Chapter 21

One day to go, one sleep to go, found us walking down the street, hand in hand. Our fingers felt like they were permanently entwined, neither wanting to let go. Sophia had fallen asleep on the couch and Mum had shuffled us out the door, telling Tae and I to take a walk or a drive, knowing every moment counted.

We'd opted to walk, the afternoon still, the sky the bluest of the blues with just a few clouds. The last few months had been almost idyllic and I had stored up so many touches and moments that I was set for months. Which was a good thing because once he was enlisted, that was all it could be.

"Listen to that," Tae said, pulling my hand to stop under a tree. I listened for a moment, the quiet was interrupted a little with cars going past but I waited for Tae to explain. "I don't think you understand jagi because you've always lived here but this sound is beautiful."

"The road noise," I joked, knowing he couldn't be meaning that.

"The birds in the trees are so loud. I just can't hear that on the streets of Seoul and I love it. One more reason to love it here."

"There are also lots of reasons to love Seoul."

"Well, yes, that is true but I could be happy anywhere you are."

"This trip has definitely been once in a lifetime," I said, leaning in to wrap my arms around his back, resting on his chest as he held me close too. "The chance to really get to know each other, even more. Spending 24/7 with someone for weeks on end is different from only seeing them sometimes."

"We really, really got to know each other," he teased but then leaned back to peck the tip of my nose with his lips. "Isn't our whole story kind of a once in a lifetime thing though?"

I gazed up at him, shaking my head ever so slightly as I smiled. "Could you be any sweeter?"

"I could try," he laughed as we started walking again.

"It comes naturally, charmer," I answered, knowing he really did charm everyone, easily.

We stayed there a little longer, not in a hurry as we had nowhere specifically we were going.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye tomorrow," he said, voice quieter than normal.

"Don't then. We always used to say until next time but we haven't had to say that in ages. But there will always be a next time with us now so..."

"Yes and for that I am very thankful. And I'll see you again really soon, on the day-,"

"-don't say it," I interrupted him.

"OK baby," he said, stopping before I welled up. The enlistment day was not that long away and I didn't want to think about that either although at least I would be flying to be there on a day I knew would be hard for everyone. "Let's just enjoy this beauty, this time, us." Kissing my lips this time, we shared air between us, exchanging our feelings into touches like we'd done so many times before. Surfacing eventually, we stared into each others eyes for a very long time until a car came close, dislodging the birds we'd stopped to hear and we turned to watch as they ascended, in a flock, a chorus of noise and chaos.

"That sounds more like Seoul," Tae laughed and we set out again, relishing the time before we turned back to home and Sophia and our last night together in New Zealand.

That night, we snuck out again to our campervan, not returning until the dawn, making the most of every minute, every caress, every sweet whispered word and sigh and I closed my mind to any thoughts of being apart and relished each second and every touch.

"You know you're welcome here anytime Taehyung," Mum said, reaching up to give him a hug. "We'll be thinking of you the next few months," and he nodded into her embrace.

"Thank you, I am very grateful for how welcome you have made me feel."

"Yes young man, I'm proud of you for what you're about to do for your country," my father added and I instantly had to turn away, to swipe the tears that had been threatening to spill for hours.

"Thank you sir, that means a lot to me," Tae said as he shook the outstretched hand and bowed.

"I want to go too," Sophia said, pouting. She'd been told she would be staying with Mum and Dad while I drove to the airport but she was wanting to be a part of it all.

"Not this time Sophia Bug. There are some things I want to talk to Tae about that you would find very boring."

She frowned, crossed her arms and dropped her lips even more.

"BugBug, would it help if I told you that once your mother and I get in the car, your grandparents have a surprise to give you from me?"

I turned to look at him and then my parents and mum nodded.

"Your Tae knew this might be hard so he has a little gift for Sophia to take her mind off it. He is very thoughtful."

"I like presents TaeTae but I want you to stay here," and her lip came out and started quivering now before she whimpered and then burst into tears.

Tae didn't hesitate to swoop her into a hug as she buried her face in his shoulder and dropped tears all over his top while my heart fell. She echoed everything I was feeling and wanted to say but couldn't right now.

"I want that too princess but it won't be forever. Not too long from now," he whispered into her ear, "we will be together again and then," he looked up and met my eyes as he spoke, "then we will be a family for a long, long time." I couldn't look away in that moment, feeling his words.

