In the Early Morning hours at 2:45 AM, Lily couldn't sleep at all. She was in a lot of deep thought.
Lily: (In her head) I think the Krusty Krab should serve more food than just Krabby Patties. But what should they serve? I know! Hot dogs, pizza, and more will be perfect for the menu. But what else should we add as well?
Then Lily sensed something. She sensed a Clow Card.
Lily: I sense a Clow Card.
She got up and went outside to a beautiful tree and out came a bunch of beautiful tiny glowing orbs of light that looked like fireflies.
Lily: Wow. It's so beautiful. They look like fireflies.
Then a little fairy with a firefly tail came. It was a Clow Card. It was the Glow Card.
Lily: Wow. You are a pretty one.
She was sprinkling beautiful glowing dust that made it look like fireflies.
Lily: You're the Glow Card. 灯
The Glow Card is a gentle card and is one of the harmless cards. Glow can create tiny orbs of light and scatter them all over.
Lily: If J.D. can do it so can I. RETURN TO YOUR POWER CONFINED!
Lily held out her hand and an energy card formed and it sucked in the Glow Card and it formed into a card. It was now Lily's.
Lily: Wow. The Glow Card.
Later at 8:00 AM we were having breakfast.
I saw Lily in a happy mood.
Me: You're in a happy mood Lily.
Lily: Yep. I have awesome news. I caught my first ever Clow Card.
Sakura Avalon: You caught a Clow Card, Lily?
Lily: I sure did. See?
Lily showed us the Glow Card.
Me: The Glow Card. Way to go Lily!
Kero: The Glow Card is a gentle and harmless card. It's one of the cards that loves to brighten up the place.
Lily: I saw what it can do.
Nico: Way to go Lily.
Hunter: (German Accent) Ja. Und you did a great job.
Lily: You can have it J.D. I know it's what you would've done.
Me: Thanks Lily.
Lily handed it to me. I signed my name on it.
Me: I didn't sense anything last night because I was asleep.
Sakura Avalon: Me neither.
Madison: I don't think any of you sensed it.
Lily: I did and I found the Glow Card.
Me: You are lucky Lily.
Lily: Well I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what else I can add to the Krusty Krab menu. I sensed it at 2:50 in the morning.
Lisa: You have a really strong mind Lily. I'm amazed that you can sense the Clow Cards like 2nd Elder Brother can.
Lily: I think it might have something to do with our powers.
Me: The power of the Gods works in mysterious ways.
Later in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob is pulling a trashcan, with Patrick inside, out through the door. Then he pushes it onto the curb.]
SpongeBob: Whew!
[A mail truck drives by and drops a package on the curb.]
SpongeBob: What's that?
Patrick: [pops out of trashcan] Looks like a box.
SpongeBob: Wonder who it belongs to. [jumps on the box] Maybe it says on the other side.
Both: Nope.
Patrick: Oh, look, it's open.
SpongeBob: It is?
Patrick: [opens the box] Yup.
SpongeBob: [peeks inside the box] Ooh. [climbs in the box] It's—it's— [whimpers] It's stuff! [holds up a big pile of sporting equipment]
Patrick: [laughs] Oh, I knew it! But what does this stuff do?
[The sporting equipment falls on SpongeBob and Patrick. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick in the library with a golf club.]
Both: Hmm.
SpongeBob: Ah, this must be for getting books off the top shelf. [knocks books off the top shelf with the golf club]
Patrick: Hey! [laughs]
[SpongeBob knocks more books off the shelf, which they all drop on Patrick. SpongeBob stops and another book falls on Patrick's head.]
Patrick: Wow.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick with the bowling ball in the kitchen.]
Patrick: This must be a whipped cream holder.
[Patrick takes a bottle of whipped cream and pours some through the finger holes on the bowling ball. Then he eats the whipped cream from the ball, but he drops it in his mouth. Then he falls through the floor and into the basement.]
SpongeBob: Ah! Patrick, are you okay?
[Patrick licks some whipped cream from the bowling ball.]
Patrick: Yum.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick in the living room with a catcher's mitt. SpongeBob gives the mitt to Gary, who slithers onto it to sleep.]
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: This must be a portable snail bed. [rocks Gary to sleep] Rock-a-bye Gary
Patrick: I wanna try!
[Patrick hops on the catcher's mitt and pushes Gary aside.]
Gary: Meow.
[Patrick curls himself on the mitt and goes to sleep.]
SpongeBob: Aww. [chuckles]
[The scene changes to Squidward's house. Squidward is in the kitchen, preparing himself a fancy lunch.]
Squidward: [humming] Oh, it may have taken you all morning, Squidward, but this is a meal fit for a king. [bell dings] Oh. My croque-madame is ready. [goes to get his croque-madame]
[A tennis ball crashes through the window and destroys everything including Squidward's meal. Squidward comes back with the croque-madame.]
