Halloween - The Singing Pumpkin Castle: IV

"So let me get this straight…" Olga nursed her forehead, eyes closed and already feeling the headache she was no doubt about to receive "You get a letter addressed to you - from a Servant we all know the identity of - telling you to come to a minute Singularity only to find out its infested with ghosts in some bizarre attempt at a holiday where you then encounter the Servant known as Patches selling wares in exchange for plastic toys and candles, kill a Demon living in the forest, and then go to a castle where the Servant known as Mata Hari then decided to strip down and dance for you?"

"That's a very good summary of events, Director!" Mash nodded her head vigorously while giving an innocent smile, not quite shared by the expressions of Romani and Ritsuka "That is what happened."

"...I see." Olga pursed her lips, then turned her attention onto Ritsuka and gave him a blank stare through the hologram "...And what exactly have you uncovered so far in this 'investigation'?"

"That Kiyohime is very good at sneaking into the Rayshifts." Ritsuka replied earnestly "Also that Patches is definitely untrustworthy but he sells good stuff."

"He sells…good stuff." Olga parroted back, turning to Romani with a raised eyebrow.

"Y-yeah!" Romani exclaimed, his expression turning more positive as he pulled out a list and handed it to the woman "This is what we were able to procure from him! We Rayshifted the items back and I've sent them to Leo for analysis."

Olga wordlessly took the piece of paper and stared at the list with a disinterested gaze, then paused as she started to read through what they had actually managed to buy. Her eyebrows gradually rose higher and higher up her forehead while her lips parted. After she reached the bottom, her eyes darted to Romani and then back to Ritsuka, then to Ash.

"Those potions are genuine?" Was the first thing she asked, the Saber nodding once in affirmation.

"They are." Ash replied "Blessings for magical energy are just as potent as those for health and equally as uncommon. Patches has a talent for acquiring a vast collection of items from both worlds it seems."

"...I see." Olga wet her lips, eyes darting back to the paper "Has Da Vinci reported back yet?"

"Only to thank Fujimaru-kun for the early Christmas presents and how she'll 'get him something nice.'" he joked, then deflated when he saw the unamused expression "...She says she's working on it and has deputised Pharros into having a look at some of the items as well."

"Good." Olga nodded once, turning back to Ritsuka "...Resolve this Singularity and - in light of this previous purchase - I am authorising you to make continued trade with the Servant Patches but remember to keep a cautious eye. He has demonstrated an ability to move between Singularities so we do not yet know who his Master is, if he even has one."

"Yes, Director." Ritsuka replied, then paused. "You aren't…mad?"

"...I'm frustrated." She replied "However…in light of what you have achieved thus far in this Singularity, I am willing to overlook it for the potential gains we have made. Therefore this can be filed down not as a 'waste of time and resources' but rather as a material gathering mission within a minute disturbance."

She paused, furrowing her brows "And incidentally, what is that racket?"

Ritsuka wordlessly turned the communicator around for the Director to face the noise, the command room stared in silence at the bizarre display of Kiyohime chasing Mata Hari up and down the courtyard while flinging balls of fire at her.

All the while Siegward - still painted up like a Pumpkin - was doing his best to try and bring peace to the pair while also shouting about how Mata should cover up before she gets a cold.

"...Fujimaru."

"Yes, Director?"

"...Control this mess." Olga groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head.

"Yes, Director." Ritsuka nodded his head, then turned to the person next to him "Ash…try and calm them down."

Ash stared at him blankly "...How?"

"I don't know."

"I see." Ash turned back to the chaos and strode forwards without a care in the world "I shall improvise then."

Ritsuka wasn't entirely sure what Ash meant by that but he was certain the Saber had some sort of…

His line of thought trailed off when he realised that Ash probably hadn't ever made a plan in his life and with his blunt admission that his normal strategy was basically walk towards it and hope for the best, he was now left with a morbid sense of curiosity as to what exactly the Saber intended to do here.

"I believe this has gone on long enoug-" Ash spoke in a stern tone as he approached, raising his hand to signal down Kiyohime from firing off more blasts of heat. The moment he actually got close enough to the trio, Mata spied him out of the corner of her eye and instantly shifted her run towards him.

Ash tensed himself for combat, only to be left dumbfounded when Mata ran right past him and then ducked behind his person, using him as some form of shield. "I think you have taken this completely the wrong way." Mata argued from behind Ash, staring at Kiyohime with a casual smile.

"There is no other way to take it, you travelling harlot!" Kiyohime growled as she slid to a halt, pointing her fan dangerously at the pair "You tried to seduce my Anchin-sama like some homewrecker!"

"I believe there has been some misunderstanding!" Siegward managed to call out as he caught up with them, putting himself in-between the cowering Servant and the Berserker "Let us not start fights where none exist." he gently argued in a negotiative tone "I'm sure that wasn't her intention by disrobing."