"But TaeTae, I like it when you put me to bed." She was snuffling and he was gently stroking her back, blinking away tears of his own.

"I love that too. Shall I read you a story when I'm back in Korea? I can do that over the iPad? And your surprise, it will tell you how much I miss you when we're not together, OK?"

"OK TaeTae." She snuffled a little more as her tears began to dry up. Then she reached for his face, put her hands on either side of his cheeks, squeezing a little as she stared up at him. "I love you, see you for my story," she said and wriggled down out of his arms.

"We'll go now," I said to mum as Sophia tugged her hand towards the bedroom where her surprise was waiting.

"OK love, I'll be here with a cup of tea when you get back."

"I'll need it mum," I answered as I gave her a quick hug.

"Take a deep breath Marley," she whispered in my ear and I did, adjusting my face so I didn't weep the whole way to the airport. Patting me lightly on the back. "You can do this," she said, re-assuredly and I nodded in her arms.

"Let's go Tae," I said as I turned back to him and our slightly red eyes met each other, knowing neither of us was really ready.

"What is the surprise you got for Sophia," I asked into the silence. We were almost half way to the airport and the car was quiet, more so than ever before when we were together which was stupid as I'm sure we both had so much to say. But we simply couldn't. Both of us were thinking and the weight of those thoughts circled heavily inside the car.

"Oh," he said, surprised out of his thoughts. "It's a teddy bear. If you squeeze any of the four paws you hear my voice saying something and each is different. Maybe it will help with being apart."

"That's really thoughtful Tae and I know she will wear it out listening. You know she'll hold you to reading stories to her over Facetime."

"I'm counting on it and I'll do it for as long as I can." He didn't need to say more. It could only be for a few weeks until he was serving. Then he would be very limited on contact with anyone and we had tried to prepare ourselves for that, knowing you couldn't ever really be ready.

As we approached the airport, I pulled over to the side of the road, aware it wasn't a romantic location but just needing to stop no matter where it was.

"Is everything OK," he asked as I turned the engine off.

"Of course it's not, you're leaving me," I said dramatically but I wasn't crying and I attempted to turn it into a joke by rolling my eyes. He quickly reached for my hand, seeing through me, knowing that I needed to feel him one last time. And maybe he needed my touch too.

"If there was a way I could stop it hurting so much I would," Tae said, lightly rubbing my hand.

"I know and I don't begrudge the fact you need to do this. It's very honourable and I love you for it."

"I need to and I want to. It's important to me but it doesn't change the fact that I never want to walk away and leave you behind. And I'm not sure that's ever going to get easier over time."

"I know it's not," I said, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. My handwriting scrawled both sides, where I'd poured out my heart onto the page, telling him in every way I could what he meant to me.

Passing it over to him, I pressed it between our palms. "Please don't read it now, I'll cry too much. Maybe not even on the plane but that's up to you. I need you to know my life will never be the same and every day, whether we're together or apart, I'll love you."

He looked down at our hands, the paper sealed between them and then back to me before he mimicked Sophia from earlier, taking my cheeks in his hands. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he said, kissing my eyes closed, sealing his words with a press to my lips in the gentlest kiss I'd ever had.

"I believe you," I whispered into his mouth, taking the kiss and keeping it safe. "I think I'm ready now," I said even though I wasn't but I started up the car again and he nodded, reaching for my hand as we drove the rest of the way.

There wasn't a big send off, too many people around for it to be discreet and I didn't even get out of the car. It was best for him to just take his bags and go, as much as that made me feel sick, sending him off alone. "OK babe, I'll call you when I'm home. Thank you for this," he said, folding the paper into his carry bag as he slung it over his shoulder.

"See ya," I said, smiling.

"See you soon," he smiled back and it tugged at my insides to be letting him go.

He touched his fingertips to mine then wiggled them a little leaving a warmth behind. "Until next time," and he got out of the car, flipped his baseball cap round to the front, put on his sunglasses and walked out of my line of sight through the airport doors.

It wasn't the first or last time he would do that, walk away and leave me behind but if the last few months had reminded me of one thing, it was that Tae was unpredictable. So when he appeared back through the door again, tipping his head to make eye contact and giving me a wink, I smiled instead of feeling the heartache that always came when we left each other. Because this time, as he flashed me his huge smile and made a hand heart, I knew that he'd probably text me in a few minutes to say he was missing me and Facetime half an hour later from the gate lounge to say he was bored. But being apart from each other after living in each others pockets was going to make it extra hard to not talk and I sighed before I started the car and drove home, blinking away tears so I could see the road.