Squidward: [notices the mess] What the—
[The tennis ball flies into Squidward's croque-madame and gets splattered in the face with its goop. SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing outside.]
Squidward: [shakes the goop off and growls] SpongeBob! Patrick! What do you two think you're—[notices the sporting equipment] wow.
[Squidward runs to the back where SpongeBob and Patrick are wrecking up his garden with a soccer ball and tennis rackets.]
Both: Hi-yah! [laughs]
[The soccer ball destroys the bird bath and bird house as well as the flowers. SpongeBob and Patrick go to hit the soccer ball again right before Squidward arrives.]
Squidward: My begonias! What are you lunk heads doing with all this equipment?
Both: Equipment?
Squidward: You don't know what this stuff is?!
Both: Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
Squidward: This is a soccer ball...[kicks the soccer ball in SpongeBob's face] that is a tennis racket, [shoves the tennis racket in SpongeBob's face] and these are a couple of morons! [bashes SpongeBob and Patrick's face into each other] Now, be quiet! And clean up all of your sports junk!
Both: [confused] What's a "sportz?"
Squidward: [groans] Sports are games you play for points. The points determine the winner of the game.
Patrick: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I love games!
SpongeBob: Me too! You must know a lot about "sportz," Squidward. Will you teach us how to play?
Squidward: I can't think of anything I'd rather do less than—
[Squidward's angel appears on his right shoulder.]
Angel Squidward: Now now, Squidward. You need to help them. Played incorrectly, sports can be very dangerous.
[Squidward's devil appears on his left shoulder.]
Devil Squidward: Yeah, he's right! You should teach 'em to play wrong, 'cause it's payback time!
[The tennis ball hits Squidward's angel.]
Angel Squidward: Let 'em have it, right between the eyes. [disappears]
[Squidward's devil disappears as well.]
Squidward: You know, on second thought, I'd be happy to teach you all about sports, SpongeBob. [chuckles evilly]
[The scene changes to Squidward setting up a horseshoe toss game.]
Squidward: All right, the object of this game is to throw the horseshoe around the stick.
SpongeBob: Ah, seems easy enough.
Squidward: Sure, but you have to do it... [hold up a blindfold] blindfolded. [ties the blindfold around SpongeBob's face and gives the horseshoe to SpongeBob]
[Patrick licks his horseshoe just as Squidward puts the blindfold around Patrick's eyes.]
Patrick: Um, do we throw now?
Squidward: Yes.
SpongeBob: At the same time?
Squidward: Yes! Throw it at the same time! Throw!
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [throws the horseshoe]
[Patrick throws his horseshoe as well. SpongeBob's horseshoe hits Patrick in the head while Patrick's horseshoe hits SpongeBob in the face.]
SpongeBob: Ow! [sticks his tongue out with his eyeballs showing; then puts his eyeballs back in place] Aw, we didn't hit the sticks. Did we do bad?
Patrick: [his face puffs up] My face hurts.
Squidward: Oh, no, no, no. You both did good. Pain is—uh, worth points. You know the phrase, "no pain, no gain."
Patrick: [laughs] I want pain points! [kicks his horseshoe and a seahorse falls on him]
Squidward: Yeah, that's great. Now do it—oh, 100 more times. [throws the horseshoe]
SpongeBob: Yeah!
[The horseshoe falls SpongeBob's nose. SpongeBob throws the horseshoe again, but gets hit in the face with Patrick's horseshoe.]
SpongeBob: Ow!
[SpongeBob and Patrick keep hitting themselves with each other's horseshoe while Squidward lays back and watches them in amusement.]
Squidward: Oh, Squiddy, you're a genius.
[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to Squidward and appear to brutally beaten by Squidward's so-called game.]
SpongeBob: Squidward, can the game be over now? All this pain is starting to hurt.
Squidward: Oh, sorry. There's no way to end the game without one of you winning.
[SpongeBob and Patrick groan. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick wearing ice skates and are around to race each other on Squidward's command.]
Squidward: Ready...set...go! [fires the toy gun and chuckles]
[SpongeBob and Patrick start running, but as they running, they are having a hard time running with the ice skates as they appear to be uncomfortable. SpongeBob trips and falls, getting sand with worms in his mouth.]
SpongeBob: [spits the sand out of his mouth] Squidward, are you sure we're doing this right? These running shoes are really hurting my ankles.
Squidward: Oh, you're absolutely doing it right. Try to pick up the pace, though.
[Patrick appears behind SpongeBob and slices him in half with his ice skate.]
Patrick: Comin' through!
[The two halves of SpongeBob stand up and goes to catch up to Patrick. Two sharks come by and notices what SpongeBob and Patrick are doing.]
Shark Son: I wanna play, Daddy.
Shark Dad: No, son. We're sports "fans." We just watch.