"I intended to seduce all of you." Mata explained with an unashamed smile, drawing looks from everyone present. "That is what the dance is for." she turned to Siegward and raised an amused eyebrow "Although I suppose I should have accounted for an actual white knight being concerned over my well being."

"Ah…well…erm…"

Mata giggled lightly "Don't worry, I was just a little surprised is all." she turned back to Kiyohime "There really isn't a need for-"

"You see?" Kiyohime pointed at Mata accusingly, staring at Siegward with wide eyes "She just admitted to her crime! Step aside and let me deal with this wicked woman right now! If I don't then Anchin-sama will fall into her hands and become tainted."

Ash stared down at Mata "...What exactly do you do?"

"I dance." Mata explained easily enough "And I listen. I might be an assassin but when it comes to killing, my talent is better suited to just lending an ear."

"An information gatherer then." Ash nodded his head, then turned back to Kiyohime before he paused and looked back down at the Assassin "...You were trying to seduce all of us?"

"Yes." She replied once again with a smile "Well, I was told to provide you with an opening song and dance but I am a little enchanting at times."

"Then you did not come here to fight us-" He paused again, looking towards Siegward and then back at the girl "How exactly does moving your body around seduce someone?"

"You mean dancing?" Mata raised her eyebrows at him in surprise and stepped back "It's actually quite easy." she replied honestly, swaying her hips from side to side as she span on her heel in a small display "Most get rather affixed on the movements-"

"Then you swoop in like a vulture!" Kiyohime hissed "Stay away from my husband!"

"...Huh?" Ritsuka's voice called out in confusion "Husband?"

"Of course." Kiyohime replied, turning towards Ritsuka and instantly inverting her expression from a vengeful scowl into a tranquil smile. "My Master could never be anyone other than my Husband, therefore you are my husband."

"I…am not quite sure that marriage works like that." Siegward replied in a slow and somewhat confused tone of voice, then looked towards Ritsuka and Mash "Unless there is some cultural dissonance I am missing?"

"Not that I know of." Ritsuka honestly replied with wide eyes as he stared at Kiyohime "I-I've never even had a girlfriend though…"

"You know…" Romani's voice came through the communicator "The original meaning for the Japanese word of husband is actually 'one who looks after you' so it can be used for a man or a woman." he pointed out, giving Ritsuka a smile "So she can actually call her your-ouch!" Romani winced as the Director slapped him over the back of the head.

"What manner of stupidity are you talking about now!? He is a Master, he's not going to marry his Servant!" She shouted at him in pure bafflement, the man rubbed the back of his head and looked over his shoulder at the woman.

"What? But she could-"

"Doctor." Mash stared at him through the communicator with a frown "I don't think we should be encouraging that sort of behaviour."

"...You're probably right." He admitted, slumping forwards in his chair and shaking his head "Anyway…"

"I'm just confused." Ash stared at her, placing his hands on his hips "What was your plan after you managed to 'seduce us'? Were you going to try and slit our throats?"

"Oh, no." Mata shook her head "I was going to lead you inside to the deluxe house of horrors and then let you go about your business." she explained easily "I was just told to put on an opening performance and then lead you in. Nothing violent unless that was what you chose."

Ash stared at Siegward, the man stared back.

"I might be well travelled, but I am not quite that well travelled." Siegward replied with a shrug, returning his attention to Mata Hari "So…you do not intend to fight us?"

"I suppose I could but it would be rather one sided, no?"

"...Hmmmm. It would, wouldn't it?" Siegward admitted with a nod of his head, then turned to Kiyohime and raised his hands "There, no harm done."

"Only because I stopped her." Kiyohime asserted with a huff, flashing her fan in front of her face and narrowing her eyes over the ridge "...As long as she keeps at least several metres distance from Anchin-sama at all times."

"Actually, my role here is done." Mata informed them "As you aren't interested in a show and a fight would be pointless, I am left with no choice but to show you the way in." she paused, then flashed a coy smile "Unless…you are interested in a dance after all?"

"Well, actually-"

"Roman!"

"Shutting up."

"So…you…dance?" Ash tilted his head, still looking puzzled "And do not kill people?"

"Not really."

"The last dancer I met ripped me in half with her bare hands." Ash remarked with a troubled frown "So…is that an exception?"

"...I believe so." Mata replied to him in a distant tone, her eyebrows raised up her forehead and staring at the Saber in a puzzled manner, looking him up and down before she looked past him towards the direction of Ritsuka and Mash.

"Don't ask." Ritsuka replied with a wave of his hands "It's a bigger surprise if he tells you about something that didn't kill him at this point."

"Alright." Mata slowly started to back away, waving her hand in parting "Then I shall give you this farewell and wish you enjoyment in the deluxe house!" she replied, vanishing back into spirit form and departing the area.

"Erm…Assassin has retreated, Senpai!" Mash reported, snapping to attention and trying to establish something approaching normality.

