Ever since what had happened between him and Eames, Goren hadn't dared call Eames or go and see her.
And how could he.
He was ashamed of his behavior, ashamed of himself.
In addition, Eames hadn't come back to work.
And Goren was starting to worry.
He would have liked to call her, or even go to her house, but he couldn't face her.
Especially after the way he'd behaved.
He'd slept with her, then cowardly abandoned her.
He had no other word for it, so odious it was.
But not seeing Eames anymore, her big hazel eyes shining with sweetness, nor her face with its big smile, and her voice, which she had so tenderly, was very hard.
She missed Eames terribly.
But for her sake, he had no other choice.
He had to put everything that had happened during her convalescence behind him.
He would never be for her.
He wasn't a good enough man for her.
Eames was goodness itself.
He, on the other hand, was an egotist.
He took things without caring if he hurt anyone.
But the fact that Eames hadn't come back made him realize that he was responsible, that it was because of what he'd done.
And how could it have been otherwise.
Goren understood Eames well.
And to think he tended to criticize bad fathers.
When he was no better as a man.
Eames had sacrificed part of her life to take care of him, and he'd savagely abandoned her when he'd only just made love, but worse, he'd taken advantage of her in every way.
Eames could never forgive him, let alone the way he'd walked out of her life without the slightest explanation.
And God knows, he was crazy about that little piece of woman.
That's what he'd finally realized.
All these years, she'd been right there in front of him.
And he'd seen nothing.
Well, almost.
Goren knew why he'd had that violent argument with Eames in the car.
It wasn't the man's way of being that he hadn't liked, but the idea that he'd even laid a finger on Eames had driven him mad with jealousy.
But even if he couldn't bear the thought of another man even touching Eames, she could never be with him.
So he had no say in the matter.
But Goren had to tell himself that he was lucky all the same; he'd been lucky enough to have Eames all to himself for those few months.
They had been moments of pure happiness.
Eames had been so tender with him.
In his words, in his gestures.
He'd wanted so much more.
He'd wanted the woman, to feel her skin against his.
At first, he'd contented himself with little kisses, but as time went by, that wasn't enough.
He kept asking for more, until he was always pushing the limits.
Goren had felt a vital need to touch Eames, to caress her skin in many places, even the most intimate.
But above all, he'd needed to possess her.
And he still remembered.
Her soft wetness, so pleasant, so good.
But after getting what he wanted so badly, he'd left.
Good God...
How he hated himself.
And how could he not hate himself, after what he'd done.
He should never have slept with Eames.
Especially for her sake.
Because in doing so, he'd hurt the person he cared about most, the person who'd always been there for him.
And having lost his memory was no excuse for what he'd done.
He knew that something was urging him to stop, but he'd preferred to forget, to listen to his impulses.
But Goren had to admit, if he'd remembered who Eames was, he wouldn't have had his few months of happiness with her.
Above all, he would have known from the start that this relationship was doomed to failure.
That the only thing he could do was to hurt Eames deeply, and he'd done just that.
It was also for this reason that he had always put up barriers between them, always carefully avoiding touching her.
Goren had always known that if he so much as laid a finger on Eames, she would shatter into a thousand pieces.
And that's exactly what happened.
For underneath her strong exterior, Eames was above all a sensitive, fragile woman.
- Goren...
At Barek's dry voice, Goren snapped out of his thoughts to see large black eyes staring back at him with contempt and hatred.
- Eames is seriously ill.
What.
Eames was gravely ill.
But what...
- That famous day when you cowardly abandoned him on the stoop. Barek's voice vibrated with violent anger. That she stayed there for hours, even when it started to storm.
Stay for hours...
Even when it had begun to storm.
Goren remembered, Eames only had the sheet covering her body, and that wasn't something to protect her from the rain, or the storm.
My God...
This was all her fault.
Eames had stayed on the stoop, because he'd hurt him deeply.
But he'd never thought she'd stay for hours.
He'd thought she'd come home.
But he still remembered her crying.
He couldn't forget them.
Had he known, he would have retraced his steps, and at least forced him back into his apartment.
But no, he had, as Barek had put it, cowardly abandoned her.
- I shouldn't even be telling you this... But Eames has a high fever and refuses to be treated.
Barek did her best to keep calm, but it was hard.
All she wanted to do was tear Goren's eyes out.
To know that if Eames went on like this, she could die, and all because of Goren.
Barek could feel nothing but contempt for Goren.
She'd decided after work to take a detour, as if she'd had an intuition, and what hadn't she seen, or rather seen.
An Eames on the stoop, covered for everything with a sheet, and crying.
And worse, it was stormy out.
So she didn't hesitate for a second, and rushed to Eames' side, who was burning with fever.
And when Eames told her all about it, Barek was out of her mind.
But Eames told her not to do anything, and made her promise.
So she reluctantly agreed.
And every day, Barek went to see Eames, to check on her.
But she refused to eat, drink or, above all, take her medicine.
Eames cried.
She told him that Goren had abandoned her, and that without him, she couldn't go on.
Goren had broken Eames' heart, which had already been shattered by the death of Joe, her first husband.
She was also wounded by Goren's accident and memory loss, feeling responsible.
And the moment Goren regained his memory, he abandoned her.
She had sacrificed part of her life for him.
It wasn't fair.
In addition, Barek knew that there would always be a gulf between Eames and Goren.
Especially if they had the misfortune to go beyond mere partners into something more intimate.
They were too bruised, too wounded, by life.
Did Goren realize how much he'd hurt Eames?
That she'd been left on the stoop, in the storm, and for all that, with just a sheet covering her body.
- I shouldn't have told you... Because you don't deserve to know.
With these last words, said in an icy voice, Barek placed the keys to Eames' apartment on the desk in front of him, and turned away, leaving him alone with his demons.
But she stopped for a moment, and turned to him one last time.
- Eames needs you.
Eames needed him...
Goren couldn't get what Barek had told him about Eames out of his head, and he couldn't take his eyes off the keys.
Good God...
What had he done.
Eames had a high fever, and refused treatment.
It was all his fault.
Barek was right about one thing: he didn't deserve to know Eames's condition after his behavior, especially since he was the only one responsible for it.
And even if everyone hated him, especially the woman concerned, he couldn't leave her like that, he had to go and see her.
But Goren already knew he wouldn't be welcome.
But he had to at least try, and above all, make her see reason.
And make her take care of herself.
Yes, he'd been a coward.
But he wouldn't be again.
Proud of his decision, he took the keys in his hands, under the gaze of a Barek who never took her eyes off him, moved his seat away from his desk, stood up, grabbed his jacket, and with quick steps headed for the exit.