[The Shark Dad pulls up a chair and sits down while his son takes up a foam hand. SpongeBob and Patrick made it to the finishing line.]
Squidward: And...time. Let's see those ankles.
[SpongeBob and Patrick's ankles puff up from the strain of running while wearing the ice skates.]
Squidward: [gasps] Oh, yeah, those look bad. You both get—mm, 50 points. Why not?
Patrick: Hey, then we're still tied!
[The scene changes to people walking to the backyard of SpongeBob and Squidward's houses. In the backyard, there's a sporting arena containing several different fields: a baseball field, a bowling rink, a soccer field, a basketball court, a football field, a golf course, and some gymnasium sections. SpongeBob is holding up a catcher's mitt and a tennis racket while wearing a headband. Patrick shoots footballs in SpongeBob's face with the football shooter. SpongeBob comes back with footballs lodged in his mouth and gives a thumbs up. The scoreboard changes from 70 to 72, and they're still tied. Patrick hits the bowling ball with the golf club, but the club breaks and hits SpongeBob in the face. The scoreboard changes from 82 to 84, and they're still tied. SpongeBob and Patrick are on the balance beam over a jellyfish hive. The beam breaks and they both get stung by jellyfish. The scoreboard changes from 88 to 90, and they're still tied.
Lily, Tori, Lightning, Bai Tza, Gali, Maria, Horsea, Matt Daniels, Seaspray, Sheena Deep, and Mr. Krabs were walking down the street.
Lily: So I was thinking Mr. Krabs that maybe we can add more items to the Krusty Krab menu.
Mr. Krabs: That's a great idea lass. What do you have in mind?
Sheena Deep: I think Pizza should be served alongside Krabby Patties.
Lily: Just what I was thinking Sheena. I was thinking maybe we can have Pizza, Hot Dogs and Burritos added to the menu. And we can also add a bunch of good desserts to the menu as well.
Mr. Krabs: Those are all great ideas lass!
Sheena Deep: I agree.
Bai Tza: Me too.
Lily: Thanks guys.
Tori: So this is Bikini Bottom, huh?
Maria: Yep. It's our home away from home next to the Bikini Atoll.
Tori: Didn't this place used to be home to a lot of nuclear tests over 60 years ago?
Lily: Yep. The most famous one of them all was Castle Bravo back in 1954. The most powerful nuclear bomb ever detonated by the United States.
Tori: Wow! How do you know that?
Lily: J.D.'s daughter Jessie is a history master. She knows everything about world history.
Tori: That is so amazing! One of these days I'm gonna have to talk with her.
Lightning: You'll love her Tori.
Gali: I agree. Jessie is an amazing history wiz.
Tori: Neat. Lily, how did you guys get called the Neptune Crusaders?
Lily: It was Varie that came up with the name. We became the Neptune Crusaders after there was a nasty Krabby Patty Zombie Outbreak. Sandy invented these experimental Krabby Patties and they had a nasty side effect. They turned everyone into nasty Krabby Patty Zombies. Anyone that wasn't infected was force fed the zombies parts and they would turn into burger zombies.
Tori: That's awful!
Lily: I know. We're recognized as the Neptune Crusaders by this symbol on our shirts.
Lily revealed that she had a neat symbol on her shirt. It was a patch that showed the planet Neptune and the astrological symbol of Neptune was on it.
Tori: That's a perfect official symbol.
Lightning: Lightning agrees with you.
[Then they saw Sandy is shown walking down the street with a magnifying glass.]
Lily: Is that Sandy?
Gali: It sure is.
Sandy: Hmm. Hmm. Where is it? Where is it? Hmm. Ah-ha! There's my box of sports gear. It must've fallen off the mail truck. But what happened to all the equipment?
Lily: Hey Sandy.
Sandy: Oh hey guys.
Maria: What was in the box?
Sandy: I ordered all this sports equipment and it must've fallen off the mail truck.
[The bell dings and the crowd cheers.]
Sandy: What was that?
Lily: Lets go see.
[They ran to the sporting arena and notices SpongeBob and Patrick beating themselves up with boxing gloves on their feet.]
Sandy: Huh? SpongeBob, what's going on?
SpongeBob: Oh, hey—[SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other] Sandy. Patrick and I are—[SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again] in the middle of a sports game.
Lily: This is a really unusual sport.
[Patrick jumps onto SpongeBob.]
Sandy: Yeah. This sure don't look like any sport I've seen before.
[SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again.]
SpongeBob: I believe it's called kickboxing, or something?
[Patrick falls down.]
Lily: This is not like the Kickboxing me and my sister Lynn are familiar with.
Lightning: Me neither.
Sandy: Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain.
[SpongeBob hits Patrick.]
Patrick: Ow! Sure is. [gets hit again] Ooh!
Sandy: Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?
Patrick: We can't stop...[panting] Until we break our tie.