"Yeah…" Ritsuka scratched the back of his neck, blinking several times before shaking his head and dropping his arm back to his side. The boy turned towards the main entrance to the citadel and nodded towards it "We should probably get going then."

"...Most certainly." Siegward gave a curious hum as he stared at the spot the Assassin had been before he turned towards the others "She seemed nice."

"She's a vixen. She's supposed to look appealing." Kiyohime bluntly remarked with a scowl before her expression cooled. "Regardless, to think that such a display was a custom." she paused, putting on a thoughtful face before she turned towards Ritsuka "Do you think my wedding reception should be quiet or exciting?"

"I-I don't know?" Ritsuka replied with a shrug, dumbfounded by the question.

"Get your head in the game! This is something that affects both of us."

Whatever Ritsuka was going to say next was interrupted by the sound of shattering wood, the group snapped their attention towards the noise just in time to see Ash grip the door he had just punched through and rip it off its hinges and fling it across the courtyard and into the wall, shattering it in the process.

Poking his head into the doorway, the Saber looked left and right before he stepped back into the open and turned around "The path is clear."

Ritsuka pinched the bridge of his nose "...Why did you break the door?"

"In case it was locked."

"Did you check?"

"...They normally are." Ash replied, pursing his lips "Or they open from the inside out. I couldn't be sure so I felt it was necessary to remove the door just in case." his head tilted slightly "Is there an issue?"

"I mean…not so much an issue as something to remember." Ritsuka shrugged his shoulders "...I mean it did look cool." he wryly admitted with a half-smile "Just please don't do that in Chaldea…again. Or people's homes."

"I will endeavour to break the doors in enemy buildings." Ash gave a single nod of the head before he turned around and marched into the fortress, brandishing both spears in his hand as he moved forwards before coming to a halt. Staring at the decorum with a raised eyebrow.

The others filed in after him, coming to a halt next to the Saber and scanning their surroundings.

"Looks nice enough." Ritsuka remarked with a surprised tone, then looked down at the flooring and winced "We've tracked mud inside though." he lamented, raising up his shoe and staring at the dirty footprint now straining the tiles "And from the looks of things, these floors have just been scrubbed as well."

"Quite well too." Siegward complimented as he stared down at the beige and black tiles lining the ground in a chessboard pattern. "I can almost see my face in them!" he chuckled merrily "Looks rather…frightful. Although I suppose that would be the 'warpaint'." he remarked with another light chuckle.

Mash stared at the ground, staring at the flooring with narrowed eyes before she looked up at the others "But who cleaned the floors?" she asked with a curious expression, looking around at the assembled group "Because the Singularity is rather recent and the floors look like they have been waxed."

"You think there's castle servants here?" Romani asked through the communicator with surprise "It's possible but this castle should only just have arrived today. That would mean that whatever staff are here were linked to the summoning of this building as well."

"So some sort of familiar?" Ritsuka asked, looking at the screen "You said those did things for you, right?"

Olga paused, cupping her chin and nodding her head "A sensible suggestion. The skeletons you encountered could also function as familiars for a Caster although having them mop floors is certainly a use I wouldn't have thought they would be used for." she paused, then shook her head "Regardless of that, continue on with caution. The rapid construction of a Fortress such as this is either the product of a Noble Phantasm or…" she paused, rubbing her brow "A Holy Grail."

"Another one?" Ritsuka blurted out in surprise.

"A Holy Grail is nothing more than calcified magical energy." Romani replied "The amount of magical energy produced by a Singularity could be turned into a Holy Grail and - at which point - it becomes a very powerful battery for Servants."

"Terrific." Ritsuka groaned, shaking his head and looking down the hallways, paying attention to the doors lining each side which no doubt led to other rooms in the fortress "So we might be dealing with either a Holy Grail or a Noble Phantasm…probably the former actually, considering it's Liz." he looked back at the doctor and gestured over his shoulder with a thumb "It would explain all the decorations."

"...It would, wouldn't it." Romani blinked in surprise "The process of transmuting magical energy into decorations isn't impossible. I mean, it's something that no magus would ever do but it's something that someone could do."

"Because it would be an utter waste of time." Olga frowned "Using gradiation air in such a baffling manner would be considered the height of stupidity. Either that or they have merely bypassed the steps used in the making of plastic and growing of pumpkins." she waved her hand "The utilisation of skeleton familiars is less complicated for a knowledgeable necromancer."

"Then we have more reason to see this Singularity through to the end." Ash affirmed to himself, moving towards the closest door on the left and raising his leg up before kicking the door in, shattering the frames and splintering the wood into fragments inside the room. "...This was a bedroom. Empty." he informed the others.

"Ash."

"Yes?"

"Element of surprise." Ritsuka informed him with a strained smile "...We still need it."

"...I see." Ash paused mid-kick, lowering the leg to the ground and slotting the longspear onto the holder mounted on his back then twisted the door handle before pushing it open. "Empty." he called out after taking a single look inside the room and closing the door again.

