you don't like so you demand they break up with them? Tell them how to dress and comb their hair? Sit with them at school and do their tests for them? They're a child, not a doll!"
"I… I just…"
"I truly hope you aren't a single parent because at least then your child would have a competent parent."
And with that the operator slammed the phone down.
The Big Showdown Part 7
"Deed, sit down."
Didi frowned as she looked at all her friends. She'd thought they were all going to a special child's day event at the park but instead she'd found herself driven to Drew and Charlotte's house; Lou and Lulu grabbing the kids and taking them into the other room.
"What is going on?" Didi asked.
Charlotte smiled sadly. "This is an intervention."
"A… a what?"
"We think you have a serious problem. You have been so mean to Tommy, stealing his toys, wanting to throw away everything Reptar, trying to force him to play with Goober…"
"Its scary and violent-"
"None of the babies have had any problems though with being scared," Lucy reminded her. "Didi… what's really going on?"
Didi sniffed. "I… I… when I was 4 I found a dead hobo dressed as Reptar and now I'm scared of him!"
The adults all gathered and gave her a hug.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Seriously?" Melinda said to the creator, who they'd allowed to be untied for this episode only.
"Makes more sense than "Didi is a shit parent'."
The Big Showdown Part 8
Didi watched, smiling as the man in the Goober suit greeted Tommy. She was just sure that if he spent more time with Goober he would learn to love him and would forget about Reptar! It would be so much better this way, having Tommy enjoy Goober-
Her smile fell.
'Tommy loves Reptar,' she thought as Tommy shied away from Goober. 'And Stu was right, he was never scared of him. Is it right for me to take away something he loves just because I have an issue with it?'
She was about to tell the man in the Goober suit that maybe he should just greet Chuckie and Dil when he suddenly grabbed Tommy's beloved Reptar doll, violently tugging on it even as Tommy fought before finally ripping it away and forcing Tommy to take a Goober doll. Tommy though just began to sob… and not in his normal 'I'm scared' cry. This… this one was of utter heartache. It made Dil begin to cry too, reaching out and hugging his brother, while Chuckie shifted about, clearly effected.
"Excuse me!" Didi demanded, holding out her hand. "That is my son's toy."
"And he has Goober now," the costumed man said, dropping his fake voice.
"He doesn't want Goober he wants Reptar."
The man scoffed. "Come on lady, I know what the deal is!"
"The deal?" Didi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Think you're the first mom to bring her kid her trying to force'em to love Goober? Please… you just don't have the guts to take that lizard away from him! Let me do it and in a few days he'll forget all about him… be like a brand new baby."
Didi though swallowed at that. No… she had had the guts to take Reptar away. She'd been ready to throw all of Tommy's toys in the trash! And she didn't want a new Tommy…
'Except I was going to force him to love something he doesn't.'
Squaring her shoulders she marched over to the man, grabbing Reptar from him. "I don't know who hired you but don't you DARE scare my children like that!"
"Listen lady-" Goober Man said, giving Didi a shove… only for Betty to deck him.
"Don't talk to my friend like that!"
Didi turned to Tommy only for her heart to break. He was looking at her, tears in his eyes, and it was clear he thought she was going to throw Reptar away. And because of how she'd acted Dil was upset; in fact he grabbed his beloved Goober doll and threw it onto the ground before hugging Tommy again.
"I'm so sorry, Tommy," Didi said, kneeling down and stroking his head before giving him back Reptar. "I shouldn't have taken your toys away." She picked up Goober and held him out to Dil. "There is room for both of your toys, I promise."
Tommy grabbed Reptar and clung to him tight…
…and Didi sighed when he didn't look at her with gratitude or thanks but rather worry that this was a trick.