It was ugly, like I knew it would be, mum flicking the jug on as soon as she heard the car pull in, dad whisking Sophia and her new teddy bear TaeTae friend away to her room, seeing I was about to cry. But when I had cried it out and dried the tears after telling Mum how horrible this all was, I went in search of Sophia.

"Look mama, TaeTae talks to me," she said and proceeded to press each paw and the tummy for me to hear Tae's voice.

"Wow, that really is a special present," I answered, so in love with the fact he had though of her. I voiced it out loud and dad got up from where he was sitting on her bed.

"He didn't just think of Sophia," he said, pulling a gift box out of the top of the wardrobe and handing it to me. "Come find us again when you're ready love," dad said and I nodded, taking Tae's gift into the room we'd slept in, opening it in private.

My gift was a bear too and when I pressed the paws, he sung to me, lines Tae had written, confessions of his love. I'd heard them before, the song he wrote when we hadn't known each other long. As I listened to him sing 'and I'm in the moment, living for the time when I'm with you, always' I felt another few tears escape before I whipped out my phone and sent him a text, wondering if he'd boarded yet.

Marley

I'm living for that time too. Love you oppa xx

Tae

Your parents gave you the gift then?

Marley

Yes, it's the cutest, Sophia's too

Tae

I'm on the plane and there's no-one near me in my section. I won't be able to wait to read your letter until I get home.

Marley

I just needed to say a few things so you'd have no doubts

Tae

I already have no doubts jagiya but thank you, your words are always precious to me as are you.

Marley

I'll miss you

Tae

I already do

Tae

About to take off, until next time xx

Tae POV

As I tucked my phone away for departure, I pulled the letter out. I hadn't officially left the country yet but it had been burning a hole in my bag and I needed to read what she had written. Unfolding the single leaf, I stroked the lettering, done in a purple pen, cute. Even her handwriting made me feel warm. I was so completely gone for her and a lump had formed in my throat as I waited to fly away. It was a good thing I was travelling alone, I'd be no company at all. Then I began to scan the words, my heart expanding as she told me everything the last year had meant to her, her fears of the time apart, her hopes for the future. And as I read, the plane lifted off but I didn't even notice, mind going through all the emotions she brought out in me. Then I picked up a pen and began to write, a love letter of sorts, reflecting it all back to her so she'd know I felt exactly the same.

Three hours later and my eyes were growing heavy but the letter was done. And I smiled as I tucked it away for sometime soon. I wanted it to be the right time to share it with her but it still needed work to make it what I wanted it to be. Now I needed to sleep because once I landed, I had half a day to recover and then my final preparation towards enlistment and there was lots I wanted to do before then. So I closed my eyes, picturing our campervan, my girls, our words to each other and fell asleep with a smile on the corner of my lips.

I collapsed in my own bed after the company car whisked me home, sending a quick message to Marley to say I was safe and then I was out for the count for what didn't feel like long enough, running my hand through my hair as I surfaced from sleep, turning on social media to see what I'd missed while I slept.

There were posts talking about me being back in the country after a long time away in New Zealand and so I decided to post a video I'd been waiting on since we took it together, confirming it was indeed New Zealand that had been my home away from home for those months. Satisfied that the video gave enough information but not too much, I added the hashtag #AlittlethankyoutoNewZealandforhavingme, clicked the post button and jumped in the shower, waiting to see what would have been talked about already once I got out.

My video had already been reposted all over Instagram and I read some of the comments as I dried my hair.

**We were right, he was in New Zealand!**

**That was so sweet of him, buying food for the people at McDonalds. Tae is the best idol**

**|Did anyone see him when he was there?**

**That's a McDonalds up the road from me! He was that close to me and I didn't know?!**

I knew posting the video would open a can of worms about my time away, more speculation but I'd always planned to post that video. The discussion would likely die down quickly and be replaced with talk of enlistment anyway so it didn't bother me that they knew where I had been now that I was home away from Marley, keeping her and Sophia slightly safer. But I messaged Marley so she'd know what to expect in case she saw anything online.