"Door to door search." Ritsuka waved to the others "Let me know if you see anything." he stared down the hallway "We've only got one direction we can do. May as well remove the chance of being ambushed, right?"

"Ambush?" Ash paused before he shook his head, turning to Ritsuka and pushing open another door "Our senses work well enough that we should at least sense a disturbance before-"

A large spider instantly tackled him to the ground, large fangs sung into his shoulder and caused the Saber to gasp out in surprise as he then started to wrestle with it. The others stood transfixed by the display before a thud echoed throughout the hallway.

"Senpai!?" Mash cried out in surprise at seeing the Master lying flat on his back with his eyes rolled into the back of his skull, once again having passed out the second after seeing the familiar arachnid jump out at someone.

"Oh crap!" Romani blurted out "Those are the same spiders from Rome-"

"Hm!" Ash released a grunt as he clasped the head of the spider and let loose a burst of flame into the arachnid's face, the creature recoiled while screaming in a hissing wail, Ash pulled his leg back underneath it before kicking upwards and throwing the beast off his body. He quickly scrambled to his feet while raising the shortspear in his hands and spinning it around before thrusting it downwards into the soft underbelly.

The spear crunched through the body and stabbed into the tiles, cracking them as he nailed the creature to the ground and stepped away from it. The spiked legs thrashed around for a few moments before they curled inwards and went still. Ash exhaled, turning towards the door where the spider had jumped out off and glaring at the now empty room before he turned his head up. Webs lined the ceiling along with what looked like the remains of a cow.

"...I believe we have been ambushed." Ash informed the others, turning around and finding them already fretting over the passed out Master. "Ah, yes." he then remembered the previous encounter "Fear of spiders."

The group paused as a chittering sound, followed by rapid thuds against a solid surface. They slowly turned around to see the direction the chittering's were coming from, the chittering's grow louder followed by a crack and a sprinkling of dust raining down from the ceiling.

Ash stared at the pile of dust on the ground before his eyes slowly turned upwards, soon followed by everyone else.

Dozens - if not hundreds - of spiders of various sizes clung to the ceiling, all using their spear-like legs to stab into the ceiling and wander across it, their mandibles clicking to make a series of rapid noises as they paused. Pupiless orbed eyes stared down at the group. Fangs rubbed together producing a rasping noise like metal being rubbed against metal.

"D-do haunted houses normally have this sort of thing?" Mash asked in a quiet - somewhat shaky - voice as she slowly moved to protect Ritsuka, bringing her cross-shield up in front of the boy and hooking an arm just underneath him.

"...Spiders?" Romani voiced back in a squeaky tone "...Yeah. It's normally a given."

"I see…" Ash started to step backwards, ripping the spear out of the dead spider at his feet and slowly unholstering the longer one on his back "I was unaware they were usually this dangerous."

"They normally aren't that big."

"The Caster from Rome?"

"Maybe." Romani admitted quietly "But they are an existence established in the world in the same manner as wyverns and the like so…probably summoned here as well."

"We are going to have to fight through them." Siegward rumbled, grasping his greatsword with both hands and tensing himself "Mash, Kiyohime. Keep Master Ritsuka safe."

"Naturally." Kiyohime replied almost instantly, scooting closer to Ritsuka's unconscious body and closing up her fan. Opting to glare at the spiders as they moved closer and closer "And to scare my husband into such a state, I shall be the dutiful wife and bring comfort back to him." she growled menacingly, a wisp of hot air emanating from between her teeth.

Ash wordlessly returned his twinspears to his Bottomless box, replacing it with the large double sided greataxe from a Black Knight's arsenal. Reaching in for a second time, he took out the helm of a cathedral knight and placed it atop his head, fitting it and grasping the large two handed weapon with both hands and leaning forwards in preparation.

The spiders on the ceiling released a hiss before they dropped down to the ground, scurrying towards the Servants in a frantic charge.

Grunts of exertion echoed through the hallways, intermittent with wet splats and annoyed groans.

"You're not getting in there." A male voice rang out, sounding mildly irritated. "You have to put your back into it."

"You put your back into it!" A female voice snapped back "It's a tough stain and it's not coming out! Besides, we wouldn't be here if your pets could actually clean properly!"

"They waxed the floors!" The man snapped back, crossing his arms and glaring at the woman "Have you ever tried to teach a spider how to wax a floor? Of course you haven't. So do not presume to comment to me on matters which you have no knowledge of."

"You've never cleaned a day in your life either!" The woman stood up, turning around and sneering at the man "So how would you know whether I'm 'putting my back' into it enough or not?"

"Well…that's what I overheard my servants saying." The man explained after a moment's pause "I assume they knew more of cleaning than I did." another paused "Before they died anyway."

"Before you killed them."

"As if you are one to talk, bloodsucker." Tseldora scoffed, crossing his arms and glaring at the woman before his eyes turned upwards and he scowled "You're putting holes in the ceiling!"