Sandy: Says who?
Lily: Who in their dumb mind would think of something like that?
[The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths.]
Shark Son: It's the rule giver.
[The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, and Larry the Lobster carry Squidward, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the crowd cheers.]
Sandy: I ain't never heard of a rule giver.
Squidward: [flips his hood] I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
Sandy: You're making up a game where SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!
Squidward: I'm just giving the people what they want.
Sandy: That's pretty low, Squidward, even for you. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob and Patrick have had enough!
[SpongeBob and Patrick appear brutally beaten up by Squidward's so-called games.]
Squidward: See? They're fine. Let the games resume.
Squilliam: Hello, 911? I'd like to-
Cop: Squilliam Fancyson?!
Squilliam: Yes, I know I'm famous but that's not why I'm calling!
[Sandy grumbles and the audience cheers.]
Sandy: Oh, I don't think so.
Lily: We give you a second chance and this is how you repay us?!
Squidward: You are so smug, you know that?! You think that the world revolves around you and your friends, don't you? That Bikini Bottom couldn't possibly survive without the mighty and powerful Lily Loud and J.D. Knudson to guide us through our problems! Well, I've got a news flash for you: we got along just fine before you and J.D. showed up!
Lily: Oh, and this qualifies as just fine?! Having SpongeBob and Patrick beat each other up and risking their safety!? I mean, come on, what were you thinking?!
Squidward: Oh please! You can't just waltz in here and expect us to follow you like you and your friends are like gods.
Lily: Me and my friends aren't gods! We just want to keep everyone safe. Why do you hate us for that?
Squidward: Whoever said I needed you to protect me?! I'm better off keeping myself safe, now get used to it.
Lily: You aren't ready! You're miserable, and always hate everything, and more importantly… [venomously] ...I'm better than you.
Matt Daniels: Since I'm an athlete, let me show you how REAL sports are played.
Lightning: Lightning will help you two with sports as well!
Lily: Lets do my favorite sport: FIGHTING DONE RIGHT!
Lily punched Squidward in the face and Lightning punched him in the face and kicked him in the stomach and the crotch and punched him in the mouth and knocked out some of his teeth. Matt Daniels punched him in the face and kicked him right where the sun doesn't shine.
DING!
Everyone winced when they say that.
Harold: That's not gonna feel good!
Lily grabbed Squidwards nose and ripped it right off his face and he screamed in pain.
Squidward: (RRIIPPPP) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! Okay I've had enough.
Lily: Tell it to your mama Squidward!
Squidward: Mama?
Squidward's mom is in the stadium seats.
Squidward's mom: Don't want to hear it.
Lily: (Whistles)
Numerous Sea Bears came. They were fish that had bear heads and the bodies of piranha fish and they had claws on their fins. They went at Squidward and they ferociously mauled him and Squidward screamed as he was being mauled. One of the Sea Bears hates Squidward's guts to the core and they all left.
When it was done, a paddy wagon came with its sirens blaring and the men came out with a straitjacket.
The doctors were tending to SpongeBob and Patrick.
Seaspray: How are you two feeling?
SpongeBob: Like we were through a meat tenderizer.
Patrick: Yeah.
Squidward: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU IDIOTS!
Horsea: We should've never you let out of the nuthouse!
Lily: You just violated your parole Squidward. You want me to say it Mr. SquarePants?
SpongeBob: Yeah. Go for it Lily. I'm too tired to say it.
Lily: Thank you. I can't believe you are such a miserable idiot Squidward. But I'm glad I'm saying this. Squidward Quincy Tentacles, you're fired!
Squidward: I HATE ALL OF YOU AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU ALL SUFFER FOR IT!
Squilliam: Say what you want, Squidy. But what you tried to do crossed a line.
Squidward: (GASP!) Squilliam Fancyson from band class!? What are you doing here?
Squilliam: Oh I'm now permanently on top where you are on the rock bottom.
Lily: In the immortal words of my friend Nico, "Squidward Q. Tentacles, you have failed this city!"
Everyone laughed and booed at Squidward. Squidward was taken away and sent back to the insane asylum. His own misery is what destroyed his mind. They loaded him into the paddy wagon and drove off with him screaming bloody murderous rants.
Lightning: (To the viewers) You must never become like Squidward or there will be horrible consequences.
Lily: You said it Lightning.
They high five.
Later, Lily and team came back and told us everything. We were shocked that Squidward was never going to change. But this was a prominent example of what will happen to people that can't be rehabilitated.
THE END
Another Fanfiction Complete and another awesome SpongeBob episode covered.
Sportz was a funny episode and Squidward was a major league jerk in this one. NicoChan11 gave me the ideas for this one. Thanks man. The next Clow Card is the Sweet Card and I hope you all have an insatiable sweet tooth, because that's the card that's next. Let me know what you think.
See you all next time.