Marley POV

Now that Tae had posted the McDonalds video, the next few days was like a free for all. Heaps of videos come out from our trip that ARMY have been saving, confirming the sightings I had noticed and others we hadn't. The McDonalds drive thru with an ARMY holding her food and explaining what she suspected, having a hard time containing her screams. The petrol station where we'd quickly left but not quickly enough, at the small country pub tucked into a booth together, and most recently riding the bike at the park. That was the most damning, not holding hands but clearly Tae helping Sophia on her bike then coming back to me and leaning in together. ARMY had gate-keeped them until Tae had made it clear that he had been here in the country. They had protected our precious time together and I felt like I understood why BTS spoke so highly of ARMY all the time. I was so grateful that no-one had posted anything too revealing back then or now, nothing had really marred our trip in that way and I knew it might be the one and only time we could ever holiday that freely. I even braved Instagram once Tae mentioned he had read really positive and supportive messages.

**Tae looks so relaxed in that video at the park, I'm so happy for him**

**That's the little girl that was on stage with him, cute**

**Is this, like, his family now?**

**I could cry, he's not single :( I mean we knew it but now we really know. But go Tae, if she makes him happy we should be happy for him**

I skipped over ones that seemed like they might trigger me, eyes trained on the ones that were happy for him and for us together and then I read his latest text.

Tae

I'm tied up most of the day but I'll be doing a live at 9pm my time, please watch if you can

Marley

Aren't I the only one allowed to tie you up? I will watch for sure

Tae

Thank you jagi and **groan**. Too many people around for comments like that!

I set an alarm so I wouldn't miss seeing him do his live and carried on with my day, back at my house now, adjusting to life that wasn't in the confines of the campervan, Sophia back in preschool. And when I had dozed in and out of sleep later that night, jolted awake by the alarm sounding, I propped myself up with my iPad and turned the live on, watching as he sat calmly, reading comments as millions began to tune in to whatever he was going to be doing today. Tae had always been known to have random lives; short ones, sometimes without a lot of chat but he looked comfortable, music playing softly in the background and I knew I'd have heart eyes if anyone could see me. He looked a little tired to me but his smile was charming as always and I felt like a fan then, admiring him along with thousands of others.

He scrolled through the comments, glossing over most, answering a few with hellos or telling them what he'd eaten that day when they asked. Then he leaned forward and scrolled back a little, grinning when he saw a specific comment.

"Yes, I was on a big trip away. Thank you ARMY for keeping me safe during that time."

"Did I have a favourite place in New Zealand I visited? Hmmmm, I'll have to think about that one and get back to you. I created lots of new memories," and my heart warmed at his words as I pulled the blankets up to my chin and snuggled down, smiling to myself. I did too.

"This song playing? Oh, it is one Jungkookie shared that he thought I'd like. It's good. I'm going to play lots of music today while I read your comments."

"What hair colour will I change it to next? Hmmmm well, we know I am going to enlist soon so I will keep it my natural colour and it will need to be cut. You don't want me to cut it? Trust me, I like it long too."

"But speaking of enlistment, that will be an important time for me and I hope that I will have your love, support and best wishes while I'm away."

And then he broke away from talking about his enlistment, looking directly at the camera. "Jagi, this one's for you," and I sat up as the music changed to a new song, his own voice singing softly as I strained to hear. It was deep and soulful and beautiful. "Just a casual track for now everyone and I can't play you the whole thing as I only started writing it on the plane a few days ago," Tae continued, staring intently at the screen.

It was some of my words from the letter I wrote, turned into a song. It sounded raw hearing them sung back that way, in front of everyone but I could tell that he needed to do this for the both of us and I didn't mind. Because I knew the truly secret parts of what I had written would never be put into a song, Tae was too sensitive to do that to us. Turning the volume of the song down after 30 seconds he was smiling.

"You can probably guess that this is a love letter to the one I love and who loves me back. It will make it onto my album one day and be one of my most important songs. Thank you for supporting us."

He could've been meaning BTS when he said 'us' but I knew what he wasn't so I grabbed my phone and sent off a quick message.

Marley

Sometimes I pinch myself that you're mine. Love you xx

I watched as Tae leaned forward, my message likely popping up in front of him, reading the screen before smiling even more broadly. "OK everyone, thank you for spending some time with me. I have to go now. Take care ARMY," and in true Tae style, he was gone, the live ending abruptly.

Then my phone began to ring and I knew my night wasn't over, that if I really did pinch myself it would be real and I answered the call, his face filling my screen.

"Annyeong aein,"he said, eyes lighting up as they met mine and the distance between us was swept away as we told each other all the things that were just for us, away from the public, away from our friends and families. With words that made us fall even more in love.