The spider paused what it was doing, slowly turning its head to stare down at the pair and chittering back before turning away and crawling along the length of the ceiling and towards the walls before it scurried downwards and back through the hallways.

"What could possibly have possessed that halfwit that the pair of us would make for good cleaners?!" Tseldora scowled, stomping his foot and glaring at the floor "I'm a Duke and you're a Countess, we've never had to do a manual day's work in our lives!"

"Unlike you, I actually did put in the effort." Carmilla responded back with a roll of her eyes behind her mask, returning to glaring at the stain on the tile. "I enjoyed getting invested in my work."

"Bloodletting, if your legend is to be believed."

"You fed your people to spiders, don't try to play a moral card with me." Carmilla dryly responded before scowling again and grabbing the bucket of lukewarm water and once again dousing a wrag with the liquid and attempting to scrub the stain out again.

"I wasn't trying to." Tseldora responded easily "Besides, it was quite a fascinating experience, I shall have you know." his tone becoming more clinical "I had already seen the manner in which the spiders had killed simple cattle but I wanted to know how they would interact with much more…evolved prey. As it turns out, rather well. They even started bringing souls to my dear Frejya for some odd reason." he paused, sniffing to himself "...Shame I never figured out why." he stared back at the stain and frowned "That isn't coming out, is it?"

Carmilla let out an annoyed growl "Obviously. That stupid girl just did this to spite me. Throwing a tantrum because she can't accept reality!"

"...Isn't she you?"

"An embarrassing truth to be sure but one she seems determined to reject." Carmilla grunted in response, scrubbing harder at the surface "And quite frankly, she's as embarrassing to me as I no doubt am to her. Prancing around and screeching with that dreadful voice of hers."

Tseldora paused, furrowing his brows "She can't sing?"

"Oh no. She can sing very well." The woman grinned viciously "It just so happens that she is singing for herself and taps into her dragonic nature, leading to the rather unfortunate situation of her roaring like a beast." she paused, then looked at Tseldora "I half expect she's got an inkling of why that is at any rate."

"Fine, she hates you." Tseldora admitted, then pointed at himself with a scowl "But why have I been dragged into this mess?"

"She's fixated on Halloween and you breed an army of spiders. That is it." She scoffed, vigorously scrubbing at the stain on the floor before she returned to her feet and hurled the wet rag at the patch of filth in irritation "Why can't this stupid thing just vanish!? I swear it was easier cleaning out blood stains than it was cleaning this!"

"I'll summon some more spiders." Tseldora sighed, looking down the hallway "At the very least they can bring some-"

The pair paused at the loud crash coming from the door at the end of the corridor which led to the entrance, the two raised an eyebrow with Carmilla letting out an annoyed sigh. "Why on earth must those fireworks be so loud, it's as if someone is attacking the place." she turned to Tseldora "Or one of your little bugs has gotten clumsy."

"Arachnids." Tseldora corrected with a strained smile "Not bugs…arachnids. I explain this to you every time-"

"And I tell you that insects aren't interesting to me."

Tseldora's strained smile vanished into a scowl "You are doing this on purpose, are you not?"

"Whatever could you possibly-"

The twin doors burst open, the pair jolted in surprise as an entire group of people came barreling into the hallway, a girl in knight armour with a large shield dragging an unconscious young man in a white shirt and black trousers were the first through the door. The girl not even noticing the pair of Servants barely five metres from her as she rushed into the hallway.

They were then followed by a teal haired girl in a light blue kimono charging in after them while flinging fire over her shoulder at something unseen and was rewarded with a pained hiss.

The next individual was somewhat more intimidating, dark leather armour with a white fur collar around the shoulders leading into a dark blue cape wielding a black twinbladed axe and a closed helmet while covered head to toe in green blood.

Then he was followed by a small white animal like creature which didn't look natural.

And finally, a walking pumpkin.

The two armoured figures turned around and slammed the door closed.

"W-w-was that all of them, Siegward-san?" The pink haired girl asked, breathing heavily and still cradling the passed out boy in her arms.

"I believe so." The pumpkin - Siegward - responded in an exhausted voice "But let's keep this door closed just in case. Did you see any, Ash?"

"No." The cloaked knight responded in a strained voice "I did not but there was a great confusion in our advance." he leaned away from the door and turned around "For now we should-" he cut himself off as he found himself staring at the pair of Servants in the hallway.

The others noticed the silence and looked in the direction that Ash was staring, only to similarly tense up at the sight of the other two servants in the hallway staring at them with surprised expressions.

Dead silence permeated between the two groups as they stared at eachother, soon offset by gentle tapping's as a door opened up behind the two servants.

A large spider came out with one leg raised up and bent in such a way to be able to carry a metal bucket on the limb and not have it spill. The attention of the new arrivals fell onto the spider with the bucket, the arachnid paused at the sight of the Servants.

"Okay guys, the readings are saying there are new servants here, so be ready for…is that spider holding a bucket?" A face flashed up on a blue screen before it turned baffled, staring at the creature with confusion.

"...You just ruined the hallway. Didn't you?" Tseldora was the first to speak in an irritated tone of voice as he scanned the group, noting the smears of green blood on their bodies "And you killed all the spiders, didn't you? Have you the slightest notion how long it took to teach them how to wax the floors!?" he growled at them "You mudslinging peasants, luddite commoners, swine herders!"

"...The spiders waxed the floors?" The transparent blue man spoke again in clear surprise "Wow, they did a really good job of that too. That would explain why they were in the castle."

"Be silent, you jester." Tselodra snapped at him "Your compliments are worthless when you have quite clearly just brutalised the cleaning staff!"

"...Cleaning staff?" Ash voiced out in slight confusion.

"Not by choice." Carmilla growled out in annoyance, then turned around to the spider still holding the bucket "What are you waiting for bug!?" she snapped at the spider, the creatures jolted before it walked forwards and dropped the cleaning liquid in front of her before it scurried away.

"...I'm not cleaning up the remains of your pets." She then told Tseldora as she crouched down, grabbing the rag off the floor and dunking it into the fresh cleaning liquid and rinsing it out before wiping down the stain. Her expression turned triumphant as she watched the stain virtually vanish after several solid scrubs of the rag. "Hmph."

"Erm…" Siegward raised his hand "So you mean to suggest the spiders were the cleaning staff?"

"Yes." Tseldora sighed, giving the knight an annoyed look "What of it?"

"...Why did they attack us?"

"Probably because you all traipsed mud in here just after we finished cleaning the floors." Carmilla pointed at them "Have commoners lost any sort of respect when it comes to audiences with the noble class? At the very least you could have cleaned yourselves up."

Ash was looking between the two of them repeatedly "Did we not meet previously?"

Carmilla furrowed her brows as she stared at them "...If we did meet in a previous summoning then I cannot recall it clearly. Some vague feeling of annoyance when I stare at you."

"Hmmm." Tseldora hummed in agreement with the vampire, staring at the four then noticing Ritsuka "What is the matter with him?"

He was rewarded with silence.

"Tch, no respect these days." He clicked his tongue at them, shaking his head and looking away and towards Carmilla before pausing. "Countess Carmilla." he called out to her in a more casual tone "A word." he beckoned her over as the pair stepped back and started to whisper to each other.

"What are we going to do?" Mash asked "Senpai is still unconscious."

"The way I see it, we need to advance." Ash responded in a low tone as he stared at the pair of nobles "Either they step aside or we simply fight through them."

"I concur." Kiyohime nodded her head in response "The sooner that Anchin-sama is out of danger, the better. Especially if it puts him far away from something that might frighten him like these filthy insects-"

"Arachnids!" Tseldora corrected her in an irritated tone before going back to whispering with Carmilla.

"Whatever." Kiyohime huffed "My point stands."

"She does raise a good point." Siegward quietly admitted "And neither of these chaps are the friendly sort but we might be able to convince them to stand aside." he pondered aloud, scratching his chin "I'm sure they can be reasoned with if we approach them casually."

Mash gave him a dubious look before she stared at Carmilla and Tseldora before returning her attention to Siegward "You think so?"

"Everyone can be reasoned with." Siegward affirmed "I think so at least. It's just a matter of speaking the language."

"You want to try and exchange words with them?" Ash stared at him with raised eyebrows behind his helmet, then turned towards the pair again "...You mean how you were going to try and exchange words with a Chaos demon?"

"I'm sure I could have talked some sense into him." Siegward affirmed to himself "You talked sense into a giant, didn't you?"

"Because the giant was reasonable." Ash replied as if the answer was obvious "The moment the chaos demon caught sight of either of us, it tried to cut us in half."

"I'm sure we just startled them."

"They were camped in the middle of a road leading towards a collection of houses. Why would it be surprised about undead being in a town full of undead?"

"You never know." Siegward shook his head "Anyway, I'm certain that these two are just as reasonable!"

"We have come up with a proposition for you!" Tseldora called out to the group, bringing their attention over to him. "Which we believe to be fair and acceptable."

"See?" Siegward pointed at them, sounding rather pleased "Reasonable."

"We're going to put you into indentured servitude." Tseldora informed them "Where you will be working for us."

"Naturally your first job will be to clean this place from top to bottom." Carmilla added on with a smirk "While we enjoy our much deserved rest and allow the cleaning to be done by those better suited to the task. Namely yourselves."

"This is the proposition." Tseldora finished "You either allow us to clamp you in irons and work as servants or you can resist…after which we will beat you and then clamp you in irons and turn you into servants." he shrugged "The only real difference is whether or not you have to endure pain first."

Ash silently turned his head to stare at Siegward.

"...Alright." The pumpkin knight slumped his shoulders "Maybe not so reasonable."

"One thing I am curious about." Carmilla pointed a clawed fingernail at Siegward "Why are you dressed like a vegetable?"

"I just painted my armour to be festive." Siegward replied with a shrug "I've been told it's rather amusing."

"...I see." Carmilla pursed her lips in response, giving him a dismissive wave of the hand. "No matter, you can either accept our terms or be beaten into submission."

"Was this not your responsibility?" Kiyohime asked with narrowed eyes, pointing at the bucket "I realise not everyone can have my A+++ cleaning skills, but that is no excuse to shirk from your duties."

"A+++ cleaning?" Tseldora raised an eyebrow in confusion "That…that can't be a real skill…"

"I agree, Kiyohime-san." Mash turned to her with a baffled expression "That skill doesn't sound real…"

"Of course it's real." Kiyohime confidently boasted with a triumphant smile "I can clean burnable trash and non-burnable trash with my flames. What is that if not cleaning?"

"Arson." Romani bluntly replied through the communicator "Improper disposal of rubbish-"

"Quiet, you!" Kiyohime scowled at the doctor, "It's cleaning."

"Throwing around flames doesn't make you a cleaner." Carmilla frowned, "It makes you a vandal."

"Nonsense."

"What do you mean, nonsense? It's common sense." Carmilla looked past them, pointing at the girl "Would anyone clean by hurling a ball of fire at the general direction of the garbage?"

"Well…it depends what I am cleaning." Ash shrugged "...But I normally throw balls of fire at my enemies."

"Naturally." Carmilla remarked looking back at the girl "See? The first thing that's going to happen is you're going to learn how to actually clean up!"

"Wha-how dare-! I know everything there is to know about cleaning up!" Kiyohime growled "I am a dutiful wife and as such, there is no homelife habit that is beyond my person."

"What the…" Ritsuka groaned, his eyes blinking open "Wha…what happened?"

"Spiders." Ash replied before anyone else could try and stop him.

"...Oh…right." Ritsuka closed his eyes again "...Are they gone?"

"Yes."

"Oh good." Ritsuka sighed in relief, Mash helping him back to his feet "What's going on?" he asked, looking around then pausing as he found himself staring at Carmilla and Tseldora "...Wait a moment…haven't we met before?"

"Again, vague feelings of irritation." Carmilla responded "Now, your answer?"

"My answer." Ritsuka replied with a puzzled expression "To what?"

"Becoming our servants by choice so that you can clean up the mess you made or being beaten into it."

"Right…erm…no?" Ritsuka shook his head, "That's…I'm not doing that."

"Well then." Carmilla manifested her staff while Tseldora narrowed his eyes. "The entertaining way it is." she smirked "I still have a duty aside from cleaning to welcome guests to this bloodhouse of horror and I can see no better way of doing that than by fulfilling the blood aspect of it!"

"...Why is it always blood with you?" Tseldora asked with an irritated frown.

"Because I'm a vampire. What's your excuse with all the spiders?"

"Because they're interesting."

"So…we're fighting then?" Ritsuka asked the others, at their nods he gave a small noise of understanding "Alright then…erm…well, no reason to kill them over mopping floors." he replied, rubbing the back of his neck "Wait…Have you two killed anyone so far?"

"No." The pair responded back, both looking rather annoyed, Carmilla carried on "That infernal girl has us trapped here as Servants in the literal sense as well as that magical sense. Forced to clean up this castle…what a joke. What did the Grail have to be a thing that exists?"

"So she does have the Holy Grail then." Ritsuka nodded to himself "That answers that, so she summoned you as staff then?"

"Yes…fortunately, we are about to be freed from that predicament." Carmilla smirked, waving her staff towards them "As you have so graciously volunteered yourselves to our service and even if you didn't…well…it is the way of the world that commoners serve at the behest of Nobles."

"That's barely even a thing anymore."

"It's the 1600s." Carmilla responded with a bland look "It is still very much the thing here."

"...Fair enough." Ritsuka sighed, stepping behind Mash and the others "...You can fight them now."

"I'm certain they'll be along soon." The blonde man spoke as he continued to weave the thread together, sat in his chair in the corner of the room near a fireplace "I believe they had the feeling of being a punctual sort."

"Hmmm." The figure opposite him merely hummed in response as they watched him work. "Thou art rather skilled at that, art thee not?"

"A man can be afforded his pastimes." The pale skinned man chuckled in response, finding the question more amusing than offensive. "Besides, thinking of the needles as small stakes aids me in the process of commanding the threads to bow to my will."

"I sense a great spirit buried within this guise of yours." The being muttered, tilting their head "The heart of a proud monarch who protects their people, perhaps?"

"Hmmm." Vlad hummed in response as he continued to knit away "And I confess that it is peculiar - pardon me if I cause offense - to find the heart of a rather honorable figure in such a strange form."

"Thy question is not one of offense, therefore I take none in kind." The Rat King dismissed his concerns, sitting upon the leather chair not facing the fire and staring at the vampire "We rats hold true to our words and as their King, this goes doubly so for myself. Tis why I find my summoning here for such a ghastly reason an insult."

"An insult from a young girl who knows no better, despite the fact she should." Vlad argued back with a sigh "She is indeed a troubled one and considering that she seeks to break free of her established self…I suppose she can be afforded her moments of humor."

"Hmmm. Thee cares for the girl?"

"I suppose I can empathise in part for the strength of a legend I do not like." Vlad wryly responded, gesturing to himself "I was not this…beast in life. This creature which seeks the blood of the living. I was a proud king who fought to protect my people and my faith from invaders…and my legend was forever tainted my populist legends about me."

"Hmmm." The Rat King hummed in response, staring straight ahead "Tis a great shame that a proud figure might fall so far…but we rats understand that all too dearly. Our great kingdoms fell to the greed and fear of men and left us with naught but our treasured burrows…even that could not be afforded peace from invaders."

"The work of a King is never easy." Vlad wryly replied, resting his hands on his lap and staring at the fire "And often unforgiving." he paused "What manner of pastimes did you indulge yourself in?"

"I believe the human term for it is theatre."

"Plays?" Vlad blinked in surprise before giving a nod soon after "Your voice does contain a certain gravitas to it."

"Such things were not as common as they used to be in our great city of Jardin but I would take up the role on occasion." The rat admitted with a nostalgic tone "Tis one of the many ventures I have not participated in for some time."

"A pity." Vlad remarked with a frown "Still, I would very much like to see such a performance starring yourself. If I am not being rude, I believe it would be quite the performance."

"For the matter of my race, no doubt." The Rat King snorted in amusement "Tis not something to take offense too. Indeed, I find the idea that humans could put on performances to tug at the strings of a heart most novel as well. A sense of…equal bafflement between our two races."

"Bafflement indeed." Vlad chuckled as he resumed knitting. "...How goes the effort to avoid the cat?"

The rat king shivered slightly. "There is some fitting cruelty at work that a being who radiates the curse of the sun might also bare the marks of our greatest hunters."

"The world is nothing if not cruel at times." Vlad sighed morosely "And she is a Berserker…"

"As art thou." The Rat King pointed out "A frightful place this is."

"I see." The shadowed figure spoke in a deep tone "They have gotten past Mata Hari and are now facing Carmilla and the spider guy."

"He's a duke." The other figure remarked as they set a tray down on the table, then paused before adjusting it with large furred hands "But yes, they've gotten that far and are going to fight him." they paused "I was more surprised they were using spiders to clean the floors."

"I didn't even know they could do that." The first figure responded with obvious surprise "Did you see them scurrying around with small brooms clasped in their teeth and using rags to wipe up the floor?" she snickered "It was rather amusing." she paused "A-anyway! How goes their suffering?"

"They walked right past Mata."

"...Eh?"

"Although apparently the Master did pass out when they saw a spider." The second figure added on "Turns out they have a fear of them."

"T-that's good!" The first figure cheered excitedly "Excellent! That's the sort of stuff I want to see!"

"Arachnophobia?"

"Huh? No! Suffering! Fear! A sense of dread!" They cried out, waving the small pitchfork in their hand "Mwahahahaha! Suffer more! Despair more! Lose all hope in this banquet of blood!"

"There isn't any blood. You said no to the blood puddings."

"Of course I did! Beef blood? Pig blood? If you're going to put blood in your food then don't be a coward and put in the proper stuff!"

"And you wonder how you became a vampire." The second figure muttered out under their breath.

"Eh? What was that?"

"Nothing." They replied with a sigh, then turned away from the first figure "Anyway, I'm pawsative that the best thing to do is to wait. They'll be along after Carmilla…probably. She's better at fighting than cleaning anyway."

"Of course. That bloodsucker can't do anything right!"

"...So you can clean floors can you?"

"...Why would I even do that? I'm an Ido-Ahem, I-I mean I'm an evil witch. I have minions to do that sort of thing for me."

"Uh-huh."

"What's with that doubtful tone? I could-why am I arguing about this with you anyway?" They sighed "Just...erm...go back to your duties."

"Yes, Master. Namu Amida Butsu."

"N-Namu...what?"

"It's a fancy phrase in Japan. I use it to mean 'Please forgive my brutality and depravity, for I am naught but a brutish beast."

"...You're pretty knowledgeable sometimes, you know?" The first figure replied with a hint of awe in their tone before they shook their head "A-anyway! I will ensure the final preparations of my banquet are completed! If they do get past that bloodsucker, there is still Vlad and the Rat."

"...Mmmmmmh. Rat."

"Don't. Stop trying to eat them." The first figure growled at them "Stop trying to chase them too! I know you look a bit like a beats but there's no reason for you to act like one at times too!"

"But being a Berserker is the one thing that lets me chase them." The second figure whined "It means they don't have a class advantage over me."

"A what…? Nevermind, just don't chase them."

"...Fine."

AN: CHAPTER 100!